Intertype relations: Love or Friendship first?

[Airman]

Nahh, Beta's value that too.

Yes quite so. I remember Ashton once told me 'delta and beta are made of the same shit anyway' , and this sticked in my mind. I thought delta was kind of superior. But then I was observing things and really, it's the same hierarchical/exclusivist shit, in opposite directions. People may say beta is inclusive but is not, betas do not include those who do not play their game. Delta is so exclusive and arrogant that sometimes I am ashamed of my quadra.

[Shazaam]

Love isn't friendship though. You put 'love and friendship' together as if they are the same things? But I think love is love and friendship is friendship.

romantic love is NOT the same thing as friendship love. I love my friends but I don't romantically love them. You know?

Romantic love is a beast of its own. I LOVE ROMANCE. Romance is a lot different than both sexual love and friendship love though.

It's just different, and it's all good. I'm tired of putting one higher than the other. romance can be amazing, but it also can suck. it has a lot of pain, it's REALLY emotional. Erotic love is awesome, but also has moral downsides... and then you have friendship love which is awesome, but feels limited in certain ways.

romantic love is kinda dead in this culture and that's what saddens me. I love romantic poems, and I love to be swooned, and I love to be told how special and great I am (to another special somebody, and I like telling them that as well) .... Not everything is about a fucking job or how sexually compatible you are lol.

It seems that everybody wants WORLD FAME like miley cyrus and enneagram 3 stuff. It's weird to me. When i tell people I like long walks on the beach and romantic cards and really cute cuddly stuff, they just laugh at me. Well fuck you. I like that stuff okay. It's amazing!

And you know it can be amazing in its own right. It doesn't have to necessarily develop into hot sex. Because hot sex is naturally degrading...maybe ur soulmate wouldn't want to do that. Actually they probably wouldn't lol. But that's why you have relatoinships with many people you know. People just want too much from one person or something. You want this person to be your friend , your erotic lover and your romantic lover.... it might be too ideal.

[Beautiful sky]

Love first, for me.

[pianosinger]

Love first, for me.

well, that's not quite answering the original question...

What seems to be the natural course of romance and'or friendship between various types based on intertype relations?

For instance, I look back on the boys I had crushes on when I was younger...One was my Dual, one was probably my Supervisor, one was my Contrary...

But the boys who were my best friends were more likely Kindred, Mirage (that would be my ILI husband), Quasi-Identical...

The one relationship I had that really felt like friendship and eros both blossomed together naturally, was Activity...

[Simon Ssmall]

Love first, for me.

Again, spoken like a true rare type INFj. LOVE people, LOVE!

[DirectorAbbie]

It is impossible for love to come before friendship.

[DirectorAbbie]

But I ain't ever heard'a "Friends At First Sight".

Not at first sight, but at first smile. "Love at first sight" is just infatuation.

[DirectorAbbie]

Eros meaning Infatuation, in most cases, no?

Maybe, but with infatuation, the further you are from them, the crazier you are about them.

[FDG]

eros, in its original philosophical form. Actually, i try to live my whole life by its dictate.

[DirectorAbbie]

You ever been infatuated?

Sort of, once. But I've seen some nutty IEIs.

[redbaron]

Not at first sight, but at first smile. "Love at first sight" is just infatuation.

the interesting thing about this is that it can work both ways. I've had some of my absolute BEST friendships (and romantic relationships too) come after having ignored the person for YEARS before anything came of it.

love at first sight is only in retrospect once there's an established relationship. Cause then you look back on when you first met and you know there was SOMEthing then. And there was! Was it love yet? No. I think what you're sensing is a strong possibility of something real for the future. A gut feeling. I've had that before when circumstances prevented it from becoming anything more, but we both knew it would have been in another life. But say for instance that everything had worked out and we were together. Then we'd look back on that moment and romanticize it and say "yes, I knew from the moment I first saw you!" lol

[Beautiful sky]

well, that's not quite answering the original question...

What seems to be the natural course of romance and'or friendship between various types based on intertype relations?

For instance, I look back on the boys I had crushes on when I was younger...One was my Dual, one was probably my Supervisor, one was my Contrary...

But the boys who were my best friends were more likely Kindred, Mirage (that would be my ILI husband), Quasi-Identical...

The one relationship I had that really felt like friendship and eros both blossomed together naturally, was Activity...

Ok

In activity relations it's more like getting to know each other, speaking a lot about our selves, than proceeding to action; when it goes into action, the relationship breaks down rather quickly, but I wouldn't say that there's any "real" love here. It's more like comfort experienced by philia.

With my dual it's hot as flaming fire and I would consider that to be eros. I've only had this experience once, with a guy I dated.

Mirror relations, to me would be agape. This is an ENFp that I run into all the time when I go thrift store shopping; he's very charming and warm.

[redbaron]

I think we should be careful not to assign a type of love to a type of relation. I mean, any inter-relation can be philia. Etc.

[Slacker]

the interesting thing about this is that it can work both ways. I've had some of my absolute BEST friendships (and romantic relationships too) come after having ignored the person for YEARS before anything came of it.

love at first sight is only in retrospect once there's an established relationship. Cause then you look back on when you first met and you know there was SOMEthing then. And there was! Was it love yet? No. I think what you're sensing is a strong possibility of something real for the future. A gut feeling. I've had that before when circumstances prevented it from becoming anything more, but we both knew it would have been in another life. But say for instance that everything had worked out and we were together. Then we'd look back on that moment and romanticize it and say "yes, I knew from the moment I first saw you!" lol

Yeah I think it's like "I knew the possibility was there right away" more than "I knew you were the one right away" and you recognize it later.

I don't know how to answer the orignial question. First as in sequentially, or first as in most obvious in the relationship? My husband and I weren't friends first, but I don't know which is most obvious in our relationships - it seems like "spouses" naturally encompasses both?

[mu4]

the interesting thing about this is that it can work both ways. I've had some of my absolute BEST friendships (and romantic relationships too) come after having ignored the person for YEARS before anything came of it.

love at first sight is only in retrospect once there's an established relationship. Cause then you look back on when you first met and you know there was SOMEthing then. And there was! Was it love yet? No. I think what you're sensing is a strong possibility of something real for the future. A gut feeling. I've had that before when circumstances prevented it from becoming anything more, but we both knew it would have been in another life. But say for instance that everything had worked out and we were together. Then we'd look back on that moment and romanticize it and say "yes, I knew from the moment I first saw you!" lol

I think this is the case but I don't think I've ever been able to really get engaged with someone that I didn't have a real strong sense of the possibility the first few times we met, friendship or otherwise. Now this is probably because I'm blind or stupid but all the friends that I've made otherwise I don't talk to anymore, some are friends of friends, others people I met thru some activity. There just wasn't that chemistry there to keep it going and I'm not one to keep a relationship past its shelf life.

There are also people I remember pretty clearly when I first met them, and although we don't meet for like years eventually we become friends when we meet again. Or a girl I made out with at a party, but got way too drunk and blasted to remember much of anything, including phone no, etc, and years later I meet her again and get infatuated(not even remembering what happened before). I am ambivalent about the idea of love, I think we all have a personal interpretation of it which represents some deep biological and psychological imperative for companionship, reproduction, peace of mind.

[Blaze]

lol, this thread...

Let's see. All I can say to this is that my husband and I are supervision and it's definitely been weighted much more strongly on the friendship end of things from day one. Some people would say that's not so bad but it's pretty disappointing, overall. I didn't know what duality felt like, I had been "in love" once or twice before but it ended badly, and my parents had a pretty strained relationship so I grew up thinking that love was a fairly tale.

Love as a fairy tale, wow that's a perfect way to describe how that early 20's stuff gets resolved. Our culture perpetuates this idea of love as a fairy tale, and so does socionics in a sense.

For there to be"love" there has to be chemistry, for chemistry you need attraction. For LOVE you need enduring friendship at the core. And that my friends requires either duality, exceptionally strong faith, or heightened self knowledge and acceptance.

It's quite a trip we are all on, you never know what's going to happen. I don't know what I'm saying really. To answer the thread question, sex always comes first, even if you're not having any.

[munenori2]

Definitely more aware of how sexually attracted I am to women first, but sometimes you run across people that have a certain je ne se quois about them where right from the get go they're fascinating on some deep subconscious level. No, I'm not really talking about how easy it is to want someone who's sexy to have other qualities you would like them to have, but that's a real thing that'll trip you up along the way. I'm talking more about something very visceral and intense that builds inside until you can't ignore it. That sounds a lot like lust now that I'm thinking about it, but there's something more to it that I don't know how to put it into words. It's something intangible about the woman where friendship is easy and natural yet you've a primal urge to come closer and closer until you feel a sense of merging or 'oneness'. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

[redbaron]

Love as a fairy tale, wow that's a perfect way to describe how that early 20's stuff gets resolved. Our culture perpetuates this idea of love as a fairy tale, and so does socionics in a sense.

For there to be"love" there has to be chemistry, for chemistry you need attraction. For LOVE you need enduring friendship at the core. And that my friends requires either duality, exceptionally strong faith, or heightened self knowledge and acceptance.

It's quite a trip we are all on, you never know what's going to happen. I don't know what I'm saying really. To answer the thread question, sex always comes first, even if you're not having any.

LOL!! Blaze that was awesome. You've been SLE'd by your ex, I think!

[blackburry]

I've missed out, definitly. I've never had a deep friendship in any of my failed relationships, probably why they didn't work out.

[redbaron]

I've missed out, definitly. I've never had a deep friendship in any of my failed relationships, probably why they didn't work out.

s'okay. you're young.