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    Default 16 weddings and a funeral

    I realized recently that I might not actually want a wedding, and how odd that might be as a 30-something American female. I love my fiance very much and want to be with him, so it's not a matter of not wanting to be married. I'm just considering a nice, simple courthouse affair with no dress and basic witnesses (not even a reception after) and it's sounding better and better by the moment.

    I don't want this to be pinpointed to valuing a certain function over another, since I don't think it's as simple as my valuing Fi over Fe. (I'm certain of my type, so no need to go into that.) Rather, I'm more interested in how people of the various types would approach the scenario: not terribly bonded to your family and a small circle of friends/workmates that you'd tell about the marriage outside of a formal celebration anyway. A fiance that would be okay with whatever you decide. What do you do, and why?

    (An aside: I feel more vested in whether or not my funeral happens than my wedding. Kind of makes me wonder if I'm strange.)

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    Darn Socks DirectorAbbie's Avatar
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    I figure I'd like a wedding so the bride's extended family can meet the groom's extended family.

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    Yay! Freedom.



    I am so disliking of non-meaningful-to-you-personally conventions (and also the sexism against both parties in many ceremonial traditions) that I'd incredibly alter a regular marriage ceremony. I guess I'd still want some sort of verbal speech by my partner and by myself to each other, instead of just signing papers and copying the judge. But simplicity and personal meaning appeal to me. I think, having seen a LOT of broken up relationships and marriages since I was small, that one's loved ones knowing and evaluating and giving feedback on a partner, or at least you being able to observe their reactions, can be helpful.


    I like the idea of planning a funeral. So many are done so badly that I've seen in movies or been to.

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    an object in motion woofwoofl's Avatar
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    I don't want to ever get married

    If I'm around someone and someone's around me, it should be because we like to be around each other, not because we're legally obligated to be stuck with each other - if someone's sick of me, then they should be around other people

    As far as the funeral goes, why the hell would I want a bunch of people to be sad? give the usable pieces to science or compost, incinerate the bones, and take the best parts of my persona (there's lots to choose from) and make them a part of yourself
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    Quote Originally Posted by woofwoofl View Post
    I don't want to ever get married

    If I'm around someone and someone's around me, it should be because we like to be around each other, not because we're legally obligated to be stuck with each other - if someone's sick of me, then they should be around other people


    Marriage is just a crap social convention. Such a deep, meaningful bond needs only be acknowledged by you and your partner - I don't see why it should be any business of the state, God, or anyone else.

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    Quote Originally Posted by woofwoofl View Post
    I don't want to ever get married

    If I'm around someone and someone's around me, it should be because we like to be around each other, not because we're legally obligated to be stuck with each other - if someone's sick of me, then they should be around other people

    As far as the funeral goes, why the hell would I want a bunch of people to be sad? give the usable pieces to science or compost
    This.

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    No way. I'm having a wedding. A traditional one; hopefully in my church with lots of family and friends. Period.

    I know the person who loves me and wants to spend his life with me will go along with the traditional route even if they aren't all that religious.

    I can be very demanding about this, I guess. But, I don't care.
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    After I get a couple of bills taken care of, and daughter moves out of house, then Richard and I will likely marry. Mostly for legal and paperwork reasons. We're committed to each other, regardless of whether we have a marriage certificate or not.

    When it does happen, it will likely be done at his parent's home. His close family members, my close family members, possibly a friend or two. His brother-in-law has the ability to marry people...so he'll likely perform the service for us. Probably a potluck dinner, casual clothes or somewhat better, but definitely not formal.

    We'll have a separate gathering for..uh...friends...only. No family allowed, lol. This one will likely be clothing optional, or some sort. Maybe 80's music playing. (We're actually going to an 80's themed ceremony in July, lol.) There may be a more..uh...formal-ish activity at this one.


    As for my funeral. I want there to be a party. I don't want people to mourn my departedness. I'd rather they celebrate my life. Share stories and memories. Eat, Drink, and Be Merry.
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    firstly, welcome to the forum *waves*

    Marriage is important to me and I'd like to share that bond with the person I love amongst the people we love, but I don't particularly care for having a "wedding" either, although I wouldn't be adverse to one if it was important to my fiancee (when or if I get one )
    A lot of it could be due to me just not having a big family; I basically just grew-up with my parents and brother, since my mom was adopted and is estranged from her adoptive family, and my dads family were mainly killed in the war, except for a sister, niece and nephew and some cousins living in Germany and Australia, but I've never been close with them due to the distance.
    So I realize I'm an exception since most people tend to grow up with relative, and thus they'll have more of a need to have a wedding just for that alone.

    So yeah, I'm pretty much with you on how I'd "like" to go about getting married. Have a nice meal and small ceremony, nothing loud, I don't like parties, dances and general social gathering as well so it's a plus for me getting to avoid one.
    I'm also kind of put off on downing thousands of dollars on one day, I'd rather put that money into going on a nice honeymoon and on our home and kids futures
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    My "mother-in-law" wants us to marry, my girlfriend opposes but I don't care - since it means nothing to me it's anyway irrelevant whether we marry or not. My condition is to avoid any trouble: wasting time and money on preparations, I would not waste a penny for such thing.

    Funeral however, that's a different matter . I have some idea in my mind but I don't think it will happen my way, additionally it would not matter to me that time, so it's not important. I wish something more... Victorian, rain atmosphere, yeah. A superstition says that it rains on the funeral of someone who hates cats, though I don't hate cats, so I need a change in my perspective just in case .

    (I was also thinking of starting a funeral service company, *real* funeral services not the narrow-minded crap on the market. Something varied, but at the same time very select - eg goth, Halloween, Disney and such kitschy themes are out of the question. Would require great investment, though.)
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    Robot Assassin Pa3s's Avatar
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    A wedding? Yeah, a decent but modest celebration with close friends and family. Church? Not necessarily. A funeral? I couldn't care less about that. I'll be dead by then so why bother?
    „Man can do what he wants but he cannot want what he wants.“
    – Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Coldest of the Socion EyeSeeCold's Avatar
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    I have conflicting thoughts over a wedding. The religiosity of them is in contrast to my non-affiliation with any religion. I'm also not one to enjoy a large gathering of people I don't really know or would not engage in conversation with. Yet, at the same time, I have an affinity towards tradition, and would actually like to have the marital experience(albeit with someone who is definitely worth it, to me): dance, cake, music and everything just for the goofiness of it all.

    So yeah, if I do, which actually wouldn't come a day sooner than after I'd spend a considerable amount of time getting to know someone and finding out we're great friends and living mates, it'd be a small gathering of close people and not really just a list of the extended relatives.



    Funeral? I'll be dead then. Do whatever.
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    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
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    I do wanna get married, but only to someone id be able to stand being around for a long ass time. On the beach. with no more than 15 people there.
    not in las vegas, courthouse, church.


    funeral...i want to be cremated, so problem solved. my ashes spread by a few loved ones in the ocean.

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    I want a real wedding, with someone I deem actually compatible with me and feels the same way I do about what a marriage means. I don't really care if other people show up to it because it isn't about them. If they want to be there for me, great. If not, don't come, because I don't like BS 'social obligations'.

    I want my wedding and funeral, and any other 'personal days' to be less about me personally and more about important things. I've thought about what things I'd like to extoll on people who come to my funeral.

    Just another opportunity for me to tell people what I think about the world, I guess - to put myself in a bogus light.

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