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Thread: Instinct stackings in relationships

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    I know this is taking your entire post out of context, but I have to disagree. Part of it depends on what it means for a relationship to be successful, and I just think that given the levels of complexity that exist not just within a single person (instinct stacking, religion, politics, etc ad infinitum) but between any two people, that in many relationships there will be tremendous obstacles to block the path towards mutual happiness. When these obstacles are so huge so that the effort to move past them defeats the purpose of the relationship in the first place, I don't see how that relationship could be considered successful.
    *nods* At some point, it's not worth the work, especially when more effort makes things worse. It's a big mistake (and an easy one to make when you're young) to think that any two people can have a successful relationship if they work hard enough.

    (just read through the entire thread and I will add): UNLESS they truly want to spend 95% of their life's energy on forcing a relationship to work, to the neglect of everything else in their life. I just spoke with a woman last night who was married for 33 years. They were in counseling for about half of those years and she said she always believed they could make things work, with just a different counselor, with just more talking, more trying, more work. And guess what. Things only got worse. I'm just saying that sometimes with the best of intentions and thinking that you would never stop working on a relationship, you get worn down to the point of no longer wanting to waste your life on something that's been dead for years already. What would keep two people WANTING to keep trying, at that point (and these two were both highly religious people as well)? There's no more balance, you're unhealthy neurotic wrecks. And for what? To say that you "stayed married"? Greeeat. You can visit them at the local psycho ward on their 50th anniversary.

    I appreciate this notion of "you can do it if you only try". But things are never that simple.
    Last edited by redbaron; 03-30-2012 at 03:51 PM.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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