INTps, how would you react

[Wavebury]

when you find out someone "likes" you, who you dont have any particular feelings for? Do you tend to break hearts easily? Or do you tend to be tactful and sensitive to the person's feelings?

As for ISFjs, i know better how they react. I had a crush in acting school on an iSFj girl who would cling to this INFp guy in the class like a fly on horseshit. At one point i got so jealous that when we got a chance, in our class, as an excercise to openly criticise one person in the class, the teacher had us stand in a circle and take turns. When my turn came, I chose her and told her plainly" you and Ran are always together, dont you feel like interetacting with or open up to anybody else?" etc. Then guess what? After that she and I became friends. And when she found out indirectly that I had a crush on her she didnt avoid me. Intea she treated me nicely and we continued to be friends. I think her reaction was intelligent, from an emotional standpoint because it actually helped quench my feelings for her to be friends even though she said we couldnt date. I still call her sometimes, and we get along great.


So Im wondering about you INTps. How would you react if you knew someone had a crush on you and why do you think that is the best course of action?

[Mediator Kam]

I liked an INTp girl, and she knew I had feelings for her. She just ignored it as long as it didn't affect her directly.

[Skeptic]

I am actually in the process of ignoring an IEI. It's hard work, I got betas calling every other day .

 

My experience may be tainted though. I have no problem with interacting with the IEI on a friendly level and would probably continue to do so if not for a friend of hers who makes the whole situation very hard for me to bear, as he came to me much in the same way the OP came to the SEI and told me of her feelings. Ignoring is a sort of last resort, though I think isolation is a better word for it; my lack of communication is inspired more out of fear of what her friend may do to pressure us together than it is heartlessness.

^This is really a situation that is out of hand because of their lack of responsiveness to how I think and feel about the whole situation. If they had given me space and stopped trying to match me up with her I would still be interacting on a friendly basis.

If I have anything to add, it's that the ILI probably won't upen up like the SEI. Hower, I'm sure the ILI would be curious enough and willing to explore that relationship so long as he was able to walk in with no expectations or pressure and as long as his space wasn't invaded.

[Aiss]

If you ignore it long enough, it'll go away...

J/k but it's tempting. I was never any good at handling these situations. *sigh* I'm fine with being friends and act as if nothing happened, but it tends to turn out they'd rather not be my friend after all.

[Mediator Kam]

If you ignore it long enough, it'll go away...

J/k but it's tempting. I was never any good at handling these situations. *sigh* I'm fine with being friends and act as if nothing happened, but it tends to turn out they'd rather not be my friend after all.

Well, some people can't just be friends when they want something like you that bad.

And this complex garbage is half the reason I gave up and filled my heart with anger and arrogance towards the ILI I knew. Anger is a dangerous thing.

[Skeptic]

But hell, every time I am the one who is in love, I shove it down and say nothing and expect nothing, not have any communication with the person and yeah, times it felt like hell but I accepted it (despite there being an intense mutual attraction I would later find). So I guess I find it a tad annoying that when people I have no interest in become invasive, particularly when I do not have a close connection where I feel I can trust them (trust is not something gained easily and it is much harder to preserve).

Yes, I think there is a similiar theme of self-destructive self-inflicted martyrdom in my life as well. Not sure if it's type related, but it may be related to the doubtful inner world of the ILI.

I try to be considerate by not leading people on when it's clear what the intention is and get the balls I technically don't have and be honest and risk hurting someone's feelings. But when that is said and done and people still push feelings and become more and more inconsiderate and act as if I did something wrong by not returning their feelings and should feel responsible for someone's loneliness, feelings, watch my every movement, bring up accusations towards me for wanting to have space, and basically suffocate me emotionally...that is what creeps me out more than most any behavior. Feeling like I am drowning and losing air, I run and may even turn aggressive to regain my stability of mind.

Yeah, fear of this situation keeps me fairly distrustful of most relationships.

Though none of you know my personal history for this to truly make sense, but if you walked in this body for the years I have been alive, it would make perfect sense.

Sorry if it sounds totally negative, but it's not without reason.

Anyways, I am done on this subject. I seriously need a break from this place. I am going to go insane. Free time my ass

Kind of frustrating to write about it and remember it, but necessary to understand it and get better, or at least that's how I've handled my regrets/shortcomings. I am fearful of relating too much to this as I may be filling in gaps where it favors me.

Well, some people can't just be friends when they want something like you that bad.

And this complex garbage is half the reason I gave up and filled my heart with anger and arrogance towards the ILI I knew. Anger is a dangerous thing.

I guess people get pretty complicated, especially when locked in an unreal reality where you're on your own and behind every corner there is something waiting to hurt you. Perhaps this is all just a breakdown of the 5 enneatype.

[Jarno]

when you find out someone "likes" you, who you dont have any particular feelings for? Do you tend to break hearts easily? Or do you tend to be tactful and sensitive to the person's feelings?

I used to screw everything that came in my path. I don't know if that is sensitive enough according to you.

[OrangeAppled]

First, it goes to my head a bit - I'm usually genuinely flattered, but also semi-embarrassed.....then I worry about rejecting the guy, because I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also don't want to lead him on. I have pity dated on a few occasions, but then it just ends up being harder to reject them later. I try to be more blunt now, because I've had some guys I rejected nicely not get the hint & one ended up stalking me (no exaggeration). In any other area in life, I find it easy to say "no", but not here.... However, when I was a young teen, I was really blunt to guys I did not return interest in, and I think maybe I began to overcompensate as I got older - I realized how insensitive it was. I was oblivious before, and now I am hyper-aware.

I suppose I over-empathize with the vulnerability it takes to approach someone you find attractive & ask them out or initiate something. I don't want to squash their hopes in one fell swoop, even if deep down I know it will never be. Sometimes I'll explore the possibility anyway, just to see where it goes, even if, again, I know deep down it won't go anywhere.

Topics like this remind me why I can't settle on ILI as my type.

[DirectorAbbie]

Topics like this remind me why I can't settle on ILI as my type.

With an avatar like that, you're not an ILI. Also, Fi Ne is EII, not ILI.

[OrangeAppled]

With an avatar like that, you're not an ILI. Also, Fi Ne is EII, not ILI.

I know what FiNe is in socionics, but the definition of Fi in socionics does not resonate with me, nor do the INFj profiles. I'm exploring ILI as a suggestion from other people, and I find responding to the same questions a good way to compare myself.

My signature references my MBTI type, if you read it correctly.

[stevENTj]

Most ILIs would probably try to just ignore the situation hoping that it would go away by itself as some others have mentioned. That's what I'd do. Telling someone straight out "NO" if you're not interested or not available might result in some nasty which ILIs hate and have no idea WTF to do with and try to avoid like the plague. That's like kryptonite to us, LOL.

An SEE once had a big time crush on me, but it was pretty easy to ignore. It was my wife's friend from work, and she was single. Her method of dealing with it was to bash the hell out of me to my wife, which we both thought was pretty cute and funny but it seemed to work for her. The SEE is now happily married to a guy who if I had to guess based on the few times I've actually chatted with him in person, is probably an ILI. So things have a way of working themselves out.

[Suz]

I know what FiNe is in socionics, but the definition of Fi in socionics does not resonate with me, nor do the INFj profiles. I'm exploring ILI as a suggestion from other people, and I find responding to the same questions a good way to compare myself.

My signature references my MBTI type, if you read it correctly.

ILI's are still Fi-valuing though, so if Fi doesn't resonate with you, you should look into the merry quadras.

[OrangeAppled]

ILI's are still Fi-valuing though, so if Fi doesn't resonate with you, you should look into the merry quadras.

I find their Fi in the "super id block" to resonate with me more than Fi in the "ego block". Fe doesn't ring true for me either....

[Froody Blue Gem]

I am flattered on some subconscious level that the person likes me. I've been in this situation multiple times before. I still try to be polite to the other person, but that fuels the flame and they think politeness equals mutual attraction/flirting when it's anything but... Usually, it's very awkward, especially if the other person won't take the politest no as an answer. There have been some people who I've had to repeat myself over and over again that I just want to be friends but it falls on deaf ears. If the awkwardness and the person making advances doesn't stop, I start avoiding the person and if we aren't say-- coworkers or in a position where we have to see each other daily, I cut them out of my life. It ruins a friendship when things get to a certain point. It doesn't have to if people are considerate that the feeling isn't mutual.

The ignoring thing or trying to focus on other things, there are some people who are accepting. Along with continuing to be polite and seeing how it plays out, that's the other part of my kneejerk reaction. Yes, I know it hurts. But with the ignoring, unfortunately, that doesn't work for everyone and some just try harder because they interpret that as "playing hard to get."

If it sounds like I'm being harsh, there was one guy who started talking about marriage and children when I had indicated I wasn't interested. That is just one example, and that's not the only person who wouldn't take a hint. So yeah, that's the kind of situation I'd cut someone off in. There are situations I've been in where feelings didn't make a friendship awkward, but not everyone is like that.

I've been in the position also of liking someone but not having the feelings returned, so I've been in both boats. More the people liking me because I'm scared to put myself out there when the shoe is on the other foot. Rejection is a scary thing and I'm aware of that when I'm the one doing the rejecting.

[enmity]

You're not even INTp and this topic has been inactive for over a year.

[End]

I find their Fi in the "super id block" to resonate with me more than Fi in the "ego block". Fe doesn't ring true for me either....

Assuming you're even still alive or something given the timestamp of that post let me make it clear. For an ILI the is the thing that will never truly surface for anyone who isn't keyed in to see it somehow. I've told others to be be receptive to a "kuudere" romantic partner if they're searching for an ILI for a good reason. We do feel things, and boy do we feel them strongly, but we don't let those intensely strong feelings show to anyone who hasn't earned our total and absolute trust. Until you do? Stone deadpan and seemingly emotionless responses is the order of the day. Once you do, however, you'll never find a more loyal, understanding, and helpful partner.

That last one might bite a bit though. We won't fail to call you out on any all BS you try to pull on us. If you're being kinda a dick or displaying sociopathic behaviors on a consistent basis we can and will call you out on that. Don't do the later BTW. Nothing sets off a healthy ILI in all the worst ways quite like acting a Sociopath. Don't do it.

[voider]

Nothing sets off a healthy ILI in all the worst ways quite like acting a Sociopath. Don't do it.

What does "acting like a Sociopath" mean to you?