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Some of my experiences with ILE women, in the beginning of acquaintance, no particular order:
- I'm able to look her in the eyes for longer times without having to look away or feeling awkward.
- Silence doesn't feel awkward. This can be dangerous in the beginning, if I fail to show my interest because I simply feel so much at ease.
- Generally, silence and talking alternate each other in a smooth way. The conversation takes care of itself.
-Sitting face to face drinking coffee etc. with close distance works well. I've sometimes been surprised by this.
- I can get frustrated if people talk too much. It's like I get drained from having to listen to them. But I usually don't have this problem with a talkative dual. Even though the topic doesn't always interest me, I'll still gladly listen to her.
- Age doesn't seem to matter that much. I have experienced the above with women who are a lot older than me. (50-80).
EDIT: I have never had an ILE gf. Just some random people I've met: from school, work, relatives, friends of friends, some blind dates.
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This happens to me, too. Actually, I think I tend to forget everybody's faces; it's just that I actually care about remembering the face of my dual, and get distressed/annoyed when I can't.Originally Posted by Pinocchio
I've experienced the bolded ones as well. Especially the last one. I can remember thinking to myself "I don't actually care about anything she's saying. And yet, I could sit here forever and just listen."
Quaero Veritas.
dysfunctional duality - fatal attraction
duality can be a life altering experience in a most positive way but depending on prior experiences, even duals can screw it up - a shared experience in my own estimation. What is meant by these words is if you have had a number of bad experiences prior to meeting your dual well that can distrubt and prevent duality manifesting into a loving relationship. On this forum the stages of duality is listed but on another website, wikisocionics, they mention that duals need to break through psychological barriers in order for duality to occur. In other words even if your dual is asking for your hand in marriage or simply to go on a date but you have prior psychological issues like commitment or intimacy issues then your likely to respond based more on psychological problems you have with yourself than based on psychological compatibility with your dual.
What I'm talking about is subconsciously choosing the same type of person for dating and thereby predetermining the end result of the relationship. Here are a few common examples:
A women who frequently dates assholes and then she questions her selection in men "why do I always attract assholes?". My opinion is she's subconsciously drawn to dating assholes because she has more success in terms of attracting them from the rest of the bunch. Admittedly 'asshole' is a emotionally loaded term but I do believe there is truth behind my opinion. Its as if you gave her a selection of fifty men to choose from and they were dressed and groomed all the same with differences in only their personality, she would subconsciously choose an insensitive, promiscuous, unfaithful man. That only begs the question why such men find her attractive? Perhaps she is immature, weak, shallow, dull, etc. Basically a certain type of man finds her attractive but not necessarily for the right reasons.
Men do the same thing. I've fallen for women who are popular and to be honest with myself - I'm unpopular. This is not so much a case of psychological issues as it is with self-esteem. There is a sense of opposites attracting but in the end the result is the relationship crumbles (that is with my dual). Why? The choice being made is keeping social status determines more than individual preference. The upside to being unpopular is that I'm usually right about things because I'm not influenced by popular opinion nor have an agenda to push.
One last example is a domineering woman who attracts weak willed, timid and emotionally vulnerable men. The woman will continually arouse such men because there is a certain degree of attraction in terms of sexual instict but as a matter of love and duality - no.
I can cite other examples but instead I'll give counter-examples of duality being ineffectual. Just because she's your dual does not mean she likes you! Just because she's your dual does not mean she will appreciate you for who you really are. Just because she's you dual does not mean she will change her behaviour like become a better person. Just because she's your dual does not mean its meant to be. Just because she's your dual does not mean she can help you become a better person. Just because she's your dual does not mean the relationship has a better chance of survival. Just because she's your dual does not mean she will find you more attractive than other men. Just because she's your dual does not mean that will alter her choice in dating men. Get the drift?! I know from experience. INTJ - intuitive subtype.
oh in case your wondering: Just because she's your dual sensory subtype does not change a thing if she is the ethical subtype.
Vicitim
Introvert
Aggressor
Bitterness.
BAM!
ILI (FINAL ANSWER)
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wake up call from reality - do you accept the charges?
You can categorize each paragraph by reducing it to a basic idea without really getting the point.
All I'm saying is duality describes a psychological relationship and offers a substantial explanation to the mechanics of the pysche but if there is other hinderances then that determines the nature of the relationship, i.e. healthy or unhealthy relationship. Consider maslow's heiarchy of needs. If you enter into a dual relationship with someone who has only achieved basic necessities and yet your at a level of self-actualization - that can be a huge strain.
Lets say your dual has one or more of the following: OCD, ADD, schizophenia, Bi-polar, depression, alcohol/drug addiction, narcisstic personality disorder, split personality, pathological, anti-social, historinic personailty disorder, etc. Simply put any psychological condition will inherently alter the nature of any relationship - duality is no exception, nor is it a cure!
To bring it down a notch to a more managable state, here are some other traits your dual may have: inferiority complex, superiority complex, guilt complex, father/mother complex, abandoment issues, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc.
I was rejected by a girl because she grew up with a few extra pounds. There is nothing you can do about even though I was never bothered by her weight and yes she was my dual and yes we went through the stages of duality but ultimately never developed a real romantic relationship. To be honest, yes of course I'm bitter! If I was all fine and dandy about it that only means I didn't really care. Trust me, I wasn't interested in her to prove duality is real. I am suppose to believe she just wants her independence which is a lie.
What I'm saying is not meant to ridicule nor diminish the value to understanding duality, but to put duality into context. Put it this way, if you can't seem to have a stable and happy relationship with your dual, well its likely you can't have a stable and happy relationship with anyone. Do you see my point?
I hear this rhetoric like INTJ's can handle ESFJ's aberrant behaviour but as a matter of fact that is not true - tolerant is not the same as being appreciative. Honestly I've met some really cool women who I'd like to date for that reason, because their really nice and I can appreciate that completely separate from whether or not their my dual. I've also stayed away from certain women too following the same approach. Truthfully if INTj's were less tolerant they'd likely tell those annoying ESFJ's to f*^# off like everyone else does. Basically INTJ's are made out to be ESFJ's scratching posts - what kind of messed up relationship is that?
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