Fi Hidden Agenda of SLIs-ISTps

[jessica129]

Growing up, all I ever heard was how different and strange I was for not wanting many friends. I tried to be who I thought others wanted me to be and it feels forced and empty. I still constantly get crap for it from certain people and had I been the person I was a year ago, I would've taken it to heart but the fact of the matter is is that I'm perfectly content in my own company and more often than not, prefer it to being with the majority of people. THAT'S OK. I told this to someone who gives me crap about being so independent and their response was literally, 'you're so weird. that's not normal. you should change that. maybe that's why you're so messed up'. Whatever, for real. Some people take it personally when I say that--like I don't think they're good enough company to have around....which sometimes, it's true....but most of the time, I just want to be alone. I'm not 'depressed' or 'weird' or planning to kill you, I just like my own goddamn company. LOL Which is weird because a year ago I couldn't tolerate being alone. I guess this is good.

[Suz]

SLI males strive to find like-minded persons who can sit with them in a euphoric state and watch paint dry.Also,they may buy anyone candy to show affection and when you go "ooh noo you didn't have to uhh" they're like -_- "hey,that's nothing".SEIs would say "it's very very tasty!eat up eat up!look how fresh it looks" .usually EIEs find this totally useless but afterwards they're like "hmm this was not so bad after all,hehe.thank you SLI for just an other needless contribution.that's all you're good for,you stomach slave"

If so, that confirms it... my mom is SEI! It also drives me crazy when she does that.

Oh... and i had a guy buy me a candy bar out of the blue while i was studying hard in college... he hands it to me, then goes to another end of the long library table to sit and study. I had to chase him down to say thanks and that's exactly what he said... "that's nothing..." lol

I guess he was SLI, then ... though perhaps an LSE might do that too? I'd thought he was either LSE or LIE...

[stray]

If so, that confirms it... my mom is SEI! It also drives me crazy when she does that.

Oh... and i had a guy buy me a candy bar out of the blue while i was studying hard in college... he hands it to me, then goes to another end of the long library table to sit and study. I had to chase him down to say thanks and that's exactly what he said... "that's nothing..." lol

I guess the SEIs in Jennifer's example are playing more the part of a host/hostess. I can't do that. Last job I was at, for example, I started buying candy for the office. Except I didn't announce it. It really wasn't a big deal, but everyone was wondering who put it there. I didn't feel like answering. My boss literally dug up security tapes and she ratted me out. So they called me candyman ever since (not cool).

[ashlesha]

I guess the SEIs in Jennifer's example are playing more the part of a host/hostess. I can't do that. Last job I was at, for example, I started buying candy for the office. Except I didn't announce it. It really wasn't a big deal, but everyone was wondering who put it there. I didn't feel like answering. My boss literally dug up security tapes and she ratted me out. So they called me candyman ever since (not cool).

hahaha. ive done that a couple times. people bring treats at my work a lot and they go around from cubicle to cubicle telling everyone and.. meh. its there in the "group treat" spot, thats all they need to know. its weird making a thing out of it. i can't believe she dug up security tapes, that's hilarious, sorry.

[Anna1921]

Growing up, all I ever heard was how different and strange I was for not wanting many friends. I tried to be who I thought others wanted me to be and it feels forced and empty. I still constantly get crap for it from certain people and had I been the person I was a year ago, I would've taken it to heart but the fact of the matter is is that I'm perfectly content in my own company and more often than not, prefer it to being with the majority of people. THAT'S OK. I told this to someone who gives me crap about being so independent and their response was literally, 'you're so weird. that's not normal. you should change that. maybe that's why you're so messed up'. Whatever, for real. Some people take it personally when I say that--like I don't think they're good enough company to have around....which sometimes, it's true....but most of the time, I just want to be alone. I'm not 'depressed' or 'weird' or planning to kill you, I just like my own goddamn company. LOL Which is weird because a year ago I couldn't tolerate being alone. I guess this is good.

Same, same, same. I have an ESE friend who gives me crap about this all the time -- she says the same thing, that it's not "normal" or "healthy" to be this way. And I tell her simply that there is no normal, and ever if there were I wouldn't care lol. She means well, but it is annoying. I have to limit my interactions with her because of things like that.

There was a time in my life when I tried being more outgoing as well -- went out all the time, went to clubs (drank tons of alcohol, trying to get comfortable as well). And after a few months I thought, the Hell with this; I'm gonna be me, and anyone who doesn't like it needs to get over whatever hangups they have with my lifestyle. Or not, I don't care as long as they leave me alone.

But to my close friends, I am loyal to the end. And it hurts so much not to have that returned, as has happened on occasion, to my utter shock at the time -- I think Fi HA can mean you're a little blind at times to what others really feel or how strong the bond really is. Either way too much trust or way too little; it's hard to strike that balance. So with close friends, when there's a feeling of security and trust in the relationship, that is held as very important and worth protecting.

[fen]

Fi-HA seems endearing. :3

[Suz]

I guess the SEIs in Jennifer's example are playing more the part of a host/hostess.

i know, but when i'm trying to lose weight and avoid certain food (or if i'm just not hungry), it's practically impossible to refuse when my mom starts pushing food on me like that. Like, i'll say no a couple times, but she keeps insisting (in that matter) and trying to convince me why i SHOULD... and acting hurt/disappointed if i dont, etc... so i just get tired of arguing and of course it is usually tempting food...

So after a while, i start getting really frustrated with her and i feel like i constantly have to be fighting and arguing...

[Suz]

Last job I was at, for example, I started buying candy for the office. Except I didn't announce it. It really wasn't a big deal, but everyone was wondering who put it there. I didn't feel like answering. My boss literally dug up security tapes and she ratted me out. So they called me candyman ever since (not cool).

lol i get a kick out of things like that... it's the incognito goodie-bringer!

[Absurd]

lol i get a kick out of things like that... it's the incognito goodie-bringer!

Almost like Santa Claus.

[fen]

Almost like Santa Claus.

You are so funny Absurd! Ahhhh.

[blackburry]

Jessica129 and Parkster, you guys sound exactly like my brother..but I'm the only person who knows he even feels that way. He's dating some ESE bitch, who I loathe because she has strung along my brother for over a year now yet she always tells him he is being a wimp when he tries to talk about his feelings, which is extremely rare. I have to pull it out of him, and I know he treasures even being able to come to me to talk. I want him to find a cool ass chick who actually cares about him, but until he goes off for the military next year, he's going to keep dating her.

[jessica129]

Jessica129 and Parkster, you guys sound exactly like my brother..but I'm the only person who knows he even feels that way. He's dating some ESE bitch, who I loathe because she has strung along my brother for over a year now yet she always tells him he is being a wimp when he tries to talk about his feelings, which is extremely rare. I have to pull it out of him, and I know he treasures even being able to come to me to talk. I want him to find a cool ass chick who actually cares about him, but until he goes off for the military next year, he's going to keep dating her.

If they're not good together, don't let him fall into the military way of operations....marrying just because he doesn't want to breakup with her so that she'll come along with him wherever he goes. I have seen dozens upon dozens of marriages fail that way, don't let him be a statistic! lol. But yeah, it takes a lot for me to tell someone how I feel about them.....I'm talking like years almost. I have this guy who shall remain nameless that I feel a lot for and whenever I express it, it's usually followed by a one worded response or a "you're so dramatic" or nothing at all so I'm just not going to bring it up anymore but it's a shame because he's even more emotionally guarded than I am and I wanted to try to help him with it but I get nothing in return. I've gotten better with dealing with those sorts of shut downs but when someone does this to me, it just takes me that much longer to say it to someone in the future.

[Absurd]

You are so funny Absurd! Ahhhh.

Well, best of best.

[blackburry]

If they're not good together, don't let him fall into the military way of operations....marrying just because he doesn't want to breakup with her so that she'll come along with him wherever he goes. I have seen dozens upon dozens of marriages fail that way, don't let him be a statistic! lol. But yeah, it takes a lot for me to tell someone how I feel about them.....I'm talking like years almost. I have this guy who shall remain nameless that I feel a lot for and whenever I express it, it's usually followed by a one worded response or a "you're so dramatic" or nothing at all so I'm just not going to bring it up anymore but it's a shame because he's even more emotionally guarded than I am and I wanted to try to help him with it but I get nothing in return. I've gotten better with dealing with those sorts of shut downs but when someone does this to me, it just takes me that much longer to say it to someone in the future.

No, they're not going to get marry. He knows they won't last and he doesn't want it to. It's more so that he's a young dude, and she's hot..so he'll keep her around while she's around, but he's really looking forward to moving on to bigger and better things..he doesn't see it as a problem that they're just killing time together. She would never date him while in the military either. Plus he's only 17, he has no plans of ever getting married any time soon.

[jessica129]

Well that's good. I married a 19 year old and (props to me being a 26 yr old cougar at the time) most 18 year old I know in the military are already married with a kid. They don't play around but thats a whole other topic for a rainy day..

[Park]

Jessica129 and Parkster, you guys sound exactly like my brother..but I'm the only person who knows he even feels that way. He's dating some ESE bitch, who I loathe because she has strung along my brother for over a year now yet she always tells him he is being a wimp when he tries to talk about his feelings, which is extremely rare. I have to pull it out of him, and I know he treasures even being able to come to me to talk. I want him to find a cool ass chick who actually cares about him, but until he goes off for the military next year, he's going to keep dating her.

[Beautiful sky]

SLI males strive to find like-minded persons who can sit with them in a euphoric state and watch paint dry.Also,they may buy anyone candy to show affection and when you go "ooh noo you didn't have to uhh" they're like -_- "hey,that's nothing".SEIs would say "it's very very tasty!eat up eat up!look how fresh it looks" .usually EIEs find this totally useless but afterwards they're like "hmm this was not so bad after all,hehe.thank you SLI for just an other needless contribution.that's all you're good for,you stomach slave"

What does an EII say? "please eat it, it's good for you."

[fen]

What does an EII say? "please eat it, it's good for you."

When is candy physically good for you?

[Beautiful sky]

When is candy physically good for you?

When it helps improve your mood. It's a comfort food; I think soothing your mind is just as important as your body. We consume sugar/carbs every day; it's about portion control.

[Park]

So I went to a large, party-like gathering the other night. I spent most of my time watching immature (mostly younger) people getting drunk, dancing and acting like obnoxious fools. A few of my acquaintances were there so I talked to them briefly, trying to pretend I felt neutral about the atmosphere which I hated and felt somewhat uncomfortable in. I was kinda bored, observing what's going on around me and not finding anything to enjoy or a way to blend in. (Not that I care to fit in too much, it just sucks feeling so distant sometimes; especially when you're supposed to enjoy yourself and celebrate). Thankfully some food was given to me, so my time wasn't completely wasted. Then I met an older gentleman who was slightly intoxicated but in the mood for storytelling. One story led to another, and I practically spent the rest of the night talking to him (although mostly listening/asking) about a million different things. He took me on a journey through his life, career and so on, and even though his breath and tempo were getting worse and worse as he sipped on his alcohol, I retained my position of a friendly interlocutor because there was nothing else to do, the guy was good company and had some cool stories to tell. I would have left the place earlier (actually probably wouldn't have gone in the first place) but I was invited and kind of in a role of an escort, so I had to be there.

[/pointless post] :\

[Park]

Fenryrr likes all of my posts. I'm assuming she reads some of them, too.

[fen]

Fenryrr likes all of my posts. I'm assuming she reads some of them, too.

Haha, I only like them if I read them and find that I like them.

[jessica129]

So I went to a large, party-like gathering the other night. I spent most of my time watching immature (mostly younger) people getting drunk, dancing and acting like obnoxious fools. A few of my acquaintances were there so I talked to them briefly, trying to pretend I felt neutral about the atmosphere which I hated and felt somewhat uncomfortable in. I was kinda bored, observing what's going on around me and not finding anything to enjoy or a way to blend in. (Not that I care to fit in too much, it just sucks feeling so distant sometimes; especially when you're supposed to enjoy yourself and celebrate). Thankfully some food was given to me, so my time wasn't completely wasted. Then I met an older gentleman who was slightly intoxicated but in the mood for storytelling. One story led to another, and I practically spent the rest of the night talking to him (although mostly listening/asking) about a million different things. He took me on a journey through his life, career and so on, and even though his breath and tempo were getting worse and worse as he sipped on his alcohol, I retained my position of a friendly interlocutor because there was nothing else to do, the guy was good company and had some cool stories to tell. I would have left the place earlier (actually probably wouldn't have gone in the first place) but I was invited and kind of in a role of an escort, so I had to be there.

[/pointless post] :\

Oh god I cringe. I hate parties with a passion. Well...usually if it contains those sorts of people. It's so uncomfortable especially when you only know like 2 people and those 2 people are talking to all their other friends and you don't want to be creepily attached to their leg. I usually end up pretending to text someone on my phone or take like 80 bathroom breaks. I don't know why I even go to these things anymore...I try to be nice and go to things I'm invited to but I think I'm done with that. One time my friend invited me to this huge christmas party where he was the only one I knew...I stayed for 10 minutes then left and when he texted me an hour later asking where I was, went back and pretended like i was there the entire time lmfao.

[stray]

I stayed for 10 minutes then left

lol. i want to see myself as kind of "social" enough, but something happens to me in places like that too. the contrast becomes really apparent and i turn out far from social.

it's not just parties with me either. public gatherings in general. churches freak me out, for example. and not for philosophical reasons. i can appreciate some of it on an intellectual level. it's just all the communal interaction expected. even worse if they're like really charismatic churches. i had a panic attack once they all started raising their hands and singing. that was surreal. it seemed like they all lost their minds.

[fen]

Oh god I cringe. I hate parties with a passion. Well...usually if it contains those sorts of people. It's so uncomfortable especially when you only know like 2 people and those 2 people are talking to all their other friends and you don't want to be creepily attached to their leg. I usually end up pretending to text someone on my phone or take like 80 bathroom breaks. I don't know why I even go to these things anymore...I try to be nice and go to things I'm invited to but I think I'm done with that. One time my friend invited me to this huge christmas party where he was the only one I knew...I stayed for 10 minutes then left and when he texted me an hour later asking where I was, went back and pretended like i was there the entire time lmfao.

I went to a block party with my neighbors, trying to forget about Ben. I did the same thing. I didn't really know them...and I just left after like 5 mins because I felt awkward and didnt want to integrate. I paid 15 dollars too. I relate a lot to these descriptions, but I'm IEE. O.o

[Absurd]

SLIs will be SLIs.

[Ver]

What I've noticed about SLIs is that they like commenting if something is morally good/wrong if what somebody did was good/bad, if they feel offended etc. My SLI friend does it often, especially when she's drunk. Of course she makes mistakes in my perception but I find it somehow cute and I don't mind. Sometimes, however, she gets to some weird conclusions about relationships. She hasn't noticed at all when I started dating my boyfriend and she couldn't believe we were together (she told me we weren't good match). She also thought out mutual friend was hitting on some stupid guy and she was really concerned whereas in reality she was just chatting/playing with him.
What I've also noticed, and it's true for both close to me SLI females, is that they seem to assume what is man's role and female's role and are quite attached to the idea. One of them is more financially successful than her husband but I think she doesn't mind it now. The second one, however, grew up in a home where her veeery succesful father was an only bread winner. She once told me she's afraid that's she'll be more successful than her husband. I keep telling her that's not important and I'm like 95% sure that it won't make any difference to her if she finds somebody less succesful. But it's society issues that counts here... I don't really pay much attention to this, but she does. She thinks she should raise children etc. and she's a successful single doctor.

[stray]

What I've noticed about SLIs is that they like commenting if something is morally good/wrong if what somebody did was good/bad, if they feel offended etc. My SLI friend does it often, especially when she's drunk. Of course she makes mistakes in my perception but I find it somehow cute and I don't mind. Sometimes, however, she gets to some weird conclusions about relationships. She hasn't noticed at all when I started dating my boyfriend and she couldn't believe we were together (she told me we weren't good match). She also thought out mutual friend was hitting on some stupid guy and she was really concerned whereas in reality she was just chatting/playing with him.
What I've also noticed, and it's true for both close to me SLI females, is that they seem to assume what is man's role and female's role and are quite attached to the idea. One of them is more financially successful than her husband but I think she doesn't mind it now. The second one, however, grew up in a home where her veeery succesful father was an only bread winner. She once told me she's afraid that's she'll be more successful than her husband. I keep telling her that's not important and I'm like 95% sure that it won't make any difference to her if she finds somebody less succesful. But it's society issues that counts here... I don't really pay much attention to this, but she does. She thinks she should raise children etc. and she's a successful single doctor.

Shit, I'm not down with "male" and "female" roles. I'm a man at the end of the day, but just me. Other details are just public constructs, and ultimately shit on individuality. I would question them rather than adopt them as a rule. And from what I can tell, SLI females are just as individualistic as I am. As are ILI. I don't see how it's Fi related.

[Ver]

Hm, I might be wrong...how I saw the connection with Fi thing: they very often assume something is wrong without giving it much thought.But it's not as strong as in case of Fi types so it easily changes when they see that being in a different role is not so bad after all.
I might have mish-mashed it too much though,hmmm.

[Suz]

I went to a block party with my neighbors, trying to forget about Ben. I did the same thing. I didn't really know them...and I just left after like 5 mins because I felt awkward and didnt want to integrate. I paid 15 dollars too. I relate a lot to these descriptions, but I'm IEE. O.o

oh yeah i totally relate to them too..
might be a delta in a merry environment thing?

[jessica129]

I went to a block party with my neighbors, trying to forget about Ben. I did the same thing. I didn't really know them...and I just left after like 5 mins because I felt awkward and didnt want to integrate. I paid 15 dollars too. I relate a lot to these descriptions, but I'm IEE. O.o

You relate because we're dualz

I don't know how some people find it so easy to talk to strangers and initiate convos in situations like that. If I don't know anyone, I feel like I shouldn't be there

[Tolvard]

I hate forcing small talk with people at gatherings and such...I'll usually say something unusual or start acting weird to skip straight to the interesting tidbits rather than typical conversations on recent trends in weather, who you know, blah blah. Also, the more interesting people usually react to my displays so I can attract people I want to talk with anyways.

[Park]

Oh god I cringe. I hate parties with a passion. Well...usually if it contains those sorts of people. It's so uncomfortable especially when you only know like 2 people and those 2 people are talking to all their other friends and you don't want to be creepily attached to their leg. I usually end up pretending to text someone on my phone or take like 80 bathroom breaks. I don't know why I even go to these things anymore...I try to be nice and go to things I'm invited to but I think I'm done with that. One time my friend invited me to this huge christmas party where he was the only one I knew...I stayed for 10 minutes then left and when he texted me an hour later asking where I was, went back and pretended like i was there the entire time lmfao.

Same same same. I've done the "pretend I'm texting/reading my emails on my phone" thing.

I find it kind of ridiculous how some people decide whether you're their friend or not based on things like whether you attend their stupid parties where they pay like 0 attention to you. I mean, if they barely notice you or don't give a crap whether you're having a good time or not, what's the point?

I don't know how some people find it so easy to talk to strangers and initiate convos in situations like that. If I don't know anyone, I feel like I shouldn't be there

Yeah, I feel like what the fuck am I doing here... But I've learned how to approach strangers because when you don't know anyone or the ones you know are busy talking and partying with their merry friends, there's nothing else to do. It's either 1)leave; or 2)hope you meet someone interesting and fire up a convo... I try to stay open to possibilities and think that maybe something can come out of nothing, but I usually get impatient and leave before I start feeling like shit for being there in the first place.

[noid]

Idk how that manifest in socionic term, but what I see as Fi ha is the kind of close range, somewhat stubborn, almost-akward but very nice and agreable moral you can see in some Clint Eastwood movie (I think he's ISTp).

[Suz]

You relate because we're dualz

I don't know how some people find it so easy to talk to strangers and initiate convos in situations like that. If I don't know anyone, I feel like I shouldn't be there

you quoted fenry but not me... does this mean you dont think i'm IEE? just curious..

[Red Villain]

you quoted fenry but not me... does this mean you dont think i'm IEE? just curious..

I'm still adamant you're ESE

[Suz]

I'm still adamant you're ESE

Can you please explain why you think so?

btw if your reason includes my username choice, that doesn't count. Because anyone with a brain can figure out that it actually is a synonym for "slacker".

But if you have some good reasons why i'm ESE, i'm all ears and would love to hear them.

[Beautiful sky]

My ex SLI bf would start making crazy outrageous comments about my affections or actions with previous bfs just to get a reaction out of me. He wanted me to show my affection, my true feelings for only him, but he would do it in such an unobvious indirect way, like asking weird, probing and mean questions; it was a push and pull thing; I remember a comedian saying "I don't know why I push you away sometimes, I don't know why I hurt you." I also remember thinking it was because he needed someone to come up to him and say that they loved him no matter what.

My nephew does this too, with people he loves and only with those who he is close to, like his mom and dad, he will make mean remarks, not considering that they are inappropriate and uncalled for. I asked Matt why he thought my nephew did this and Matt figured it out that this was because he only felt comfortable being himself with those he loved and being himself was saying outlandish things like "I'll kick you butt." or something strange.

[Galen]

I think I said this somewhere else before, but I see Fi-HA manifesting as a strong desire to be open about one's sentiments without having the pressure to be too explicit or intellectual about them. There tends to be this strong desire for trust that the interlocutor won't pressure the IXTp to go outside of his boundaries and instead allow him/her to be comfortable in expressing himself. This kind of trust doesn't come easily to IXTps, and it sort of has to be earned through interaction with the other person. Many of the IXTps I've met don't seem to open up to very many people at all, and in that way they can be very starved for that kind of interaction even though they'd never readily admit it. Lots of times I've had friends talk to me about a mutual IXTp friend and they'll talk about how unemotional they come across, something I would absolutely never call them. I suppose as an IEE my interactions with them make them comfortable enough to express themselves naturally, and when around others they don't trust as much they can shut themselves off emotionally.

[Red Villain]

I think I said this somewhere else before, but I see Fi-HA manifesting as a strong desire to be open about one's sentiments without having the pressure to be too explicit or intellectual about them. There tends to be this strong desire for trust that the interlocutor won't pressure the IXTp to go outside of his boundaries and instead allow him/her to be comfortable in expressing himself. This kind of trust doesn't come easily to IXTps, and it sort of has to be earned through interaction with the other person. Many of the IXTps I've met don't seem to open up to very many people at all, and in that way they can be very starved for that kind of interaction even though they'd never readily admit it. Lots of times I've had friends talk to me about a mutual IXTp friend and they'll talk about how unemotional they come across, something I would absolutely never call them. I suppose as an IEE my interactions with them make them comfortable enough to express themselves naturally, and when around others they don't trust as much they can shut themselves off emotionally.

Yeah. IEE's, as you have proved, "get it".