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    InkStrider's Avatar
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    Default Relationship games of Deltas

    The Betas are known for playing their push-pull, strength-testing, aggressor-victim whirlwind romancing games. Any ideas on how Delta games tend to play out in real life?

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    Us? Play games? Never!!
    We are above such things.




    *cough cough*
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    Us? Play games? Never!!
    We are above such things.




    *cough cough*
    I believe you not. Spill!

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    as soon as I figure it out, I'll spill..maybe...depends on how badly it eats my ego up.

    meanwhile, I'll watch what others have to say about it.
    this should be interesting...
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    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
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    I hate games

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    Deltas are too busy doing real life shtuff, especially on Sundays.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    I hate games
    Same here. I realize that it has a negative connotation, but Deltas too should have a distinct style of going about this dance. Two steps forward, one step back on the part of the STs, perhaps?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aidu Gara
    Deltas are too busy doing real life shtuff, especially on Sundays.
    Ah. Cool sn btw

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    This may be considered a game:

    I fairly often make straight-faced comments that hint at some ammusing idea I'm having...and I wait to see how the person I'm talking to responds. If they think the comment was literal or if they catch the irony of it, or the odd viewpoint it gives. A play on words/ideas. If the person joins in, continuing the game, the "scenario" gets funnier and funnier, yet outsiders might think we are being delusionally serious. If the person at leasts laughs, even if not joining in, then at least they might be someone I can relax around. But if they take me literal, or think it's something I'm absolutely convinced about, then I will tread carefully around them...unable to be myself.

    I'm not sure it's a delta thing though.

    I'm still thinking.
    I'm relatively confident that there's some kind of interaction dealing with the caregiver thing, which to an outsider might seem like a conscious "game", but which is just a result of Delta NFs being themselves, and Delta STs responding to it. But I can't yet form the idea well enough to put it into words.
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    Quote Originally Posted by InkStrider View Post
    The Betas are known for playing their push-pull, strength-testing, aggressor-victim whirlwind romancing games. Any ideas on how Delta games tend to play out in real life?
    I get the feeling that something specific happened to you and you're wondering if socionics had anything to do with it. Just a hunch, but I could be wrong ...

    It's funny that you started this thread since I've been having issues related to it as well. I don't think Deltas are likely to play games, as in doing things on purpose to create relationship tension. However, I do think there is such a thing as making yourself out to be too needy or interested, which usually is a turn off to people. I'm somewhat like Ryene when it comes to appearing cold, but it's definitely not on purpose (I think I'm coming off as way too interested when it's actually the opposite).

    At the end of the day, games can work very well to keep someone on edge in the beginning... It works especially well on anxious people too, because they are likely to be the first to find closure from the tension they are experiencing. I happen to be part of this group of people, and end being the initiator most of the time because of this. However, there's also an amount of resentment that builds up from someone using these games on me (either on purpose or not) and it sucks the enjoyment out of things for me. Usually it don't end well when I think someone is playing games on me, or being cold for no reason. It backfires really bad on them, unless their actions are done out of not being interested, which is what I assume.

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    Being exceedingly strait forward with one another is one that I am and prefer of my relationships. I don't like playing any games. If someone were playing games with me, they would be very disappointed because they wouldn't hear from me again (until I decided to forgive them and let it go).

    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    This may be considered a game:

    I fairly often make straight-faced comments that hint at some ammusing idea I'm having...and I wait to see how the person I'm talking to responds. If they think the comment was literal or if they catch the irony of it, or the odd viewpoint it gives. A play on words/ideas. If the person joins in, continuing the game, the "scenario" gets funnier and funnier, yet outsiders might think we are being delusionally serious. If the person at leasts laughs, even if not joining in, then at least they might be someone I can relax around. But if they take me literal, or think it's something I'm absolutely convinced about, then I will tread carefully around them...unable to be myself.

    I'm not sure it's a delta thing though.

    I'm still thinking.
    I'm relatively confident that there's some kind of interaction dealing with the caregiver thing, which to an outsider might seem like a conscious "game", but which is just a result of Delta NFs being themselves, and Delta STs responding to it. But I can't yet form the idea well enough to put it into words.
    That's because you demonstrate Fe; your mirror does not, we ignore it.
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    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    I don't know what 'games' are. All I know is that whenever I am interacting with someone, I'm not able to 'disconnect' from myself and control the situation from outside myself. I'm always 'in' myself, and usually scared and anxious about something, or uncomfortable, or trying to think of something to say. In order to play what I think is a 'game,' you would have to be able to see the whole situation, understand what's going on, look ahead into the future, and try to control the outcome, which I am not at all able to do. I just stumble around cluelessly, which, as far as I know, is the exact opposite of playing games. Nothing is deliberate, I'm just sincerely stupid.

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    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
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    Oh weird, I thought I edited my post to give a serious response.

    I just figure that why would anybody bother to complicate a relationship by throwing a set of rules on top of it? Just take it as it is, roll with it, don't waste time beating around the bush.

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    I think there is some misunderstanding regarding what InkStrider is referring to as "game". My understanding is that InkStrider is referring to the subconscious actions we do/don't do that an outsider might look at and accuse the person of playing games.

    For example, in my cases, an outsider might accuse me of playing hot'n'cold, or using someone until I get what I want and then dropping them once I got it. But inside, that's not what is actually happening. I have no rules or criteria pre-set that I intend to follow in the relationship. That would be exhausting and icky to me. But looking back, I do have tendencies to lose interest pretty fast. An outsider could easily misinterpret my actions, interpret it as intentional, and accuse me of playing games.
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    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    I think there is some misunderstanding regarding what InkStrider is referring to as "game". My understanding is that InkStrider is referring to the subconscious actions we do/don't do that an outsider might look at and accuse the person of playing games.

    For example, in my cases, an outsider might accuse me of playing hot'n'cold, or using someone until I get what I want and then dropping them once I got it. But inside, that's not what is actually happening. I have no rules or criteria pre-set that I intend to follow in the relationship. That would be exhausting and icky to me. But looking back, I do have tendencies to lose interest pretty fast. An outsider could easily misinterpret my actions, interpret it as intentional, and accuse me of playing games.
    I see.

    In that case, I can pretend to overreact about something, feign panic or discomfort or whatever, and sometimes people think I'm being serious and I have to explain that I wasn't seriously panicking. I find that people tend to not know when I'm joking or not anyways, so who knows if that's relevant to anything. I also tend to come off as more indecisive than I should be. I'll sort of approach people as if to ask them for help, but then I beat around the bush and never ask them for the help I may (or may not) have wanted. Even if I don't ask, it definitely comes off as if I'm not confident in whatever I was trying to do. This sort of game is purely unintentional, and the only reason for it I could imagine is latent E6-ey indecisiveness and shyness.

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    I enjoy gentle teasing and usually I can laugh at most of LSE perverse humor, over the top sexual humor that most would find offensive.

    InkStrider, I, like Minde, did take games to mean a negative approach to someone. In general, Delta STs do play games to get assurance that the other person still loves them. I like to think of Revolutionary Road and the husband cheating on his wife, then telling her to be sure that she reaffirms her love for him, but is disappointed when this is not reciprocated. But, that stems from insecurity of the Delta STs and I do think that it's time this is disposed of because these insecurities should be realized, consciously, and then there will be no need for playing games to try to gauge relationship proximity.

    I was straight forward with my LSE boyfriend and told him that I knew everything there was to know about his type and I expected him to behave with me as he would have me with him and through finding about Socionics, he released his insecurities and found no need to be anything but himself, minus the insecurities, with me. This is very possible.

    I like to remember and recall some lines of a local comedian who said, "I don't know why I hurt you, why I push you away." These, I later told him, were acts of insecurity and acts from the subconscious element of Fi and how it plays a role from that area of the person's psyche. I told him is was done because you need the person to be vocal, expressive of their love, commitment, and attention, otherwise he can't judge the proximity of the relation he has, whether it's real, there, worthy, etc.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 09-13-2011 at 03:42 AM.
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    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    I just figure that why would anybody bother to complicate a relationship by throwing a set of rules on top of it? Just take it as it is, roll with it, don't waste time beating around the bush.
    If it feels necessary to impose rules on a relationship then something in the milk ain't clean.

    YA HERRRRRD

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nico1e View Post
    I don't know what 'games' are.
    This. ^

    The word "games" initially struck me as having negative connotations, though I realize that's not necessarily the case. Playing can be fun.

    I might play them, I'm not sure. I think if I do they're of the accidental type, like "teasing" people by being undecided but wanting to hold on.

    Playfulness, though - I'll do that when in the right mood. I usually don't feel smart or forethougtful enough to keep something really witty going for a long time. I could see myself lightly (intentionally) teasing, both verbally and physically. But that would only happen after a certain point as is more of an in-the-moment kind of thing rather than planned.



    Hitting "preview post" brought up Ann's latest response, so I have new thoughts.

    My "game" would probably be relational teasing - or stringing people along, leading them on. Not too proud of that one. I swear I don't mean any harm!
    Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.

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