Results 1 to 32 of 32

Thread: Stages of Conflict Relations

Hybrid View

  1. #1
    Creepy-

    Default Stages of Conflict Relations

    *Adapted from the stages of duality as discussed in this thread. It's a bit exaggerated in parts [to mirror the original article I adapted it from]. I don't know how accurate this will be/how much it will match up w others' experience of conflict relations, so I'm interested in getting people's input...

    1. Each person sees the other as attractive; each thinks of the other as interesting and with impressive abilities.

    2. As the two interact, they act in the way that is most natural for them [and the way that their dual subconsciously expects and responds positively to], but with surprising difficulties. Something seems to be coming between the two of them that causes misunderstandings, miscommunications, and general frustration [it is especially disappointing since original hopes were high for positive relations; this person seemed to promising as a companion].

    3. Despite the best intentions and hopes of each, a sensation of danger appears for both conflictors. Each may observe this but tries to write it off as only in their heads. Instead of backing away, the conflictors [because they are thinking of the original attraction they felt and trying to recapture it] may move towards each other in an attempt to establish positive relations with one another. Eventually, though, it becomes obvious and cannot be denied any longer. A sensation of discomfort and irritation arises.

    4. Both conflictors begin to feel simultaneously and equally the “impossibility” of being together in close contact without misunderstandings even for a short time. Still, there may be moments of fun and satisfaction, and so the conflictors may each decide to persevere in the hopes that things will turn around.

    5. Both conflictors feel something like an internal disappointment and possibly disgust, that weighs down the soul. The frown on the face appears like a quiet grimace of irritation and disapproval.

    6. Little by little, both conflictors begin to feel, if they have not already, the realization that they cannot get along well if in close contact. If persons are romantically involved, then this is really the beginning of the end for the relationship.

    7. The disruption of conflictors’ energy. This phenomenon appears naturally: the conflictors can just to be together, just sitting close together sometimes even without touching each other, and this sensation arises.

    8. This is most interesting stage. Conflictors cannot describe their feelings. Each feels so uncomfortable, so at ill ease, it is as if each feels nothing good at all when in the company of the conflictor.

  2. #2
    Jarno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Netherlands
    TIM
    ILI-Te
    Posts
    5,418
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I don't think it's necessary to take the same 8 points.

    But here are mine:

    1 mutual attractiveness
    2 overimpressed and expecting the worst
    3 heavy miscommunication
    4 building up revenge thoughts
    5 explosion and extreme retaliation on weak spots
    6 everything is fine and the cycle starts at point 1 again

    *source: my own 4 year conflict relationship

  3. #3
    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Spain
    TIM
    ILE (ENTp)
    Posts
    4,871
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    "Expecting the worst"

    An intuitive thinks "wow, I'm so weak, this kung fu master can smash me"

    A sensor thinks "grrrrrr uh uh uh you weird, I smart, I smash you uh uh uh"

    I've noticed some unhealthy people get really pissed when they discover someone uses his/her brain.
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

  4. #4
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Beyond the blue horizon
    TIM
    SLI-Si 8w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    13,421
    Mentioned
    186 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Describes my relationship with my mom perfectly.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  5. #5
    Marie84's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    TIM
    EII
    Posts
    2,347
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Good job
    EII INFj
    Forum status: retired

  6. #6
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    "Come with me if you want to live"
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,907
    Mentioned
    51 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    CAPTAIN OBVIOUS APPEARS!


    it's not impossible to have good relationships with a conflictor.
    IDK how deep they can go, but, it's possible to have decent friendships with such.

  7. #7
    Jarno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Netherlands
    TIM
    ILI-Te
    Posts
    5,418
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    CAPTAIN OBVIOUS APPEARS!


    it's not impossible to have good relationships with a conflictor.
    IDK how deep they can go, but, it's possible to have decent friendships with such.
    sure, as long as it is not romantically. That's to close.

    In a russian conflict description I've read that friendship is possible when keeping a polite distance.

  8. #8
    Imagine Timeless's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    San Francisco, CA.
    TIM
    ILE/ENTp
    Posts
    817
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Well this explains my ISFj/ESI grandmother.

    We can chit-chat on a superficial level, but that's about it. Anything deeper then that, and there's a whole lot of misunderstandings, miscommunication, and boloney flying around.

  9. #9
    The Looks stanprollyright's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    In your pants
    TIM
    IEE-Ne cp 6w7 sx/so
    Posts
    555
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    sure, as long as it is not romantically. That's to close.

    In a russian conflict description I've read that friendship is possible when keeping a polite distance.
    I've heard of people marrying their conflictors.
    Stan is not my real name.

  10. #10
    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Spain
    TIM
    ILE (ENTp)
    Posts
    4,871
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by stanprollyright View Post
    I've heard of people marrying their conflictors.
    I've heard of men marrying another men and women marrying their pets
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

  11. #11
    Jarno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Netherlands
    TIM
    ILI-Te
    Posts
    5,418
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by stanprollyright View Post
    I've heard of people marrying their conflictors.
    yes if you aren't aware of how other relationships can be, and you think (like most people do) that every relationship has its bad aspects, and you should simply work on your relationship to get it good. Then it's not strange that people marry their conflictor. They simply think it's a normal relationship because they have nothing to compare.

  12. #12
    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    my own personal bubble
    TIM
    LII-Ne
    Posts
    4,097
    Mentioned
    103 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by stanprollyright View Post
    I've heard of people marrying their conflictors.
    I've heard of people stabbing their conflictors.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



  13. #13
    Blaze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    5,714
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    *Adapted from the stages of duality as discussed in this thread. It's a bit exaggerated in parts [to mirror the original article I adapted it from]. I don't know how accurate this will be/how much it will match up w others' experience of conflict relations, so I'm interested in getting people's input...

    1. Each person sees the other as attractive; each thinks of the other as interesting and with impressive abilities.

    2. As the two interact, they act in the way that is most natural for them [and the way that their dual subconsciously expects and responds positively to], but with surprising difficulties. Something seems to be coming between the two of them that causes misunderstandings, miscommunications, and general frustration [it is especially disappointing since original hopes were high for positive relations; this person seemed to promising as a companion].

    3. Despite the best intentions and hopes of each, a sensation of danger appears for both conflictors. Each may observe this but tries to write it off as only in their heads. Instead of backing away, the conflictors [because they are thinking of the original attraction they felt and trying to recapture it] may move towards each other in an attempt to establish positive relations with one another. Eventually, though, it becomes obvious and cannot be denied any longer. A sensation of discomfort and irritation arises.

    4. Both conflictors begin to feel simultaneously and equally the “impossibility” of being together in close contact without misunderstandings even for a short time. Still, there may be moments of fun and satisfaction, and so the conflictors may each decide to persevere in the hopes that things will turn around.

    5. Both conflictors feel something like an internal disappointment and possibly disgust, that weighs down the soul. The frown on the face appears like a quiet grimace of irritation and disapproval.

    6. Little by little, both conflictors begin to feel, if they have not already, the realization that they cannot get along well if in close contact. If persons are romantically involved, then this is really the beginning of the end for the relationship.

    7. The disruption of conflictors’ energy. This phenomenon appears naturally: the conflictors can just to be together, just sitting close together sometimes even without touching each other, and this sensation arises.

    8. This is most interesting stage. Conflictors cannot describe their feelings. Each feels so uncomfortable, so at ill ease, it is as if each feels nothing good at all when in the company of the conflictor.
    wow this is quite good. very very close to how it goes.

    i have to work on a close distance with my conflict. the only thing that has helped the relationship is to expect nothing, and, to openly discuss our mutual dislike of one another. LOL "you're so annoying, how you can stand yourself?" stuff like that. it's almost a way of cutting through the fluff and just making our external and internal reality more congruent.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •