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Thread: LEVELS of relationships, how do you think this matches with socionics relations?

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    Default LEVELS of relationships, how do you think this matches with socionics relations?

    1. " GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS " RELATIONSHIPS
    Partners are joined by common fears and are usually
    completely dependent on each other.
    There is little if any passion, few risks are taken and no
    real growth occurs.
    Both partners have settled for less than all of themselves ~ but at the cost of growth and passion.
    They tend to see themselves as victims and usually are spectators in life.
    It is a dry creek bed waiting for the spring rain .
    COLOR IT GREY

    2. " SAFE LOVE " RELATIONSHIPS
    The ego is still in control and both partners have common dis-affinites such as unworthiness, fear of love and intimacy, fear of rejection, abandonment, aloneness , etc
    These tend to be intense and short lived relationships as both partners vainly try to fill the others emotional void ~ when, in reality, they are avoiding their own emotional void. Mission impossible one and two.
    As such, they are externally directed relationships .
    They, in essence, eventually become enclosed in a common cocoon ( a cocoon for two ) where love tends to contract versus expand and mutual resentment soon replaces love.
    You can be relatively happy in a " safe love " relationship ( compared to a " Going through the motions " relationship ) but joy is elusive because little, if any, growth occurs ~ as both partners will not give up control and refuse to surrender.
    The dry creek bed has become a stream
    COLOR IT PASTEL

    3. ' SOUL MATE ' OR " GREAT LOVE " RELATIONSHIPS
    Soul mates and great loves come into our life when we are ready to find and fulfill our part in the loving plan.
    Great love relationships are internally directed and prepare us for the transition from ego consciousness to soul consciousness.
    The ultimate aim of such a relationship is for both partners to fully emerge from their cocoons of fear and become their truest self.
    This is the love that Teilhard de Chardin refers to when he wrote ; The only right love is between couples whose passion leads them both , one through the other, to a higher possession of themselves.
    There is little room here for the Ego's need to protect and control for a great love confronts us with our deepest feelings and fears ~ and demands that we SURRENDER !
    It requires us to grow beyond our fear to the place where we can both consciously and unconditionally love our partner.
    It is a love that can both take hold and let go ~ for it is beyond emotional dependency .
    There is tremendous joy and delight in soul mate relationships because there is no greater joy than going ( and growing ) through our fears and discovering our true self.
    This love is not for the faint of heart for, indeed, many who briefly experience this fire will quickly run for cover ~ not realizing that they are actually running away from what is deepest within themselves.
    Like the moth to the flame ~ once you have willingly burned in the fire of a great love ~ you will accept
    nothing less .
    You will then realize, as I have, that you are the fire
    You are now in the river of life
    COLOR IT VIBRANT PRIMARY COLORS

    4. COSMIC RELATIONSHIPS OR ' LOVE PERFECTED '
    A cosmic relationship is seldom acheived because it demands total vulnerability and mutual surrender to love.
    A cosmic love is a love that transcends time and space wherein all past life connections are completed.
    It is a pure love devoid of fear with ecstasy and bliss its obvious symptoms.
    The vibration of this inner connection is so intense that it effects all who witness or come in contact with it.
    In a cosmic relationship both partners become a tool for the universe to be used in a universal loving plan.
    Both partners have now been dominated in their own perfection.
    You are now a fragment of life's heart
    COLOR IT A SPIRITUAL PURPLE
    Allen L Roland




    What relationships have you had that seemed to match up with what levels?

    Like for example, i was in a supervision relationship, i was the supervisee, and it was level 1, maybe 2. I was in activity and it was like 2 or 3. I have never been in a dual relationship, so I don't know about that being 4.

    What are your thoughts on this??
    Last edited by tigerfacegirl; 06-03-2010 at 04:55 PM.

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    Shazaam's Avatar
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    I have issues with your hierarchy. Mainly the first one.

    "Partners are joined by common fears and are usually
    completely dependent on each other." And then you go on to say 'to find love you have to be completely vulnerable.' You're contradicting yourself. The whole point of love is that you feel dependent on another person.

    "There is little if any passion, few risks are taken and no
    real growth occurs." Why do women like pain and strife so fucking much? Jesus Christ, I like safety much better. Although well, I like *a little* pain too at first but it has to have some sort of pay-off or reward otherwise the person is just fucking with you.

    "Both partners have settled for less than all of themselves ~ but at the cost of growth and passion." Why do you keep implying that safety and stagnancy is in opposition of growth and passion? For me they actually go hand in hand. I can't grow or be passionate unless I feel safe and secure and even 'grey-like.'

    "They tend to see themselves as victims and usually are spectators in life." Again, the whole point of love is being vulnerable enough to be a victim and have people take care of your weak points, like you said later. You're just contradicting yourself, in my opinion. Also I'm a writer. My job is to be a spectator, not a 'full liver.' I don't have to live fully to write well, I just have to be more aware of my physical surroundings and how people really are.

    Also just out of curiosity, how do you view what you've called your 'Ego.' Like what does your ego mean to you. In your own words, what does ego mean?

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    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
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    Ah! You're not going to be able to systematize love, either in pyramids or in levels or in ladders or in chutes. It's like count up all the variables that goes into a human being and then say you're making a shape with that many sides, but the sides are of unequal length and there is no normal rule governing their angular relationships. That's one person. And then say you take that number and raise it to the second power. Then try to make an equation to describe the shape. That's what trying to systematize love is, and that's why it definitely will not work. Go read Romeo and Juliet, Othello, As You Like It, Macbeth, and Much Ado About Nothing. That's a good first step. Maybe read Taming of the Shrew too.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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    I have yet to be in a real relationship, but I think my ILI best friend was a 2 and my EII best friend was a 3.

    LSE
    1-6-2 so/sx
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    anyway, my dual pair is comic and fun and oh so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeettttttttttttttttttt; take it from my cousin who is my dual; it's awesooooooooommmmmmmmmme

    The thought of duality gives me goooooood feelings all over the place.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Love is just the right mixture of safety and companionship blended with sexual intimacy and excitement. The concept of duality is nothing more than that.

    I would say love is like your favorite tv show, you know there's gonna be conflict but you also sort of always have the solution ready at all times. And that might seem 'boring', but it really leaves you hopeful and like, you know you're gonna make it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    I would say love is like your favorite tv show, you know there's gonna be conflict but you also sort of always have the solution ready at all times. And that might seem 'boring', but it really leaves you hopeful and like, you know you're gonna make it.
    Nice, I like that analogy. There may be conflict, but it will all be resolved by the end of the episode.
    Quaero Veritas.

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    I would think more compatible socionics relations have better chance of reaching higher levels. Most level 4 relationships, I think, are probably dual ones. Level 3, I think is mostly duality or same quadra relations.

    My parents are in a supervisory relationship and its mostly level 1-2.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    Quote Originally Posted by warrior-librarian View Post
    I would think more compatible socionics relations have better chance of reaching higher levels. Most level 4 relationships, I think, are probably dual ones. Level 3, I think is mostly duality or same quadra relations.

    My parents are in a supervisory relationship and its mostly level 1-2.
    This assumes that the above is more than nonsensical, emotive drivel. I'm not seeing a Dual relationship magically letting me become part of some "cosmic scheme" (and I mean, seriously, did this guy even read the crap he hacked off? Jesus). I do however see Duality affording a sense of comfort, safety and security of the sort that fosters at the very least some degree of happiness, if not a safe space to work through all the negativity someone picks up simply from being alive.

    And again, Allen L Roland is so preposterously full of shit it boggles my mind.

    tl;dr, I'm depressed and live a meaningless existence.

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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    I can't say that I think much of that "levels of relationships" thing.

    I've yet to find something that beats the Triangular Theory of Love by Robert Sternberg: Triangular theory of love - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    1. Intimacy – feelings of closeness, connectedness
    2. Passion – physical/sexual attraction
    3. Commitment – decision to remain with another, and make/share plans and achievements together

    Which leads to 8 types of love (including nonLove which shares none of the above elements)





    combined with the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman: The 5 Love Languages? | Five Love Languages

    * Words of Affirmation
    * Quality Time
    * Giving/Receiving Gifts
    * Acts of Service
    * Physical Touch

    Oh, and also with a reminder of Limerance: Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


    Even small children can grasp the 5 love languages, and the differences between individuals preferences for 1 or 2 of the languages. And the intimacy/passion/commitment model is easily understood by even preteens.

    That 'levels of relationships' thing seems like it was a poor attempt to reword or reformat the Triangular Theory.
    Last edited by anndelise; 06-03-2010 at 06:59 PM. Reason: image not friggin showing up

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    Contrarian Traditionalist Krig the Viking's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    I can't say that I think much of that "levels of relationships" thing.

    I've yet to find something that beats the Triangular Theory of Love by Robert Sternberg: Triangular theory of love - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    1. Intimacy – feelings of closeness, connectedness
    2. Passion – physical/sexual attraction
    3. Commitment – decision to remain with another, and make/share plans and achievements together

    Which leads to 8 types of love (including nonLove which shares none of the above elements)



    Have you ever read C. S. Lewis' "The Four Loves"? It actually correlates very well with the Triangular theory -- "Intimacy" = "Friendship", "Passion" = "Eros", and "Commitment" = "Charity". Lewis has a broader and more positive view of the last one ("Commitment/Charity"), and also adds a fourth type of love, "Affection".

    It's the clearest and most effective analysis of Love I've read to date.

    @ silverchris: You underestimate the pedantic obsession of LIIs.
    Quaero Veritas.

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    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krig the Viking View Post
    @ silverchris: You underestimate the pedantic obsession of LIIs.
    lol. I know. I do things that are definitely 400x as ridiculous, and I suppose if you're obsessed enough, you'll find an equation for the 4130908390423^2-sided shape.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Krig the Viking View Post

    @ silverchris: You underestimate the pedantic obsession of LIIs.


    I know I'm much more comfortable trying to systematize love than actually going out and experiencing it.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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