Quote Originally Posted by siuntal View Post
I've re-evaluated the stacking thing recently, happened kind of accidentally after a dream, and my pervasive feeling is that the worst pairing is where your stackings are inverted i.e. if you're so/sx then the worst match is sx/so, if you're sx/sp then the worst match is sp/sx and so on. The reverse instinct flow of the other person will be actively extinguishing your own primary link. In real life what this amounts to is that what the other person stands for is just so completely antithetical to your own being that this is by far the worst match. There's this subtly adverse dynamic that is created in such cases.
I've only recently come to believe something similar. It's a very deceptive underlying problem that often times neither person can really deal with properly. In my experience with sp/sxs, there's this intensity of energy that I see in them and want for them to bring out, but they only do so rarely. Whenever I try to bring that intensity to the forefront the sp/sx feels threatened by my advances and retreats further. It's like I have a tremendously strong intuition that the possibility for them to whip out their intense interaction is there. So I just keep going after them, hoping that I'll eventually break through, but they never do. Conversely, I imagine that sp/sxs see in me a containment that they want to achieve, but since that's not my primary way of being it's uncomfortable for me to stay in that position for very long. This eventually causes both sides to end up in a neverending battle of mutual correction, where the priorities are never agreed upon and homeostasis is never achieved. It's not an obvious problem either, like it's not an issue that immediately presents itself upon primary interaction. This pair seems to work fine in slightly distant friendships, but not so much in more intimate settings?

Quote Originally Posted by siuntal View Post
The next worst but-slightly-less-so match-up is the stacking that shares the same creative (secondary) instinct but different primary instincts: for so/sx this is sp/sx, for sx/sp this is so/sp, etc. In this case you aren't extinguishing each other's primary link, only the secondary one, which is less grating. However, I have a feeling that both people kind of slightly look down on each other because neither appreciates the other's primary focus, but the shared middle instinct gives some common ground.
I know almost no so/sps so I can't say for sure, but theoretically this doesn't sound half bad. I sort of see a meeting of these opposites as two ships passing in the night; neither of them really knows that the other is there until they accidentally collide, apologize, and move on. I imagine that immediate interaction would be so stilted and unnatural between these two that they would never stick around long enough for real issues to develop.

Quote Originally Posted by siuntal View Post
A slightly better match out of the opposite flow is the one where you share the primary instinct but differ in the creative instincts: for so/sx this is so/sp, for sx/sp this is sx/so. In this case you don't extinguish any links of the other person. There is also mutual appreciation and understanding of each other's primary focus since the primary instinct is same, unlike in previous case. The main problem is that the other person may seem somewhat boring, conversation may be difficult to start, interests may not coincide, since the secondary instinct usually outlines what conversations topics and hobbies people gravitate towards in order to achieve the needs of their secondary instinct. It's like you're both trying to achieve the same thing but tapping into different areas of life to get it. In the end you may just part and go your separate ways, but out of the opposite flows I feel that this is the best match-up.
I agree with this too. I've known a few sx/sos and while we generally hit it off initially there's some sort of discrepancy between our overall energy patterns. It's much more of a slight coloration than anything outstanding, but it's enough to either make me think twice or just get burned out.

Quote Originally Posted by siuntal View Post
Within the same flow the best match is where instincts completely coincide. The other matches within the same flow create something akin to socionics benefit relations, where there is mutual attraction, but one partner slightly undervalues the other. I think this happens because one of the stacking reinforces the other's second link, but receives no reinforcement back. Thus the dynamic is asymmetric, but it still better than matches with stackings of opposite flow.
I'm not sure of how many sp/sos and so/sxs I know of either. But from what I imagine, I would think that there's enough of a noticeable difference between how the two of us operate that I can simply accept that they're different from me and leave it at that. I could not agree with you more about identical stackings being the best pair.



Just because I've been wondering for a bit, what's your enneagram self-typing?