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Last edited by aixelsyd; 10-04-2010 at 10:15 PM.
Well that was a lot.
I can relate to a lot of what you've mentioned, but somehow you've gotten into a very bad place with all of this where you don't feel you can really be yourself or open up to anyone, and that's never a good thing.
Growing up I realized that I always seemed to say the 'wrong' thing, and as a result I became very shy and quiet. Even in a small group of friends that I eventually found, I never felt fully 'safe' speaking out and was the quiet one even within that group. It wasn't until I met my wife in freshman year of college that I found someone I could truly be open with, and for the first time I felt safe being myself.
With age comes experience, and with experience comes the ability to recognize when you should keep to yourself, and when you should let loose with your thoughts. When the ship is off course and heading for a waterfall, that's when you let loose full tilt. Otherwise just let people yack it up and have their fun. ILIs often don't make the invite list to parties because people figure out what kill-joys we can be.When they have no clue they're all about the crash and burn and you pull them out of the nose dive, they'll appreciate you and have a new found respect, though.
As far as friendships and relationships, if you can't be yourself around your friends, maybe they shouldn't be your friends. Either your friends will accept you for who and what you are, or they won't and they're not really your friends. If that's the case, find new friends who will accept and even appreciate you for what you are. No need to waste time otherwise, and no need to be hiding behind walls either. When you stop hiding, you'll know who your friends really are, too. They'll like and appreciate you even more, and the other ones will fade away.
I realize that was pretty generic advice, but hopefully it made some sense.
Te-INTp/ILI, my wife: Fi-ISFj/ESI, with laser beam death rays for ESTp/SLEs, lol
16 years of bliss in an Activity relationship![]()
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An ILI at rest tends to remain at rest
and an ILI in motion is probably not an ILI
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@OP: Amusingly enough I came across this thread a few weeks ago while looking for signs of positivity in the ILI zone. Hmmm...
For what it's worth I find your posts insightful and well written. As you've mentioned about yourself elsewhere, my upbringing was also highly abusive, so it's very easy for me to identify with the trust issues you've described and concerns with hurting or being hurt by others.
Though I don't know how well you see it, your posts often contain a lot of the answers you seem to be looking for. The calming and fortification of meditation, the ups that go with the downs of opening yourself to others, the desire to be self-improving not just for your benefit but for that of those around you. It goes without saying that these are all salutary things, even if attaining and maintaining them is sometimes arduous or goes unrecognized.
Events last year presented me with what felt like an unendurable existential crisis. A friend who's something of a mystic seeker (INF?) took note of my struggles and said that while she finds it admirable when someone can overcome adversity to emerge from their personal darkness, she really looks up to those who can then depart from the comfort and safety of the light and return to their inner darkness to face their primordial demons, and, vanquishing them, emerge once again, bringing out a light from within. Usually I take her unicorn and stardust talk with a goodly dose of salt, but that image has really stuck with me. I think with your writing and mindfulness of others you're well situated to perform the feat she illustrated, not only healing your wounds over time but also being an exemplar of fortitude and perseverance that others will find worthy of emulation.
This was originally going to be a private message but I thought I'd be a little less hermetic and guarded than usual by posting it here.
Toujours en avant!