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Thread: Instinct stackings in relationships

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    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jetson View Post
    /sigh, the statement is made knowing that the two people MUST BE WILLING (which, it should be common sense to know this is implied). If YOU ARE NOT WILLING, there is no relationship to be had. (I've described this earlier in the thread.) And if two people are "worn down" to the point of ending it, that means they don't want to try anymore and are therefore, UNWILLING. Not trying anymore does not equal putting in hard work in order to make a successful relationship happen. It equals not trying, and therefore, not making a successful relationship happen. It really IS this simple, because trying does not equal not trying. They don't want the relationship. Simple as that.
    Yes, it is the simple way, which is why it happens all the fucking time. But yet again, you've completely missed the point.

    Quote Originally Posted by jetson View Post
    Any two people can have a successful relationship with enough hard work. This implies a willingness to work hard, and a willingness TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP in the first place. Any reason that will come in the way of having a relationship, or choosing to not have the relationship for any reason whatsoever, is not working hard or choosing to have a relationship, and therefore, does not apply at all.
    Look, you're still not understanding what we're saying, and repeating the exact same sentence over and over again does not forward the discussion. There are simply some boundaries between people that cannot be surpassed without some sort of major brain alterations, the likes of which I've already mentioned hundreds of times. Ask any failed couple who's tried to "make it work" and they'll list off several issues that the two of them were simply unable to reconcile. You're emphasizing the "possibilities" way too much, giving them much greater importance than they actually have.

    Quote Originally Posted by jetson View Post
    In the case of your friends, it sounds like they didn't find the proper solutions to their problems (this however, doesn't mean they CAN'T), and/or someone wasn't trying hard enough to come together. Some people just don't care enough to. It's easy to say that because people get counseling they care, but many people are just going through the motions. I still believe the two people CAN if they want it, and with the correct combination in place; for their own reasons, they don't want to try anymore. Finding that combination is the result of hard work.
    It doesn't sound to me like anything, since redbaron didn't explain the specifics of the issue. You're blindly projecting your own idealistic nature of how things work upon the world, skewing the evidence presented before you into an internally inconsistent system.

    Once again I ask, how many serious relationships have you been in?

    Quote Originally Posted by jetson View Post
    2) I've known many people who were married for a long time. I don't see what me being married or knowing people who have been married for a long time has to do with anything at all here. My pov is based on having a can-do attitude towards relationships. It also has nothing to do with ethics at all. My pov is based on figuring out the why's and where the failures occur and fixing them, and it's not in judging others as being "wrong" necessarily for not doing the "right" thing. Just because someone failed doesn't make them "wrong", but yes, it can mean they weren't trying hard enough. It's not necessarily always my own value, to try hard lol.... and I certainly don't pin it on others to do so. Whatever floats your boat for the most part. If you want failure, take failure. I'm not going to judge you for it. A description is different from a moral judgment.
    If you've had experience with a real committed relationship you would understand first-hand what it's like to undergo the tremendous problems you're passing off as unwillingness instead of irrationally rationalizing everything to fit your inaccurate vision of the world.

    Quote Originally Posted by jetson View Post
    3) I don't consider my attitude judgmental; in fact, it's not. So I'm not getting you. I said pretty-much that it's a possibility that one person wasn't trying hard enough and was just going through the motions. It's not a sure thing, but a guess. OR not FOR SURE. In order to know why it failed, one must find the reasons why it failed. I don't think it's judgmental to try to figure out the reasons. In fact, I lie on the side of your friends being able to do it, in spite of the fact, if they only figure out the "why's" and the fixes/solutions.
    You jumping to conclusions without knowing any of the details behind what you're talking about sure sounds judgmental to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by jetson View Post
    I'm optimistic.
    You're naive and inexperienced.
    Last edited by Galen; 04-01-2012 at 07:58 AM.

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