If I'm Alpha NT, am I most likely to be

[717495]

I also feel rather depressed all of a sudden when I find out someone dislikes me, and has some kind of conflict with me by saying they dont like me, or making fun of me. And I have recurring fears about relationships that have gone bad. It seems to come down to relationships and not being good at them, and things coming back to haunt me. It feels like how maybe the vulnerable function might react to something like that (at a very stinging unexpected level it happens), and Fe HA is requiring for people to like me in order to function. Becuase I felt that I should just leave places where people are showing they don't like me or have no interest in me, and I try to perceive that they do and that I'm special or something.

[The Ineffable]

I also feel rather depressed all of a sudden when I find out someone dislikes me, and has some kind of conflict with me by saying they dont like me, or making fun of me. And I have recurring fears about relationships that have gone bad. It seems to come down to relationships and not being good at them, and things coming back to haunt me. It feels like how maybe the vulnerable function might react to something like that (at a very stinging unexpected level it happens), and Fe HA is requiring for people to like me in order to function. Becuase I felt that I should just leave places where people are showing they don't like me or have no interest in me, and I try to perceive that they do and that I'm special or something.

Even if I <you know what I mean>, I don't necessarily dislike you. You're simply not my piece of cake, I'm not into absurd humour, neither relativism, neither humanism, and whatever else you belong to.
I think that you should not draw generalized conclusions, to feel like stigmatized or something, at least I don't see you as some kind of person that will be rejected by anyone. Maybe you have unrealistic aims, that you should be liked by everybody - I used to think like that years ago, maybe all people in their lives. I realized that when I fail at someone or something (eg a company) it's because we're simply not made for each other. I sometimes struggled to please by getting out of my way, and after being accepted realizing that I actually am the one that don't like what I've got and either leave or obstruct. No gain, in any case.

And you know what? I observed that truly being myself, I'm more liked by the people than when I try to catch all the balls. Really. Maybe I'm a bit clueless, since to be myself means that I don't give a shit about what others think of me, but still I think that's the case, things work smoother with many people. But it's tricky to find what this "true self" is, some people become unnaturally relaxed and careless, believing somehow that that's how a "natural" person should be, but that's bullshit. If your nature is to be careless, then fine, if not - then it's something else entirely. Get what I mean?

And in fact, if you can't be yourself or suffer because of people, so what? It's like the difference between sadness and joy none is worse, they're just two emotions specialized for different cases. You're neither the first, nor the last in this situation. Life goes on .
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Btw, about that "haunting", maybe it's not the same thing but I often get haunted by things I said or done, sometimes I simply sit and something reminds me of something awful, for example something embarrassing, so my heart begins to pound, I feel the creeps, and then in minutes it's over. Because I'm anyway random and unpredictable, I have often lows and highs, I can't tell whether this affects my moral, but apparently not.