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Thread: Instinct stackings in relationships

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    *nods* At some point, it's not worth the work, especially when more effort makes things worse. It's a big mistake (and an easy one to make when you're young) to think that any two people can have a successful relationship if they work hard enough.

    (just read through the entire thread and I will add): UNLESS they truly want to spend 95% of their life's energy on forcing a relationship to work, to the neglect of everything else in their life. I just spoke with a woman last night who was married for 33 years. They were in counseling for about half of those years and she said she always believed they could make things work, with just a different counselor, with just more talking, more trying, more work. And guess what. Things only got worse. I'm just saying that sometimes with the best of intentions and thinking that you would never stop working on a relationship, you get worn down to the point of no longer wanting to waste your life on something that's been dead for years already. What would keep two people WANTING to keep trying, at that point (and these two were both highly religious people as well)? There's no more balance, you're unhealthy neurotic wrecks. And for what? To say that you "stayed married"? Greeeat. You can visit them at the local psycho ward on their 50th anniversary.

    I appreciate this notion of "you can do it if you only try". But things are never that simple.
    /sigh, the statement is made knowing that the two people MUST BE WILLING (which, it should be common sense to know this is implied). If YOU ARE NOT WILLING, there is no relationship to be had. (I've described this earlier in the thread.) And if two people are "worn down" to the point of ending it, that means they don't want to try anymore and are therefore, UNWILLING. Not trying anymore does not equal putting in hard work in order to make a successful relationship happen. It equals not trying, and therefore, not making a successful relationship happen. It really IS this simple, because trying does not equal not trying. They don't want the relationship. Simple as that.

    Any two people can have a successful relationship with enough hard work. This implies a willingness to work hard, and a willingness TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP in the first place. Any reason that will come in the way of having a relationship, or choosing to not have the relationship for any reason whatsoever, is not working hard or choosing to have a relationship, and therefore, does not apply at all.

    In the case of your friends, it sounds like they didn't find the proper solutions to their problems (this however, doesn't mean they CAN'T), and/or someone wasn't trying hard enough to come together. Some people just don't care enough to. It's easy to say that because people get counseling they care, but many people are just going through the motions. I still believe the two people CAN if they want it, and with the correct combination in place; for their own reasons, they don't want to try anymore. Finding that combination is the result of hard work.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nanners View Post
    It is a silly concept to believe that with enough work, any relationship can happen.

    Everyone knows that it's with enough work, blowjobs and jewelry, any relationship can happen.
    hahaha, totally.
    Last edited by jet city woman; 04-01-2012 at 01:43 AM.

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