The Psychological Distance of Formality

[Creepy-]

It seems as though this discussion may be related to others going on currently, but I don't have the capacity to read them all and analyze everything at this time. IN other words, I'm just lazy right now.

The subject is: the psychological distance of formality.


Gloves, (ties?), detached courtesy...
When I see it in myself now, I wonder if it is a sort of cloaking mechanism. In real life, people tend to not necessarily remember "me", but more so how I acted, or interacted, with them.

There are several branches from this main subject. I'm tired at the moment, so I will address just one right now. It seems as though this "aura of interaction" is something that I have gotten very good at, because thinking back to past situations, it sort of has allowed me to continue a positive interaction with others, yet without revealing much of "myself" to them -- and by this I mean without spending a great deal of (what I consider) 'real time' with them

Hmm, I am not coming across very clear at the moment, I don't think. But perhaps that will generate some discussion. (I can imagine that this may seem as if this is just me too caught up in my own subjective world at the moment). But I will get to adressing things in a more "objective" manner soon enough. More later

[Creepy-Diana]

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[Polly_G]

I think I gotcha UDP. I pretty much do it all the time unless its a spouse or my best friend.

For me, I was pretty misunderstood by the general population my whole life so I am very careful about who I let in if let in anyone. There is definately several types of people I will only deal with on this casual formal level and they will never get in deeper.

I don't think they have the capacity to understand me and most don't. Only some of this is personality related. The rest has to do with childhood stuff.

Its not that I don't like people, I really do. ...but at a distance. I have the social skills to include more people in my life but I chose not to. Those that are into collecting friends kind of bother me sometimes. They project their own needs on to me and think there is something wrong with me because I don't have many friends. This actually drives me away even further rather than encouraging me to join the fold.

I've never belonged to a clique. I liked more freedom than having to join a specific group and floated between the cliques. As a child I was very unsuccessful at this but as an adult I do it with ease. Its only when that particular clique of people likes to demean others that I have problems because I'll try to take on the whole clique to stop them because I think its wrong and damaging. This standing up to bullies has gotten me noticed and people do tend to remember me.

I want attention for things like my skills, accomplishments, etc. that kind of thing. To me to think I'm "suffering" because I don't have many friends seems silly.

[Creepy-]

^ Yeah, I can relate to that a lot.

[Creepy-pokeball]

I wonder if NT's *prefer* more space around them during interaction than others. As it stands, Americans prefer the most space around them than all other nations. Im taking an architecture course for 3D design credits and my teacher asked my why I put the kitchen in front and so large and why I made only one living room but it was massively huge. I told him I was tired of houses being compartmentalized and it'd be fun to create it so everyone masses together to relax. I explained that they all had nice rooms made if they want alone time. He laughed and agreed which I thought was cool. Most people would have been all but I think he designed so many houses and met so many people for said designs that he understood my wishes.

[Rocky]

I wonder if NT's *prefer* more space around them during interaction than others.

Introversion of course.

[Creepy-pokeball]

I wonder if NT's *prefer* more space around them during interaction than others.

Introversion of course.

Mmm, no. Many introverts are snuggly little bastards and wont leave me alone

[Creepy-pokeball]

Well, maybe Ti, but watch it via gender as well. I'm 100% certain a female Ti and a male Ti will act differently in reguards to interpersonal spacing.

[Olga]

It may be self -sufficiency, quality time, balancing, productive age.

When i was younger i depend more on others to help me to understand things or to deal with my emotions. Now I am more self sufficiant to deal with my problems and need others for fun, relaxation...when I have time.
I hate people wasting my time but there is not that many people around to have quality time with....boring. that is why i do enjoy more to go ont the forum here...kinda meditation of some sort.

[FDG]

It may be self -sufficiency, quality time, balancing, productive age.

When i was younger i depend more on others to help me to understand things or to deal with my emotions. Now I am more self sufficiant to deal with my problems and need others for fun, relaxation...when I have time.
I hate people wasting my time but there is not that many people around to have quality time with....boring. that is why i do enjoy more to go ont the forum here...kinda meditation of some sort.

OT: How do you say that ENTJs aren't good for ya? The second part of this paragraph of yours could just have been written by an ENTj.

[schrödinger's cat]

...my teacher asked me why I made only one living room

People usually have several? I've read people write about their "sitting room" and their "den", but I thought those were just synonyms for the same room.

About keeping people off at arm's length by being formal: It wasn't something I've always been able to do. But being able to do it has made my life easier. Same as Polly, I carry some baggage from childhood about with me and it's made me very wary of letting get the wrong people too close to me. It's not that I think they're malicious. It's simply a sad and universal truth that the only person who relates to your misfortune enough to show some tact is - surprise - someone who's had the same problem. Everyone else has to be fended off with polite little nothings. "Well, yes, it wasn't an easy time, but we live and learn, don't we?" Actually, that's all people want to hear. It's not even if I'm doing them a huge disfavour by keeping my issues away from them.

[Creepy-pokeball]

Most homes here have a living, family and dining room whereas I only made one massive grand room which functions as an all-in-one.


As for closeness, I understand what youre saying. What I find fascinating is that there is a range for family just like there is one for Joe public. And theyre alllll different for whatever reason or another.

[Eidos]

I behave in very familiar ways with people. This does not mean that I trust them easily - I don't... But I want to try to get at least the best out of everyone and make each interaction as fun/interesting as possible.