Relating to others: ST-NF inputs and advices for each other
Title could be better. What I'm trying to get at is a very consistent pattern that is at play between how delta ST and NFs view relating to others differently and perhaps ultimately beneficially when they interact together.
It's not perfect, and these are very generalized trends I'm trying to establish. It's not "original content" either, necessarily, but it's something I've derived from my own experiences, so I'm playing with it here...
Relational Nature
The NFs seem to have more of an inclination to overall relational optimism. Things can be maintained, people do have good intentions, things will work out. There is also a default to hold on to relationships as opposed to disregarding or discarding them.
The STs seem to have more of an inclination to overall relational negativism. Things won't be maintained, peoplehave bad intentions, things won't work out. There is also a default to discard relationships or 'intimacy', particularly when there is relational stresses or inhibitors.
Typical Trouble Spots in Relating to Others
The NFs get into trouble when they are over-positive about things. They don't suspect malicious intentions of others, and, because they value their own sense of "rightness" and what is "good", they can act unwittingly to their own demise by making "right" decisions in their own mind, but not comprehend the implications in terms of power dynamics (or other things they don't necessarily value but exist in reality - such as certain aspects of sexuality, social status, etc ---- things beta, perhaps, would be extremely consciously aware of and make choices about)
The STs get into trouble when they are over-negative about things. They over-suspect malicious intentions of others, and because of their suspicion and doubt of relationships, they can act unwittingly to their own demise by following their own doubts, or whatever is more comfortable in terms of their information and negative disposition towards others; they can create problems that aren't there, and become emotionally entranced in a negative state, seeing all data in a negative light. They disregard some of the other elements that betas might more consciously be aware of: the value of positive relations, social image, status, 'having friends', etc.
Becoming Emotionally Agitated / Weakened
NFs can become very analytical to a point of inaction, or, over emotional and convoluted to the point of being flustered - the former can lead to a depression-like state of inaction, the latter can be manipulated by others who provoke them into desired states of emotional tumult and then try to get certain results (a form of breaking emotional stability and then taking advantage of them, basically)
STs can become very analytical to a point of inaction, perhaps more in regard to logistics and "what is feasible in reality" rather than in terms of "relationship complications" or "lack of future possibilities for change/growth" - attempts at trying to differentiate from NF motives/feelings. They can also become emotionally convoluted, but it seems to take a more negative/anti-social state of being -- an inclination to not want to deal with anyone or anything, or, perhaps, extreme anger - the former involves a feeling of uselessness or not being able to depend on anyone, and the latter a feeling of being able to 'attack' anyone, over-defensiveness. Both states can be manipulated by others who wish to seen to either turn the ST away from relations or provoke them into advantageous squabbles.
How Delta NFs & Delta STs Benefit From Each Other
NFs benefit from STs in that the point of personal compromise and "being taken advantage of" by someone else, to the point of material, physical, or 'personal power' well being, will never be allowed by an ST. The ST acts as a fail-proof in terms of things that are simply in-tolerable, and say when the NF is too far into positivity / naivety for its own good.
STs benefit from NFs in that the point of relational compromise and "being too antisocial and brutish" to others, tot he point of relational, emotional, and social well being, will never be allowed by an NF. The NF acts as a fail-proof in terms of things that are simply intolerable, and say when the ST is too far into negativity / hopelessness / suspicion for its own good.
How Delta NFs & Delta STs Reassure Each Other
NFs are reassured by STs that their personal worth or value is there, even if they make tough relational decisions or make choices that they otherwise might not make because of not wanting to deal with Se and Ti matters. ST to NF: "You really shouldn't be treated this way", "This person really does not have good intentions for you", "You deserve better", or also, "You shouldn't feel weird about that situation because you acted the right way", "people like you for who you are, and you are a good person to them, that's why they respect you and value so".
STs are reassured by NFs that their morality or value is there, even if they make tough relations decisions or make choices they otherwise might not make because of not wanting to deal with Fe and Ni matters. NF to ST: "Fighting like that isn't going to solve anything", "You really should spend time with / rebuild relations with", "It might be valuable to know / understand this person / why they are feeling that way", or also, "You shouldn't feel weird about that situation because you acted the right way (or because they actually aren't someone worth your time)", "People like you for who you are..." -- same as the delta NF, these last two, but they'd be coming from their respective ego block rationales....
...that is, what really seems to bring out Delta-ness is the way in which the NFs and STs give advice to each other. To put it in technical terms, when an ST is worrying about relational things, advice that comes from a standpoint of valuing Fi&Ne and strong in Fe&Ni (but not valued) seems most appealing, because it addresses those 'unpleasant things', such as Fe&Ni, but does it in a more 'appealing' way. *
To give a personal example, when I recently got into sort of an argument about how to handle a social situation, I was told by a delta NF that my squabbling really isn't appealing - even though I have that urge, and maybe it's part of Fe role or whatever, to engage in being socially combative or try to make things a certain way. I wish I could capture the advice properly, but, it had to do with 'being liked' for not being that way. That is, someone who didn't try to manage himself by focusing so much onappearance of things in a social setting, someone who bedazzled himself towards others, etc. And that, not only is it ok I'm not that way, it's even appreciated - and that there are people who do want me to be that way because that's how they want people to be.
I wonder what the NF version of that would be, perhaps an ST giving advice on how to not try to be all things to all people, or not having to feel a sense of being appealing or 'nice' to each others, and that they will still be respected and valued because they are realistic about their energy and emotional and physical limitations.
I edited this some already, maybe I'll leave it at this for now.
---------FOOTNOTES
* I speculate here that people who grew up getting advice in such situations from the perspective of other quadras' values' may have issues or a lot of questions about dealing with things. In my own personal experience, it is extremely rewarding to have advice come from your own quadra, as it is validating on a very personal and intimate level -- "It's ok for me to have these deep-seated personal inclinations (even ones that I don't know how to manage nor am fully aware of, perhaps)".
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Originally Posted by UDP
Never realized I was an ice cube though.
