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    Default What don't you like about your duals?

    What is it that makes relationships (of any kind) with your dual difficult? Socionics and the general mind of the forum gives a mostly utopia type of description when it comes to duality, but we know in reality, it doesn't work that way. Maybe we can help each other out in the process

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    Not all of them have these "problems", but some do:

    - Excessive focus on their appearance
    - Extreme dislike towards any type of intellectual matter
    - Really scathing/harsh (this can be funny, when it's not brought to excessive levels)
    - Take impulsive nonsensical decisions they start regretting the day after
    - Too competitive (this can be a dealbreaker in friendships with ESI males)

    (edit: sorry, I didn't notice this was inside the Delta quadra!!)
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    (edit: sorry, I didn't notice this was inside the Delta quadra!!)
    No worries I, at least, don't mind other quadras popping in and commenting, I think those who know they will get into conflict in Delta easily stay away already.

    I'm going to post mine later, but I thought I'd put this up to see if it'd spark good conversation.

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    Creepy-male

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    - Excessive focus on their appearance
    Fi base thing? EII-mum is like this, even if it's more "how do other people see me?" sort of image, as opposed to the visual/aesthetic "appearance". Major source of constant "No idea why you're like that" both ways.

    Anyway, to contribute to the thread, a lot of ILEs seem overly argumentative, especially once they're put on the defensive. I guess it's my job to convince them to outchill, and I don't mind; it's just that it's a little strange that they don't seem to understand how it's going to turn out

    (LIIs can be like this too, only they tend to not listen to me. You know who you are )

    Anyway, I haven't interacted with any ILEs directly on anything more than a superficial level, and it's always enjoyable... aside from this one incident where my ILE friend was playing WoW drunk and lashed out at me because we fumbled an obscenely complex strategy to take down a 5-man boss with just the two of us, inspiring several weeks of ILE hatred.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Not all of them have these "problems", but some do:

    - Excessive focus on their appearance
    - Extreme dislike towards any type of intellectual matter
    - Really scathing/harsh (this can be funny, when it's not brought to excessive levels)
    - Take impulsive nonsensical decisions they start regretting the day after
    - Too competitive (this can be a dealbreaker in friendships with ESI males)

    (edit: sorry, I didn't notice this was inside the Delta quadra!!)
    QFT, I miss my ESI real-life former friends...
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
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    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
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    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

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    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    I wonder if you could surround her with Ti mirrors




    LOL
    ILE "Searcher"
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    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
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    What I dislike about some SEIs (BTW, my favourite "personality type" )

    -An alarming lack of imagination
    -Moody, unrealiable, passive
    -Too skeptical or too credulous
    -Too materialistic and hedonistic
    -Too focused on local culture/bullshit
    -Don't give a shit about the future
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 1981slater View Post
    What I dislike about some SEIs (BTW, my favourite "personality type" )

    -An alarming lack of imagination
    -Moody, unrealiable, passive
    -Too skeptical or too credulous
    -Too materialistic and hedonistic
    -Too focused on local culture/bullshit
    -Don't give a shit about the future
    you make them sound useless.

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    Creepy-Cyclops

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    Quote Originally Posted by look.to.the.sky View Post
    What is it that makes relationships (of any kind) with your dual difficult? Socionics and the general mind of the forum gives a mostly utopia type of description when it comes to duality, but we know in reality, it doesn't work that way. Maybe we can help each other out in the process
    Maybe not that great a response, but it depends on the person.

    Although - i'm not sure how we can help each other out, unless prospective duals who don't know socionics still happen to come across this knowledge and put it to use.

    Hmmmm.. i'll try and be specific later perhaps, to help the thread and your question, but I still think it varies from person to person, people being individuals not only info metabolism ya de ya *yawn*

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    there are none of them around right now that are both single and appealing enough for me to want to pursue - that's what I don't like about my duals.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    there are none of them around right now that are both single and appealing enough for me to want to pursue - that's what I don't like about my duals.
    That's because they are only less then 1% of the total human population and devided that by men and women and then by ages, so you're looking at a very skinny margin of choices...but they all kinda look alike.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    on top of that, I just don't pursue any female EII that is single, I know there are other factors involved, for me, at least.

    One thing that bothers me is sometimes EIIs tend to just disappear for a few days because of some emotional problem, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it other than wait. The more healthy EIIs are better at communicating to me what's going on, but, unhealthy ones (particularly of the E9 variety) do that and it is very unpleasant. Nothing stresses me out more than someone that I care about suffering and not letting me know what's going on - all I know is that things are bad and I can't do anything about it. I think it's really unfair and selfish.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    One thing that bothers me is sometimes EIIs tend to just disappear for a few days because of some emotional problem, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it other than wait. The more healthy EIIs are better at communicating to me what's going on, but, unhealthy ones (particularly of the E9 variety) do that and it is very unpleasant. Nothing stresses me out more than someone that I care about suffering and not letting me know what's going on - all I know is that things are bad and I can't do anything about it. I think it's really unfair and selfish.
    What about the selfishness of asking an INFj in that state to interrupt what they probably feel is much-needed retreating/coping/healing time?
    Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    on top of that, I just don't pursue any female EII that is single, I know there are other factors involved, for me, at least.

    One thing that bothers me is sometimes EIIs tend to just disappear for a few days because of some emotional problem, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it other than wait. The more healthy EIIs are better at communicating to me what's going on, but, unhealthy ones (particularly of the E9 variety) do that and it is very unpleasant. Nothing stresses me out more than someone that I care about suffering and not letting me know what's going on - all I know is that things are bad and I can't do anything about it. I think it's really unfair and selfish.
    I would say show up with soup, or any food, we love being nurished under distress with very few conversations, but we will eat the food you ask us to. Then, we will feel your warm energy around us and that will just kick us right out of whatever distress we are in. Our distresses are often caused by over analysis of things in the world that don't make sense as far as why people do the things they do and questions with regards to life (should we be alive or exist or not?); but food is the essence of good care and concern and we are for people who will get us up and eating.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    there are none of them around right now that are both single and appealing enough for me to want to pursue - that's what I don't like about my duals.
    same :frown::frown:

    Well there was the one, but then again he's not single anymore and he's not near me. :frown::frown:
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    What I didnt like about the dual I personally experienced (SLI):

    --I was never sure how to read him, lots of hot/cold going on, tons of nonverbal communication that never got verbalized. But this whole thing was what fueled the fire of my attraction to him so maybe that's what I DO like I guess i'm guilty of all of those too though.

    --He tends to hang out with people who seem pretty superficial and boring imo, some trashy even.

    --he drinks a LOT of alcohol (by my standards anyway), and lived a pretty lascivious lifestyle from what I could tell. . .before he got this gf anyway, dont know how he is now. Maybe he is maturing.

    --yes, like Jewels said, very into his looks, but not like in a pretty-boy way. Always had to retain that manliness!!


    What I dont like about SLIs in general (not the above guy):

    --So i've had multiple sightings now of possible SLIs (based on gaze, the way they carry themselves, the general "look", the way they sort of respond to me at a distance in a few cases), at the gym, at the grocery store, a cook at a restaurant, however I'm at a loss as to what to do next. And I'll probably never see them again. I guess this is a long way of saying "unapproachable and distant".

    oh, that's it i guess. . .
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    Quote Originally Posted by look.to.the.sky View Post
    What is it that makes relationships (of any kind) with your dual difficult? Socionics and the general mind of the forum gives a mostly utopia type of description when it comes to duality, but we know in reality, it doesn't work that way. Maybe we can help each other out in the process
    My problems with my duals seem mostly of the individual variety, as in one problem doesn't necessarily extend to each of the others I know. I think perhaps certain kinds of communication are more difficult, perhaps related to the difference in club. Like how certain concepts pass more easily from me to another NF (or vis a vis) than they would to a Delta ST (or STs in general, I guess).

    One thing that does occasionally bother me is a certain callousness they tend to have, an uncaring attitude toward the feelings of others. Or when they shut doors while I still see hope and possibility.

    And, as Abbie pointed out, sometimes things get boring.

    Hm, I might have to think about this more to give a more thorough answer.
    Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.

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    [QUOTE=look.to.the.sky;627430]QUOTE]

    Welcome back Sky.
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    I don't think it's so much an unlikeable trait but something I worry about, which is this overwhelming need to be in motion that they have, which makes me nervous that they're going to just explode and either hurt themselves or someone else.
    It's like a White Rabbit complex "gotta do this, omg look at the time ahhhh!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marie84 View Post
    I don't think it's so much an unlikeable trait but something I worry about, which is this overwhelming need to be in motion that they have, which makes me nervous that they're going to just explode and either hurt themselves or someone else.
    It's like a White Rabbit complex "gotta do this, omg look at the time ahhhh!"
    We've already discussed there are also lazy ESTj's.

    That sort of activity sounds more ENFj. ESTj's often have a leisurely act about them, esp outside of work.

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    The good things about SLEs are all of the bad things about them. They often will just refuse to try to have a conversation with someone they're not interested in having a conversation with, unless they have something to get out of it, which can make social interactions a bit awkward. They are insanely direct and sometimes it just seems like they're using you (but eventually being around them is recompense enough, and you enter "glad to be of help" mode). They dominate conversations (but this also eventually becomes a positive). They generally don't really care about your emotional whatevercrap (unless it's sublime/dramatic emotional whatevercrap, in which case they care). They can be jackasses (to you and to others). They can be kind of oblivious to certain emotional cues that others give them, which is generally comically endearing but sometimes it's just like, geez, get a clue and deal with it. Female SLEs (and SEEs), in my experience, are huge flirts, which is obviously both positive and negative (positive if they're flirting with you, negative if you unnecessarily get your hopes up).
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

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    I guess to give more food for thought, do you find that you instantly click with your duals? Or, do you tend to think that someone you instantly click with might be your dual (or in your quadra)? Do you find the immaculate treatment of duals to be fine, or would we open up a new area of thought by hashing out the problems with duality? (I know that NeFi are notorious for bitching about duality, I don't know why, but something tells me we're the frontiers(wo)men on realistic application of this stuff )

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    Quote Originally Posted by look.to.the.sky View Post
    I guess to give more food for thought, do you find that you instantly click with your duals? Or, do you tend to think that someone you instantly click with might be your dual (or in your quadra)? Do you find the immaculate treatment of duals to be fine, or would we open up a new area of thought by hashing out the problems with duality? (I know that NeFi are notorious for bitching about duality, I don't know why, but something tells me we're the frontiers(wo)men on realistic application of this stuff )
    Well, I tend to click faster with ISTps. It's more like a sibling/buddy relationship. Duality is something else... It's automatically serious, with no bs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by look.to.the.sky View Post
    I guess to give more food for thought, do you find that you instantly click with your duals? Or, do you tend to think that someone you instantly click with might be your dual (or in your quadra)? Do you find the immaculate treatment of duals to be fine, or would we open up a new area of thought by hashing out the problems with duality? (I know that NeFi are notorious for bitching about duality, I don't know why, but something tells me we're the frontiers(wo)men on realistic application of this stuff )
    Socionics has played a role in my life with and without knowing about it. The only real difference is I would give people a shot to be friends with them just because they were there and ended up getting burned. The rest of the people that have remained over the years have all turned out to be in my quadra (with the exception of one ESTP). It's really quite amazing how that works out. Now? I'm very in tune with chemistry I feel like others...for instance i can see how the chemistry I feel with my supervisor or conflictor could be mistaken for something more (without the help of socionics), but others in my quadra...there is a definite spark that makes me wanna keep coming back for more.

    I feel like i often click well with my duals when meeting them, but I don't often feel a strong chemistry towards them until getting to know them after a while. I find this most strange in comparison with the chemistry I feel with types that are just no good for me.

    As for this whole thread topic....there are TONS of things that can make Dualities crash and burn. For one, with all dualities--don't listen to what others say or think about the relationship. I know this can be hard, but people have different perceptions of what is 'good' for you or may be jealous haters looking for good gossip. If YOU feel like you like your dual, stick with it..it's hard enough making a relationship work without listening or taking everyone else into account (even family).

    Over the time that I've spend with my SLI, there have been many problems that have arisen in our relationship. For one, trust was a main issue/concern of mine. My SLI was always very adventurous, while I liked that about him, there was a side of him that would adventure towards other women frequently. The way I found to deal with this best was to give him his space and leave the situation--one day down the road perhaps it would work again. Another thing I didn't like was how he would never include me in his plans/life. He treated me as another entity and he was very concerned about the level of privacy he possessed. That made me feel like he wanted to shut me out for some reason that I would in turn go searching for (vicious cycle).

    On a less serious note, currently the thing i don't like about my SLI is when we have problems, sometimes he'll just shut down and it will scare me because I don't want to be stone walled (Dr. John Gottman). It's usually cuz he needs time to collect his thoughts and say what he has to say to me at a later time. I think what the SLI teaches the EII is patients and what the EII teaches the SLI is commitment.
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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    I love that dude.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    I love that dude.
    Yeah, he's pretty awesome.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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    They don't seem to have any sense of pacing a relationship, or at least not in a way that matches up w mine [so far].
    Last edited by female; 03-26-2010 at 04:06 PM.

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    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    They don't seem to have any sense of pacing a relationship, or at least not in a way that matches up w mine [so far].
    IEE chicks are good for everyone. They are the universal blood type of the 16 types.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    IEE chicks are good for everyone. They are the universal blood type of the 16 types.
    Yeah I'm borderline pursuing / going out with an IEE right now. She's smart, same interests, good looking, good values.... good stuff.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Yeah I'm borderline pursuing / going out with an IEE right now. She's smart, same interests, good looking, good values.... good stuff.
    that's cool. I know a married couple w/ an IEE girl/LSE guy and they seem really happy. I dated an LSE for a while and it would have worked except for his issues.

    I almost feel like the functions are more obvious in activity for some reason. It's less obvious in duality (it's like I know it's there but can't put my finger on it).
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

  33. #33
    Ti centric krieger's Avatar
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    You need to get a chill ESE. I found one of the coolest ones ever, actually. She's smart, works really hard, a good dancer, and is actually seemingly reserved at times. She's Si subtype... but on the same page in terms of planning and actually making things happen. She's cool.
    Sound good. Send her my way.

    usa to netherlands - Wolfram|Alpha

  34. #34
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    that's cool. I know a married couple w/ an IEE girl/LSE guy and they seem really happy. I dated an LSE for a while and it would have worked except for his issues.

    I almost feel like the functions are more obvious in activity for some reason. It's less obvious in duality (it's like I know it's there but can't put my finger on it).
    Yes...what issues?
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  35. #35
    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Yeah I'm borderline pursuing / going out with an IEE right now. She's smart, same interests, good looking, good values.... good stuff.
    Hey! back off! She belongs to SLI!
    ISTp
    SLI

    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

  36. #36
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Yeah I'm borderline pursuing / going out with an IEE right now. She's smart, same interests, good looking, good values.... good stuff.
    What?

    @Cyrano
    lol lol lol lol
    I found a beautiful IEE at this place I shop, she is very lovely, would like to meet her?
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  37. #37
    UDP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Hey! back off! She belongs to SLI!
    The only types that are really out of bounds are STs, and NTs to an extent. Delta NFs are top tier women, imo.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    What?
    ?
    It makes you uncomfortable that I'd be interested in an IEE?

    @Cyrano
    lol lol lol lol
    I found a beautiful IEE at this place I shop, she is very lovely, would like to meet her?
    maybe i'd like to meet her?

  38. #38
    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    IEE chicks are good for everyone. They are the universal blood type of the 16 types.
    I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing for us

  39. #39
    Lobo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by look.to.the.sky View Post
    I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing for us
    hehe, yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

  40. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    They don't seem to have any sense of pacing a relationship, or at least not in a way that matches up w mine [so far].
    That's something like asking an IEE to walk you through the steps of fixing a carburator.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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