Results 1 to 38 of 38

Thread: What is the best way to raise/educate an ESTp child?

Hybrid View

  1. #1
    not gonna be around as much anymore
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    C-IEE
    Posts
    1,255
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default What is the best way to raise/educate an ESTp child?

    Okay. So, I'm looking for advice from those who are either SLE themselves or have extensive experience with SLE's.

    How should I go about raising/teaching/disciplining my SLE to help ensure that he grows up to be a considerate, integritous (is that a word?), independent, contributing member of society?

    I'm not saying he has to be a goody two-shoes, but I would like to prevent him from getting into serious trouble.
    My life's work (haha):
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/blog.php?b=709
    Input, PLEASEAnd thank you

  2. #2
    I've been waiting for you Satan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Behind you
    TIM
    sle sp/sx 845
    Posts
    4,925
    Mentioned
    146 Post(s)
    Tagged
    16 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pianosinger View Post
    Okay. So, I'm looking for advice from those who are either SLE themselves or have extensive experience with SLE's.

    How should I go about raising/teaching/disciplining my SLE to help ensure that he grows up to be a considerate, integritous (is that a word?), independent, contributing member of society?

    I'm not saying he has to be a goody two-shoes, but I would like to prevent him from getting into serious trouble.
    You shouldn't. What's all this considerate bullshit about. Just let him live.

    Shit happens.

  3. #3
    limNol's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Philadelphia
    TIM
    Ni-IEI 4w5 sx/so
    Posts
    130
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Just remember not to be too hard on yourself -- there are gonna be times when he really gets under your skin, and this is natural, even healthy. Partly because that's just how kids are, and especially because that's how kids from opposite quadras are! Keep this in mind, try to keep things in perspective even when he pulls stuff that seems crazy, and you'll both be fine.

  4. #4
    stray's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    862
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    If he learned how to be diplomatic or not take the lead unnecessarily, he'd be cool. There's nothing wrong with an in-your-face attitude, but you gotta be cool about it..and directed right. Cool leaders are also the ones who can make people feel like they might get something out of it too.

    And it's not that some are upset by the physicality. There are kids who don't care about anyone's display of power, and throw it back in their faces. It's just better if he avoided it. Since we're talking about kids, I remember one, for example, who I knew back in the day who might have been SLE. He always needed to be the leader. Even in the smallest things, like getting ahead of everyone when we were riding bikes or something. One day I decided to push him off his bike and we got in a little fight.. I settled it, but I didn't want take any lead or replace him. I didn't do it for those reasons. Even back then, I think there might have been some quadra differences really playing out. I just wanted him to chill out, have everyone be friends, and not be reminded that I was part of some stupid pecking order. There isn't a need for leaders in all things (the next day we were getting along again btw.. He even bought me tacos. Cool guy).

  5. #5
    I've been waiting for you Satan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Behind you
    TIM
    sle sp/sx 845
    Posts
    4,925
    Mentioned
    146 Post(s)
    Tagged
    16 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by straytk View Post
    If he learned how to be diplomatic or not take the lead unnecessarily, he'd be cool. There's nothing wrong with an in-your-face attitude, but you gotta be cool about it..and directed right. Cool leaders are also the ones who can make people feel like they might get something out of it too.

    And it's not that some are upset by the physicality. There are kids who don't care about anyone's display of power, and throw it back in their faces. It's just better if he avoided it. Since we're talking about kids, I remember one, for example, who I knew back in the day who might have been SLE. He always needed to be the leader. Even in the smallest things, like getting ahead of everyone when we were riding bikes or something. One day I decided to push him off his bike and we got in a little fight.. I settled it, but I didn't want take any lead or replace him. I didn't do it for those reasons. Even back then, I think there might have been some quadra differences really playing out. I just wanted him to chill out, have everyone be friends, and not be reminded that I was part of some stupid pecking order. There isn't a need for leaders in all things (the next day we were getting along again btw.. He even bought me tacos. Cool guy).
    blah blah you're really boring. does anybody listen to you?

  6. #6
    stray's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    862
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    blah blah you're really boring. does anybody listen to you?
    Probably more than you. You actually take talking shit on the internet seriously, for one. If you're actually an SLE, this already says enough on how much you're starving for Fe to go "here" and pull this schtick. Forget about me. Check yourself.

  7. #7
    not gonna be around as much anymore
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    C-IEE
    Posts
    1,255
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by straytk View Post
    Probably more than you. You actually take talking shit on the internet seriously, for one. If you're actually an SLE, this already says enough on how much you're starving for Fe to go "here" and pull this schtick. Forget about me. Check yourself.
    My life's work (haha):
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/blog.php?b=709
    Input, PLEASEAnd thank you

  8. #8
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    17,948
    Mentioned
    162 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    I will be checking his oil soon but don't tell anyone.

  9. #9
    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    On a chatbox diet
    TIM
    ESI maybe
    Posts
    6,479
    Mentioned
    173 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by straytk View Post
    Probably more than you. You actually take talking shit on the internet seriously, for one. If you're actually an SLE, this already says enough on how much you're starving for Fe to go "here" and pull this schtick. Forget about me. Check yourself.
    The best rule of thumb I've found with mercutio is to just ignore him. Which is easy because he usually bores me and speaks of lame things and picks lame fights.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

  10. #10
    Creepy-male

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pianosinger View Post
    Okay. So, I'm looking for advice from those who are either SLE themselves or have extensive experience with SLE's.

    How should I go about raising/teaching/disciplining my SLE to help ensure that he grows up to be a considerate, integritous (is that a word?), independent, contributing member of society?

    I'm not saying he has to be a goody two-shoes, but I would like to prevent him from getting into serious trouble.
    There are pretty much two qualities you have to worry about with SLEs
    • They get bored easy and need a lot of sensory stimulation, sometimes this can lead to them being bigger risk takers than other types and can seem reckless. Something they personally find challenging and full of sensory stimulation can easily cut this edge and make them more focused and calm.
    • They don't like to be micromanaged so don't schedule them up to their forehead with duties and activities. They are irrational types and have a creative disposition (Exxp temperament). They are more improvisational and independent in nature. Usually they know what they are interested in, allowing them to do this and focus their energy on this is better than filling up their schedules with activities like you would want to do for an Introverted Intuitive.


    Don't worry about duality or intertype relationships or "showering" them with Ni, all of that is there own business and not your business as a parent. I'd say the biggest potential pitfall is in making sure their need for sensory stimulation doesn't lead them to be reckless, frustrated, and hyperactive. This is off put by making sure they aren't too constrained, SLEs are naturally productive and engaged in spirit, figure out what they enjoy doing, support them, and allow them to do this activity. Being over-protective is perhaps the worst thing. SLEs will quickly rebel against this and have the reverse affect on them I'd imagine. They occasionally need a little guidance being empathetic, but this is more provided via beta NFness than delta NFness, which they resent. If they get exposure to enough Beta NF stuff, usually they develop a healthy sense of empathy. Keep age in mind, don't expose them to serious beta NF stuff as a kid, as a kid, let them be active and don't diagnose them as ADD, don't guilt them or shame them when they mess up innocently, explain to them their errors... when they get older then allow them to get exposure to serious beta NF stuff and engage themselves in stimulating activities, naturally they will orient themselves to something productive and challenging being the "conqueror" type. Being too constraining will cause all their energy to be channeled into reckless socially deviant behavior and little exposure to beta NF stuff will leave them a bit resentful of society in an unhealthy way. Beta NFs tend to be a bit antisocial, but in a way that is compassionate and empathetic, if that makes sense?
    Last edited by male; 12-11-2010 at 11:12 PM.

  11. #11
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    25,960
    Mentioned
    669 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    In reading Christopher Reeve's (SLE type) autobio, I discovered that the aspects of his relationship with his father, which was not a good relationship, that he appreciated most was that his father taught him how to ski and later he picked up sailing, these two activities provided him with the sensory outlet he needed and he mentions how this helped him. Maybe take this as an example and pick two SLE activities that they really thrive on and allow the SLE to have this outlet.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  12. #12
    So fluffeh. Cuddly McFluffles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    TIM
    ESI
    Posts
    2,768
    Mentioned
    29 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    This thread makes me more comfortable with the idea of my brother as SLE. I'm trying to get him to bring things that will keep him entertained. Otherwise, my sister becomes his entertainment. >.>
    Johari/Nohari

    "Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."

    Fruit, the fluffy kitty.

  13. #13
    not gonna be around as much anymore
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    C-IEE
    Posts
    1,255
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    There are pretty much two qualities you have to worry about with SLEs
    They get bored easy and need a lot of sensory stimulation, sometimes this can lead to them being bigger risk takers than other types and can seem reckless. Something they personally find challenging and full of sensory stimulation can easily cut this edge and make them more focused and calm.
    This has been so true with my boy. Pretty much the only way to get him to sit still is to put him in front of the television or computer (or in the car, haha). I worry about overdoing it with the media, but sometimes it's all I can do to keep my sanity, since I can't just send him outside to play as we do not have a private yard.

    They don't like to be micromanaged so don't schedule them up to their forehead with duties and activities. They are irrational types and have a creative disposition (Exxp temperament). They are more improvisational and independent in nature. Usually they know what they are interested in, allowing them to do this and focus their energy on this is better than filling up their schedules with activities like you would want to do for an Introverted Intuitive.
    I really like this advice. This one I don't think will be a big challenge for me, since I don't like a full and rigid schedule, either. It's really only been since Kid #2 was born that I've even had to start imposing some order on our lives (or at least, having to follow someone else's schedule besides my eldest's). But, for the most part I really do strive to keep things flexible and open and follow my kids' cues for when they're ready for certain activities. This has even meant that our boys usually don't go to bed until around 10:00 most nights, but the upside to that is that they tend to sleep in later in the morning...I am not looking forward to 8 AM Kindergarten in a couple years...
    My life's work (haha):
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/blog.php?b=709
    Input, PLEASEAnd thank you

  14. #14
    Creepy-male

    Default

    Btw I think ENTp and ESTp are very similar except that ENTp's the issue is mental stimulation and ESTp's the issue is sensory stimulation.

  15. #15
    Creepy-male

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pianosinger View Post
    I really like this advice. This one I don't think will be a big challenge for me, since I don't like a full and rigid schedule, either. It's really only been since Kid #2 was born that I've even had to start imposing some order on our lives (or at least, having to follow someone else's schedule besides my eldest's). But, for the most part I really do strive to keep things flexible and open and follow my kids' cues for when they're ready for certain activities. This has even meant that our boys usually don't go to bed until around 10:00 most nights, but the upside to that is that they tend to sleep in later in the morning...I am not looking forward to 8 AM Kindergarten in a couple years...
    Yea lol the old adage in every single family movie they have with the parents not putting the kids in summer camp and loading them up with activities and so forth. Its fairly straightforward, just don't be that parent that's like "shut up here's an xbox, leave me alone", then ship them off the summer camp all break long, and then save a ticket to boarding school when they get really bad, or if you don't have the money send them to uncle joe the plumber, the first thing the kid will see is joe answer the door in a wifebeater with a koozie full of beer and he'll ask the kid "I got a bad leak in the septic tank system, know what a phillips screwdriver is?" then itch his crotch... that kids childhood will end so fast he won't ever disrespect you again. (not serious here obviously)

    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    What is "Beta NF" stuff? Shakespeare? Emo music? Theater?
    Lol now I'm the authority to explain to a Beta NF what Beta NF stuff is? Rofl. Does this qualify?



    Nah I don't know I'll respond to this is another post soon.

    I do like the word experiences better than sensory stimulation though, that seems to touch onto the concept a little better, sensory stimulation seems to imply a more hedonistic connotation.

  16. #16
    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    On a chatbox diet
    TIM
    ESI maybe
    Posts
    6,479
    Mentioned
    173 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HaveLucidDreamz View Post
    There are pretty much two qualities you have to worry about with SLEs
    • They get bored easy and need a lot of sensory stimulation, sometimes this can lead to them being bigger risk takers than other types and can seem reckless. Something they personally find challenging and full of sensory stimulation can easily cut this edge and make them more focused and calm.
    • They don't like to be micromanaged so don't schedule them up to their forehead with duties and activities. They are irrational types and have a creative disposition (Exxp temperament). They are more improvisational and independent in nature. Usually they know what they are interested in, allowing them to do this and focus their energy on this is better than filling up their schedules with activities like you would want to do for an Introverted Intuitive.


    Don't worry about duality or intertype relationships or "showering" them with Ni, all of that is there own business and not your business as a parent. I'd say the biggest potential pitfall is in making sure their need for sensory stimulation doesn't lead them to be reckless, frustrated, and hyperactive. This is off put by making sure they aren't too constrained, SLEs are naturally productive and engaged in spirit, figure out what they enjoy doing, support them, and allow them to do this activity. Being over-protective is perhaps the worst thing. SLEs will quickly rebel against this and have the reverse affect on them I'd imagine. They occasionally need a little guidance being empathetic, but this is more provided via beta NFness than delta NFness, which they resent. If they get exposure to enough Beta NF stuff, usually they develop a healthy sense of empathy. Keep age in mind, don't expose them to serious beta NF stuff as a kid, as a kid, let them be active and don't diagnose them as ADD, don't guilt them or shame them when they mess up innocently, explain to them their errors... when they get older then allow them to get exposure to serious beta NF stuff and engage themselves in stimulating activities, naturally they will orient themselves to something productive and challenging being the "conqueror" type. Being too constraining will cause all their energy to be channeled into reckless socially deviant behavior and little exposure to beta NF stuff will leave them a bit resentful of society in an unhealthy way. Beta NFs tend to be a bit antisocial, but in a way that is compassionate and empathetic, if that makes sense?
    Wow, great post HLD!! Gives me some great insight into SLEs!
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

  17. #17
    Moderator xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Miniluv
    Posts
    7,790
    Mentioned
    205 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Teach him how to be a good leader.

  18. #18
    ._. Aiss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    TIM
    IEI
    Posts
    2,009
    Mentioned
    19 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    SLEs are evil. You don't stand a chance.

    ...

    Seriously, how does sociotype affect 'goodness' in someone? You can have parents in the opposite quadra and turn out alright after having fought down every rule besides "don't get in serious trouble" principle. While some of their friends' kids end up addicts and/or in prison. I'm inclined to say that it's those minor rules etc. that generate most socionics-related issues, avoiding serious trouble is just common sense - as long as you agree on what is serious trouble, that is. Probably not shielding the kid from learning it helps.

  19. #19
    stray's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    862
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    If you're IEE, where's your dual? If I'm any indicator, we get a little aggro on bad SLEs. If your SLE grew up with an adult SLI (not to mention an IEE), he'd probably have a different sense of space with people. The ironic thing you'd have to worry about I think is if an upbringing like this sort of repressed him.

  20. #20
    not gonna be around as much anymore
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    C-IEE
    Posts
    1,255
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by straytk View Post
    If you're IEE, where's your dual?
    My father-in-law might be SLI.

    My husband is ILI, so our son's semi-dual. And my son and I are super-egos.

    SLE dual-seeking functions are Fe and Ni. So, I will probably be supplying most of the Fe I guess (my DS function), and Daddy will supply the Ni.
    My life's work (haha):
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/blog.php?b=709
    Input, PLEASEAnd thank you

  21. #21
    ._. Aiss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    TIM
    IEI
    Posts
    2,009
    Mentioned
    19 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pianosinger View Post
    My father-in-law might be SLI.

    My husband is ILI, so our son's semi-dual. And my son and I are super-egos.

    SLE dual-seeking functions are Fe and Ni. So, I will probably be supplying most of the Fe I guess (my DS function), and Daddy will supply the Ni.
    Since when are you Ti-dominant? I know everyone is supposed to look up to their supervisor, but honestly...

    (DS stands for "dual-seeking".)

  22. #22
    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    On a chatbox diet
    TIM
    ESI maybe
    Posts
    6,479
    Mentioned
    173 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pianosinger View Post
    My father-in-law might be SLI.

    My husband is ILI, so our son's semi-dual. And my son and I are super-egos.

    SLE dual-seeking functions are Fe and Ni. So, I will probably be supplying most of the Fe I guess (my DS function), and Daddy will supply the Ni.
    Fe is not your DS function (if you're still IEE that is). You mean demonstrative?

    I sort of agree with singularity in this case, as far as trying to supply him with Fe or Ni or any other function.

    However, with your knowledge of socionics, what you CAN control is just recognizing that his Fi-flubs are just his Fi-POLR and whatever over the top Fe antics he might be up to is just his Fe-HA,and not to criticize him too much for that or make him feel guilty for those things. He wont feel guilty and will only get irritated and make him distance himself or rebel (especially the POLR). Criticism of his hidden agenda will be taken as a grave insult. Criticism of his POLR will be cause irritation/anger.

    The Fi-POLR is probably the most difficult part for an IEE to just accept (I know Fi-flubs rub me VERY VERY wrong, and i am quite sensitive to them), and will possibly be a challenge for your ILI husband (whose own hidden agenda is Fi) to accept as well. So that's probably the biggest point of conflict to watch out for with your son which will bother both parents a great deal. It will also bother the SLI.

    So where socionics is most useful is really in the knowledge YOU have in understanding how his mind is working. Knowledge is power.
    Last edited by Suz; 12-07-2010 at 10:48 PM.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

  23. #23
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    17,948
    Mentioned
    162 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    Teach him how to be a good leader.
    And feed him porridge.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •