laghlagh's type

[Suz]

When it's a casual thing and not an important task or obligation, I don't 'commit' either. Some people expect me to know things in advance and say "I'll be there" or "I can't do it because of that and that", but they don't realize I don't think like that. I never make decisions or fix my mind on one idea/possibility in advance, but let things flow and develop naturally. Often times people will think I me blowing them off if I don't give them a definite answer, when in actuality I really am not sure and don't want to make a hasty decision. But when I say I'll do something or make a promise, I stick to it.

This explains a lot, Parkster, and the SLI I knew was like this as well, but he once gave me a definite answer, and then he didn't show up! :frown: I guess i know why now.

Laghlagh, i'm not sure that your list of Ij-ness is necessarily related to being Ij. I was considered ultra-thorough in my previous job, and people would get mad/annoyed with me because it would slow me down too. And I also like to plan ahead for a lot of things (especially when trying to get together with friends) just because I want to make sure we actually do get together and that we can all make it, since my friends and I have pretty tight schedules sometimes. Also if we dont set a date for whatever, I might end up planning to do something else that day, on a whim.

Obviously the get together plan is not going to be set in stone, and we can (and often do) reschedule or something, or make a later meetup time at the last minute, or change where we want to go.

the doing certain things on certain days might be more EII-like as I dont tend to approach chores that way (even if i end up doing laundry and cooking on sundays usually). In fact, I feel like I might get stuck in a rut if i do that, and I avoid thinking that way. But maybe i should--it'll make me more regular about chores.

[Park]

This explains a lot, Parkster, and the SLI I knew was like this as well, but he once gave me a definite answer, and then he didn't show up! :frown: I guess i know why now.

He probably wasn't worth it anyway, so stop sweating over him, and find yourself a new one. Because you can.

[Suz]

He probably wasn't worth it anyway, so stop sweating over him, and find yourself a new one. Because you can.

I know, I can say with complete confidence that i'm totally over him now. I'm not sweating it. Just recalling. No worries.

[Park]

Is it this way for most perceiving types?

I don't know. I would guess the concept would mostly apply to introverted perceivers and judicious (Si/Ne) types.

[Beautiful sky]

maritsa where did you go?

....

Here.

[Beautiful sky]

i've gotten the IEE suggestion before and i'm slightly open to the idea. i don't mind it because it sort of seems, well, "close enough," lol. like if someone were to suggest some radically different type for me i would worry that i was expressing myself poorly or that i was being misunderstood. but with the IEE typing i don't really worry about that.

i do notice myself using Ne more than i notice myself using Fi, but i've attributed this to having Fi as a base function and being less aware of its use because it colors everything. whereas Ne is more like something that i use in a pretty conscious way and i think i can modulate it more.

my boyfriend is SLI and i think that the temperament difference is the one thing that seems to come up for us consistently. like i'll try to pin down a plan - "how about we do X on saturday?" - and he'll respond with something noncomittal like, "well, i'll see how i feel about it on saturday." and it drives me NUTS, lol. it took me awhile to realize that he wasn't just being willfully obstinate and trying to rile me up or something...that he really did want to just wait and see how he felt. because the concept was just kind of foreign and weird to me..like how do you get things done that way?

i wonder if i might come across more like an IEE due to adapting myself to him in our relationship. (we've been together for 8 years, since i was 18.)

more IJ-ish things:

-i've actually gotten chastised at work for being "too thorough" and thereby slowing down the process and frustrating people because i caught too many "minor" errors in their work.

-i used to alphabetize all of my CDs and books and movies, and furthermore i really ENJOYED doing it. like sitting there and making sure everything was perfectly arranged was like a HOBBY for me, lol. (this has changed since moving in with the SLI, which could be a point towards the adaptation theory?)

-i always do certain things on certain days. for example, sundays are laundry days. and on the times when other things have ended up coming up last minute on sunday, i have a hard time enjoying myself because i can't get the thought of the laundry schedule getting messed up out of my mind.

sooo...there's my EII>IEE reasoning.

This is actually more Se related. I can let details slide under my nose without much notice. Se is better at catching details then Ne.

[UDP]

more IJ-ish things:

-i've actually gotten chastised at work for being "too thorough" and thereby slowing down the process and frustrating people because i caught too many "minor" errors in their work.

-i used to alphabetize all of my CDs and books and movies, and furthermore i really ENJOYED doing it. like sitting there and making sure everything was perfectly arranged was like a HOBBY for me, lol. (this has changed since moving in with the SLI, which could be a point towards the adaptation theory?)

-i always do certain things on certain days. for example, sundays are laundry days. and on the times when other things have ended up coming up last minute on sunday, i have a hard time enjoying myself because i can't get the thought of the laundry schedule getting messed up out of my mind.

sooo...there's my EII>IEE reasoning.

I wouldn't say those have much significance saying IJ>EP. I know IEEs who do similar things, and EIIs who do very dissimilar things.

[ashlesha]

added a poll

[ashlesha]

When it's a casual thing and not an important task or obligation, I don't 'commit' either. Some people expect me to know things in advance and say "I'll be there" or "I can't do it because of that and that", but they don't realize I don't think like that. I never make decisions or fix my mind on one idea/possibility in advance, but let things flow and develop naturally. I always like to keep my options open, and I only commit when I feel 99% certain. Often times people will think I am blowing them off if I don't give them a definite answer, when in actuality I really am not sure and dislike making hasty decisions. But when I say I'll do something or make a promise, I stick to it.

yeah, i have a hard time really understanding it but conceptually i get that it makes sense that some people might not want to decide on something when things could change between or up to that point. is that what you mean?

the thing that bothers me is it puts me in this state of limbo where i can't make decisions on my end..lets say i have a "maybe" from you, and then someone else wants to make plans, but i'd rather do something with you? then i'm in this situation where i either blow you off (even though i'd rather do something with you) or i blow them off and end up potentially doing nothing at all. lol. i guess i overanticipate or something. i would think that this overanticipating would be more of a rational thing, but maybe not?

[ashlesha]

Laghlagh, i'm not sure that your list of Ij-ness is necessarily related to being Ij. I was considered ultra-thorough in my previous job, and people would get mad/annoyed with me because it would slow me down too. And I also like to plan ahead for a lot of things (especially when trying to get together with friends) just because I want to make sure we actually do get together and that we can all make it, since my friends and I have pretty tight schedules sometimes. Also if we dont set a date for whatever, I might end up planning to do something else that day, on a whim.

I wouldn't say those have much significance saying IJ>EP. I know IEEs who do similar things, and EIIs who do very dissimilar things.

alright. how would you guys differentiate between the temperaments for EIIs and IEEs?

and if you don't find temperament to be helpful, what is it that you look at to see the difference?

***WA, you do have something with the initiative-taking point in the other thread; i'm not initiative taking in general, though, just in romantic relationships and i'm debating how much to talk about this or if it would actually be helpful or not. :wink: especially considering i haven't initiated a relationship in over eight years (since i was a hormonal teenager) because i've been with my boyfriend and i don't know how much all that still applies to me (though of course i would still be the same type).

[ashlesha]

nobody has voted anything other than EII (or i don't know) so far and i'm pretty sure about my type, so maybe i'm just keeping this going for attention. :redface:

[Park]

yeah, i have a hard time really understanding it but conceptually i get that it makes sense that some people might not want to decide on something when things could change between or up to that point. is that what you mean?

Precisely, yes.

And it's not as much about "deciding" - I may decide something sure, but if I think that it's possible for things to change, I would be reluctant to share my "unsafe" decisions or vouch for something I am not confident about. And there's always those people who would hold me to my word for the most mundane things, and take offense or call me "irresponsible" if I change my decisions.

the thing that bothers me is it puts me in this state of limbo where i can't make decisions on my end..lets say i have a "maybe" from you, and then someone else wants to make plans, but i'd rather do something with you? then i'm in this situation where i either blow you off (even though i'd rather do something with you) or i blow them off and end up potentially doing nothing at all. lol. i guess i overanticipate or something. i would think that this overanticipating would be more of a rational thing, but maybe not?

I see what you mean. Well, usually the "maybe's" I give are because I don't want to disappoint or stand someone up. And that's what bothers me - when I set something up with someone, and I/we plan out the details - and they fail to show up or do their part. Furthermore, later they act like there was no deal, or it was nothing important. Then I go .

It's probably important to note that if I care about something or someone, the 'maybe' answer is not likely to come up very often, but instead I will do my best to accept/show initiative, make plans and carry them through.

Hope this makes some sense to you.

[Park]

i would think that this overanticipating would be more of a rational thing, but maybe not?

Socionics :: Rationality / Irrationality

[Beautiful sky]

I don't see you in need of Te; where do you need organization, assistance with forming work?

At least, I'm all over the place without Te and it's not hard to miss that I absolutely need Te...

Te types are attracted to EII because they see that they can help them...it usually works very nicely, but I don't see you needing help.

[DirectorAbbie]

Te types are attracted to EII because they see that they can help them...it usually works very nicely, but I don't see you needing help.

I disagree. LSEs already have all the practical functions. EIIs aren't for help, they're for company.

[CILi]

This may not have anything to do with anything, but I've noticed (sort of) a pattern in some of your posts, and I've often wondered if it might be type-related for you.

There's this demure, kinda cute, almost flirty (in a way) kind of reticence where you say something really bold and daring, or you throw off the "shell" and really let loose, or you get really self-revealing... and then feel a bit awkward in retrospect.

It's none of my business, but I'm kinda curious: Is that "tension" something you notice much IRL outside the forum?

[DirectorAbbie]

This may not have anything to do with anything, but I've noticed (sort of) a pattern in some of your posts, and I've often wondered if it might be type-related for you.

There's this demure, kinda cute, almost flirty (in a way) kind of reticence where you say something really bold and daring, or you throw off the "shell" and really let loose, or you get really self-revealing... and then feel a bit awkward in retrospect.

It's none of my business, but I'm kinda curious: Is that "tension" something you notice much IRL outside the forum?

Are you referring to me? *points out this the quoted is a very post*

I'm never really sure how extroverted I'm supposed to be, how much I can tell people what I think without making them mad, and when posting is helpful versus when posting is spam. Lately I noticed I actually prefer reading short and simple posts, so I've been more likely to post af if the thread were a conversation I was sticking my nose into.

[CILi]

You talkin' to me?

Well played.

I was definitely thinking laghlagh when I wrote that; but, come to think of it, you do something kinda similar too (something you explained better than I ever could). In both cases, it's like this internal "I should vs. I shouldn't say this" thing that really seems to influence what "comes out."

Some people fear being annoying (and probably shouldn't so much), while others couldn't care less (and really probably should).

Whatever the case, though, I like you and laghx2. Spam, annoy, stick your nose. I won't complain.

[ashlesha]

I don't see you in need of Te; where do you need organization, assistance with forming work?

At least, I'm all over the place without Te and it's not hard to miss that I absolutely need Te...

Te types are attracted to EII because they see that they can help them...it usually works very nicely, but I don't see you needing help.

well, thank you.

i do get stressed out without reassurance that i'm doing things right or if what i'm thinking actually makes sense. this desire is always there, but i think it's much more obvious and blatant when i'm dealing with unfamiliar situations or under pressure.

i'm trying to think about how it feels to "get Te" but what strikes me more is what it feels like to be without it. growing up when i would go to my dad with a problem, he was usually pretty quick to come up with a pithy response encapsulating the core of it. short and to the point. but i was often frustrated because there didn't seem to be much evidence behind what he was saying. i wanted to know why. i wanted to know how. i wanted to know what i should do.

i wonder if i come across as more confident in what i'm saying than i actually am because i think i come down pretty firmly as a declarer in the asking/declaring dichotomy. like, looking at this quote from earlier in the thread, i've bolded the questions in it.

***WA, you do have something with the initiative-taking point in the other thread; i'm not initiative taking in general, though, just in romantic relationships and i'm debating how much to talk about this or if it would actually be helpful or not. especially considering i haven't initiated a relationship in over eight years (since i was a hormonal teenager) because i've been with my boyfriend and i don't know how much all that still applies to me (though of course i would still be the same type).

so....i'm actually looking for information a lot, even if i'm kind of accidentally sneaky about it, i guess. i'm thinking that there is a fair amount of Te-seeking in that quote?

how do you see Te-seeking in yourself? how would you say it typically manifests in EIIs?

[ashlesha]

This may not have anything to do with anything, but I've noticed (sort of) a pattern in some of your posts, and I've often wondered if it might be type-related for you.

There's this demure, kinda cute, almost flirty (in a way) kind of reticence where you say something really bold and daring, or you throw off the "shell" and really let loose, or you get really self-revealing... and then feel a bit awkward in retrospect.

It's none of my business, but I'm kinda curious: Is that "tension" something you notice much IRL outside the forum?

when i read this i sort of felt like, "oh, BUSTED." lol. you seem perceptive.

the self-protective vs. self-revealing thing has actually been a pretty major theme for me lately, but it's more of a recent development (over the last few years) and not something i've always struggled with. which makes me think it's probably not type related.

if it is related to type, maybe my variant stacking? if you don't mind sharing, do you relate? (i've noticed our stackings are the same, as well as e-types.)

the way i deal with it irl is different. i'm not nearly as open about myself in real life. it comes up when i'm getting to know a person i see potential for friendship with, where i have this habit of bursting forth with some kind of personal revelation or sensitive story about myself and then changing my mind before i'm finished speaking in this really awkward way, lol. and then i either kind of drift off mid-sentence and change the subject or i gather up my gusto and force myself to dance around and hint at what i was going to say. it can be sort of uncomfortable for the person i'm talking to, i think.

the bold and daring stuff, haha...well, to be honest part of the reason i'm attracted to the forum is because it's sort of a psychological outlet for me in a specific way. i had my son while i was still in high school. i was never a fun-loving young adult and i've never really had friends of that demographic. and this forum is a safe place for me to act like a Fun-Loving Young Adult without serious repurcussions, heh. but then there's that part of me that still is aware of the fact that i'm a mother and Mature, Responsible Grown Up and that back-and-forth within myself probably comes out in the way i interact.

i have no idea how this might be related to my type, but if anyone has any idea, i'd be very curious to know.

[CILi]

If you don't mind sharing, do you relate?

Absolutely.

Consider me "busted" too.

If I wasn't so hyper-sensitive about the same darn thing myself, I'd never have noticed a hint of it in you.

I'd also have a couple thousand posts by now.

The way I deal with it IRL is different. I'm not nearly as open about myself in real life. It comes up when I'm getting to know a person I see potential for friendship with, where I have this habit of bursting forth with some kind of personal revelation or sensitive story about myself and then changing my mind before I'm finished speaking in this really awkward way, lol. ...It can be sort of uncomfortable for the person I'm talking to, I think.

Actually, I think it's a really awesome trait.

When you open up like that, it opens the door for others to do the same. A door that, for some, is just about impossible to open. I'm not sure how it works, but somehow that kind of honesty and humility really draws people in and puts 'em at ease. It's one of the rare times that awkward's kind of a good thing. (And, honestly, I've yet to see you come across awkward at all.)

Oh, and yeah, is this type-related? Anyone?

[ashlesha]

I love how you fixed my capitalization when you quoted me. ahahaha :redface:

Thanks for sharing how you relate and for the kind words.

[Beautiful sky]

how do you see Te-seeking in yourself? how would you say it typically manifests in EIIs?

Te seeking in me is the look of overworking due to inability to be organized; need to be controlled and giving up my control to anyone who helps me be more efficient and organized and makes choices faster then I due because I can be confused and conflicted with Si matters sometimes. You'll see me moving things around in different locations without knowing how things should fit, how they fit in ORDER. Needing someone to give me steps, methodology. Needing routine.

Yeah, as it seems now, you're not EII. I would say you have strong Se and are ESFp