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    Creepy-Cyclops

    Default Duals you don't like

    There seems to be a lot of talk about duality being the greatest thing. Of course it is a key thing of socionics and something most people with interest in socionics would aspire to it (a dual relation).

    However, people being people, I don't think it is a given that we will get on with all duals we meet.

    It would be interesting to hear some of the negative stories, maybe even to balance it out and here full side of things.

    I'd be interested if anyone would like to talk about duals they've met, interacted with irl where they've not got on, not clicked.

    Could be anything from lifestyle differences, personality differences, not noticing you or any other sort of issues.

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    Jarno's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    There seems to be a lot of talk about duality being the greatest thing. Of course it is a key thing of socionics and something most people with interest in socionics would aspire to it (a dual relation).

    However, people being people, I don't think it is a given that we will get on with all duals we meet.

    It would be interesting to hear some of the negative stories, maybe even to balance it out and here full side of things.

    I'd be interested if anyone would like to talk about duals they've met, interacted with irl where they've not got on, not clicked.

    Could be anything from lifestyle differences, personality differences, not noticing you or any other sort of issues.
    I once openend a same thread about duals more often not getting along. It's only when duals interact closely with eachother that the chemistry does it's work. But when reading or looking at a distance to a dual etc, it's rather the opposite.

    I've also read it in a duality article, when duals interact together everything is fine, but when they look how the dual interacts with others, you are rather annoyed by them. Probably because they have such a strange/opposite personality. It's only at close distance that you come to appreciate them.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    I once openend a same thread about duals more often not getting along. It's only when duals interact closely with eachother that the chemistry does it's work. But when reading or looking at a distance to a dual etc, it's rather the opposite.

    I've also read it in a duality article, when duals interact together everything is fine, but when they look how the dual interacts with others, you are rather annoyed by them. Probably because they have such a strange/opposite personality. It's only at close distance that you come to appreciate them.
    Rang true for me.

    Good question btw, Cyclops!! I am interested in hearing the answers as well.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

  4. #4
    Creepy-Cyclops

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    I once openend a same thread about duals more often not getting along. It's only when duals interact closely with eachother that the chemistry does it's work. But when reading or looking at a distance to a dual etc, it's rather the opposite.

    I've also read it in a duality article, when duals interact together everything is fine,but when they look how the dual interacts with others, you are rather annoyed by them. Probably because they have such a strange/opposite personality. It's only at close distance that you come to appreciate them.
    This is very good point. I used to work with a dual before and the way she would be with others was irritating. Once or twice I mentioned it to her, but when we spoke things seemed clearer. It was also interesting how that, when I spoke to her about it, the issue also dissolved quite easily (where as with other relations, it would maybe have been more difficult to resolve).

    Interesting post, I wonder, do you have a link or source of that article, so that I could read it? The person seems to know what they are talking about.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    Interesting post, I wonder, do you have a link or source of that article, so that I could read it? The person seems to know what they are talking about.
    I don't know where I read it, probable a babelfish translation of some russian site.

    Most people only know Ganin's relationship descriptions and that's it. But there is a lot of interesting russian stuff that goes into more and different details.

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    If it is necessary to close psychological distance with a dual, then if the dual in question refuses to close that distance then duality will never occur. In my experience, character disorders are the primary reason for this continued distance.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tcaudilllg View Post
    If it is necessary to close psychological distance with a dual, then if the dual in question refuses to close that distance then duality will never occur. In my experience, character disorders are the primary reason for this continued distance.
    that's poignant!

    "character disorders" peaks my interest especially -

    How is that different from personality dissorder NPD, BPD, etc...?

    -

    Regarding this topic I wrote my experience with a dual on a recent Delta thread (which was rather difficult & painful at the time) ... in which the long run shows the worth of the relationship ...even as distant friends ...

    IMO - the key is context --

    if you are in an easy context...sometimes dual doesn't matter as much

    in a dangerous environment... the importance of dual becomes obvious!

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    Everytime a dual relationship has failed for me its been in the very beginning of the relationship. After that point gets by, we usually get along fine.
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    Some duals stand out more than others. I prefer opposite sex duals though, get along with them better. I don't feel like I can 'Se' as much with the girls and feel more competition with them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    There seems to be a lot of talk about duality being the greatest thing. Of course it is a key thing of socionics and something most people with interest in socionics would aspire to it (a dual relation).

    However, people being people, I don't think it is a given that we will get on with all duals we meet.

    It would be interesting to hear some of the negative stories, maybe even to balance it out and here full side of things.

    I'd be interested if anyone would like to talk about duals they've met, interacted with irl where they've not got on, not clicked.

    Could be anything from lifestyle differences, personality differences, not noticing you or any other sort of issues.

    Well the duals that I have met and I have met many, really do find me physically attractive, so no problems there. The only problem is that I am a one man's kinda woman, so monogamous relationship is best for me, but my duals really enjoy a lot of women and so do not want to commit to me. The connection is incredible to say the least; they say what I am thinking and I say what they are thinking.

    They "don't notice me" at first (I suppose if they really were drunk they would have no problem in approaching me); they want me to approach them. At first this puzzled me, because I come from the tradition that men approach women, but once I learned that that was something that society thought us I quickly changed my game and got lots of positive results. I believe that when duals eventually network together, many of the learn societal rules will fall away because every dual pair has a different interaction requirement and we need to unlearn some of the “ideal” societal rules that we have learned.

    There hasn't been a single time that I have met a dual and not gotten along with them wonderfully.

    Another problem we had was an issue of trust; we both have similar need to trust and be proven that we can trust and so there is a little tension here. I have never been asked by a man to see my place, they want to see where I live on the first date, that is a little scary for a single woman in the city, but I found out that this is because they want to make sure that I don't live with anyone else, that they want to see for themselves that I am for real.

    To truly understand duality you have to look at it as an egg that has been split into two parts; the mind of one needs the other to complete it and they look different apart, but together they make a whole; sexually they are a complete match as well-as in they fit together physically perfectly like a whole
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 03-03-2010 at 05:36 PM.
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    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Well, I had an ESI girlfriend with Borderline Personality disorder. It wouldn't be exact to say that I didn't like her, but it was basically impossible to get along with her over an extended period of time.

    And eh, dunno, but most of the duals I have interacted one-on-one seem to kind of understand immediately that there's a potential sparkle between us. Sometimes I think that feeling types might not really need socionics to know who are their duals.
    Last edited by FDG; 03-03-2010 at 05:42 PM.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Well, I had an ESI girlfriend with Borderline Personality disorder. It wouldn't be exact to say that I didn't like her, but it was basically impossible to get along with her over an extended period of time.

    And eh, dunno, but most of the duals I have interacted one-on-one seem to kind of understand immediately that there's a potential sparkle between us. Sometimes I think that feeling types might not really need socionics to know who are their duals.
    if only that were true across the board...
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    there have been things that have bothered me about various duals. I still "liked" them, but was still bothered.

    Like a girl who had really low moral character. She'd use guys for rent money/gifts/trips, etc. And she'd "forget" she was in a relationship and hit on other guys within her boyfriends view, pissing him off. And then she'd kinda not care she made him mad.

    I met a couple of guys who said they were ISTps who were really feminine and complained a lot, like little princesses. I don't know if they were ISTps for sure, but it wasn't a vibe where I wanted to date them for sure. One interrupted me to tell me his back was a teeny bit sore. (weird).

    And there was a player guy who was an ISTp and his mannerisms made him look like he thought he was a stud, and it was a turnoff. He'd have a couple of girlfriends at a time, taking one on a trip, and the other out to dinner the next day. I didn't like that about him and didn't talk to him much because of that. He seemed really shifty/shady.

    I really liked another one, but he was really self-centered. It was all about him. His wife had just divorced him and I could kinda see why.

    And another guy was really nice but kind of boring. He didn't have any hobbies or interests and really just hung out w/ his mom and watched TV most of the time.

    My bf now is great, but he will say really offensive things sometimes without realizing how hurtful they are. Like "you're not special. You're just normal." Or "I wonder if I'm attracted to you still." (ouch). Or "you probably don't have cancer. I don't know why you're so worried about getting the results back." Or "If I tell her to stop hitting on me in front of you, it might make her feel awkward or uncomfortable." (uh, what about me?)

    So yeah, a lot of things aren't type related I am realizing
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    My bf now is great, but he will say really offensive things sometimes without realizing how hurtful they are. Like "you're not special. You're just normal." Or "I wonder if I'm attracted to you still." (ouch). Or "you probably don't have cancer. I don't know why you're so worried about getting the results back." Or "If I tell her to stop hitting on me in front of you, it might make her feel awkward or uncomfortable." (uh, what about me?)

    So yeah, a lot of things aren't type related I am realizing
    Agreed.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    My bf now is great, but he will say really offensive things sometimes without realizing how hurtful they are. Like "you're not special. You're just normal." Or "I wonder if I'm attracted to you still." (ouch). Or "you probably don't have cancer. I don't know why you're so worried about getting the results back." Or "If I tell her to stop hitting on me in front of you, it might make her feel awkward or uncomfortable." (uh, what about me?)
    LOL sometimes Fe PoLR is just hilarious hahaha
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Sometimes I think that feeling types might not really need socionics to know who are their duals.
    maybe because your duals are Fi leading types, immediate aware of the relationship.

    My dual the ESFp is at first more interested in how I look and dress. Though the sometimes seem to be attracted to introvertedness. The more autistic you look the more interesting you become.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    maybe because your duals are Fi leading types, immediate aware of the relationship.

    My dual the ESFp is at first more interested in how I look and dress. Though the sometimes seem to be attracted to introvertedness. The more autistic you look the more interesting you become.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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