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Thread: Instinct stackings in relationships

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    Jetson, I take issue with your tone here. Until you've been married and know people who have been married for 15, 20, 30 years, I would suggest you hold tight to your ideals and keep your judgmental attitude to yourself. Look, my friends were "willing". They wanted to make it work. How much of their life energy ought they to give to make their marriage work? Should they quit their jobs and devote every waking moment to doing whatever in takes, even if that includes making their partner happy by giving up all their own hobbies, friends, things that they enjoy about life? Is that what you think? If so, fine and good. Good for you. Live your life but stop with the tone that comes across as if my friends are somehow not committed enough.
    Wow. I didn't mean to offend. Sorry you took it personally. (I like to argue, and yes, I can get a little rambunctious for some people lol.....)

    This whole thread comes down to my ideas being misunderstood more than anything else (and it seems that some people are trollish/butthurt/bitter/have issues). Go figure. Welcome to Typology Central.

    Hope you that are watching enjoy the show!

    1) I never said your friends weren't willing during the relationship. When they were finished with the relationship, at that point, they were unwilling.
    2) I've known many people who were married for a long time. I don't see what me being married or knowing people who have been married for a long time has to do with anything at all here. My pov is based on having a can-do attitude towards relationships. It also has nothing to do with ethics at all. My pov is based on figuring out the why's and where the failures occur and fixing them, and it's not in judging others as being "wrong" necessarily for not doing the "right" thing. Just because someone failed doesn't make them "wrong", but yes, it can mean they weren't trying hard enough. It's not necessarily always my own value, to try hard lol.... and I certainly don't pin it on others to do so. Whatever floats your boat for the most part. If you want failure, take failure. I'm not going to judge you for it. A description is different from a moral judgment.
    3) I don't consider my attitude judgmental; in fact, it's not. So I'm not getting you. I said pretty-much that it's a possibility that one person wasn't trying hard enough and was just going through the motions. It's not a sure thing, but a guess. OR not FOR SURE. In order to know why it failed, one must find the reasons why it failed. I don't think it's judgmental to try to figure out the reasons. In fact, I lie on the side of your friends being able to do it, in spite of the fact, if they only figure out the "why's" and the fixes/solutions. I'm optimistic.
    4) I never mentioned commitment at all. I think being committed to is different from trying/working hard/caring to. One can be committed without working hard.

    So none of this makes any sense to me, honestly. Sorry, but I suppose we just speak two different languages.

    Thanks for the arguments!
    Last edited by jet city woman; 04-01-2012 at 04:09 AM.

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