My duality: ESTp & INFp (SLE-IEI)
If you're an SLE, prepare to get doubts hurled at you on a weekly basis. Whether or not your IEI is the right person for you, whether it's really "as good as it should be" etc. IEIs are people who take TIME to adjust to the relationship, and in my opinion, they'll be at it forever. The best you can do is throw a shitload of confidence in their direction, make them realise that what you have really is amazing and worth working for, and remind them that life is either going to get better with you or worse for them when they find out you're the only one for them but they screwed it up because they thought there was something better.
One of the most interesting things I've found is that it dual seeking functioning becomes almost two-way. On a basic level, I find myself in situations where I am giving superficially Ni advice to her, and where she is giving me superficially Se advice. For example, she wants things to get better or whatever, and I tell her in time they will. Genuinely, she gives me advice, when I want shit to get moving in our relationship (given it's long distance), and I want her to move up with me etc., which is related to Ni. Likewise, genuinely, I give her advice on Se matters when she needs a kick in the right direction (which she has already chosen for herself but lacks motivation).
It's a really really yo-yo relationship in terms of our feelings for one another. We argue quite a bit (although I don't think we'd have it any other way). However, it's always intense, shit is always going on, and it's never ever boring. I have managed to converse with her on an almost daily basis for over a year online without getting bored. This is the kind of thing that gets extinguished very quickly with pretty much everyone I've ever IMed, but with her... every day is a new day for us. And in real life, although the initial conversation was a bit awkward, we're now ploughing our way towards a "normal" relationship. I will say this: it's unconventional. I've known nothing like it before. But that makes it more fun.
More importantly, the same principles still apply. It's unstable - to a degree - although, as I mentioned before, most of this instability arises out of the IEI's doubt, self-doubt, and lack of confidence. They "don't know" while the SLE "absolutely knows". The SLE's optimism propels you both to glory. The IEI's talent meanwhile, I think, enters at a later stage of the game. When the SLE acts so much, hurts people so much (and it can be a major danger because they can end up hurting the IEI), once the IEI feels comfortable with the SLE they are able to make their moves before the IEI hurts. Our arguments fundamentally end with me being wrong. There's something I've missed, some principle I lack, which she has. I speak too soon, too impulsively. We fundamentally need to battle it out though, in order for me to see her viewpoint, and the more she proves it to me, the more I believe her when she says "just trust me on this, I'm right". I think this is a major principle of irrational Beta duality - learning to understand that the IEI knows. Otherwise they'd pretty much be useless, I mean they have fuck all else going for them, really. But that doesn't matter - because we as SLEs can do absolutely everything on our own, and that's where they can help. There are some things we would be better at doing, if only we listened to the IEI. Confidence only gets you so far; you need perspective to really propel you forward. IEIs know. SLEs think they know.
There's a flipside to this though. Because of the IEI's lack of confidence in their own judgement, often they'll refrain from judgement altogether, and it'll come out that they "simply don't know". Sometimes they really do not know. And it's at this point when the SLE's confidence comes into play - of course the SLE doesn't know any better, but the sheer amount of optimism and faith compels the IEI; it magnetises the IEI towards the SLE. There's nothing more an IEI likes than SLE confidence. As an SLE, you will be well aware that your playful cockiness is pure entertainment for the IEI; he or she will find it immensely endearing, and - yes - "cute". Obviously you also find the IEI cute; probably because stereotypically they are. But often the misguided confidence of the SLE paradoxically fills the IEI with a sense of their own confidence, so that they become more assertive: "I know I'm right on this". The more confidence the SLE fuels the IEI, the more powerful the relationship can become. A positive feedback loop is formed, and it enables the couple to achieve what they want to achieve.
To summarise, given that one of my weaknesses is in relationships, I can say that having a relationship with my dual has been one of the best things that ever happened to me - if not the best. There's no magic to duality, yes, but there is qualia - there's the experience of it, and the experience of it is absolutely unbeatable. You'll feel fulfilled, you'll feel like you're doing good for someone else, you'll be satisfied and entertained and most importantly, you will have great sex. I must stress the importance of dual sex. Herzy is right to recommend it, it is incredible, and you will never experience anything better. If you are a virgin and there is a dual in sight for you, lucky you, you are in for a wonderful time. If not, don't worry, you can compare it with other sexual experiences and realise that it is truly amazing. If one thing is not blown out of proportion in descriptions of duality, it is the sex. The chemistry is phenomenal, and you will never get anything like that with anyone else. Obviously sex with someone you love >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> casual/one night stand, but there's more to it. You appreciate the same style, and things like that. Never underestimate the power of raw, animal attraction in an irrational Beta pairing.
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Originally Posted by Gilly
PoLR, not Base.
I thought we had a deal...
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(as per tcaudilllg)
