Originally Posted by
anndelise
Based on my own observations of the ISFps I've known for extended times:
1. Keep an eye/ear out for someone who is told about a desire of someone else, and then, even weeks/months later, takes steps towards fufilling that desire.
2. Keep an ear out for someone who consistently makes jokes/quotes which subtly reference a movie/show/song/game/combined experience/etc. Those who can return a quote/joke referencing the same or very similar reference, will attract the ISFp. (Or at least ask them about the reference. This is a great way of learning about what they find interesting/entertaining.)
3. Keep an ear out for someone who consistently talks about how some present standard relates to some other standard. For example, how current housing prices relate to previous prices, or how it relates to the bubble that has just popped, and how stupid home sellers are for not realizing that it's popped and are still trying to sell their homes (which has been on the market for months now) at previous market prices.
4. Once found, it might take some time to get into their circle of friends. However, this can be speeded up by a surefooted pursuit of them.
* Ask questions so you can figure out how to personalize the expectations/desires of the new environment you are creating for them, (basically, you have to know where they will fit into YOUR life) and then you just...respond...as if that environment is already there.
* They will respond readily to the personalized expectations/desires of their environment, even if you have not yet asked them for clearance to pursue them. The stronger the pursuit in the beginning, the stronger their sense of connection.
* Do NOT bombard them with what to do, when to do, how to do, etc. ... And Definitely, do NOT nag them.
* Clearly inform them of what is desired, and then let them figure out how they will fulfill that desire.
* Express your appreciation of them and the work they have done.
Example 1: I told my bf I wanted an area of the yard cleared out. I wasn't sure how we could do it, but at the time I mentioned it, I was still hesitant. When I finally got to the point and said "That area has got to go!", he worked at figuring out how to get it done. I didn't see anything about it until a couple of months later when he had almost figured it out and began taking measurements and doing calculations. Then he took a vacation week from work and cleared out the brush and axed down the trees, getting all the major work done so he could take his time in getting the smaller stuff out (breaking up the stumps into smaller pieces for easy extraction, etc). Anytime I have not been clear in what I've wanted, he has not been able to take action, and has been unhappy about my lack of clarity.
Example 2: From the moment I met my bf, I seemed to be the one pursuing (I couldn't seem to stop myself). He doesn't like the phone, so we instant messaged. However, I did tell him that I would like him to call me. He still hadn't. A few weeks later, my bday was coming up, and I told him that I would only invite him if he called me. He called me immediately. When I found out it was him on the phone, I got all excited at the surprise that he would do something for me which I knew he didn't like. From that point on, he would make the effort to call me, knowing how much I liked it. (We still spent most of our time instant messaging, and I kept the phone calls short, for his sake.) This is what I mean by personalizing his environment. Even though his new environment (me) had expectations/desires, the environment adapted to his desires as well, while still drawing him out. (BTW, he still hates the phone, but will now call me when I tell him to. Since I only tell him to under certain occasions, he's accepted it.)
Example 3: My step-brother wanted to be able to put his interests and skills to use for those he cared about. The clearer he knew what he could do for them, the easier and more enjoyable it was for him to do it. The more they appreciated what he did, the harder he would work for them the next time.
I constantly find myself lacking in the clarity department. I see how much my bf suffers when I am wishy-washy in my wants and/or am not clear in what I want. Perhaps this is why I stress the clarity point. I can easily see him (and my step brother) being happy with an ENTp, even if the ENTp regularly changes her mind.