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Thread: The 16 Types Adventures

  1. #41

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    Chapter 41: The Idea of Straight Porn

    Isha and Akra rang the door bell to Hitta's place. "I'm coming I'm coming" he said. He squirted cum all over his hands from the Meatholes scene where Ariana Jolee gets throat fucked. He was coming indeed. "Okay now the other coming" Hitta giggled. He waddled over to his living room. He opened the door, looked at Isha and Akra and started to drool.

    He could be so creepy, that Hitta. "Oooh lesbians" he said. "Sweet lesbians." He put his hands on Akra's boobs and squeezed them, all while making puerile HONK HONK noises. Both Isha and Akra just stared off into space all hypnotic like. They were completely possessed by Hitta's powers. "I'll be right back" he said.

    Hitta went to the fridge and got out some tortilla chips and dip. He shoved a bunch of chips in his mouth and then went back to the girls. "What seems to be the problem, officers?" he said while spitting chunks of chips on their faces. Man, this was so straight porn-like and hot, he thought.

    Hitta placed a chubby thumb on Isha's face. "Aww poor baby you got a lil food on your face. Here, let me wipe it off for you." But he crushed the crumbs with his thumbs and pressed down on Isha's cheeks as hard as he could instead. So hard Isha's cheek started to lose color.

    Hitta's erection grew. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy this is so hot. No fag can tell me that what I'm doing is wrong. People are so weak. Oooh raping girls is bad. Whatever, they like it" Hitta said.

    Meanwhile, up in the Realm of Ideas, Esther Hicks was fighting an Idea that called itself the Idea of Straight Porn. "I am that which created straight porn" the Idea said to all the other Ideas. "Prepare to meet your doom" The idea of hewlett packard computers swooped up and knocked him in the back. Esther shot out lightning bolts at both Ideas, only to get stabbed in the back by the Idea of Paris Hilton. The idea of Walmart cast an area of effect earth magic spell on all the other Ideas that stunned them for three seconds. But creepily enough, the Idea of Straight Porn was immune.

    "I'm the strongest Idea in America right now" it said. "Do you know how many people believe in me, how many excuses they give for me?" it said. "There is no stopping my legacy. Now get on your knees so I can throat fuck you all so hard you puke!" The Idea of Straight Porn said in a Lord Almighty-like tone.

    Back on earth,

    "It's just a game, it's just for fun, everybody likes rough sex" Hitta said, completely controlled by the Idea of Straight Porn. He grabbed a fistful of Isha and Akra's hair and smashed their heads together like coconuts. "God I want to use your brain juices for lube" he said excitedly. "This is so like, non-pc and breaking all the barriers and shit" he said. "Like fucking your grandma just because you can , being straight and white trash is HOT!"

    "Women like pain. They like bad boys. They can't get enough of it, they just won't admit it because of society" Hitta said. He pulled down his pants and shoved his three-inch penis inside Akra, who just hypnotically stared off in space. Hitta then gave a long, tiresome speech about how marriage was wrong. And nobody cared about it, because people know too many real-life examples of people that are in marriages and are happy.

    Back in the Realm of Ideas,

    The idea of gay porn looked at the idea of straight porn and sighed. The idea of gay porn knew that it was weaker, even many gay men would defend and stick up for the idea of straight porn. But like most power, it got out of hand. "There has to be more to life than just watching asian girls on couches being throat fucked upside down by Mr. Pete" the Idea of Gay Porn said.

    The Idea of Straight Porn laughed at the Idea of Gay Porn. "You dare challenge me? We all know only scared emo 14-year-old gay boys like your shit" it taunted. "Now go away before you get hurt, little fag."

    The Idea of Gay Porn knew what was going on earth at all times, just like all the other Ideas. It decide to trasmit its thought to....

    Gulanzon was sitting on a rock in Akliash. He was still missing the old Isha. A voice suddenly came into his head. "Isha and Akra are in trouble. Hitta, a man in Louisiana is raping them. You have to save them, go now!" it said. It was about to give Gulanzon an address too, but it was distracted by the Idea of Hot Sauce.

    Gulanzon turned into a cheetah and sprinted out of Mune Forest. He then turned into a Neon Serpent Ray, a type of epic beast that could easily fly through dimensions very quickly. Gulanzon somersaulted out of the gray-lit sky and looked around at his atmosphere. He had landed in a corn field in Louisiana. He turned into a cheetah and sprinted toward a suburban area.
    Last edited by BandD; 02-22-2010 at 04:57 AM.

  2. #42

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    Chapter 42: Systems Out


    The Fab Four were walking and talking in a neighborhood in Florida, near their old home that got blown up a few chapters ago. It was noon.

    "We kick evil ass, we bad!" Vero said with a little pep in her step.

    "That fight with Eckhart was pretty awesome" Dolphin said. She looked at Sam. "What now?'

    "Well, the outside world went from loathing us, to fearing us. Which buys us time to take out more baddies."

    "Your son, do you want to see him again?" Dolphin asked.

    Sam frowned. "Dolphin I know you mean well, but you're starting to sound like one of those overly idealized Lifetime tv friends. I mean who are we kidding. I'm not ready to be a father yet. I'm not ready for anything. I can barely take any action in life. It's like I'm sooo sensitive. You don't even know!"

    Sam sighed and shook his head. "And before you give me any advice, I've already tried everything. Therapy, 'just doing it.' Being brave. Living fully and varied and blech in the now like a good widdle enneagram 4 type." Sam threw his hands up in the air. "Nothing really works."

    "Must be some sort of psychic counterbalance of you simply being on earth, you know, your gay heroic ideal powers are really diluted. Earth is the most balanced dimension. But you're so 'out there' and magical and ideal that all forms of objective reality really bring your biomagnetic energy levels down" Dolphin said all smarty-pants like.

    "Yeah it's part of who I am, as core as my mage class. I wish I had another solution but I just don't. All I know how is to make up stories of ethical violations being....violated"

    "So we're back to fighting evil all the time?" Vero said.

    "It would help if we actually had money, or a PLACE TO FUCKING STAY" Steve said. The rest were shocked, Steve was usually chill and cool laid-back str8 man like, but he was pissed. "Newsflash, we're homeless!"

    "Sam. We know deep down you're a good guy. But being good is doing nothing for us, we're on the streets! We have no house" Steve continued.

    "Yeah we're like the Boxcar Children or something" Vero quipped.

    "Sam, stop being so idealistic. We have to get jobs and- fuck man, I don't know. We can't live like this" Steve said.

    Sam arched a brow at Steve. "Can we? The whole system is a trap and you know it. It's a carrot on a stick that you never catch. You can do everything yourself, without having to depend on strangers and people who don't subjectively care about you" Sam said. "Why pay a plumber when you can do it yourself? Why buy groceries when you can hunt food naturally? Why buy books and shit you don't need when you can find all the information yourself, by living your own life- and create creative shit all day? There is authority figures and certain powers preventing you from doing that, but we can just kick their asses now."

    "You're a writer. You can make money off of your work" Steve said.

    "No...." Sam said. "That isn't the way. If I want to be rewarded for being an artist, then I'm motivated for all the wrong reasons" Sam said. "And I refuse to take advantage of other people's money, even though they're all really slaves anyway - to make myself feel better. Then I'm no better than any Pure Demon we've fried."

    "Where the hell did you get these non-capitalist ideas from?" Dolphin said. "And normally I'm all for your heroic speeches but I think you're going too far here."

    "I'm not...." Sam sighed. "I couldn't even begin to understand something so complex as economics or capitalism. It's just, about being real you know. So real you get to the root of things without the middle man of money or governments. Nobody said it would be easy...." Sam realized that he and the others were heading toward a particularly dangerous latino area with a high crime rate.

    "You know what Sam? I think you're simply too chicken! You make all these excuses for why you can't just get a job and be a normal person. But you're really just a scared, introverted ******!" Steve said, trying to tap into Sam's primal masculine nature.

    Vero cleared her throat. "Steve has a point, Sam. How can you hope to do any good in the world by....walking straight toward a bunch of hot, homoerotic Latino dudes with their shirts off, carrying knives. Uh, Sam?"

    Sam raised his hands, ready to blow up the spics with magic. But he lowered them and sighed. He turned around. "These men right here, were all once a victim of the unfair system like I was" Sam said....

    "That doesn't give them the right to hurt other people!" Dolphin said. "Life isn't fair for anybody, but you deal with it!"

    "You're right" Sam said softly. He put his head down for a few seconds, then brought it back up. "But if we really want to save the world? Then we're just going to have to change it. What I'm going to do is pretty radical, but I need you guys to believe in me" Sam said.

    Dolphin rolled her eyes. "Of course. What do you want to do?"

    Sam took Steve and Dolphin and Vero's hands and teleported them to a nearby school. "Here's where it all begins" Sam said. Steve, Vero, and Dolphin looked at Sam with a puzzled expression on their faces, waiting for him to deliver an explanation.

    "If we destroy all the world's systems, people would be forced to deal with people's true selves, the good artistic emos wouldn't be taken advantage of, and bad people couldn't cover up their tracks with titles and their job and other enneagram 3-type bullshit. People wouldn't try to make themselves experts cause the world would just be like....a natural open shamanic field, as it really is anyway, and we couldn't all hide behind these walls and these institutions."

    Dolphin smiled. "I-I think it's a brilliant idea. But can we execute it?"

    "I don't know. All we can do is try. And there is a try. There isn't just a do. Yoda just said that to discourage people from really trying so they would do nothing with their lives but watch Star Trek movies and make George Lucas richer" Sam said.

    "Excuse me? Can I help you with something?" a tall, good-looking man in a blue suit said to the four heroes. He was the principal, or something.

    "Yeah, you can run" Sam said. Sam flicked his hands and began burning up those cheesy 'there's no I in team posters' He smirked at the man.

    Steve began using his gladiator powers and punched through the walls, with his superhuman straight man strength.

    Vero and Dolphin used a combination of lighting, water, and fire magic up on the pipe lines in the building and started a whole bunch of fires and floods.

    "This is what the columbine boys SHOULD have done" Sam realized. "They took their hate on the people, but the problem really wasn't the people. It was the systems."

    "Don't shoot the souls" Vero said, channeling so much electricity that the ceiling was about to fall. "Shoot the box."

    Sam nodded. "I'll make sure the others get to safety while we tear down the whole school. I...." Sam was speechless. "You guys are really going along with this. You know, you guys still have free will. I'm just, if you still want to-"

    Dolphin sighed. "Just go. Help them."

  3. #43

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    Chapter 43: The Dark Sam And Zombie Miley Show

    Previously....

    Because Sam killed human beings, a portal appeared. Something stepped out of the swirly magical vortex. Some place in the Sahara desert. Dark Sam looked down at the bones of Miley Cyrus. He was mostly naked, but wore tattered black tribal cloths that covered up his naughty parts. He also held a staff in his right hand, with a rat's skull for the tip.

    "Good Sam is a Rainbow Mage, but guess what I am?" Dark Sam waved his staff and Miley Cyrus was brought back to life. He looked at her with a satisfied smirk. "Necromancer."



    Dark Sam and Miley Cyrus were walking together in the Sahara desert, side-by-side.

    "I'm....I'm alive again" Miley smirked. Although her complexion was....paler. She had a sort of zombie tint to her whole aura and skin tone.

    "You're not really you. You are YOU but not... you lack that certain glow feel. Like driving in your car at 4 am just for the hell of it, that certain you know. Alive-ness. Because you're just a re-animated corpse. You have some sense of you, but you lack the artistic eclipse of the Yeargs" Dark Sam said.

    Miley blinked. "Yeah whatever. Listen buddy, you've been all moody and introverted this entire time. I've been trying to read your Social Imprint and I just can't. Is this because I came back kind of funny or because you're just weird? Or because you have some sort of power over me that I'm not down with?" Miley Cyrus said, scrunching her face up in that sort of judgemental way that she does.

    "It couldn't be all of the above?" Dark Sam said with a wink.

    "Well at least you're evil now. I mean I know you're not THAT Sam. I'm not that stupid. But you know, I'd like to think you're the real Sam cause you seem kind of cooler than him anyway. I guess. Can we go back to my trailer now. What am I doing! I'm Miley Cyrus! I don't ask permission from anybody! Unless.... you can help me with my new album?"

    Dark Sam nodded. "Face it sweetcheeks, you're getting too soft. The world needs to see a darker more serious side of you. You're growing older now and if you don't pretend to show other emotions than just shiny happy crap then people won't like you and you'll lose your power."

    Miley Cyrus nodded. "Yeah I don't really give a shit about feelings, of course. I just want power. But it wasn't my fault you know. I was born into this life! I didn't ask for this. I'm a victim here too, you know!" Miley said. Her eyes looked kinda lost and scary and like she was looking for something she could never find. "Gay men with no life or job write me off as this spoiled girl but the truth is....I'm in pain. You know. I have feelings too. I just ugh... I just don't let them GET to me and I just GET ON WITH MY LIFE and I don't stay all STUCK about it like SOME people we know. Ya feel me dude?"

    Dark Sam had cartoony ZZZZZs over his head, clearly showing he was not paying attention to Miley's emo-ness. "Yeah whatever babe."

    Miley remembered something. "Oh god I'm so dumb. Hehe, I can just teleport us outta here. I stole this ******'s teleportation power, in my old life. I can just woosh us back to Hollywood. And then I guess we can talk shop about how to rule the world in my studio. A place much more comfy and much less....sandy. God Sandy what a horrid name. I feel sorry for girls that are named Sandy. I think I'll write a song about that, pretending to have empathy for 12-year-old girls named Sandy. Telling them how they have to just keep trying while I spend my $25 million a year doing whatever the fuck I want in life."

    Sam nodded, circling his thumb over the head of his staff. "They're so naive. They think you really relate to the younger generation but what can a woman who makes $25 million a year possibly have in common with a girl whose parents who are lucky to make $60 grand a year. I mean come on now. People talk about we Sams not being realistic enough, but how much more realistic can one get?"

    "The world is so gullible. It's almost too easy, you know. Sometimes I want a challenge, but the good guys aren't really known for well... being good. They seem to get off on being stomped over all the time. Weirdos! I want...another new house somewhere. Five of them! Yaay!"

    Miley Cyrus took Dark Sam's hands and in a whirl of wind magic, carried them back to her trailer.

    Dark Sam looked around Miley's trailer and scratched his chin. "You are going to make an interesting protege, indeed."

    "Protowhat? Dude, I'm sixteen and can read people very well, but I'm too actress-like outgoing and LIVE FULLY-like to use those introverted-y book-like words. You need to just party and get laid sometimes dude, woohoo! And then have enough general knowledge to make a song everybody likes and then use that money to do whatever the hell you want yeaaah!"

    "Yeah okay. We get it. You're a selfish, evil bitch. With complicated, diva-like layers that I don't really give a fuck about."

    Miley twirled around and walked over to her bed, swooping up a white teddy bear. Mr. Puddles, she called it. "I guess I'm just lucky. Hollywood is an interesting life. You have to have a thick skin to make it in this business! Not for shy gay boys that are too sensitive."

    "Yeah yeah but you're.... you're not really interested in true darkness, true destruction. It's a pity. You will however, make a good pawn." Dark Sam chuckled. "The puzzle piece you fit isn't nearly as big as you think it is, but your ego is interesting."

    "Eep! You're insightful like the old Sam but you're also actually intimidating. Just cause you raised me, doesn't mean I can't kill you!" But it was like some other-worldly force was preventing Miley Cyrus from kicking Dark Sam's ass. "Darnit. Can't."

    "Why would you harm me? I'm the reason you exist, again. Cause you're you, okay not totally you, but I still have power over you. And hello? Billy Ray Cyrus is your dad. Daddy issues much. A part of you gets off on this thing."

    "But I am NOT REALLY FULLY ME SO YOU DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH POWERRR!" Miley said. She then stuck her tongue out at Sam. "When the REAL Miley gets back, the right pure way, the way I know how everybody gets back then - ooh you're gonna be DEAD MEAT mister!"

    "God. Teenage girls." Dark Sam sighed. "Well, here's the deal. You're just one member of my army, like I said before. It's what I do. I'm a Necromancer. I bring the dead back. And together, we feed on the living. Delicious, crunchy human brains." Dark Sam put his head down for a moment, then raised it back up again. Looking at Miley directly in her star-struck eyes. "I suppose it's too simple for you. But not everything is about you, damnit!"

    "I'm not into snacking on brains. 'Cept for some reason I am, cause I am a zombie now. Icky. But also, you know whatev. I'm *still* Miley, just in a different way. And well sometimes you just gotta enjoy the ride you know. This is what they taught me to be like when somebody tries to act like they actually can hurt my feelings or have power over me" Miley said.

    "You're being dominated by an evil Necromancer and yet you still retain your inner strength. Classy" Dark Sam sighed. He then had enough and punched her so hard with his staff that she got knocked out. "Now then, let's see what we can do about that?" Of course she had that smile on her face even when she got knocked unconscious, although for one precious moment you saw that tint of teary sadness in her eyes the way women do when they have lots of pain but have to be strong for the world.

    This entertained and amused Dark Sam. Because while Good Sam was a heroic supporter of all women's rights, Dark Sam was a sick and twisted misogynist and the line between them can indeed blur. It's Sam's shadow after all. The good Sam loves women and gays and wants to protect them, but the evil Sam hates all weakness and emotion in everybody.

    "What's the problem with women being in power?" Dark Sam said while shoving three digits in unconscious' Miley's rectum. Of course it was one of those Hollywood asses and Miley's butt never smelled bad the way midwestern people's butts do. "Let's count three ways...."

  4. #44

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    Chapter 44: Go, Go Gulanzon!


    Gulanzon clawed down the door to Hitta's place while in Cat Form (for World of Warcraft-ness) and saw Hitta there in his living room, fucking Isha's brains out. Almost literally, cept he was putting his dick in her ear. Ew.

    The protective heroic manly instincts fired up in Gulanzon and he turned into a bear. Raging, he tackled hitta to the ground and mauled his neck.

    Gulanzon stepped back. You feel like a God after you kill a human, then you feel kind of bad.

    "Oh god it's bad..." Gulanzon poofed into his Fairy Form and used a bunch of powerful Healing-Over-Time spells to shape Isha up, but it was too late for Akra. She had been dead for too long.

    "She's dead....she didn't make it. My lover. First you lost me, now I lost her. Is this all there is, loss?" Isha said, that innocent little girl way of wanting there be more to life than hospital stays and trips to the therapy office, and lost magical world with no external support. "I mean, cripes. Jesus fucking cripes." Gulanzon changed back into regular human form and just held her.

    "I'm sorry. I guess, I wanted to be just this with you this way. Just your friend." He kissed her forehead. "Not your husband or somebody who's pissed at you cause you're Gay Now. I just want to be your friend."

    "Oh would you two stop being emo all ready?" Akra said from the doorway. She was wearing this sort of fourth-of-july get-up and looked similar to Jubilee from the X-men. Her hair was tied up into a ponytail. She was different, now. She wasn't a buffer class but instead a pure damage dealing class.

    Isha smiled. "That's my girl. Akra was stronger than most people realize. Even while she was possessed, she still died knowing who she was. That's why her Idea brought her back already."

    Akra looked down at Hitta's body but he was already dead. She saw the huge bear-like teeth marks in Hitta's neck. Akra stared Gulanzon down hatefully.

    "No! I-I was supposed to be the one that killed him, not you! It was supposed to be a women power message but ugh you ruined it. A straight man saved us once again. What the fuck is with that shit?" Akra was heated.

    Akra waved her hands and with sparkly yellow magic she burst up Hitta's corpse in flames. But it just wasn't the same. She needed to see life before she made death.

    Gulanzon cleared his throat. "Hitta was....misguided. He had powers, and he used them for evil but I don't think - I mean God knows, I'm not making any excuses for him but.... if you let revenge destroy you you'll only destroy yourself too, and I'm not....getting through here, am I?"

    "She just got raped, Gulanzon. For real. I'm not sure you can just get over that! She wants revenge, but the target of her revenge is already down, but she still needs to kill. She's human. She needs to kill. Why not just let her kill?" Isha said, although she wasn't quite sure of what to believe in or what to do about all this yet.

    Akra shook her head. "This is all Sam's fault" she said.

    "Whoa.... Sam? How is this his fault?" Isha said. "He wasn't the one who raped you."

    "It was Sam who inspired me to fight evil in the first place, it was because of him I learned about the Ideas. He could have stopped Hitta but he's too busy trying to fix the world that people like me get caught in the crossfire. I don't think so. He's gotten too powerful, he needs to be taken down. Something about this just feels right to me. Another Idea I know, but I have to listen to it."

    Isha frowned. "I don't think that's the way honey. I don't-" Akra shot out two yellow lightning bolts at Gulanzon and Isha, knocking them both down.

    Isha brought herself back up on both feet with gentle wind magic. "Enough! It's only an IDEA you have in your head that Sam's the bad guy but that's not really Sam. Or you. That's the Ideas. Akra, you're playing right into the hands of the Ideas. You need to-" But she wasn't listening. Akra turned around and blew up the wall with mojo and went out into the hole she made.

    "Must....kill....Sam"

    "Aren't we going to play the good guys and go after her?" Isha said. "I mean, Sam can't die. Can he? Should he? Those are all questions I guess we need to ask ourselves. He really wants to save the world but everytime he does well, shit like this happens."

    "He's on the right track, other people just don't realize it. At least that's what I want to believe. Look, Akra just needs some time to cool down. We need to search this place, discover what made Hitta do something so disgusting" Gulanzon said.

    Isha nodded. She searched his computer and not surprisingly found a whole truckload of rough, abusive straight porn. "This is yuck. But everybody does excuse it, you know. The Idea of it is too strong to really change people's minds about it. Even if it is wrong and damaging. You know?" She shook her head.

    Gulanzon blinked. "The Idea of Straight Porn, it's responsible for this. But I wonder, where do Ideas come from? Where do they originate? The source of Ideas or are they just these pure things that have always been here, making them so big and scary with infinite hit points that we can't ever hope to-"

    Isha shook her head and held up her hand, stopping Gulanzon from going on a nerdy tangent. "I don't believe that. We killed Abr-"

    "But! You thinking about him, just resurrects his own form in the Realm of Ideas. Right? Abraham is back. Probably weak enough to not really be a threat but if he gathers more power one day..." Gulanzon sighed. "It never ends, fighting evil is a 24/7 job. Every second, every thought."

    Isha kind of half-smiled at Gulanzon. "Yeah but, I mean we still kicked ass okay. We prevented his Death Knight-form from destroying the world. We still do good, sometimes. Damnit. I refuse to believe that everything is dark, all the time. Let him be up in the clouds, who cares- he's not down here where he can actually hurt anybody. He can only try to persuade and taunt them. And it might be *eons* before Abraham is strong enough to attack again, anyway."

    In the midst of all the cruel male fantasy, Isha found something interesting. "Heh. You know, the poor sod actually wanted to better himself." She threw something at Gulanzon for him to look at. "Here are some wrinkled up old manuals to Weight Watchers and 'healthy living.' He wanted to work out more, get out of his white trash community. A part of him truly wanted that, the more Sun-Light part of Hitta. The whole thing just never took. It's just, I don't know whose fault it is. The Idea of Straight Porn I guess is the one to blame, but Hitta was susceptible to the Idea himself. But how much of it is Hitta fault the way he was? It's like whose fault is it?" Isha said.

    "Yeah and it's like what we learned before, from Sigma. You try to kill this part of Hitta, the other part of Hitta also gets destroyed, the loveable goofy good-natured one that really wants to improve himself and the lives of others. I know Akra knows that."

    Isha frowned. "Let's not get all. I mean, he still raped me. I'm not anybody's god. I'm just a girl trying to do what's right. And if Hitta wanted to redeem himself just wanting isn't good enough. He should have taken more action." She sighed. "God there isn't anything to do in white trash towns like these BUT wank at pictures of girls getting throat fucked."

    Isha rubbed her temples. "Okay, I think we're done here. This place....I want to get out of here" Isha said. "And go back to what we were trying to figure out before Hitta decided to make us his sex slaves: Who the hell summoned that Clear Dragon."

    "I will help" Gulanzon said.

  5. #45

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    Chapter 45: Sam, The Hypocritical Homo - Part I

    Sam, Vero, Dolphin and Steve were once again standing in the school's main hallway, although they had been to every floor and every room of the school, evacuating everybody to safety while destroying the building with their powers.

    The school was just about totalled now. There was a bunch of news cameras going on reporting what happened. Barbara Walters, John Stossel, Connie Chung, and Diane Sawyer were all there in that shrew-ish judgmental way, getting off on other people's fears the way journalists do. Sam and the others were too tired to figure out who was a Pure Demon and who was a Half-Demon amongst them, but at this point it did not matter. But before they could ask Sam a truckload of questions, he decided to take matters into his own hands.

    Sam just confidently looked into the cameras. "You left us no choice, we had to do this - it's for your own good, you can't hide between these walls any longer. You are forced to deal with each other's subjective fears. I tried to tell you guys who I really was on the inside, but you didn't believe me. I tried to lie and tell you what you wanted to hear, and you still hated who I was. You didn't listen to me, and you don't listen to each other."

    A chubby kid with shaggy blonde hair crawled out from the corner and looked at Sam. You know that type that's sort of the schoolyard bully but is also kind of self-aware enough to know better. He accidentally got injured during all the commotion. His legs were on fire. Dolphin cast Flow on them, putting the fire out. There might be internal bleeding, and he could die. None of the heroes could heal magically anymore, however. Sam had empathy for the kid, sure he could come back again via his own Idea, but Sam still felt a little guilty. But the boy clearly didn't want anybody's sympathy.

    He looked confident and gangsta, with a lot of street smarts. "If you really want to get rid of the systems, isn't your home yet another system?" the kid said. "You can destroy places like this but the truth is you are just as institutionalized sitting on your home in front of the computer" he said with a smug smirk. Dolphin and Vero tried to tend to his wounds mechanically, wrapping up his legs in brown bandages they found in the nurse's office.

    Sam looked at the others and frowned. "He's right. If we really want to do this then we can't be a hypocrite. We have to also take down the systems that we agree with. If I want other people to deal with my internal realms then I have to deal with other people's too."

    "Systems make people feel safe Sam, there has to be another way....." Vero said.

    "Real magic is more potent. It would bust through again anyway" Sam said with a sigh. "We can't give up now. We've come too far."

    Sam saw a bunch of security guys surround them. There was a time when Sam would be intimidated and afraid to show these guys eye contact, just cause they were masculine and threatening. But not this time. And Sam knew if he tried to reason with them, they wouldn't listen. So the following speech was given more to boost up the morale of his *own* troops.

    "You know arresting us isn't going to do anything. We'll just come back, you know you can't just keep using external force to cover up the things in your life that you'd not rather deal with. Like the fact that women have power, gays exist and some of us have power too and you well,....you're just straight men. You're too weak to go into those emo realms so you just create more physical barriers. They're still there, just because you have a tough skin it doesn't matter."

    Steve smiled. Even though he was a straight guy himself, he still admired Sam's courage and over-all philosophy.

    "Do you think anybody gives a shit that you're gay?" one of the dudes said, punching Sam in the stomach.

    Dolphin stood up. "Hey! There's no need to do that. I hate how ASSHOLES are attracted to positions like yours. That is what is wrong with the world! People who don't have power, should have it, and people who shouldn't are drawn to it like Usagi is to donuts!"
    Everybody but Sam just blinked at that, cause they didn't understand Sailor Moon references.

    Dolphin's eyes glowed and she looked bad-ass. "Leave him alone!" Dolphin raised her arms and cast two strong gusts of Water on the guards chest, knocking them back into beaten-up lockers.

    Vero nodded. "We haven't gotten violent with anybody here, except that um one accident. We're just damaging things."

    The men just looked each other and then ran in the other direction.

    "The time for magic is now" Sam said sternly with his friends by his side.

    Suddenly, the main doors to the school were completely blown up, more so than they already were. When the smoke cleared, you could see Akra. Standing there with her arms folded. "No, I believe the time for kicking your ass is now."

    One of the security dudes that decided to stay back just looked at Sam and laughed. "Ha! One of your own kind will deal with you scum."

    Connie Chung, John Stossel, Barbara Walters and Diane Sawyer just observed all of this from the distance with their little notepads, feeling in awe and revitalized.

    "This is a damn good story" Diane Sawyer said.
    Last edited by BandD; 03-04-2010 at 10:15 PM.

  6. #46

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    Chapter 46: Sam, The Hypocritical Homo - Part II

    Akra approached Sam. Sam tried to punch her, but she grabbed his fists and punched him instead. He tried to do the same thing with his other arm, but she grabbed it and punched him yet again. This time so hard he went flying down on the ground.

    Dolphin and Vero tried to cast a lightning bolt and water bolt on Akra from opposite directions, but she raised her hands and exploded the projectiles, and froze them in mid-air. She then created a conflicting force field with the two opposing elements by humming (a left over remnant from her Songstress days) and drawing her hands together in a prayer, and when she opened her arms she sent a large shock radius that knocked Dolphin and Vero back against the walls.

    Steve ran up and tried to fight Akra, but she was too heated. She blocked all of his attacks. And finally high kicked Steve so hard, breaking his jaw. With no healer in the group it would be at least two weeks before it felt better. Steve retreated.

    "Akra....you're strong now. I mean, you were always strong but. WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING US?" Sam said.

    "Hitta raped me and Isha" Akra said. "Used his mind controlling power against us. Weren't you supposed to I don't know, tell him not to do it?"

    "We c-can't have control over the whole universe. We can just only try....I'm sorry, Akra" Sam said.

    "The disgusting fucker throat fucked me so hard that I couldn't breathe, for real. I passed out and died on his carpet."

    Sam gulped. "Akra...I-I'm sorry. I knew Hitta was into that stuff, I didn't think he would actually you know, act on it. Akra, listen. It was wrong what hitta did. Just plain wrong and I-I don't know what...."

    Suddenly, Sam heard another Idea. Only this time, it chose to speak itself to all of them. "Oh get off it ******. You are turned on by the SAME EXACT thing Hitta is. Do your little friends know that?"

    Sam just stood there. "Well, I...."

    "You like real pain, you get off on it, how far you can see the men go with the women. How far they can break them and get away with it. To you it's sometimes more homoerotic and hot then when two men go at it. Do they know that?"

    Sam looked at his friends and stepped back. He had a red face. "Stop it, just stop!"

    "And this is the world's hero? A man who can't even get a job or go outside for more than ten minutes without being drained, who is attracted to violent porn on the internet. You preach against Hitta for the very same thing you like to do, you hypocrite. I wonder what Vero and Dolphin think of you now? And I wonder what those gay boys think, the ones you're supposed to be saving? Because you still think that in order to be strong you have to be straight, your speeches are just a bravado to mask the truth."

    "That isn't me. I don't actually want to do those things!" Sam clenched up his fists and slouched his back against a locker.

    "Yes you do. Just like your little bisexual butt buddy John from Starr Commonwealth. You really think that gay power, in it's most manliest form, is seeing women abused and degraded. This is the really you, beyond all your shiny ideals and gay happy crap."

    Sam, disgusted with himself ran out of the school and started crying.

    Dolphin called out after Sam but didn't go after him yet. "Sam, it's okay. I mean, everybody likes bad boys you know and well, I mean. I don't think. Sam never actually hurt a woman before!" Dolphin said, frustrated with the Ideas. "You're just....taunting him. Making him feel bad about himself. Hello! How are you helping in any way?" Dolphin said to the Idea.

    "It's an Idea, I don't think it cares. It only cares that.....it's pure form is realized, at the expense of all other reality" Steve said.

    Vero put her head down. "I guess, it isn't so simple. If Sam was just this 100% passive little gay man it wouldn't be as interesting, or worth fighting for. His own shadow, his-"

    Steve put his hand up, as if correcting Vero about something. "But that's just it. It isn't Sam's shadow. I don't think he views it like that, or that he can minimize it like that by labeling it his Shadow, as if the thoughts are dark and thus 'less than' than all his other thoughts. I think he's freaked out that it actually might be his real self. You know?" Steve said. "Poor thing, he already had to deal with the fact he wasn't a healer, and now this."

    "I guess we've all just agreed and accepted the Idea of Straight Porn, you know?" Dolphin said frowning. "But so what? I mean....he can't let this demoralize him. He's just not a person that likes that stuff, there's more to him than that, there was more to Hitta than that" Dolphin said. "And should we really care what turns Sam on or be embarrassed by it?" she added.

    Or maybe he's just afraid he can't really be a man and take girls, the way they really want? another Idea said.

    More Ideas just kept talking. More thoughts, more conflicting thoughts just kept trying to get a hold of the heroes.

    "Stop it okay. You're just thoughts, just ideas. You're not reality. Sam isn't going out and abusing women or throat fucking them or anything like that. He's not doing that to men, either. He's dealing with something huge, and this will make him stronger in the end, and none of you guys can deal with that, cause he's on to each and every one of you!" Dolphin said.

    The Ideas retreated for a time. And there was just that clear thing, where you just listened to how objective reality was with no ideal attachments. It was that stench of human understanding. And the egoic fog departed and for a time, everybody looked like.... they were one family (John Stossel looked like everybody's daddy with that big-ass stache), but it didn't last very long.

    Akra shook her head. "He must pay. You really want somebody like this in charge?" Akra said. "Come on. He just admitted it, he really wanted me to be raped and the sicko probably got aroused off me telling him what happened."

    "No, he didn't. I mean you can't know that" Vero said. "I think you're going after the wrong guy here. Sam might have those urges but thoughts can't hurt-" Vero knew that it wasn't so simple, cause the Ideas after all, were *everything.* "The main mission still stands, we shouldn't hurt each other. We should hurt the systems."

    Sam stepped up to his friends again, the way you do after you have a really good cry. "You're right. I'm really the bad guy." He flicked his hands and destroyed Akra from the inside out.

    Sam watched Akra burn and explode in flames. "There's no way to convince you how sorry I am, other than you know- killing you."

    Dolphin frowned. Steve just sort of gasped at that, and Vero sighed.

    "I'm sorry. I had to....." Sam fainted.

    "He's been using too much magic....." Dolphin said. "Akra, she's well - yeah - she's dead. Again. But we all know that death isn't the end. Sam's just....this is how he has to deal with her right now."

    "You really do love Sam, don't you?" Steve said to Dolphin.

    Dolphin looked down at Sam and cradled him into her arms. "Yeah...." She then sort of dropped him and let his head hang back on her knee. Knowing she's kind of silly for wanting to mommy Sam at times, and that he will be a brave little gay man and get through this himself and stand on his own again, one day. "But let's not get. I mean. I know I'm biased or whatever. But I do like Sam. And Hitta. Actually more than I liked Akra and well....I don't know. I just don't know. If that has to do with my woman self-hatred issues or what, and well facing all these things are what we have to face if we really want to save the world."

    Vero sighed. "I think we're done here. Before we go deeper into our journey, I really think we need to check on how Baby Eldanen is doing" she said. And with that, she teleported the heroes out of the school and into Sigma's place.

    Of course, Diane Saywer and co. told the outside world the version that they wanted to tell.

    2 Days Later...

    It was 3 oclock in the morning. The school was completely abandoned. Dark Sam looked around at all the rubble. There was a sense of peace here. That in a way, Sam brought peace to others and they didn't even know it yet. They would never really thank him, and Dark Sam knew the other Sam would actually be okay with that.

    Zombie Miley Cyrus walked behind Dark Sam.

    Dark Sam made a motion with his staff, and raised Akra. "Yes master, I will do your bidding" Zombie Akra said as soon as her corpse was revived.

    "That's it, you're just a slave, a pawn of men and our twisted ideas, and don't you forget it- you stupid bitch" Dark Sam said. He looked around for other corpses to raise but there wasn't any. That one boy lived after all.

    Miley Cyrus looked at Akra and slapped her the way they do in those bisexual porn videos where they have one female and one male dominating another woman. "That's right bitch, we're raising an army. And all you are is just one small puzzle piece. Sam is the master."
    Last edited by BandD; 03-10-2010 at 09:01 PM.

  7. #47

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    Chapter 47: Baby's First Idea

    The heroes were all standing in front of Sigma's place. "I remember as a kid, I just always kept to myself, I didn't verbalize anything. I was just in my head. I always....dealt with inner realms" Sam said to Dolphin.

    Vero was about to knock on the door, but just blew it up with lightning magic instead.

    "It's okay" Dolphin said. "You saw the unseen, the way all little magical fairy gay INFps do" she said.

    "It's all coming back to me now, why I got the way I did. I made so many mistakes without realizing it, took the easy way out so many times, just avoiding....facing shit" Sam said.

    "We'll figure it out eventually, let's just....I don't know. My brain hurts" Dolphin said. "Don't be so hard on yourself!"

    Sam, Vero, Steve and Dolphin approached Sigma who had baby Eldanen on his lap and was playing patty-cake with him.

    "Do we have to recap why he teleported himself to you, or have you already heard what happened?" Steve said.

    "I already know. I am sorry the whole plan with the house didn't take, grasshoppas" Sigma said.

    "We can't go back home anymore" Sam said, making a direct reference to Plato's allegory of the cave. "To any home. We have to take away the homes of everybody else- as they are a system people are trapped in" Sam said.

    "Sounds pretty rash" Sigma said, bobbing Eldanen up and down with his knee.

    Sam sighed. "I had a revelation. You know this whole thing isn't just about fighting evil. It's about-"

    "Say power and I bite you" Vero said.

    "It's about something greater than evil, greater than good. Greater than strength. This is about what's right. It's just- the *right* thing to do" Sam pleaded. "And I know everybody else feels it too deep down, they're just afraid."

    "The Idea of Rightness hmmmm" Sigma scratched his head. "Looks like that's the angle you're coming from here...."

    "Without my ideas, then who am I?" Sam said. "It's like I cease to exist and it's just.....stuff. Is that the correct way either?" Sam said. "It seems like escapism."

    "And what's so wrong with escapism?" Sigma said. "Really?"

    "Do you really want to just.....blow up everybody's house. I don't think you guys have that much power, anyway" Sigma said. "Even when you take your recent class upgrades into consideration."

    "You're just a middle class white boy loser who needs to get laid and do what he wants and enjoy life" another Idea spoke to them.

    "Ah, see what I mean. The Ideas, they're all getting stronger. As if something is brewing, something big is about to go down" Sam said. "And it's like, I don't think the good guys are defined by being the ones that get attacked first."

    "You have no ego so you know the ego of all others. It's a terrible burden" Sigma said to Sam. "And also of course, a tremendous gift."

    Sam rolled his eyes. "I don't need 'upliftment.' We need real answers here. What are we supposed to do next?' Sam looked out the window for a moment, the sky was overcast in gray clouds and things felt pretty epic and heavy.

    Sigma just shrugged, lovingly and distantly like the fucking annoying introverted monk that he was. "That, is really up to you. And whatever Idea you choose to listen to."

    Sam thought for a second. "The bad guys understand the Ideas just as well as we do, if not better. The governments of the world aren't going to try to kill us, they know better than that. The are just going to try to psychologically demoralize us instead. Weakening the own Idea of us in the process. So, when we do die, we'll be so weakened and emo that we'll come back as a roll of toilet paper or something."

    "Well just think about it. Only what we know is manifested. What we don't know exists as well, it just has not been invoked. That is why Eldanen is so precious, remember? He can summon things nobody has even thought before. In fact, I gave him a tonic to help rush the growth of his powers along" Sigma said.

    Baby Eldanen's eyes suddenly glowed red. And Baby Eldanen disappeared off of Sigma's lap, and regular 20-something Eldanen materialized before the heroes. The same Eldanen in the first three chapters that got killed by Miley Cyrus, only this time as a Summoner, not a Warlock.

    (When Eldanen popped up on Sigma's lap in adult form he made Sigma get an involuntarily erection that he would spend about two weeks meditating and being emo over.)

    "Oh....wow!" Eldanen said in that southern gay twang that he speaks in. "Hey everybody!"

    Sam blinked. "I just knew you were going to do the whole Soap Opera thing" he said.

    Dolphin was amazed. "Baby Eldanen was so strong....he summoned another Idea of himself. An older version of himself that's strong enough to fight for himself." She scratched her chin. "It makes perfect sense that Eldanen's first Idea would be well, Eldanen!"

    Steve nodded. "Yeah, he can't really do much to help as a baby."

    "I'm not just gonna fight for me" Eldanen said. "My own dark side was that I was always too selfish. I knew the right answers but I didn't reach out and help others enough for fear of getting hurt. But that's all about to change. You guys need Ideas? I gots them."

    Eldanen suddenly snapped his fingers and summoned three Drag queen-esque looking Ideas that wielded long knives. They all looked so magnificently unique, like one idea was chubby with a purple scarf around its neck that had red jewel bits on its head. It had blue beady eyes and a sort of half-translucent, half-creamy face. The other idea was taller with a shaper, angular face. Its body was mostly yellow with blue spots that ballooned up like nipples. The third Idea looked the most 'human' and had flowing silver hair and pure white eyes with the brightness of about a 70-watt lightbulb. It also had a sort of Dragon's tail that curled up into a bun at the end.

    "With me, y'all should have enough power to destroy all systems of the world" Eldanen said.

    Sam looked at Eldanen with a huge grin, then back at Steve and Vero and Dolphin. "Let's do it" Sam said.
    Last edited by BandD; 03-10-2010 at 09:00 PM.

  8. #48

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    Chapter 48: The Normals

    There are Half-Demons, Pure Demons, and regular humans with no powers that are basely empathetic, that just do whatever what anybody else says. And of course, there are the Ideas. But, there is one more group of beings called the Normals, those people sort of stuck between knowing somewhat about magic, but still choosing to enjoy the manifestation of other people's creations without really making much of their own. They are your middle class suburban families.

    They are submissive enough to do their schoolwork and know about psychological realms, but they mainly advocate for going along with the 'status quo' (as if such a thing really exists) But whatever judgment we may have about them, they exist. They know better, at times, but they physically orientated themselves in ways that lets evil reign supreme over all.

    It was a Wednesday afternoon. Joe Normal walked into his house, 1308 Oak Street after going to work. He picked up the mail, wiped his shoes on the doormat. Ate dinner, talked a little bit about politics (mostly saying 'THE ECONOMY' without really knowing what he was talking about), chuckled at sitcoms designed for white trash people to laugh at, went to bed- got a blowjob from his wife and went to sleep.

    It was the perfect balance of creation and consumption with no real life. But it was more insidious than that. As anything Joe created, he created truly FOR ANOTHER. And everything he consumed, somebody else had already made. He was so boring, so bland so blah, and so banal, but he also didn't care, and sort of wore this as a badge.

    He could never bring himself to just like, write a story on the internet for it's own fun sake. (Helping yourself and the world at the same time with pure gay magic) That would be too weird for them. Nope, might as well play by the rules!

    They longed for more excitement in life. Sometimes Joe would jack off into the forest. Sometimes his wife Mary would laugh at those spam emails with mainstream jokes that are designed for middle-aged heterosexual people with an average IQ of 70-something to laugh at and have no real intellectual depth whatsoever.

    Of course there was those tv shows with people that were 'special' that also longed for a normal life, and they sucked this shit up like candy but the people who made these shows only wanted them to buy the DVDs when they came out. They also tend to ignore their son Johnny when he had emotional issues. "I'll buy him a Nintendo DS! That will help him!" they think. Also when little Johnny stood up to them they called over authority figures that tried to intimidate him to keep him in line, because they were afraid of his own power.

    "You're just like everybody else!, so stop complaining" they would tell Johnny, when he clearly was NOT like everybody else.

    (Of course, bands like Savage Garden says things like 'Your parents did the best job they knew how to do' in their songs because they want Johnny's parents to go to the store and buy their CDs, so they try to place guilt trips on Johnny and blame the victim when really they need to do the right thing and stand up to this insanity.)

    14-year-old Johnny was a magical kid stuck with the Normals and nobody understood him. His power was very great, as he gave birth to new Ideas! Summoners bring the Ideas to reality, but Johnny was the one who manifested Ideas in the first place. To say we all have this power is mistaken, as we might have it to varying degrees but it was Johnny's entire class. Some of us are heroes, but he was the reason that heroes existed. He was the reason why we do what we do. The notion of innocence.

    Johnny prayed every night, not knowing that when he prayed- his prayers were being answered. "I want two cute gay men to save me from my parents who are too weak and insecure to stand up to the narcissists who control them" he said. "I just want... I guess the Idea I'm looking for, is the idea of my own salvation. Purely and simple. Amen" Johnny said.

    Then one day, while Joe Normal, Mary Normal and Johnny Normal were eating breakfast, the window in the kitchen burst open.

    Joe Normal hid under the table because he had no balls and Mary Normal just stood there shaking. A few glass shards had pierced into her skin, but she would be okay.

    "I'm sorry but this is for your own good. The life you're living isn't a life. It's a stale, hollow carcass of a life. AND YOU BLOODY KNOW IT DEEP DOWN SO DON'T JUST SAY THIS IS MY OPINION" Sam said. Dolphin, Steve, Vero and Eldanen were behind him cheering him on.

    "I'm doing this cause I really care. I want nothing from you, other than for you to be truly empowered" Sam said. Dolphin had cartoony sailor moon anime heart-eyes at Sam, he could be so brave. Sam looked across at the wall of the Normals' house. He threw a fireball spell at the wall that was so large it knocked down the wall and showed the view of the kitchen. Lots of other objects began catching fire.

    "Wow that is so cool!" Johnny said like that Mary Sue in Jewish tv shows that everybody relates to. The kind you know gets molested by Steven Speilberg.

    The gay men and women in the party cast magic while the sole straight guy used physical attacks to tear up everything in the home. Steve somersaulted in the air and kicked the table in half.

    After about thirty minutes, the Normals house was destroyed.

    Joe Normal scratched his head. "What the hell.... what do we do now?" he said. "Our entire life is ruined!"

    "Your house isn't your life, god" Sam said. "And I'm not channeling Fight Club too much with that, as we all know that was just designed for -"

    "Insecure adolescent straight boys with no life that want to feel manly but they have to pay money to make the real manly men even manlier while they can only feel like they're manly?" Dolphin said. Wow, she was getting good at this.

    Sam nodded. "EXACTLY!"

    "You have to be a creator yourself. What do YOU want to do. Throat fuck your wife so hard she pukes? I don't know." Sam shrugged. The damnit Idea of Straight Porn was definitely still strong.

    "The point is, that it's really up to you. But you don't have to keep this charade up. It's all an illusion to keep you in line" Sam said.

    Joe Normal and Mary Normal just kind of....slumped and stood there. Mary Normal sat down on a chair that Sam had destroyed with a mini Neon Nova spell.

    "I don't know what to do. At all. I can't-" Mary started tearing up. "I don't even know how to take care of my own kid anymore." She was serious.

    Sam gulped. "We'll....handle that" he said. Sam looked over at Vero. "Vero? Take Johnny to Sigma's. Johnny has powers, and Sigma will help him come to terms with that" Sam said.

    Vero put her hand on Johnny's shoulder and use her teleportation power to electrify him out of the house.

    Joe Normal got into Sam's face all scary and straight man like. "This was the only life we've ever known, and you took it away from us."

    "It's not your life. And you know it. Every day you wake up feeling dead inside. Now? Now you have a chance to feel that alive sparky feel that the people who create get to feel. If you just let it in" Sam said.

    "And I'm not going to create any evil with that statement accidentally, because I don't feel guilty, and all that mess before was just because I believed in the ideas of Joss Whedon more than I did my own" Sam said, heroic and manly like. He was coming into himself more, looked shinier and more integrated.

    Dolphin folded her arms all proudly. "Well, another one bites the dust!" She looked at Sam. "Sorry, I should have been more original?"

    Sam smiled. "You're fine." He looked back at the Normals. "And you might be too. One day."

    Sam, Steve, Dolphin and Eldanen left the house and marched right over to the next one. Only like 65238947329047890324732895473290432 more to go!

    "We didn't even need Eldanen to summon the Ideas for that, maybe because we were already so connected to our own Idea of ourselves?" Sam said.

    "No. It just won't always be that easy" Eldanen said.
    Last edited by BandD; 03-10-2010 at 09:00 PM.

  9. #49

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    Chapter 49: The Little Sociopath That Could

    It was 2 o'clock in the morning. Gilly and Nick walked into some bar. Nick was wearing a black leather jacket and raggedy blue jeans. Gilly was wearing a long brown trench coat.

    "We have powers. That pretty much means, we rule and you suck" Gilly said to a jock from his former high school that always bothered him for not liking sports. "Ugh. You're one of the Normals. You wished you were strong enough to face internal realms, but you're not- is that why you bother people for things that don't matter?" Gilly said.

    The jock got in Gilly's face. "You got a problem man?"

    Nick slid up to the guy and calmly grabbed his balls. "I hurt people because I love them in ways they are too mentally insufficient to understand" Nick said. "Nobody understands but me and Nietzsche" he said. He twisted the jock's balls so hard. He then decided to go 'all the way' and was like fuck it, and ripped them off with his bare hands.. The jock screamed and tried to ask everybody for help. Nick just put two of his fingers in the wound he made and circled his digits around.

    Nick threw the man's bloody balls on a dingy dartboard.

    A few men tried to tackle Gilly. "Ooh now we're talking" Gilly said. Gilly cast a disappearing act on himself with his Jester powers. The men felt through his coat, but it was empty.

    Gilly appeared from high on above, hanging on one of the beams. "Hey, I'm up here" he giggled. Gilly then reached out his free hand and shot purple magical laser-rings out on all the men. He completely zapped one man's hair off.

    Nick slowly crept over to a young woman and grabbed her throat. "I wonder if it's possible to weaken somebody so much, that their Idea dies with them when you murder them. Nobody remembers them and they're just like gone forever. And there's no way to revive them. Ever. I think we might do that to you, baby." He ripped the woman's shirt and blouse off. Tears began welling up in her eyes. She tried to punch Nick off of her but it was just weak girly hits that Nick only smirked at.

    "You know, it's always fun to play with it, how dark you can go. Is there an end? It's enticing." He took a huge whiff of the woman's neck. "All the ****** ******s in society can't stop me."

    Nick kneed the woman in the stomach. "Tell me the name of everybody that loves you. No wait, you don't have to say a word." He put his hands on the woman's head and saw images of everybody that would miss the woman if she was gone. "Those are your links. We cut them out, and then we cut you out then you'll die in just this little black vortex that collides in on itself and everything that you are will be disappeared forever. Do you know how poetic and beautiful that is? Can you comprehend it, or do you lack the masculine neurons to appreciate such a wonder?"

    She spat on Nick's face, but Nick just calmly let the spit sloop down to the floor.

    Gilly felt something funny in his chest. "Nick? Man...do you really have to go that fa-?"

    "Shut the fuck up gil" Nick said, cold and creepy like. He squeezed the woman's throat harder.

    Gilly gulped. He didn't know what to do. "We're just fucking with people, I mean- we don't have to be that drastic do we?" He was honestly scared of Nick and he didn't know what to do about it.

    Nick looked at Gilly and laughed. "You have no idea what I'm capable of" he said to Gilly. "You either join me and become a real man or you go back to your therapy sessions with your mommy. You go on talking about things to be friends with people, and to be accepted by them - but they can still see what a spineless, insecure little boy you are."

    Gilly just sighed and ran out of the bar. "I guess I always knew Nick was a sociopath, but I didn't care." He scratched his head. "I can't let him hurt that woman that badly. I have to go tell Sam and the others."

    Gilly went back to his basement. And saw Juju standing there bare-chested with a towel wrapped around him. "Hey Justin. Hey uh, sorry about before" Gilly said.

    Justin shrugged. "It's okay. I uh, took a shower in your place, I really needed to clean myself up. I was living on the streets for god knows how long heh."

    Gilly just half-smiled. "Nick has gone rogue. Well, he IS a rogue, but I mean. He's gone evil. Way eviler than me. I want to help him. Please help me help him. He's my friend, I don't want to lose him."

    Justin sighed. "You guys were such assholes to me, but I'm so cute and soft that it's hard for men not to do that to me, I guess?"

    "I don't know how to help him. There has to be some way to cure Sociopathy though. I need to ask Sam for help" Gilly said.

    "Well how do we even get to him? You don't know his cell number, and neither of us can teleport" Justin said.

    "Well, we'll just have to hoof it until I think of something" Gilly said. "Come on, it will be an adventure."

    "Okay heh, just let me get dressed first."

    Back at the bar,

    Nick licked the woman's face. "We're going to have lots of fun." He punched her so hard in the stomach that she couldn't have kids for the rest of her life. He then walked out of the bar to murder all the people that the woman knew.

  10. #50

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    Chapter 50: Darkness Calls

    Dark Ashton was fucking Dark Dolphin on her new water bed replete with black covers. Huff huff puff puff eeenggggh wheeze. Ahhhh ..... Dark Dolphin rolled over to the side and sat up on the foot of the bed. She stretched, stood up, and sunk her feet into some raven-black slippers.

    "That was pleasurable. You can leave now" Dark Dolphin said. She looked around. "This cave used to be pretty bare. Just a couple of torches here and there. Now look at it." When Dark Dolphin threw her hands up the camera zoomed out to show Dark Dolphin's decorated lair, filled with all sorts of cool, evil things.

    Dark Dolphin looked directly into the camera the audience was watching the show in and gave a lil wink. "Men. You give them sex so they'll buy you stuff." She noticed Dark Ashton was still there. "I told you to leave" she said to him. "You have a nice cock and all, and damn if you don't fuck better than Steve, but....go. I bore of you now." She looked down at her hands. "I need to kill."

    "Let me come with you" Dark Ashton said, entranced by Dark Dolphin's beauty. He was so into Dark Dolphin that he had forgotten all about his plan to get back at those fags who raped him.

    Before Dark Dolphin could respond, Dark Sam, Zombie Miley Cyrus and Zombie Akra walked into her lair.

    Dark Sam saw Dark Dolphin naked. Dark Dolphin kind of just huffed at him and put a dark blue silk robe on.

    "Now, now. There's no need to be modest. We're all evil here" Dark Sam said.

    "What the hell do you want?" Dark Dolphin snapped. "And how did you know where I was?"

    "We Darks are connected to each other" Dark Sam said to Dark Dolphin and Dark Ashton. "Sadly, there's only three of us left. But no matter, as I am constructing an army with my powers. That's why I'm here. I thought maybe you two would like to join us?" He started playing with his staff like it was a cock, just for the hell of it.

    "I don't usually walk with a crowd, but....I'm feeling like a team player" Dark Ashton said. "And you need to stop doing that...." He covered up his junk and went into Dark Dolphin's bathroom to go change.

    Zombie Miley looked around. "Nice crib you got here!" she said. She saw a black lava lamp. Most of the stuff in the room was....black. Or blue. A black hairbrush, a black hand mirror. A dark blue make-up kit. Zombie Miley started putting on the make-up.

    "Hey! It's called asking" Dark Dolphin said.

    "I'd like to think of us as soul sisters" Zombie Miley said to Dark Dolphin. She had on blue eyeshadow that made her look extra whore-ish. "Would you like to be my friend? I can get you hooked on some good shit" she said.

    Dark Dolphin smiled. "Sure. I'll make you some spaghetti and everything" she said.

    Zombie Miley read Dark Dolphin's social imprint. "Nice try, but zombies are immune to poison effects."

    Dark Dolphin looked at Dark Sam. She cracked her knuckles. "I'll go with you. A gal needs some carnage in her life."

    Zombie Akra walked up between Dark Dolphin and Zombie Miley. "I want to be a soul sister too!" Zombie Akra said.

    Zombie Miley picked up the brush from the counter and whacked Akra in the back of her skull with so much force that she caused permanent eyesight loss. "Shut up, slave" she said.

    Dark Dolphin giggled at that.

    Akra blinked and looked out into the distance, her vision caking over in a fuzzy flim. She tried to fight back the tears from leaking out.

    Dark Dolphin and Dark Ashton took about ten minutes to get ready.

    Dark Sam, Dark Ashton, Dark Dolphin, Zombie Miley Cyrus and Zombie Akra walked out of the lair and out towards god knows where.

  11. #51

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    Chapter 51: The Trek To Transylvania

    Isha and Gulanzon were back in the Skeleton Graveyard.

    "Akra and I already searched this place pretty thoroughly" Isha said.

    "Well that's before you had ME" Gulanzon said. He turned into a Hawk, flew up in the sky and circled the place. After about ten minutes, he returned to Isha holding up a tiny string of human hair.

    Isha was impressed. "How did you find that?"

    "Druid powers. They come in handy. Come on, let's go back to my hut and analyze this" Gulanzon said.

    ***

    Gulanzon placed the strand of hair in a gimmicky looking machine, that looked somewhat like an ice machine. He fooled around with some buttons and pulled a lever.

    Gulanzon looked at the results on a 13-inch display on the machine. "Hmm, the DNA test says it's...Expat! Expat? The Expat? Expat... summoned the Clear Dragon? I didn't think he was evil, just sort of asshole authoritative like" Gulanzon said.

    "Maybe he was just in the right place at the wrong time? Or the wrong place at the right time..." Isha said. "In other words, maybe he was only trying to warn us about something...."

    "Well he wasn't with us during the Clear Dragon battle, nor did I see him in the fight we had with Abraham" Gulanzon said. "We need to go talk to him and find out what he's up to. Come on, we'll ask Maria to scry for his whereabouts" he said.

    Gulanzon phoned up Maria. "Hey Maria. Remember when you used your powers to help Sam before? Yeah uhh we need them again dear!"

    Within a few minutes, Maria teleported herself in Gulanzon's hut. She looked out the window, at Akilash's three moons. "Ooh I don't get to go to Akliash very often" Maria said. She knew from others that Akliash was more romantic, beautiful, hippie-like and less homophobic than earth.

    "Now's not the time for a vacation" Gulanzon said. "We need you to use your witchy mojo to find somebody for us." He handed Maria a rolled-up map of earth and Expat's hair in a tube.

    Maria unfolded the map on a desk nearby. She did her thing and pointed to a glowing spot on the map. "There. He's there."

    Gulanzon leaned over and blinked. "Expat lives in Transylvania? Somehow, it fits...." He smiled at the others.

    "Well how do we get there? Maria, I know from before your teleport is self cast only. So you can't send us all there at once. And we wouldn't send you on this mission alone, it's too dangerous" Gulanzon said.

    Maria just looked at Gul. "Did anybody ever tell you that you smell like dying yellow grass, Gulanzon? But if you worked out and ate a little better you'd smell like fresh cut green grass?"

    Isha just smirked nervously at that. She didn't really know where that one came from.

    Gulanzon just stood there sort of embarrassed. "Well I guess I'm a stereotypical geek with poor hygiene habits...."

    Isha looked at Gulanzon. "Anyway.... you can use your Garuda form to fly us there. It will take longer than teleporting but... you know, our quest really isn't that urgent. We don't have to be there RIGHT NOW. We're just doing what we can to fight evil."

    She then looked over at Maria. "You're more than welcome to assist us, ma'am."

    Gulanzon got down on his knees and prayed at Maria. "A pure damage dealer would be the perfect addition to our duo" Gulanzon said. "We need you!"

    Maria shrugged. "What the heck. Transylvania sounds pretty cool." Maria, Gulanzon and Isha form a party! Side-questy music plays.

    Gulanzon morphed into a beautiful black Garuda. He took Maria in his left talon, and Isha in his right and flew up toward the starry sky. His house was an observatory of sorts, so he had enough room to fly out without breaking anything.

    Maria felt a rush of wind flow between the cracks of her breast. "This is fun!" she said. "And also scary, aieeee." She looked down at the world below her, marveled at the sight of the planet becoming smaller and smaller the more Gulanzon flew up.

  12. #52

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    Chapter 52: Rise of the Ancients

    Sam, Vero, Dolphin, Steve, and Eldanen have destroyed a whole block worth of houses. Everybody that was in the houses just kept looking around, and started to talk with each other. A few people were actually happy about what Sam was doing and had begun to throw a block party on the street. Playing Jason Mraz music and everything.

    News cameras were following Sam around, held up by men in trucks. They didn't stop him though. They didn't have the power, and they knew it would be pointless anyway.

    "They're watching our every move...." Dolphin said, stating the obvious. It was an endearing character trait of hers.

    "And they weren't before?" Sam said. "At least now they're more honest about it"

    Vero nodded. "They could just safely watch us from another building some place far away, this whole area is watched by satellites like everything else is. So, they're just trying to intimidate us and throw us off-guard. Don't let it get to you" she said.

    Vero saw a fire hydrant. She shot out a wave of white electricity at the hydrant and watched it explode and burst out a gust of water.

    "I've always wanted to do that" she said.

    "They're more scared of us than we are of them. I knew that was always true...." Sam said. "It makes me more worried for them that it gives me confidence, honestly" he said.

    Sam heard helicopter choppers whirring from above. He looked up in the distance.

    A few seconds later, the governor of Michigan, Jennifer Granholm, walked down from the helicopter and approached Sam and the others. "You must cease what you are doing!" Jennifer said.

    Sam laughed. "No." He raised his hands, but thought for a moment and then lowered them. "Because of people like you, the whole system, the government, my magical powers were bound. Not anymore. You can't lock me up just because I'm a powerful unique special different one!" he said.

    "We can and we will. Don't think we won't do it" she said assertive and bitchy like. "We give you many chances to use your magic on our terms. Prison isn't anything like Starr, Mister Leonard."

    "You're not powerful so you have to draw on external resources to power yourselves" Sam said. "How pathetic."

    "I tell lies to get into power. You tell the truth. People are weak. We all know who they'll follow" Jennifer said.

    Sam walked closer to Jennifer. "I don't want followers. I don't want to lead. I just want....to do what's right." Sam, Dolphin and Vero combined their powers and blew up Jennifer's helicopter. She shrieked and fell flat on her face. She got up.

    "Let's just kill her" Dolphin said. She shot a fire spell to Jennifer Granholm's heart, but she just sort of....sucked it up. Her face flashed in scales for a few seconds.

    "Illuminati reptilian demons. They really ARE real" Steve said.

    Jennifer nodded. "As neanderthals aren't human, reptilian demons aren't pure demons. We are that which came before, and that which will exist forever after. We are the purest of the pure demons, and we shall continue to have total control over earth. We are....the Ancient Ones. You cannot stop us."

    Sam looked over at the camera man who was filming this entire fiasco. "You're making the outside world have whatever perception of me that Jennifer wants me to have. But it's never the correct one, is it?" Sam said.

    "You think people will be on your side just because you free them of the systems, you really think it's that simple, you pathetic little ******" Jennifer said. She shot out a long, seven-foot tongue at Sam. Sam gulped and dodged it.

    "It doesn't matter, I-"

    "They'll go after you. They'll kill their own savior" Jennifer said.

    "And like Jesus, I'll keep coming back!" Sam said. Jennifer growled and ran away. She morphed into a flying snake that went even faster than the helicopter they blew up.

    "Wow. That was wow." Vero looked up at the sky. It was getting darker now, the sun was beginning to set.

    To the left, a few angry humans were approaching Sam with torches and pitchforks. But most people were still just 'what the fuck' and wandered around aimlessly. And a few people were still celebrating. To the right, a bunch of police cars with their sirens flashing could be seen zooming toward the heroes.

    "Hold your guard. Don't give in" Sam said. "We fight! We continue to fight!"

  13. #53

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    Chapter 53: A Basic Boss Fight

    Gulanzon gently lowered Isha and Maria to safety. He then transformed into his regular human form.

    "We're heeeere" Gulanzon said. They were in some sort of mild forest. There was a thin fog that surrounded the area. The grass here was a mix of blue, green, brown and yellow.

    Isha looked around. "It's so pretty."

    Maria looked up at the sky. "It's probably about 6 pm or so."

    "The fog gets even thicker up ahead" Gulanzon said. "I couldn't take us directly to Expat's place but uh, it should be up here some ways" he said.

    The trio walked through the forest. The fog just kept getting thicker and thicker.

    Maria conjured a yellow light in her palm. She lifted the spark the air and let the light grow and grow. The fog started to push back and melt away.

    But, she heard she something rustle in the distance. A few steps later, and a huge demonic spider stepped out between two large trees.

    "It's a Dominant Female Spider!" Gulanzon said.

    "I'm so sorry!" Maria said. "My spell must have woke it."

    Gulanzon shook his head. "Naw. We would have to have fight it anyway. And now, now at least we can see the damn thing."

    Isha half-smiled. "Boss fight time." The spider skittered toward the gang, initiating battle. Each one of its eight eyes was about half the size of Gulanzon's whole body, that's how big it was. Maria looked right into one of its eyes....and fell asleep.

    Gulanzon transformed into Fairy Form and Dispelled Maria's sleep status. Isha cast a Glyph of Awakening spell that protected Gulanzon from going to sleep himself.

    The spider stretched out its jaws and cast three swirling webs around the feet of Gulanzon, Isha and Maria. The webs slowed them down. Gulanzon tried to dispel the webs, but he couldn't.

    "If we don't burn her down fast enough, we'll be stopped forever" Gulanzon said.

    Maria shot out fireball after fireball at the creature. Gulanzon transformed into his jaguar form and swiped at the spider. Isha shot out laser beams from her spellbook.

    Maria noticed the cast time of her fireball spell slowly increase with each consecutive cast. Base Fireball spell was 2 seconds. But now it was 2.4 seconds. Then 2.6 seconds. Now it was up to 3.1 seconds.

    Isha cast a buff spell on Maria that caused her fireball spell to do double damage. "I can only use that once every three minutes" Isha said....

    "We have to use whatever tricks we can to take this fucker down!" Gulanzon said.

    Maria drank some speed-hasting potions from her holster, to off-set the slow web debuff. She couldn't really keep up with them, but for three or four fireballs they stayed at about 3.5 seconds. But now, they were reaching 3.8 seconds....

    The spider clawed and bit everybody randomly, and sent out a bunch of mini-spiders at the party. The mini-spiders were much smaller, about the size of regular real-life spiders, but there was so many of them that they quickly racked up the damage.

    "Save your area of effect attacks until we get more of them" Isha said. "As well as your heals. We must focus on the boss!" she said.

    Maria could use a heal, but she drunk a healing potion instead. The spider hatched more mini-spiders to attack the party. It then pierced one of its furry ugly legs into Maria's chest. One second later and Maria's fireball would have went off.

    "Unngh....no" Maria coughed up blood and fell face down on the ground.

    "Oh shit, Maria is dead!" Isha said. She cast 'Glyph of Gigantic Power' on Gulanzon and herself, which increased their size to match the size of the spider's. It made them about 75% more powerful for a very short amount of time. Like for five seconds. Gulanzon got the finishing blow, biting the spider completely in half in a huge jaguar bite. Their web debuff went away as soon as the boss died.

    Gulanzon immediately transformed into his Fairy Form and tried ressurecting Maria, and thankfully it worked! If he had just been a second later, she would be gone though. "I couldn't have tried rezzing you while that stupid web was on me or it would have taken like 30 seconds" he said.

    Maria rubbed her head. "It's okay....I'm okay." She looked around. "Whew! Is everybody okay?"

    Isha nodded. "Sorry you died. But you know, you're not part of the team until you die." She smiled at Maria.

    Gulanzon brushed himself off. "Come on ladies. We got to keep moving." In the distance, you could see a large castle on top of a hill.

  14. #54

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    Chapter 54: Expat

    Gulanzon, Isha and Akra walked up a winding dirt path that lead to a scary looking castle. Gulanzon rang the doorbell. The doors opened on their own.

    The party expected to fight some ghosty looking enemies, but the interior of the castle looked.... surprisingly peaceful, and serene. Gulanzon looked around. There was bookshelves all around. There was a bunch of degrees from universities plastered on all walls. Ahead of them was a wide stair-case that led up to the second floor.

    "Saluations" Expat said. A tall, old man in a brown suit vest and gray slacks waved at the heroes. He walked down the staircase, but his feet never touched the steps. He was levitating, and showing off to boot.

    Gulanzon stepped up. "We found your hair in Akliash. What gives, Expat?" Gulanzon said.

    Expat kind of just sighed and smiled. "Yes, it was I who sent that ferocious beast after you all" he said.

    "You killed me!" Isha said. "How could you?"

    "Because Sam is young and naive. More naive than he should be, probably. He still thinks that he has to make a choice between the physical world and the world of magic. But I am living proof that you don't have to do that. I am successful in the real world," Expat took a moment to point to all the university degrees he had up on the walls, "and I can also call forth magnificent beasts" Expat said.

    "It smells like grandpa farts in here...." Maria said.

    "I was going to tell you all, but I got busy with other matters. And I knew you kids would figure it out, anyway" he said.

    Maria put her head down. "Sam....I don't know him very well, but he's different than you." She put her head up. "You can't expect him to be like you, you know. So you can handle both worlds. I'm not sure that Sam can. He's like...a pure mage."

    "Then he will fail of course, his big plan to save the world will perish" Expat said.

    "How can you know that?" Gulanzon asked.

    "He has no external reputation. The Magic Ones adore him but it's not enough is it?" Expat said.

    "Maybe...." Isha said.

    "Though truth be told, I'm jealous. As a hybrid class, I can never be as proficient in magic as Sam can be. But what does it matter? The magic I do, at least it DOES something. Even if it gets you killed...." He chuckled half-apologetically.

    Isha stepped away. "You're just a creepy old man!" she said.

    "Why do you hide in this house, far away from civilization?" Maria asked.

    "Hey I am called Expat for a good reason, you know" Expat said. "It is all part of what you need to do to balance both worlds. You have to hide a lot, become a hermit, and analyze social situations from far away without participating in them. You might think 'melee is weak against magic' and they indeed are, but in all reality it's safer for magic users to wield their magic against other magical powers. That's why I direct my experiments on Akliash, and not on Earth. Sam is causing a lot of conflict in the world because he is causing those that disagree with him to pick up weapons of their own...."

    "So he actually was better off when he was just on his computer, in internet forums all day" Isha said.

    Expat turned around and contemplated deeply for a moment. "I suppose it is quite sad. But it's the only place he belongs. You three need to tell him that. Because what is coming next will make my Clear Dragon look...like a...not-threatening thing. Sorry, I'm not good with analogies this late at night."

    Expat started walking in the other direction. "Come with me, children."

    Expat took Gulanzon, Maria and Isha down the hallway and into another room. He pulled out a book on the shelf that looked like any other book, except it caused the bookshelf on the other wall to swivel around and revel a hidden chamber.

    "Okay. You only see that trick in movies like a gazillion times" Gulanzon said.

    Expat ignored that, and took the gang into a small room with nothing but gray bricks and a small yellow crystal on top of a pedestal. Expat hovered his old, expat-y hands on the crystal. "Reveale!" The crystal showed a view of Sam and his friends being attacked by people and cops.

    "Neither the real world authorities or the regular ol joes like Sam. The ones that do, it's not enough. Is it?" Gulanzon said.

    "Sam isn't that bad he's just.... Sam" Isha said with a sigh.

    "You have to tell him to stop or they'll kill him" Expat said.

    "He doesn't care. He knows that won't stop him" Isha said.

    "Not the point. If Sam dies while frustrated, then we all know what that means. It would devastate poor Dolphin."

    "They won't necessarily frustrate him...." Isha said.

    "We cannot take any chances. Go, talk some sense into Sam!" Expat said. "This crystal can teleport you to where Sam and the others are, but it's only a one way ticket."

    Isha sighed and put her hand on the crystal. Gulanzon and Maria followed.

  15. #55

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    Chapter 55: I Can't Think Of a Title, for This One

    "Sam you have to retreat. You have to stop what you're doing" Isha said.

    "You know I can't do that." Sam made a gesture at the scene before them, the humans coming after them on the left and the cop cars on the right. "This just means we're winning...getting closer....to something. To figuring out the truth, what'll take to save the human race" Sam said.

    "As true as that may be, there's no way you can fight all these guys" Gulanzon said. "You have to play by the rules or ....well. I don't know. But this can't be good. This can't be 'the way'' Gulanzon said.

    Sam looked around. "Isn't anybody on my side?"

    Vero sort of half-smiled. "We're still on your side, honey, it's just well....this is a bit extreme, don't you think?"

    "It wakes people up! Who cares....they're actually paying attention to physical reality instead of the fucking thoughts in their heads. Illuminati reptilian demons can mass mind control people. I know it, I felt what they can do with my intuition. I was warded off by it, cause how much meditating I do."

    "We can only reach who we can, Sam" Vero said. "We can't.....save the whole world. Maybe we're not meant to."

    "They'll take us to jail! I don't wanna go to jail!" Steve said. "My poor, beautiful straight man asshole!"

    Sam sighed. He rolled his eyes and stopped firing Neon Bolts. "Okay, okay I surrender."

    "Everybody is just in it for themselves, and the true heroes get locked up. This can't be right, come on" Sam pleaded.

    "Yeah and the true heroes are also mixed in prison with real horrible sociopaths. Do you know what they'd do to a cute little introverted gay boy like you, Sammy. That's not what you want, come on" Dolphin said.

    "I SURRENDED ALREADY DAMNIT" Sam said. "But look, they're STILL coming after us. God, they don't know of mercy. They're all stupid dirty straight boys who can't let go when you do."

    "You still look so angry, how do they know your surrendering?" Steve asked.

    Isha walked up to Sam. "It was because of those dirty straight boys that you even have the freedom to say that" she said. "They died for our very freedoms, you little writer fag!"

    A random white trash woman, holding up a long broken stick shouted out "HE DOESN'T SUPPORT THE TROOPS. KILL THE ******!"

    "I know that I'm right, damnit. If nobody is on my side here I'll just have to work-" Sam stopped himself and laughed. "No. I will not go 'rogue.' I will not turn into Dark Sam, I- I just. Ugh."

    Vero put her hands on Sam's shoulder. "Let's just go..." And teleported them out of there, and back to Sigma's hut. So now the cops and the mobs fought each other all raged up and testosterone driven.

    "So, we try to fight evil and we cause evil, just like always huh" Steve said with a groan.

    "Don't be such a wuss, Steve" Dolphin said, surprisingly. "It's not like that. It's just a riot, and well.....they'll get over a riot." She looked over at Sigma. "Won't they?"

    "By tomorrow they'll already be talking about Miley Cyrus' boobs again. Give or take a few days" Sigma said.

    Sam shook his head. "I guess everything really would be easier if I just 'got a job'" he said with an eye roll. Knowing that those in power aren't part of the system either, they're just controlling everybody's minds.

    "No. Don't. You don't get to play the martyr. We know your limitations here. You're too magical, and you see through the veil too much. It's okay. We'll protect you. I'm not sure anybody here minds supporting you. Just like, don't go evil or take advantage of the protection we're giving you" Dolphin said.

    Isha put her hand up. "I do mind. Faggy weak gay mama's boys are like so NOT a turn on. And all that."

    "I'm Canadian. We love faggy mama's boys. So...." Vero stood by Sam.

    "As a straight guy, weakness in other men makes me feel great about my own strengths...." Steve walked up to Sam and stood by him.

    "I believe in Sam" Eldanen said. "He doesn't morally judge me like so many other people I know."

    Gulanzon really didn't know what to say yet, because he was a nerdy, impressionable Australian.

    Isha sighed. "I tried to help, but I think I just need even more therapy after this. I tried to fight evil but it's just....you're better off just following all the rules they laid out for you, for your own good, you know. I'm sorry Sam, but I made my decision."

    Gulanzon looked at her and frowned. "You serious babe?"

    "Don't call me 'babe'" Isha snapped. You gained some courage points over the last few chapters, but you're not a real man yet" she said. "And I am dead serious."

    Isha looked at Sigma. "I'm abandoning my powers. I want to become a Normal. You can do that, right?"

    Sigma nodded. "Well yeah, but.... are you sure about that? I'm not sure there's a 'turning back' or whatnot."

    Isha nodded. "Like I said, I see where this sort of lifestyle would have me end up, and I don't want to anything to do with that. I just want to talk about my feelings to doctors in therapy offices." She turned to Sam. "And before you start ******, I KNOW they don't 'really care about me.' I just need to do it for me. You wouldn't understand, nor do I claim you should. I just need to be left alone."

    Isha walked over to the deeper part of Sigma's lab and studied some tubes. "Yes, I believe that one is to neutralize a half-demon's abilities" Sigma yelled out.

    Sam ran over to Isha. "No, wait....Isha, you might regret it" Sam said. "You don't have to use your powers just because you have them, right?"

    Isha thought for a moment. She started bawling her eyes out and ran out of Sigma's hut.

    "Poor girl. She did die..." Steve said.

    "Just....get over it....already...." Dolphin said underneath her breath. "Okay. So, now what?" Dolphin looked at Sam when he walked back to join the group.

    "Well, I'm not being a martyr but, I think I did fuck up" Sam said.

    "You don't have to get rid of all the systems, Sam" Vero said. "Just the shitty ones!"

    "Yeah but that boy made me feel guilty about not going after the systems that I like, back when we were in the school."

    "So you listen to somebody just because they tried to make you feel guilty? You paradoxically didn't follow your own way, the very thing you try and encourage others to do, and he led us right into a trap" Vero said.

    "Yeah Sam, if anybody is making you feel guilty how can they be a good guy" Steve said. "It just makes you all...conflicted and self-loathing and going around in emo circles instead of blowing up the bad shit that needs to be blown up" he added. "True goodness forgives. And lets go."

    "That boy we talked to then. He was a bad guy?" Sam said.

    "So what. We go and rough him up a little?" Dolphin said.

    "Surely there's bigger fish to fry than some highschool bully" Eldanen said. "We went up against an Ancient One, Sigma. An Ancient One!"

    "Hmm, this cannot be good. This cannot be good at all." Sigma looked like he was having a heart attack. Sam and Dolphin comforted him.

    "What's wrong?" Steve asked.

    "Just the end of the fucking everything!!!" Sigma said.

  16. #56

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    Chapter 56: Heating Up The Ante

    "Yes. You heard the faggy summoner right" Sam said. "Jennifer Granholm called herself an Ancient One. You know of them, since you're like our guru teacher guy now?"

    "They will try everything they can to throw you guys off course, now...." Sigma said.

    "We won't let them" Sam said. But his voice was more of youthful bravado then actual courage.

    "Not like you have a choice. The Ancient Ones can mass mind control. It doesn't matter how strong you are, they will just make you conflicted that whatever you're doing means nothing until you're doing nothing at all anymore but being inside your room all emo, looking at gay porn all the day, completely a slave to an Idea."

    "So it's hopeless then? We're fighting a losing, uphill battle here, we should just give up?" Sam said.

    "I didn't say that. I just mean, you need a lot more power to go up against the Ancient Ones. More power than the world could ever give you."

    "Then we'll do it. Where we do go?" Sam said.

    "You have to understand. If you go on this journey you will cease to be....erm, ..... you won't be human anymore. You will lose your humanity. I don't mean that you will go evil, per se. You just won't be a human."

    Sam looked inside himself and saw images of all the humans he met in his life.

    "Just get a job ******."

    "Nobody cares that you are gay."

    "You need a job like everybody else."

    "God you can't even catch a football, what the hell is wrong with you?"

    "Sorry Sam but I'm seeing somebody else....."

    "God you actually got a B on that test? I got an A!

    "You put a pretty bow on things."

    "You need to stop being on the computer all day and writing stories. NOBODY CARES. NOBODY CARES. NOBODY CARES."

    "You need to go to the mall and buy stuff you don't need. What makes YOU so different from everybody else?"

    "Omg you actually like to do that? That's so pathetic! Why can't you just be NORMAL! NORMAL. NOBODY CARES. JOB. ******. NORMAL. NOBODY CARES. NOBODY CARES. NOBODY CARES NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL ****** NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL"



    Sam finally opened his eyes. Without hesitation he said "I'll do it."

    "Sam, are you playing the victim in your own head again?" Dolphin said. Sam just sort of blushed at that.

    "You can't all go through the transformation though. You all must be Sam's human supporters, with enough human relationships it makes even our innate essences meaningless. Even Pure Demons can become good, if they are given that which is known as Human Love" Sigma said. "Otherwise, Sam will be lost forever....lost in the moral sense. He'll just be another selfish, evil Idea."

    Sam frowned. "They can still come with me, right? We just won't all go through the change."

    "That might be too tempting to pass up" Sigma said. "Not sure if it's worth it."

    "We don't need your permission. They're coming with me, and that's final" Sam said.

    Sigma said 'ooh' sarcastically like being all surprised when the shy fag actually stands up for himself. "Well very well then."

    Dolphin went into her room. Not her room-room, but a lil room in Sigma's place that Sigma and others had set up for her. It wasn't an actual room, so much that it was a holograph of a room, like the holodeck on Star Trek.

    She draw a pentagram on the floor with some chalk and kneeled on the floor. She meditated for a little while. "I'd like to know why Sam's ego plays the victim, Spirit. I wish I could show him that not everybody is out to get him and that while the world can be cruel and dark and cold there can be this inner light that resonates within him, even if he has to do something straight man-like and annoying. I just really want to help" she said, like a happy innocent little girl, the part in herself that she knew Sam would protect and save and cherish forever.

    "WHY DOES YOUR EGO PLAY THE JEALOUSY?" A spirit asked. "EGO NEEDS NO REASON OR JUSTIFICATION. IT JUST IS AND YOU CAN'T GET RID OF IT, IT IS THE PART OF YOU YOU CAN NEVER TOTALLY FIGHT. NOT WITH SPELLS, NOT WITH IDEAS. NOTHING. THERE IS NO UNDERSTANDING OF THAT WHICH CREATED UNDERSTANDING, THE FORM OF UNDERSTANDING WE WANT YOU TO KNOW WHEN WE DO."

    "There are beings greater than even the Ideas?" Dolphin said. "The Ego is one of these beings, correct?"

    "WE ARE HIGHER THAN THE IDEAS YES, AND THE ILLUMANATI REPTILIAIN DEMONS. WE ARE SO FUCKING EVIL AND SICK AND WRONG YOU CAN'T CONCEIVE OF US, AS WE WILL JUST MORPH AND AGREE WITH YOU WHEN YOU SAY HOW BAD WE ARE, AND WE BECOME ONE WITH THE WORLD THINKING THAT IT'S YOUR OWN MEDITATION DOING IT, BUT REALLY WE'RE DISGUSING OURSELVES AS THE TRUTH SO WE CAN GO AND TORTURE SOME INNOCENT SHY ****** THAT NOBODY LIKES. ALL WHILE YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT 'ALL FIGURED OUT.' HE JUST NEEDS A HERO. BUT NOBODY WILL GET THERE IN TIME TO SAVE HIM, NOT EVEN-

    Dolphin smashed the summoning crystal she used to talk to this being. "I had enough of that" she said. She sighed and went back to Sam and the others.

    "I tried to call upon other worldly forces to help you with your inner most evil, Sam- but um. It didn't work."

    Sam blinked. "Huh?"

    "Nevermind." Dolphin sighed. "So what planet is our new powers on?"

    "Please don't say uranus, please don't say uranus" Steve said.

    "PLEASE LET IT BE URANUS!" Eldanen said.

    "Jupiter" Sigma said. "It's....Jupiter."

    Vero rolled her eyes. "Of course. It's always Jupiter. Well come on, I'm teleporting y'all to Jupiter."

    "Before you go...." Sam gasped as he saw Angela standing there in front of everybody, in her bitchy government suit. With her black guards.

    "You know of this place? A beautiful place like Akliash is known by.....a person like you" Sam said.

    "I am not as bad as you think, Sam" Angela said. "I am here to make a deal with you. We'll let you have a house and a little life for yourself and your comic book comrades, if you keep a low profile and stop making so many goddamn waves. I mean, the world just looks at you as like this shy weak ******, true it's your own ego that we work with to use against you, and we do that for everybody."

    "So no more cameras, no watching me?" Sam said.

    "Well we watch everybody to some extent but nope, no extra annoyances. As long as you use magic on our terms and just pretend that you're a normal person. You can use your magic to masturbate well or whatever, but stop trying to use it in society! You don't even have to get a job! We'll pay everything for you, anything to get you to stop you whining about things that nobody cares about. Maybe they should, but they just don't, so just give it a fucking rest already and go and get a driver's license! GOD."

    Sam shook his head. "No. It's not worth it. I'm tired of dealing with you people. If I give in it's like, you guys won and I can't have that. Money offers security but that's all it offers."

    "You're really giving up a comfortable, middle class life so you can go deeper into dark depressing psychological realms. They'll eat you alive you little ******...." Angela turned into a red flame and flickered out with all her ****** guards.

    "They'll eat you alive..."

    "I never liked that bitch" Dolphin said.

    Sam looked around at the others. "Did I make the right decision? I know we all sort of wanted a normal life."

    "It doesn't matter. You made *A* decision so stick with it, each choice has natural consequences or whatever" Dolphin said. "And you're right, that was just a trap to keep us frozen into nothingness while the bad guys run amuck."


    Meanwhile, in Transylvania....

    A masculine figure in a black mask slowly walked up to Expat, who had his nose in a book but he was only pretending to read.

    "Did they take the bait?" the masked man said.

    Expat nodded. "They did. Now, go away. I don't like working with you!"

    "Excellent." The masked man morphed out of the place in a puff of black smoke.

  17. #57

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    Chapter 57: Die Die Diana

    Author's note: This is nothing against Diana personally. I like Diana and have nothing against her, just like I was never against Akra. No chapters are against anybody. There's no rape in this one, but a lot of violence.

    "Well that's enough of arguing with people over the internet and acting morally superior than them. Even when I actually am" Diana said. She shut down her computer and decided it was time for some fresh air.

    She went outside and took a deep breath. "I can't believe Sam doesn't realize that I'm powerful. I love to hunt! He cries too much is actually scared of guns, what a ******."

    She clocked the gun and looked out into her wilderness. She lived in a woodsy area, secluded, and far away from people. She was an introverted woman with powers that other people didn't understand. She was a regular half-demon adventurer like the others, though more of the noble loner. "I guess in a way, I do understand Sam's world and his social struggles. I just don't want to be a part of it and his little posse."

    "Maybe you should....."

    Diana turned around and gasped. She saw a 6-foot masked man, wearing all black standing before her. "Who are you?"

    "I am your end."

    Diana laughed. "No, really. Who are you?"

    He picked up Diana by the neck and squeezed her throat. "I said I am your end. When you look into my eyes you will merge yourself into my greater masculine being. I have no name and form but your own demise. Well, actually...."

    Diana waved her hands and sent the being running away against its own will.

    "Damn fear spells....I didn't think that would work on me" the creature said. "I need more power...."

    Diana ran away in the other direction, deeper into the woods.

    "God fucking damnit why is this happening?" she said. "I don't even use my powers often! The last time I was a hero was when I fought Abraham. I'm so careful and controlled and realistic and pragmatic and kick ass, that I couldn't possibly have conjured that on my own!" she said.

    "I could tell you" the figure said, reappearing before Diana and causing her to fall down on a bed of leaves by knocking into him. "But then again, I'd have to kill you. Well, you're going to die anyway...."

    Diana felt this thing, it was huge. Something that organically commanded that people paid attention to it. "You're an Idea...." Diana said. Being alone, in a forest. With an Idea. Not good.

    "Perhaps if you trusted people more and weren't such a selfish, introverted bitch then you wouldn't be in this predicament, would you?" the Idea morphed itself into an image of Diana herself. "Waaah I'm Diana nobody understands me, nobody can GET me." He punched her in the stomach, changing back to his black-masked masculine form when he did so. "You are innately inferior. I don't hate you, though. Hate is a mere emotion. My superiority is an advanced form of intellectualization you could never grasp."

    "So you go after those you think are weak. Classy." Diana looked at the being with strong, determined eyes. "I may be a loner but...." She backhanded the Idea against a tree. "I'm not fucking weak."

    "Even if you had protection, it matters not. I just like to taunt."

    "I'm getting that..." She cartwheel kicked the Idea twice in the face.

    "A priest that is good in melee combat. Impressive" it said. Diana tried to punch him but he blocked her hand and broke her wrist. "Want to know what else is impressive?"

    The Idea grabbed Diana's bottom lip, pried open her mouth, pulled at the tip of her tongue and ripped her tongue out from her body. He then showed the bloody object to her. "Getting to see your own tongue."

    Diana tried to hold back from showing the pain on her face. She wouldn't give this being the satisfaction of seeing her suffer.

    "Aw it's okay sweetie, let it out. Shh baby, just let it out." He pulled Diana close into his chest and feigned affection by cuddling her body. "Is this what daddy didn't do enough, is this why you go out and do all these things in society to make yourself feel special?" it spoke in a hoarse, masculine whisper. It kissed Diana on the forehead. "Just tell me."

    She punched him as hard as she could but he didn't so much as flinch.

    "Ooh you're making daddy hard" it said. "You're making daddy fucking hard. The Idea took two of Diana's arms and twisted it. "Do you know every man on earth is jacking off to this right now, they just won't admit it. But I am nature, I am greater than nature. I am just everything that created everything. I am....god. I am so great there's not even a word for me, you know. You're always, you're always lower than me."

    Diana tried to speak but of course she couldn't with no tongue, so she just squirted out strings of blood on the Idea's face. He laughed at that.

    "But no fucking you. No giving you pleasure. Sick fucking disgusting little thing" The Idea spit on Diana and pushed her to the ground.

    "Reality is what a man makes it, I can do whatever the fuck I want. And nobody can stop me" the Idea kicked Diana in the chest multiple times. It then took out a black knife from its belt.

    "You'll never know what it feels like to be the penetrator, the director. The person on top of the world. That which is higher than all life, the creator of life to begin with. Women and fags, they'll just never fucking know." It gave its knife a little twist in Diana's chest.

    Diana tried healing herself over and over again with her priest magic but he just laughed and dug the knife deeper into her, his power clearly overshadowing anything Diana could do. The Idea stood back up and shoved its black boot up against Diana's nose and made a little smudge. "You think I'm the bad guy here, you think I did this to you, as if you understand what 'I" really is. You think you made me do this, but you can never know can you. You can't capture the beauty I do, you're worthless."

    "Ooh its a light show." The Idea took one of Diana's healing spells into its mouth. It then gave out a loud manly burp.

    "See, daddy is the one that created you. So daddy is the one that tells you when it's bye bye." He grabbed Diana by the back of her head and threw a bunch a bunch of leaves in her hair. With one last oomph he broke open Diana's skull like a coconut.

    "That felt so fucking good" it said.

    A few seconds later, Diana reappeared in her bed. She physiologically shook a little from the horrible memory of being murdered. "I was....." She got up and looked in her bathroom mirror. It was not just a dream.

    "I'm not a priestess anymore. I'm a ......hunter?" Diana blinked. "Oh well. I can take care of myself, nothing has changed." She went into the bathroom and vomited.

    "I can't take care of myself...I need help....I need...." She didn't know what to do. "What fucking Idea was that?" she said.

  18. #58

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    Chapter 58: A Devil's Deal

    Nick just got done killing some white trash man in a trailer park. He went in the man's bathroom and looked at his face in the mirror. "It's funny. I look like him but I'm not really him. Or I am him, a masculine version of him?" he thought out loud.

    He washed the blood out of his hands and sighed. He looked up to see the same masked man that met with Expat and killed Diana.

    "Hello, Nicholas."

    Nick turned around. "Who are you?"

    "I can show you what evil really is, if you let me. What you're doing here, this is just kindergarten stuff."

    "What are you talking about, I totally owned that guy!" Nick said. "I fucking eviscerated him."

    The Idea patted Nick on his head. "Sure sweetie, of course. You're sooo tough" it said sarcastically.

    "You see I already know your thoughts better than you do. You think if you kill everybody that woman knows, she'll be gone forever. Such pure emptiness excites you. Because we find meaning in emptiness. You will find out who you really are the more you don't have."

    Nick nodded. This thing was smart. "Killing makes me feel so alive. Society doesn't understand."

    A flashback went to the sociopathic masculine abuse of what Nick had to put up with when he was in the army.

    "They are so soft, so weak. These pansies on 16types message boards don't know what I had to go through to protect them, to give them the mere ability to talk about things online that nobody cares about" Nick said. "They understand and appreciate nothing. I thought Gilly was on my side, but he's just like them."

    "You were the real hero. And you never got credit."

    "I never wanted credit" Nick said. "Just real understanding. And a friend that wasn't fake."

    "Human. So human. Boyhood masculinity needing a father. Am I to provide? I find your needs emasculating and vulgar."

    "You don't understand humanity, even the kind I posses. It's okay. I get it" Nick said.

    "Anyways, back on point here" the Idea said. "It is true, if every being that woman knows dies, then she'd die too. But just think about it, you know the woman as well, so you'd have to die too."

    "Yeah, so what?" Nick said. "I wouldn't mind. The rush I'd feel from ending my own existence would be well worth it. It would bring me to Nirvana. You really think I'm weak enough not to end my own life. Ha!"

    "But it gets more complicated than you know, padawan, because now you're not just dealing with who knows of her, now you're dealing with who knows of you. It just becomes a ripple effect that everybody else becomes involved with. In short, to permanently terminate one person so much that not even their Idea can bring them back, you have to kill every single person in the world! Are you up for such a task, can you do it?"

    Nick shrugged. "I'm not sure I want to go that far, man. And don't think I'm a pussy or anything either! I just....don't want to."

    "Of course you don't. Because you came through them, and you're a part of those people as well, though you think you're not to be cool and tough. It's funny, I thought you of all people would understand my vision. Your little tricks lead to nowhere in the end! They are just some juvenile game you're playing. You are not a man."

    "You want to end all existance?" Nick said.

    "Not *all* existance, that would end me too. Stupid! Just humanity..." The masked man smiled. "And the Chosen Ones especially."

    "I can't.... " Nick shook its head. "I can't do that. And not because I care about some false ideological construct like 'being good' but because nah man, hardly any human gets off on that kind of darkness!"

    "Very well..." The Idea shrugged and punched Nick so hard his upper body went flying off his spine and crashed through the mirror.

    "I'll ask somebody else."

  19. #59

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    Chapter 59: Coming Closer To You

    Dark Sam, Zombie Akra, Zombie Miley, Dark Dolphin and Dark Ashton were walking through a busy street in Orlando, Florida. They had just got back from a gay bar and they got done feeding on some helpless drag queens. They ran into the masked man.

    "Hello."

    Dark Sam raised a brow. "You have nice muscles. Did anybody ever tell you that you have nice muscles?"

    "Do you want to end all life?" The Idea said.

    Dark Sam blinked. "No, we just want to eat some human brains" Dark Sam shrugged. "I like to play around in those ideas myself sometimes but you know, it seems rather extreme."

    "I can give you a grand feast. It will just be the iceberg point of destruction from my perspective, but...." the Idea said.

    The Idea rolled its eyes. "Who am I kidding. You do not have a choice. You're pure evil and I am a stronger evil so I naturally have control over you. You're on my side now. The world is ours for the taking."

    Dark Sam suddenly stopped what he was doing and went up to the Idea and hugged him. "Yes master, anything you say master."

    The Idea lifted up Dark Sam's chin. It acted like it was going to kiss Sam but pulled away. It then started cracking up. "Homosexuality is so gross, you know that right?"

    "You wanted to make an army, I'll give you the biggest army ever. But first, we need even more people."

    The Idea teleported Dark Sam and the others to a hospital room. "That which they call Mune is in this facility. You will raise him."

    "Yes Master." Dark Sam twirled his staff and created Zombie Mune. Zombie Mune looked around. "Where is Vero? I want to crush in her skull for ever showing me real love."

    The Idea then teleported them to the Eckhart Tolle facility with the fried up bodies.

    "These people too, every last one of them that Sam killed. There's no bodies here but there are still.... psychic remnants. You can still raise them using that" The Idea said.

    "I'm not sure I have enough power to..."

    The Idea whacked Dark Sam on the back of his head. "Do it."

    Sam twirled his staff and raised all the people, one by one. "Faster ******" the Idea said. "Faster."

    Dark Sam began feeling wheezy and wobbly. "It's too much. I ...." finally, he raised all one hundred people in the auditorium that Sam had killed.

    They did the same thing to all the people in the Esther Hicks' auditorium.

    Then, the Idea went back to the room that Pink was shot in after the Elite found out she was helping Sam and the others for real. Dark Sam raised Pink, creating Zombie Pink. She looked around. "How can I serve you master?" she said.

    The Idea then sent them back to Hitta's house with a dead Hitta on the floor. His body still lie there because the authorities in small white trash towns were very lazy. Dark Sam rose Hitta, creating Zombie Hitta. "THROAT FUCK SKULLS AND THEN EAT THEIR BRAINS!" he said. "YEE-HAW!"

    The Idea and its army of 300+ people teleported in the main street in Orlando, Florida in dusty black smoke. Random folks started screaming and running away.

    "Hello darkness!" The Idea said, thrilled and juiced up with raw masculinity. The Idea then turned around at the huge crowd of zombies that Dark Sam created.

    "One thing you must realize is that the Ideas work for nobody. You are my food." The Idea then ripped open its chest and created a black vortex, and sucked up every single last Zombie. All 300 of them, one right after the other, making the Idea get stronger and stronger and stronger. His perspective and strength grew where it was like each person he looked at was like from the same perspective you have when you look down at somebody at the top of a 100-story building.

    Dark Dolphin, Dark Sam and Dark Ashton grabbed each other's hands (of course Dark Dolphin was in the middle because while Dark Ashton had no problem with gays; he wasn't gonna hold one's hands like that, dude) and ran away before they were Idea-food. They were actually scared.

    "That thing....he's going to destroy the world" Dark Ashton said.

    "No. He isn't. I can communicate with the other me" Dark Dolphin said. "They can stop him." She took the other Darks behind a wall where it was safe and began meditating.

  20. #60

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    Chapter 60: The Idea of.....

    "Something is calling us to back to earth" Dolphin said while the heroes swam through Jupiter's gassy clouds. "Another Idea is wrecking havoc on earth, just like Abraham was" she said. "We have to go stop it."

    "Or it could be another trap" Sam said. "I say we move forward."

    "Yeah and besides, these new space suits Sigma gave us are just too cool" Steve said. He spun around and giggled like you do when you give a straight guy a hackey sack.

    "No Sam, we need to go...." She rested her hands on Sam's shoulders and Vero teleported them to....

    The street in Florida.....

    "Uh....you sure we shouldn't have gotten our power upgrade first?" Sam asked, looking over at the tall strong 6-foot being 40 yards away from them. The Idea was wearing a bad-ass leather jacket and black boots and had on a gray muscle t-shirt.

    "There's no time!" Dolphin said. "We have to stop him." Dolphin raised her hands and shot out a water spell in her right hand and a fire spell in her left. But the being disappeared in a flash and ended up right in front of Dolphin.

    "You can teleport?" Dolphin asked, her lips trembling.

    "No. I'm just that fast. Physically. Naturally. Magic is for fags." He then punched Dolphin's head off.

    "Dolphin. NO. Dolphin!" Sam said as he watched the horror of his best friend being decapitated.

    "I'm okay!" Dolphin called out from top of a building.

    Vero shot out a Stun Shock spell that paralyzed the Idea for a few seconds. "I created a clone of Dolphin while at the same time replacing her real body somewhere safe" Vero said. "It's my new power. I learned it awhile back."

    "Nice" Sam said. "Keep it up, we can't lose!"

    "He can one shot all of us, all of us except maybe Steve" Eldanen said.

    "And we have no healers" Vero reminded Sam.

    "I will water jet people from up here!" Dolphin said.

    The Idea shrugged off Vero's paralysis and leapt up on top of the building to join Dolphin. "No. You won't" it said.

    Dolphin screamed and jumped down from the building, knowing it was the only way to save her life. Steve and Sam caught her before she fell on the pavement and died instantly (mostly Steve because of his melee powers).

    The Idea rushed back down to kill everybody in one downward punch.

    "THINK OF FUCKING SOMETHING!" Dolphin screamed.

    Sam and Vero combined their powers, and together they manifested a force field. The Idea knocked itself into the glowy magical outline and threw itself backwards into the glass wall of an ophthalmologist's shop.

    Sam looked at Eldanen. He looked so scared and faggy, just standing there. "Eldanen! We need you to summon an Idea for this fight. I know you can do it" he said.

    "I uh I uh...."

    "DO IT" Dolphin said. "You have to!"

    Eldanen waved his hands and conjured the Idea of Hulk Hogan.

    "That's the best you could do?" Vero asked, raising a brow.

    "I-I'm sorry. I don't know what - I'm not used to this okay! I know I'm strong I just can't focus..... my kind of magic takes a long time to get good at."

    The Idea roundhouse kicked the Idea that Eldanen summoned, destroying it instantly.

    "Shit. An Idea that can one-shot Ideas" Steve said. His eyes looked so afraid and lost, like when you leave a 5-year-old boy in the supermarket at 3 AM and he doesn't know how to get back home. "Sam, I don't think we're strong enough to fight this thing."

    "Steve....I believe in you" Sam said. "I know you can actually make a difference, and not just be a victim to self-help charlatans who want to suck your power from you. I know you can be more than a middle-class mama's boy. I know that you can be a real man."

    Sam grabbed Vero and Dolphin's hands and together they channeled all of their magical power into Steve. "With our help, of course."

    Steve ran up to the Idea and tried to punch it, but he dodged. The Idea then pinched Steve's adam apple. Steve yelped out in pain, but he used that pain to bicycle kick him in the chest. He then followed through with an uppercut, but the Idea blocked and knocked him down to the ground. Steve was so weak he couldn't even get back up. The Idea kicked him in the stomach anyway. Steve struggled to stay conscious. A few more hits, he'd be done for. Using all the strength he had, Steve recover flipped up and high kicked the Idea, but it didn't phase him much.

    Steve grabbed a lose electrical wire and pressed it against the Idea's chest, but the Idea seemed to actually like the pain. Steve tried to sweep the Idea off his feet, but of course that didn't work either. Steve punched the Idea but he just stood there.

    "It's not working...." Dolphin said.

    "Steve, retreat!" Sam called out. He sucked away the power boost that he gave Steve, and the magic went back into Sam, Dolphin and Vero.

    "Sam no, too soon!" Dolphin yelled.

    The Idea ran up from behind Steve and punched his fist through his back, with so much power that you could see his hand appear out from the other side. With no more magic boost, Steve died instantly. The Idea took out Steve's heart and held it up over his face and squeezed blood all over his face, all while making asshole frat boy-ish "Ahhhhh" sounds when he did so.

    "No. Steve. Steve. The Idea of you, come back to us. Please. STEVE!" Sam called out. "You can come back as a bard class, just COME BACK!"

    "Maybe I can summon him back here" Eldanen said. He tried, but he summoned the Idea of rosie o-donnel instead." The Idea roundhouse kicked one-shot that Idea as well.

    "HOLY SHIT IT'S A CLEAR DRAGON!" Dolphin said suddenly. She pointed up at the black sky. They were in for it now.

    "I guess, we wanted to see where this took us and. I guess, the only thing left to say is I love you, Sam. I'm sorry we didn't make it. Perhaps in another time, another world...."

    "Dolphin!" Sam said. "Look again."

    "The Dragon! It's on our side. It's attacking the Idea! Not us! We're saved!" Sam said.

    Ten minutes ago:

    Expat walked into Sigma's hut.

    "Expat? What are you doing here?" Sigma asked.

    "They are in grave danger" Expat said. "They are losing The War."

    "Yeah. I know. But I don't want to risk myself to save them. Some protector I am, eh? The earth will be destroyed...." Sigma said. "Maybe he'll leave Akliash alone...."

    "I got associated with the Idea. I knew I shouldn't have. It gave me protection in exchange for doing evil deeds" Expat said.

    "You have to let me help" Expat said. "You have something in here that lets me summon the best monster that I've got." He walked over to a small room in Sigma's place, took out a brown flute from a drawer and begun playing it. A Clear Dragon roared in the sky and flew down towards earth.


    Back to the present:

    Vero and Dolphin and Sam cast magic spells on the Idea while the Clear Dragon clawed at him.

    But The Idea grabbed the dragon's mouth and turned it inside out. So you could see all his yucky veiny clear dragon-y insides. It rolled up its body into a huge ball, and then power-punched it, killing it instantly. The Clear Dragon exploded in a bunch of stars like how it sometimes does when you kill powerful bosses in video games.

    Sam, Dolphin, Vero and Eldanen just stood there with their jaws dropped.

    "We have to retreat" Vero said. She teleported them out of there and back into Sigma's. While teleporting out, the Idea just belched at them, causing so much pain while they teleported that it was like they just got beat up in a regular fight. Just from one bitty burp.

    Sigma saw the heroes all bloody and bruised and blistered and sore and wet and tired and down and depressed and lost and confused and miserable.

    "What Idea was I fighting there?" Sam said. He spat out blood on Sigma's carpet but he didn't give a shit.

    "The Idea of Homophobia. What else? The anti-thesis of everything that you are, and everything that you stand for" Sigma said.

    Sam looked around at the others, cried and sighed and went to sleep in Dolphin's lap.

  21. #61

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    Chapter 61: It's Not Wanting What You Have... (Part 1 of 2)

    Sam, Dolphin, Vero, Eldanen and Sigma were having a very important meeting in his lab. They were all sitting around a large table. They had all showered and cleaned up from last night's carnage.

    "Why is he destroying cities like a stereotypical godzilla monster?" Dolphin asked Sigma. "He's the Idea of Homophobia. Why not just kill all gays?"

    "That's the thing. He needs to kill off everybody in the human race so gays don't exist. We're all connected, gay or not, and if you kill off humanity then homosexuality will cease to exist" Sigma said.

    "But homosexuality just doesn't exist in humans" Vero said. She then gave that line about 450 animal species that practice homosexuality, like a stereotypical straight supporter person.

    "I'm certain he won't stop there. Homosexuality is so naturally intertwined in nature that all of reality is doomed" Sigma said. "Everything except for its own existance, which of course is what Ideas want. Purity. Perfection."

    "Save the gays, and you save the world?" Eldanen said.

    "But um, how is my idea any better" Sam asked. "The idea of saving all gay people just means that, the only thing left is my pure idea of gay empowerment. That's just as vacuumy and selfish and evil, right?" Sam said.

    Sigma blinked. "Uh well. I guess, you could look at it that way. But Sam! Dear Sam boy! Um Sam, this is the Idea of Homophobia. *THE* pure Idea of homophobia. I thought you'd be thrilled with this, you are sort of a natural at it" Sigma said.

    "No. I'm not. It's who I want to be, but it's not who I really am. Not exactly. You do realize that I can't stand most gay men. I just make fun of them over the internet. And straight guys turn me on more. Every problem I hate in gay men, I myself have. I'd be a big hypocrite if I went up against that thing. And besides it can um....kick my ass?"

    "Perhaps, if that is all is true, it just makes this fight even more worth it?" Vero said.

    Sam put his head down. "I'm ashamed to admit this but I was actually turned on by him. A part of me wants him to succeed with his plan and I just can't ignore that" Sam said.

    "He's so masculine and tough and virile, everything we perceive gay men aren't. The Idea is just so fucking strong...." Vero said.

    A lightbulb appeared over the summoner's head. "Is that why it can walk on earth, unlike the other Ideas? Because we let it?" Eldanen's head.

    Sigma nodded. "All of humanity combined still believes in the very essence of what this thing actually is" Sigma said. "Homophobia, rooted deep in all of us. It's the reason why Prop 8 passed and why homosexuality is still looked down upon so much."

    "Nobody summoned the Idea, like they did Abraham. The Idea manifested because of everybody putting power into it. We're like at a war with evil and humanity at the same time, so that's why nobody in the real world is gonna help us much with this thing" Dolphin said. "Scary....it even has power over the Ancient Ones!" she realized.

    "There's no time to change the world's mind. We just need enough power to blow it up. Thoughts?" Sam asked the gang.

    "It's deeply embedded into our psychology. I'm afraid it would use any power we have against us. Everybody is afraid of it, and secretly believes in it like you said" Sigma said. "Sort of like when people say 'Men just like women and THAT'S that' all pure and strong and direct like you just can't argue against it. So you don't."

    "How the hell do you fight something so intertwined in our consciousness?" Dolphin said.

    "I don't understand" Eldanen said. "The gays have come a long way, haven't they? I mean it's not illegal to be gay i-in some countries at least, and there are gays on TV. More and more people really aren't as homophobic as they were before. Right?" Eldanen said.

    "It doesn't matter. We're still second class citizens. We're still thought of as less than and weaker, psychologically speaking. Like we keep saying, that certainly is enough that the Idea can walk on earth freely without even being summoned by a summoner. Because we're all summoning it" Sam said.

    "And any time you try to make the fags believe in themselves, they redirect the energy into what straight people think of them" Sam continued "Or they allow themselves to be distracted into consuming things and being part of a fake society, like what they've done with most women" he said.

    "How can you blame us?" Eldanen said. "It's only true, straight people are the reason we exist. Duh!" Eldanen said.

    "Yes, but Elda. We're not the reason you live. Well we are, but not the reason you're live-ing" Vero said. "That has to be up to you."

    Sam shook his head "We're doing what it wants us to do. Second-guessing ourselves like useless hippies while it goes out and destroys. We have to just try fighting it again. This time with a lot more people. It took a shitload of adventurers to kill off Abraham, and it's gonna take the same thing to stop the Idea of Homophobia."

    Eldanen stood up. Feeling confident, and like this was worth it, he used his powers and called forth the Idea of everybody by tapping into the greater, general part of them. Vero chimed in and sort of 'reversed teleported' their physical presence with her canadian, women-power ideals. Sam used his heart to gather everybody as well, along with Dolphin. Together, they all worked together, and the 16types people appeared in Sigma's place.

    Glam, Pluie, Ashton, Allie, heath, Maria, Gulanzon, Isha, J Riddy, Vuze, Diana, Mysticsonic, Tereg, Redbaron, Bionicgoat, Numbers, Joy, discojoe, Gilly, Juju, Arctures and Sean all appeared.

    "We have another Idea to kill" Sam said to the group. "So. Let's kill it." Vero teleported all the people back to the Idea of homophobia. They all watched him lift up this homeless elderly woman and snapped her entire body over his knee.

    Gilly walked up to Sam. "Uh, Sam! I'm glad we're here. I was looking for you. It's about Nick...."

    "Uh, now is not the time. And you know it. It will have to wait..." Sam said.

    The entire city of Orlando was almost completely destroyed. Nobody gave a shit, because on the internet there was this really *hot* video of a black girl being throat fucked so hard she actually loses an eyeball. For real. And it was consensual so nobody could do anything about it, and everybody secretly got off on it and the few people who did try and show some concern were just looked down upon.

    J Riddy got out his bow and shot multiple arrows at the Idea's face. The Idea batted away most of them, but quite a few pierced at its face.

    Dolphin and Vero combined their energy together to create a ray that was powerful enough to actually damage the beast. A little. In fact, all long-range pure casters did the same thing. The combined power of everybody's magic turned the beam into this sort of dark yellow, pissy color.

    "Before we came here, Sigma gave us a few cool toys to use" Sam said. He stopped pooling into the large laser beam, and ran up to the Idea. Sam swung in an upwards motion at the Idea's face. "Like this rainbow scythe. An ancient weapon forged by the first three gay men that walked upon the earth. It's power shall end you."

    The Idea dodged it, grabbed the scythe from Sam and broke it over its knee. "Gay. Stop copying off of Buffy" it said. It then punched Sam so hard he went flying backwards a whole bunch of feet. With the combined strength of Sam's friends around him, it didn't kill him but still -- OUCH. It fucking hurt. Like when all the straight boys in gym class pick on the weak fag and throw all the rubber dodge balls on him. Times a million. Bionicgoat healed Sam up to full again.

    "It just killed off the holiest, most ancient gay weapon we have" Sam said. "Just like that. I don't believe it. I CAN'T believe it" Sam wanted to cry, but knew that he couldn't.

    "Best to leave me in melee range" Sean said. It looked into the Idea's eyes. "I'm so gonna kick your ass. I am masculine and strong and I am an estp! What do you have to say to THAT" Sean kicked the Idea in his balls, uppercutted his face, spat on his face, jumped up on his back and started gouging at his eyeballs.

    Sam, Justin, Eldanen and Arctures swooned and sighed at that like teenage girls in love.

    "But you don't really believe that other gay men can be the same way.... you're too selfish" The Idea said. It then grabbed Sean's hands and threw him back towards Sam so all the poor 16types gays and bis toppled into one another and fell down like bowling pins.

    "You broke other gay men's hearts and you don't care. As long as you get what you want."

    "I don't need Sean to be with me." But I still kinda want to... Sam thought. "He's my friend" Sam said. He shot out a Neon Bolt spell at the Idea. The Idea just opened his mouth wide and homoerotically deep throated the entire spell down his throat. He swallowed it down like a manly cop. He started laughing at Sam. "You're pathetic."

    But a few seconds later, he got whacked hard in the face by the combined magical bolt of all the casters.

    "Are we weakening him in anyway?" Sam called out to his troops.

    "Not really. He's -- He's toying with us....this is. This is not working" Pluie said.

    "Argh. I just wanna go home and ride my bicycle" Heath said.

    "Yeah. It's like we're hurting him but he just doesn't care?" Maria said. "It's just not enough. What can be more than enough than this, I don't know. But it's not working."

    Gulanzon transformed into a Garuda. He tried to pick the Idea up and then make him fall down again, but he couldn't even lift him off the ground.

    The Idea of Homophobia punched down on the street and caused an earthquake, sending all adventurers down to the ground. An adventurer slipped and hung at the edges. Isha looked off in the distance to see who it was.

    "Tereg!" Isha called out. She tried to help him back up, but it was too late. He fell down into the earth. The Idea had super-sped towards him and kicked him down before she could help him. He was about to one-shot kill Isha, but Sean taunted him and he went back to wailing on him.

    "He'll be back. He only wins if all of us, if *everybody in the world* dies" Sam said. "Don't cry. No more tears. Just stay strong. WE FIGHT!"

    Mysticsonic was normally a cool and laid-back guy, but he began to worry. "There's not many healers here. We won't have enough healers to keep Sean up" he called out.

    "My pet can tank" J Riddy said. "Wait a minute. This isn't Wow. This is original and unique. Hunters don't have pets."

    "And even if you did have pets, they wouldn't be powerful enough to tank him. Not this boss." Sam said. "Sean is our man."

    Vero had enough. "I hate seeing somebody pick on homosexuals and women. How dare they!" She ran up in melee range.

    "Vero? What are you doing! You're a caster...." Dolphin said.

    "I can charge my electricity inward, creating a melee double type" Vero said. With superhuman womyn canadian/fag strength, Vero picked up the Idea by the throat and swung it around 360 degrees and smashed it hard against the pavement. She then drove her knees on the Idea's skin, so it peeled the skin off its face a bit.

    "Go vero go!" Sam cheered.

    The Idea of Homophobia stood back up and grabbed both of Vero's arms. It yanked both her arms out of the sockets. It started to use them to beat on Vero's body. "Why are you hitting yourself huh, why are you hitting itself?" it said like the sociopathic straight schoolyard bully you knew in 4th grade that even the teachers were too scared to stand up to, as they spent all their time trying to talk to the fags instead, instead of standing up to true evil. This is why, this is exactly why this exists and why it's so strong.

    "WHAT THE FUCK, HEAL HER!" Sam screamed.

    The Idea suddenly transformed into a quiet anorexic monk that looked skeletal and creepy. "Healing is....for fags."

    The Idea of Homophobia then leaped in the air, and conjured a dark magical sword the moment it suspended itself in the air. It crashed back down and when it did, dark magical rays shout out from the ground and came up into the hearts of all healers. Making them all have heart attacks, and die. Anybody that could heal. Was dead.

  22. #62

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    Chapter 62: The Idea of No Healers

    "Oh....my" Dolphin said. "Overpowered much?"

    "We have to....retreat. Again." Vero teleported them all back to Sigma's place.

    "There's lots of bleeding" Dolphin said about Vero.

    "Well duh Dolphin! She lost her fucking arms!" Eldanen said.

    Sam walked up to Eldanen and slapped him. "Don't be rude."

    "I used to be a paramedic. I think I can save her" a random 16types person said. He went through Sigma's junk to find some first aid shit.

    "Just....kill me. I'm useless like this. I'll come back stronger, if you just ..... kill me" Vero said.

    "We can't know that for certain. Why isn't Steve or Mune back yet?" Sam said. "What is going on here?" Sam said.

    Dolphin talked while her arms were folded like the strong woman she was. "This goes back farther than him just killing off the healers this time. A flashback played before in her mind, when they all got blown up in Sam's house.

    "It started back before, when we all came back to life as pure damage dealers. Killing all healers must also be what the Idea of Homophobia wants, in order to execute its grand plan" she said.

    Larry Kramer suddenly teleported to the heroes, wearing his cartoony NOBODY CARES IF A ****** DIES white sweater with purple font. "Well, yes and no...." he said.

    "Larry!" Sam said.

    "The Good Ideas needed pure power classes to stop the Idea of Homophobia. Therefore, we altered all of reality so that every healing class was eradicated for the sake of more damage classes. We still need tanks.....but only one. One special chosen tank. That would you be, Sean. You are the chosen protector of all gays. Do not let us down."

    Sean smiled. "Hey it's just my job...."

    "But with no healers, how can there even be a tank?" Sam said.

    "It is unfortunate, but we have to paradoxically give it what it wants in order to stop it" Larry said. "No healing magic to counter its destruction. But we won't have enough raw power to beat the Idea otherwise, and even then ....it may not be enough" Larry said.

    "You don't need healers to tank, not really. I just have to mitigate enough damage while you guys down it" Sean said.

    "Sean! Don't be ridiculous. That thing takes you down to like 1 HP in one hit" Justin said.

    "I also have evasive skills too you know. I could get better" Sean said. "And I could work on my defense abilities more so that I can withstand its attacks better."

    "It's not enough. That power upgrade quest, we have to go do that" Dolphin said.

    Diana looked at Larry and growled. Like she finally figured out something. "Your men tricked the Idea of Homophobia into going after me!" she said.

    A flashback appeared and it showed some ancient gay monk in a pink robe spilling 'I'm a smelly dyke' perfume on Diana's jacket while she was in the shower.

    "You were a healer. We had to. We had to kill you, in order to create an effective, all gay and gay supporting army. A true one, the first of its kind. Tank/healing/DPS Balance by default is heteronormative, created by straight white nerds who just want money. We need you all to be the same, all pure damage dealers to take down the Idea. Except for Sean. And maybe not even him, if it comes down to it."

    "So that's it? There are no more healing classes left? In the entire world?" Sam asked.

    Larry shook his head. "I'm afraid not. This is the only way. This is unfortunately how it has to be done. We knew how dangerous the Idea of Homophobia is. We thought it might wait later on to attack, but...." he sighed. "I always knew this was coming."

    "And when we lose people, do we lose them forever. Why aren't Steve and Mune back yet?"

    "The Idea of Healing has been destroyed, so their own Ideas can't manifest their physical form any more, as that in of itself is the Ultimate healing spell. By killing off the world's healers, the Idea of them can't bring them back to be with you."

    "This shit is big. This is REALLY big" Dolphin said.

    "You mean, I'll always have no arms. Forever?" Vero said.

    Sam looked over at Vero, grabbed her hands and started crying with her. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

    Suddenly, the door to Sigma's hut burst open.

    "You think that was the end?" The Idea of Homophobia said. "I'm just getting started."

  23. #63

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    Chapter 63: ....It's Losing What You've Got (Part 2 of 2)

    Sam looked over at Larry. "What else you got?"

    "That is all. Our plan has succeeded. We tricked the Idea of Homophobia into eradicating all healers. Now it's only a matter of-" The gang suddenly saw Larry's head fly off his body by a swirling whizzing axe.

    "Gay men could never catch moving projectiles well" The Idea of Homophobia said.

    "He did it. He just killed the leader of us all. *Thee Larry Kramer. The one who saw what really needed to be done"... Eldanen said.

    "His legacy lives on, in all of us!" Sam said. Sam shot out a Neon Bolt spell at the Idea. He dodged the spell by somersaulting in the air and showing off his muscular thighs. He then landed back down on the floor and caused all adventurers to stumble.

    "We can't just let him slaughter us again. We have to run away" Dolphin said. Vero teleported them all to Jupiter. But the Idea followed them there, too. From one planet to another, just like *finger snap.*

    "Even Jupiter believes in me more than it does you. I am about to go and get the power that is meant for you! The Idea said.

    "Oh no you don't!" Sean said. The adventurers raced The Idea through all of Jupiter until they came across three female fairies, who hovered in the middle and flapped their wings. One had on a pink shirt, the other a green and the last one had on blue. But the Idea was faster and got there before they did.

    The Idea grabbed the three fairies and gobbled them up. Crunch, crunch, crunch. It was scary and real like when you're outside and you see a toad just casually eat a fly just because they can. Just because they're bigger and tougher and straighter and stronger. "They were the three fairies that created the Gay men who made the scythe that you thought would stop me!" The Idea of Homophobia said.

    "Well there goes that plan..." Dolphin said. "And that reminds me of that one children's book!" she said.

    The Idea of Homophobia then channeled the entire planet of Jupiter into his own essence, and magnified Jupiter's power so much that it broke the protective space suit and killed off every last 16Types Adventurer.

    They all died heroes. They all died knowing who they were.

    ***

    Sam was up in the realm of Ideas now, along with all the others. "Dolphin, where are you?"

    "Most of the rest of the gang have already begun to turn on each other. It's hopeless, Sam. The Idea of Homophobia is going to destroy all of reality, then he's going to come up here and destroy all other Ideas in the realm of Ideas. He won't come up here yet. But soon enough, he will."

    "We have to reverse this, somehow. Before I become so narcissistic we end up fighting each other."

    "Larry said that won't work. No healers....." Dolphin said.

    "J-just the Idea of Healing is gone. But, the idea of something better has to still exist. Hope, raw pure hope that when life is as shitty as possible, it *can* get better. We have to tap into that and..." Sam thought long and hard, and....

    Conjured all of reality back to about ten seconds before Vero was about to send them all to Jupiter. The trip sort of felt like being locked up in prison for three years then finally coming out, only to discover that when you do your 'free life' isn't much better than prison was. That's how sad Sam felt. Sam looked over at Dolphin. "I'm sorry, it was the best I could do...."

    "Vero. Don't take us to Jupiter. He'll just follow and steal the power that was meant for us" Sam said.

    "Yeah. We know" Vero said. "So, now what?"

    "You die" The Idea of Homophobia said. It lifted up Maria by the neck and killed her instantly.

    Gilly tried to drop an anvil on the Idea with his Jester powers, but the Idea caught the anvil and threw it at Gilly's face. Down goes Gilly.

    "He's just going to kill us off one by one until there's nobody left. Then he can easily rip the rest of the world to shreds. And nobody cares, because. Hot throat fuck porn. Strong straight man ideals. Useless football games and consumers and media distractions and 'jobs' that challenge nothing, that just further reinforce what you think you know, because they want money so they feed off your ego. They don't want true change. It's all stronger than all of us, stronger than all we have here...."

    "You think?" the Idea of Homophobia said. It then went up to Eldanen and killed him by punching his fist though his forehead.

    Vero used her power and instead of going to Jupiter, teleported them all to San Francisco.

    ***

    "It's a gay sanctuary here. He won't attack here" Sam said. He looked around. "How many us are left?" he said.

    "I don't know. Still, a lot?" Dolphin said.

    "We lost Eldanen" Sam said. "He can summon Ideas, he was our main man. And now he's-"

    Eldanen went up to Sam and smacked him on the back of his head.

    "I saved him with my cloning power" Vero said. She was armless, in a wheelchair, being pushed by Bionicgoat. "I may be armless but I'm still armed" Vero quipped.

    "And Gilly too?" Dolphin said. Vero nodded.

    "And Maria!" Sam said.

    "No, no. Not Maria. She was the first one he killed out of those three, so he able to catch me off guard" she said.

    "Well, most of us made it...." Dolphin said.

    An effeminate campy gay man walked up to them and rolled his eyes. He heard the entire conversation. "Bitch please! Every midwestern ****** who takes himself too seriously thinks that he's a gay hero. You just need to get off that shit, realize there's more to you than being gay and go out and participate in the world like a normal person. You're doing NOTHING and you're wasting your life!" he said.

    "Um. Well uh. You still don't have equal rights...." Sam said.

    "Who cares. We don't want EQUALITY, we want DIVERSITY. Which includes respecting those that disagree with us, even somebody that wants to kill me! Somebody can only make me inferior if they have my consent, the idea of Homophobia could NEVER hurt me because I REFUSE TO BE A VICTIM IN MY LIFE unlike you, Sam! You just need to go out and earn money and stop all this shit!"

    "It's an Esther Hicks nut, Sam" Dolphin said. "Don't think we can get through to him. He thinks anything bad that happens to him his own fault."

    "Sam?" Joy politely asked. "I think he has a point?" Discojoe nodded because he was a budding sociopath.

    "Shut up Joy" everybody said in unison. Joy shut up.

    The girly ****** snapped his fingers and walked off.

    "That fag doesn't understand what we're doing for him, and we can't make him 'Get It'" Sam said with a sigh. "He's happy. It may very well be a wrong, manufactured happiness but it's a happiness. He has a good material life, and all the cock he can suck."

    "I already understand that perspective" Sam said. "And I don't care. But it is sort of, you know, demoralizing. God I hate effeminate bitchy twinks. Gay guys like Sean are so much cooler."

    "They are sort of too toxic to respect?" Rick said.

    "You just hate him cause he's like you" a random 16types person. "That's how homophobia works."

    "No. It's not how it works. And I'm nothing like that! I am soft and sensitive and empathetic, not toxic and biting. Ugh."

    "This is gay. Why are we even helping you. We have our own lives to lead. Until the Ideas go after us we just shouldn't care" Jessica said. A few adventurers left the party. Everybody began splitting up again.

    "All of reality ending....the world dying?" Sam said. "Doomsday! Death! Destruction.... puppies kicked? Remember. The apocalypse?"

    "It's San Francisco, Sam. They're seeing the gays content and happy here and so they don't really think they are in a victim status" Dolphin said. "And well, they aren't."

    "It's an illusion" Sam said. "It's okay to be gay here, but it's not okay everywhere like it should be. And as long as it's not true everywhere, how can it be truth? They're just fooling themselves....they aren't standing up to evil!"

    An effeminate black gay man driving a car screamed "GET A JOB, NOBODY CARES ******!" from out his window. A few of his other homosexual friends started howling with laughter at Sam and splashed mud on Sam's body when they drove by. He was fast, aggressive, loud and obnoxious. Everything that Sam wasn't. And Sam was supposed to feel some sort of kinship for this person, just because they're both gay? What was he thinking!

    Sam looked at himself and just '....' at that. He looked at Dolphin and the others. "I'm sorry....but I need to be alone right now. I guess go take a break, explore the city. Do what you want while I think of a way to fix this mess."

  24. #64

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    Chapter 64: Downward Spiral

    Sam went to gay bars in San Francisco and saw all the homosexuals being happy and dancing in their own little worlds. For awhile Sam just lightened up and danced with the other ******s. But he quickly grew bored of this.

    "You know there's an Idea out there- that wants you all dead. We have to fight-" Sam stopped for a moment, dodging a guy who tried to give him drugs. "Doesn't partying seem useless in a way?" Sam asked a latino hunk with his shirt off. "Like what is there to really celebrate? This seems like escapism."

    He just laughed at Sam like he was nothing. "It's gay people's own fault if anything bad happens to them. Everybody knows that. Life is meant to just have fun and do what you want!"

    Sam started feeling deluded, like the world he was in before wasn't real and it was like that lost fag feeling where you didn't know what was real and what was fake. He looked around for a friend to lean on, but he was a stranger in a strange land.

    "Hey wanna fuck?" a guy asked Sam.

    "No, but I'd like to get to know you and maybe...." The gay man laughed at Sam. "Get over yourself sweetie, lol you think you can save the world and shit - oh my fucking god. Oh my god!!!"
    Sam put his head down. "This is why I don't like gay men or other gay bars...."

    "Rough night honey?" A drag queen said to Sam in the bar. Sam looked up and saw it was Sister Unity Divine! She had a blue pretzel painted on her face and was wearing an orange jump suit.

    "Yeah. Why are these people hurting my feelings?" Sam said.

    "They know what you're saying is true. They just. Well... It's hard for them. You're being too extreme all at once. It's sort of repulsive. You have to be the cool mysterious sexy straight boy we all fall in love with." Sister Unity said.

    Sam took a sip of a strawberry daiquiri that Sister Unity paid for. "I'm trying to save a whole bunch of people that I never really liked. I'm trying to save a world that I never belonged to or genuinely enjoyed. The only thing I found comfortable in life is seeing people the way that I wanted to see them...." Sam said.

    Sister Unity listened empathetically at Sam's spiel. She half-way opened her mouth like she was about to say something wise, deep, understanding and philosophical but she said instead "Nobody cares honey. Bend over and let's see that ass!"

    "Sister Unity, not you too...."

    Sam went back on the streets of San Francisco. "You have no idea where you're going, do you?" Park Wiley said to him with a stuck up smiling grin. He then just laughed. "Those clothes! That hair" he cracked up at Sam. "I bet you want this huh! You can only get it on the internet, ya dork" Park Wiley laughed at Sam, cause he knew it was true.

    "I had a crush on you but you're so narcissistic and asshole-ish, like all porn stars...." Sam said.

    "There's so much living life that you don't even know you little ******, you actually think there's something out there that wants to end the world. ROFLMAO, bye!" He then jumped in the arms of these studs that looked so perfect and skipped along the sidewalk. He whispered something mean about Sam in the other guy's ear.

    Sam clenched his fist. He felt dizzy from all the bullying. "I actually believed in you guys , but it's all a lie?" Sam called out. "GAYS STILL AREN'T FUCKING EQUAL, ISN'T ANYBODY ANGRY?" he said.

    "The world loves gays, it's all in your head, it's all in your head."

    "No it's not! You're still not.....you're still not treated right objectively" Sam called out.

    "We make our own reality, our own reality, our own reality...." the gay men chanted.

    "No you don't. It's narcissistic, it's not real to think that pain and discrimination doesn't effect you. And you know it. Homophobia still hurts your feelings, admit it!"

    "Just get a job ******, job ****** job ******"

    "ARGGGGHHHH!" Sam screamed. "I'm trying to SAVE YOUR SOULS THIS IS MUCH BIGGER THAN A JOB"

    "Nobody cares ******, nobody cares ******, nobody cares."

    "You don't even care enough about yourselves to realize when you're being saved. Is that it?"

    "Shut up and party fag party fag party fag. Life is good, life is what you make it. We're happy here! Happy here, happy here, happy here...."

    "BECAUSE YOU HAVE DRUGS THAT ARE MAKING YOU HAPPY! IT'S NOT REAL. You need to talk about your emo issues!"

    "If you want to be a therapist, then be it, make money off of other people's pain ******, pain ******, pain ******...."

    The gay men just swirled around in Sam's head and laughed and condescended at him. Teasing him with their erotic charms then pulling away at the last second, acting just like the straight bullies that treated them that way.

    "No, no....that's not the way!" he said.

    Sam ran around and realized he wasn't in San Francisco anymore. He wasn't in any physical place anymore. He was just in a scared little black space, the place in your mind you go to where you don't know where else to turn to.

  25. #65

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    Chapter 65: The Idea of Slow Suicide

    Sam went more into himself, not in the meditative sense, but deeper into the black emptiness he felt his entire life. The spot that you know is always there but you're always too afraid to face it. He was in some sort of vortex of his own mind and consciousness.

    He saw a voice, or a figure, he wasn't sure what it was. It took no form, because there was no form here. Just thoughts. Just ideas. It said to him 'That is the truth of what you are. No matter what you do, all homosexuals are slowly killing themselves.'

    Sam started crying. "I knew it was silly and dorky and wrong, you know. I knew how pathetic it was, but all I wanted was for us just to love each other" Sam said. "But they are just so selfish, and self-absorbed, they don't care what anybody has been through. And I don't care either. I want to. But wanting's not enough."

    "Nobody cares that you cry. They get stronger off it, temporarily. It feeds their own brittle confidence, disguising the truth of what I just said. That they're all slowly killing themselves. Like Oscar Wilde is. That is the essence of homosexual love: Slow death. You rarely realize it, but it's always happening. You're just a slow suicide, good for nothing ******."

    Sam just cradled his head in his knees and let the voice talk to him more.

    "You get a crush on a boy. But it's a hologram-y crush. It goes go nowhere. How can it? You cannot create anything together. Your ******s. Don't idealize it into something different, because you know what I'm saying is true. You just sort of slip down with each other. You die slowly together and it feels beautiful in a way because it happens so gradual, you can barely feel the organic nothingness of it all. You're just slipping off the edge of reality, off the edge of *all* realities. They made the world for straight people. But that's the way it has to be. How do you think you even exist right now, ******? You came from them, but you're a mistake. It's all just a mistake. A sin. A missing of the mark. An anomaly."

    "No matter what I do, no matter how strong I fight. No matter what powers we get, the end is inevitable....." Sam said to the voice.

    "Yes. It's happening so slowly and so beautifully you just have to let it end. Just let it go away. Just give up. Fade out completely like that Radio Head song tells you to do."

    "Where's the end. It has to end? A slow suicide has to become a regular suicide eventually. Right? Then maybe we'd know peace..."

    "No. No peace for ******s. It's a slow suicide. You cannot permanently destroy any energy, even ****** energy. You can only make it less or more or transfer it. We don't have to kill you. We just have to slowly kill you. You don't die because ******s were never alive and you cannot kill that which has no life."

    "It's true. It's not ideal or right, but it's TRUE. The world would really be a better place if homosexuals weren't in it. We cause too many problems" Sam said.

    "To save the world, to stop the Idea of Homophobia, you need to give up being gay" the voice said.

    Sam saw a vision of the Idea of Homophobia going into his grandmother's house. A person who was ambivalent about gays, wanting to understand them but was still fearful. He picked her up by her 88-year-old head and ripped her head off its body and started playing soccer with her head. He then saw the Idea demolish that house, and that entire block, and the whole world just crumbling and falling and everybody dying and screaming and exploding.

    They tried to find some ideal, some hope to latch onto. But there wasn't anything. The gays in the gay bar died while being in their own little world. Dolphin died with a blank expression on her face, though she had an apologetic one a few seconds prior.

    Sam blinked. Then suddenly looked up into the void and yelled out while being in so much pain. He telepathically demanded that Eldanen summon the final, ultimate Idea. The Idea of No Homosexuals.

    In a flash, there was no more gay people, and no more Idea of homophobia because it can't exist if there's no gays.

    The end. Sam saved the world, by giving up what he thought was important, but really wasn't. Sam eradicated homosexuality completely from the planet.

  26. #66

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    Chapter 66: A World With No Gay People

    Magic didn't exist. There was no powers or classes. For the most part, everybody just loved and cared for each other and started families together. Nobody went against the norm much, and if they did, they had a psychological disorder that was quickly diagnosed by professionals and taken care of. It was not a peaceful world though. Please do not equate peaceful with perfect.

    Magic was first invented by gays, given to those that are different in order to protect themselves against an unfair world. But if there is no differences that make people feel uncomfortable, then magic is moot.

    There was still black people and stuff, cause everybody already liked them anyway. For the most part. They were still treated right, objectively. There was still differences, but they were tolerated, and those who were different knew they had to give themselves up to save the whole.

    Sam and his wife Dolphin were in a small ranch house together in Albion Michigan, where Starr Commonwealth used to be. There's no need for Starr Commonwealth anymore, because there was no gays to make trouble in the world. They were raising three kids together. John, Lindsay and Robin. Lindsay was only three years old, John was 10 in fourth grade and Robin was a 14-year-old teenager.

    "John is shy in school and he stutters. I wonder if he'll get over it?" Sam asked.

    "He will. If not, they make pills for that. To make him fit better in the social structure" Dolphin said.

    "Yeah ah yes, just how it should be" Sam said. He sighed. "It's a nice day out. Want to go to the park?"

    "Sure!" Dolphin said. "Just let me get my jacket."

    "I had a thought that was wrong today" Dolphin said while they walked out the door. "I thought Maria down the street, was better looking than me, although I knew that was wrong so I called up Dr. Cunningham and he came over and he Fixed my Bent-ness" she said.

    "Good for you" Sam said.

    ***

    The old Sam and Dolphin looked down at this new world. They were in another dimension. Was it heaven? Realm of Ideas? They honestly didn't know. It was....something.

    "So this is how it's happening? I did really like you, Dolphin. I could see how we would be together in a different world. In a better world...." Sam said. "If I was straight and-"

    "Don't. This is too painful" Dolphin said. "But you did it. You did what you had to do, as a hero."

    Sam nodded. "Being a straight man is like being the sun and being a gay man is like being the moon. The moon is nice and all, great and beautiful, but if you took away the moon nothing would be effected. The sun is needed for life. The anomalies, the mutations. They aren't needed. They just cause problems. Always. Eventually. No matter how much we try to hold on or how much good-natured leftists convince themselves that it's otherwise" Sam said. "This is only the beginning, the beginning of a perfect world." He continued "You could say homosexuality is part of nature, naturally intertwined. And it was. But it needed to end so that the better part of life could go on."

    "And to think that having the Idea of a perfect world is 'boring' that's not true" Dolphin said. "A perfect world is just that, perfect. There are no problems. No issues. Everybody is straight and happy" she said.

    "Except for us" Sam said.

    "Maybe cause we're the heroes, we don't get to feel that? So everybody else can" she said.

    "There's no need for gay heroes or magic powers, because they were ultimately two sides of the same coin. With no more issues in the world, there's less of a need for superheroes" Sam said with a sigh. "Gay people were chosen to fight the monsters, but we were also the reason the monsters existed."

    "All the cool final fantasy-type magic people like, gay in nature. It had to go as well. But look, it's working. The world. It's fixed. It's saved."

    Dolphin gave Sam a sad smile. "Yeah. Go us."
    Last edited by BandD; 06-20-2010 at 02:00 AM.

  27. #67

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    Chapter 67: Back to Reality

    No gay magic. No big scary monsters. Just real life. But a shadow left over of gayness, what is already here now. Your psychological thoughts. What you think about that nobody else can hear, unless you tell them, which you always do because these thoughts are weird and scary and non-normal and make you feel all weak and insecure and faggy. When you should just be paying your taxes like everybody else. Or something.

    So, therapy was back in business. And almost everybody was in it, cause you know how Americans are with their therapy.

    "You need to face reality" Dr. Cunningham, Sam's therapist told him from across his chair. It was a hazy autumn day. Those days where you just want to sigh a lot and watch boring movies.

    "That's what I'm trying to do. I had a friend, named Vero. But she's not with me now. I want to know what happened to her, but I don't know. There are others as well. I'm not sure I remember their names, but...."

    "Does it really matter?" Dr. Cunningham said. "You shouldn't hold on to people, I mean she was probably just a 'season person'" he said.

    Sam sighed. "I know that. I have a beautiful wife and three children. But she was my friend and -"

    "You know what you sound like young man? You sound like a teenage girl who can't get over a friend they really liked. You should just take responsibility and move on!" he said. "There will be other people you get along with. You shouldn't hold on to this person" he said. "Holding on to people leads to suffering" he said.

    "Well yeah- " Sam was about to say 'but', but he stopped himself.

    "Sam, you didn't have a strong father, so I'm only doing what I need to so you can be a man" he said.

    "I understand. Thank you. Well, I know what you're about to say next. That we're done here for now. I will go pay your bill up front."

    "I raised my prices by 50%" Dr. Cunnigham said matter-of-factly.

    Of course! Sam paid for therapy, and then drove back home to his wife.

    "Anything good on tv, honey?" Sam asked Dolphin when he got back home.

    She did a 'so-so' gesture with her right hand. Sam walked over to Dolphin, leaned down and kissed her. "Something is missing in my life. And I want to try and find it."

    "You just need more therapy and more pills, like everybody else" Dolphin said. "We can get through anything together."

    "Yeah there's no meaning. Meaning is created out of emptiness, if you fill that emptiness you don't need meaning. Things just are....." Sam said. "And you need to be just happy with that is-ness." Sam looked over at a book by Byron Katie on their nightstand called 'Loving What Is.'

    Dolphin just sort of giggled at Sam, and snuggled closer with him. "Do you want a pool? I've always wanted a pool" she said.

    "Yeah but we're hurting for money. I'm a therapist and I can't get any clients. Dr. Cunningham gets all the patients. Hey, even I see him."

    She looked at him. "You don't need him anymore. I think, you just need to be a real man and exploit other people's pain just like him. Because ya know, I really want that new pool for the summer."

    Sam smiled. "You're right, you're right. As always."

  28. #68

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    Chapter 68: Detextified

    John, Sam's son was in geography class. He was in fourth grade. He had black hair and green eyes and was wearing an all-white adidas outfit.

    "Now can anybody tell me the capital of Michigan?" Mr. Klimas, their teacher said. Mr. Klimas was a short but aggressive man. He had on a green fuzzy swear and khaki pants. He also wore thick, nerdy glasses.

    "L-lansing?" John said. The other kids laughed at him. For actually being pussy enough to answer the teacher's question sincerely. And besides in this world, he was actually wrong.

    "I read it in this book. I guess it's wrong though?" John held up a dusty old white book. It had no title and looked ripped at the edges. It looked like one of those thin types of books you get in the library that smells bad. Sort of like, boiled puke.

    "Oh my god why are you reading a book?" a guy called out. "Ewww" another girl said. "Where did you get that?" another boy asked. "I thought they were extinct."

    "Of course it's wrong. Books are always wrong. Books are a mere ****** projection, an idealization of a world that doesn't really exist. The capital of Michigan, anybody who's truly smart, knows that it's a trick question. It's simply who ever is in the most power at the time. The capital of all lands totally depends on the present, transient moment. We can know of this, NOW, but we can't know of it enough to write it down like it has any substance, because real reality changes too much" Mr. Klimas said.

    Suddenly, a shy redheaded girl walked into the school. The teacher grabbed a fistful of her hair and smashed her skull against the wall so hard. Her brains leaked out on the chalkboard. He used that brain juice and smeared it all over his bald forehead.

    "This is real. Physical. Speaking and living and being in the now" he said. He let a wad of brain juice drip down from his fingers and land on his tongue.

    "What we want to happen, or what we think we should happen, is almost always different then what actually happens" Mr. Klimas said. "Now you might say think I should have had empathy for that girl. She's just a human. But no. There's no should. Projected thoughts and ideals are innate weaknesses that will be eradicated. It's dealing with what you have, whatever the hell it is" he said. He haulked up a huge loogie and spit it right on the girl's dead face.

    A few of the more timid classmates started pissing their pants while the sociopaths in the school cheered on the teacher. "You're the coolest teacher ever!" they said.

    "Now, who here has done their homework?" The teacher said. "And no my 'poggy ate it' excuses either. (Poggies are extremely rabid and feral forms of dogs that can exist now that there's no gay people)

    Of course it was another trick. You weren't supposed to actually do the homework. You couldn't anyway. If you tried to write down anything, well, you just couldn't. Gay men invented writing, so in this world there was no writing. If you tried, it would just come out as blank. Even on a computer. All the thoughts you had , stayed in your head, or were talked about to therapists.

    You could still draw to an extent, but it was mostly like those sociopathic images of straight boys throat fucking girls in pigtails and stuff. Raw and hot and real. Not ideal and beautiful and well, faggy. In this world, the more colorful colors simply didn't exist.

    "Writing is intrinsically pointless, just like doing homework is. It's like, nobody cares. It matters not" the teacher said. "It was made up by a race of people that are naturally inferior, and they don't exist in this world. We removed of them, and made paradise" the man said. "I will be teaching you these divine principals a lot. But I don't teach by papers and exams. I teach by DOING."

    He saw the pictures the classmates drew. Funny shit like the weak being picked on because they are weak, and stuff like that. "This shit is good" he said like the politically incorrect teacher that tries to be cool, but actually hurts your feelings.

    The teacher noticed John didn't draw anything on the back of his worksheet.

    "John? You didn't do the homework?" the teacher said.

    "Uh-I .... uh....."

    "What. You actually tried to do it the right way?" Everybody laughed at him. Including the teacher.

    "Dude what's the point! It's not REAL. It leads to NOTHING. The only real thing is PHYSICAL, OBJECTIVE. RAW. STRAIGHT MAN REALITY. Like this!" The teacher threw a desk at John. John dodged it and dove under another one. He hugged his knees together and sunk his head down between his legs. He wanted to cry.

    "You can't record stuff as you see it , because by the time you do, it would have already changed. So what, you just write often enough to keep up with everything? But then you're not effecting your reality the way a man was meant to. There's just no POINT!" Mr. Klimas said. "It is weak."

    Brrrrrnggg. The bells rang. School was over for now. All the straight boys in school ran out and screamed all happy and excited.

    John went out on the street. There was no speed limit, cars just whizzed by each other. Everything was so fast and strong in this world. Cars crashed into each other constantly. But it's like nobody gave a shit either. Honk honk loud buzz lights. Straight men got into fist fights on the streets constantly, just for the fuck of it. Telephone lines were destroyed but also put back together just as fast as they were demolished. It was quite bizarre. But it was pure life. The way we're meant to live.

    Every couple seconds, you could hear something breaking and snapping. Somebody crying or dying. And new babies being born.

    John was really glad just to be back home.

    "How was school honey?" Dolphin asked. She was baking a chocolate cake for everybody and had on cute lil oven mitts with dalmation paw prints.

    "I-uh. It was, um kinda bad."

    "Oh? Want to talk to your therapist about it later?" Dolphin said.

    "No. I kinda wanna talk to you, mom." He looked like he could really use a hug.

    Dolphin frowned. "Well, I'm not supposed to. A woman isn't supposed to get involved in stuff like this" she said. "You need to talk to other men about your issues you know that." She really did want to just give her son a hug though.

    ***

    The old Sam and Dolphin looked down at all of this. "This is insane! You can't write? Well that makes sense since there's no gays. I mean. The world is so tough and strong and happy. So truly happy. My ego had thought, I mean I wanted to believe that gay men were powerful. But we're not. We're peaceful, as a whole."

    "There is no peace and order in this world. It is like a crazy destructive maze. So primal and brutal and raw and straight and.....it's ugly, honestly. Ugly. Something is definitely missing" Dolphin said.

    "It doesn't matter. Like you said, it's what we had to do to save the world. Look. There's not even a government. Because government isn't a power, it's a balance of power. And there's no rules. It's just, whoever has the most power wins. That's the way it should be anyway, that's the way it inevitably will always turn into. We just helped the process along" Sam said.

    "Yeah, but...." Dolphin raised her hands, attempting to create a special, magical gay boy that could save them all. That could make a difference. But she couldn't conjure stuff. She realized what she was. She wasn't an Idea. She wasn't herself, in heaven. She was a mere Memory. A leftover, ineffectual ghostly phantom that couldn't effect anything in the real world.

    "We're in the realm of Memories" Dolphin said. "A-and even if I had that power, I'm not sure what I want is the right thing" she said.

    "We integrate our Ideas with ourselves, already, in this new reality. So there may not even be a Realm of Ideas anymore" Sam told her. "We really did it Dolph. My worst fear, is true. I just have to accept it. The world is simply better off with no fags."

    "And as punishment, we have to watch this world for ever and ever, in this form? A world with no gay man ideals that makes you feel safe and loved and protected and held?"

    "Yes, Dolphin" Sam said matter of factly but sadly. "Yes."

    "This is hell. I want to escape. I....I want to end myself" Dolphin said. "I don't care how great this world is, I don't subjectively enjoy this!"

    "You're a memory. You were part of reality, no matter how wrong it was. You will always exist, as a lesson in everybody's sub-conscious to not do as we did" Sam said.

    "This is our price. We just have to make the best of it...." Sam said.
    Last edited by BandD; 06-06-2010 at 04:20 AM.

  29. #69

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    Chapter 69: Searching For Bobby Fagger

    You were allowed to listen to an hour of music every day. That sort of grounded folksy christian stuff. Nothing too poppy and empowering, cause it made you think of things that didn't exist. That was all banned, because they knew that with enough 'throwing around of reality', you could accidentally create something 'gay-ish.'

    Everybody was repelled by this, even if homosexuality didn't exist. It still had the potential to exist. And it still existed, as a potential force in nature. As a backdoor psychological world. In man's dreams, thoughts, fantasies and feelings. But it couldn't be activated.

    It was 'half-activated' in another world, and we all saw where that ended up. Narcissistic celebrities. Pure demons, half-demons, even the Ancient Ones. All created as by-products because of the destructible nature of homosexuality.

    "I'm going crazy. It's like I want to write down things that society doesn't understand you know, but I can't" Bobby said to his therapist, Mr. Shoemaker. It was that prayers for bobby kid, the same kid that killed himself for being gay. His own Idea of him brought him back to this reality.

    "Yes because you're a useless ******" Bobby's therapist said. "How does it make you feel, knowing that you shouldn't really exist?"

    "Uh like shit, how do you think it makes me feel?" Bobby said.

    "You should just end your life, for the greater good. We would all be happier. I mean that. You shouldn't take things so sensitively. But I know you will. A ****** can't help it" he said.

    "I'm too weak and faggy to even kill myself" Bobby said.

    His therapist stood up. "I could always kill you. And in fact, I will. I'm going to." He walked up to Bobby and snapped his neck. "You should have been tougher" he said.

    That same evening, the therapist was eating a meal with his wife in his rich uppity house in the woods. Those kind of houses that most therapists have.

    "You did a good thing, you helped a man out of his misery and you save the world" the therapist's wife said to him.

    "Yeah, not like it's against the law to kill a ******" the the-rapist said.

    "We didn't really stop the Idea of Homophobia then".... Memory Dolphin said to Memory Sam as she looked down on earth and saw gay boys being murdered, one after the other, all in therapy offices. Talking about the same thing, and all being killed. It was a tragedy. If they could write down their feelings, they might make it, but they couldn't, as they weren't allowed to escape in their safe faggy worlds. And they couldn't face real reality so. Death. It was the only option.

    "We summoned the Idea of No homosexuals, not the Idea of No Homophobia" Sam corrected. "I don't think Eldanen had the power for that. The Idea of Homophobia was so strong, it would have ended the world. As long as we let it have its way then.... it's not purified, like it was before. It exists in everybody's hearts. In all cells. In that way it's still super strong, but it's also so diluted in a way that it's technically harmless" Sam said. "The world is still a better place."

    "Yeah. I just wish we could just let go of this whole thing. Maybe another part of us already did, somewhere. But we're just memories. We'll never be able to let go" Dolphin said.

    As ******s were born, they died. As they realized they were gay, at the age of about 13 or so, they died. As the gayness came, it went- all dead and burned and recycled into the earth. ******s. Fuel for the earth. Their proper place. And a message to all people to where homosexuality takes you.

    Nowhere.

    It was an acceptance. A silent acceptance. Homosexuality was never mentioned again. And another part of Sam, the greater part of him. Was able to just let go.
    Last edited by BandD; 06-06-2010 at 04:17 AM.

  30. #70

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    Chapter 70: Grocery Shopping

    It was Saturday. The Leonard's grocery shopping day. Sam hummed a Fefe Dobson song to himself while pushing the cart. His wife Dolphin was beside him walking in lockstep. "The cucumbers are on sale, so I'll go over and pick them up" she said as they went in the sliding doors of Kroger's. That fresh fruit smell infiltrated their nostrils when they did so.

    "Okay" Sam nodded. His three kids, Lindsay, Robin and John were ahead of him running in the store. Lindsay had her black hair tied in two cute little ponytails.

    "Be careful, kids" he said to them.

    Something about this felt all warm and gooey and nice inside. Like oatmeal cookies melting in the summer. Just the simple life, you know?

    Robin looked over at Sam. "Daaad, when can I have a car?" she said with her arms folded. She was wearing a pink sweatshirt and blue jeans.

    "Not until you're 16, you know that honey" Sam said with a smile on his face.

    Lindsay came back with a box of hostess cupcakes. "Here Daddy" she said as she put them in the cart. She had one of those cutest faces ever. Those cute little 3 year old girl faces.

    Dolphin saw this. "No, honey, you know that daddy is trying to lose weight" she said, patting Sam on the tummy. She took the cupcakes and put them back.

    "NO. I WANT A CUPCAKE!" she screamed.

    Ah, a child throwing a tantrum in the grocery store. Sam looked around at everybody. They sort of just smiled at him in a knowing way. The feeling of belonging rose in his chest and heart. "Um, honey. Mommy said no. We need to set boundaries" Sam said.

    Lindsay went over to the oranges and started taking them and throwing them down on the ground. Splat, splat, splat. Sam went up to Lindsay and picked her up.

    "Honey, now come on" Sam said.

    "You don't think she needs meds this early, do you?" Dolphin said.

    "No, it's just a tempter tantrum" Sam said. He patted Lindsay on the back to try and calm her down.

    "I think she needs meds...." Dolphin said.

    "Meds can't be the solution to EVERYTHING" Sam said.

    "I know but they helped John's stuttering and shyness so much. Look, he's even over there asking Ms. Kisa where the artichokes are."

    Sam looked over at Dolphin. "I still think it was just a little tantrum" Sam said.

    "I'm sowwy" Lindsay said to everybody. She bit the nails on her hands and everybody looked around and smiled at her and went AWWW. Sam and Dolphin paid for their groceries and walked back to their car. On the street, Sam had a pleasant conversation with another man about the football game on Saturday.

    They got in their car, drove home, and unpacked their groceries. Watched a funny sitcom about a middle class family that was just like them.

    Sam yawned and looked down at his mavado watch. 8 pm. "I want to go camping!" Lindsay said. Of course 'camping' just meant setting up her Dora the Explorer Tent in the backyard.

    Sam went out in the yard and set up the tent. The whole family came out, too. Robin played with her nintendo DS, John had some marbles. Lindsay cuddled up between her parents.

    "Daddy? Tell me a story" Lindsay said.

    Sam cleared his throat and began...

    "There was once a special girl named Lindsay Leonard. She wasn't magical though because magic is not real. Lindsay loved to play and swing and she loved to eat peas. She had a horrible anger problem, and she would often fantasize and project her psychological issues onto others when she didn't mean to" he said.

    Dolphin looked at Sam. "Um...." She ended up laughing. "Sorry. Go on."

    "She would get into lots of other fights with girls at schools." Sam leaned down and whispered in Lindsay's ear, "she inherited her mommy's jealousy issues."

    Dolphin punched Sam playfully on the arm. "HEY!" she said. "Just like John inherited your insecurity issues? Hmm?"

    "Anyway, she would fight with other girls in school. She didn't make friends easily. She tried to ask mommy and daddy for help but she was all grown up now. She needed to deal with it on her own"

    Lindsay looked down at her hands. "Me no like this story."

    "She was a big girl now. Her first day in kindergarten. I wonder what it will be like!" Sam said. "She...she" Sam couldn't think of anything to say.

    He fell asleep under the stars.

    Dolphin continued. "She got so angry with others but she learned to meditate with daddy's help and she calmed herself down and she grew up and she became a police officer! Using that strength for the good of the community."

    "I LIKE COPS!" Lindsay said.

    "Yeah, I know you do...." Dolphin said. Dolphin rubbed her daughter's back. Dolphin felt so peaceful here. But there was this sense of emptiness she couldn't quite put her finger on.

    "I'll leave it to God. I guess, I mean.... desiring, wanting, it's all a sin. Accepting your role in life, being happy in the moment......this is what it's about" she said.

  31. #71

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    Chapter 71: The Sun Goes Down

    Mr. Klimas was in his classroom ranting about something. “Now let’s talk about the nature of ‘Creativity’ he said. I would write ‘Creativity’ on the chalkboard but we can’t write so-“ Mr. Klimas suddenly walked over to John and gave him a broken nose. He then walked back up to the desk and continued speechifying.

    Sam and Dolphin’s son John Leonard held his nose and looked at Mr. Klimas in disgust. “Now, in the past people thought there was creative people with a unique identity as ‘Creators’ but the truth is that the world is creative, people aren’t. Just look outside.”

    John turned his head and looked out the window, and it was indeed beautiful. Violent and scary, sure, but it was also breathtakingly beautiful. Blue flashed into yellow which flashed into gray and morphed into violet. It *looked* gorgeous, but it *sounded* like a bunch of screeching howler monkeys throwing their dung at each other.

    “The world naturally rejuvenates itself in artistic perfection. There’s no need to create art and replicate what you observe - when you can live it all yourself” Mr. Klimas said. “So, when people think of themselves as Creative, it’s nothing more than a mental illness that can be cured in therapy offices” he said. “It’s kinda like, actually admitting in public that you like Pokemon. Who the fuck would do that? Sports! Taxes! WAR. Fighting. Money. Economics. Yeaaaah.”

    Everybody cheered. A shaggy brown-haired boy punched some blonde kid in the nose for the fuck of it.

    John knew this world was perfect, but he still wanted to escape where he could just reflect and think for awhile. Like a fa….he knew he shouldn’t think the word! But where would he escape to? There was nowhere safe, really. And he knew it. He began crying.

    Mr. Klimas walked up to John again. “Aww, the mama’s boy is crying. Crybaby crybaby!” he said, mocking John by pretending he was crying himself. Mr. Klimas shoved John down from his desk. “When the hell are you going to fight for yourself?” he said.

    “W-what about identity?” Jessica (not forum Jessica) said.

    “Are you honestly curious or are you saying that to try and save him? Remember there is no saving or helping people. That’s codependent and wrong.”

    “I’m uh just curious” Jessica said. She had the same good-natured innocence as Paula from the Earthbound series. She winked at John, letting him know that she was really on his side.

    Mr. Klimas straightened his tie. He puffed out his chest like a blowhard and said “Identity is an illusion. There’s no need to look inside for anything. It’s all about the outside world” he said. “There is no Inner You. The Inner has already become the Outer and so it’s about marking your own masculine straight man scent on the world.” He then unzipped his fly and actually begun pissing on Clyde, a fourth-grade boy. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh” he said. He loved the violent garggargggar sound his piss made when it landed on the boy’s face and sprayed itself randomly in all different directions.

    He walked over and smeared the piss all over Clyde’s face. His hands were hairy and smelly and they actually smelled good. Too bad he was so evil. “Now this, this is creative” Mr. Klimas said.

    Most of the students began to feel awkward, but a few of the more sociopathic boys kept cheering.

    Outside. Outside. No in, outside. Project outside. Get out of yourself. Outside. John ran up to Mr. Klimas and tried to tackle him. Mr. Klimas just laughed and flipped John over his body by bending his upper body backwards when he charged toward him.

    John grabbed the ruler that was sitting on the chalkboard tray thingie. He swung it on Mr. Klimas’ chest and… did nothing but break the ruler in half. Mr. Klimas wrapped two hands around John’s throat and began to squeeze. John spit on Mr. Klimas but he just squeezed harder until John drew his last breath on this earth and died.

    “In one of your lives you end up doing prison for robbing a gas station. Consider that a favor” Mr. Klimas said.

    “How could you!” Jessica said. She instinctively raised her hands to cast a magic spell on Mr. Klimas but her hands fizzled out and she just couldn’t.

    “Don’t be ridiculous. You know magic isn’t real. Now, go to the therapy office and talk about your feelings. Nobody really cares but hey, we need the money to build more WAR. And BOMBS. And FOOTBALLS. And pink spiked dildos to THROAT FUCK WOMEN WITH AM I RIGHT!”

    Back at the Leonard’s house: John is an hour late from school and Dolphin is becoming very worried.

    “Honey, where’s John? What’s happened.” She picked up the phone to call the cops but she remembered there was no cops.

    Sam was watching Xena re-runs on the couch. “I don’t know honey. You know it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. He could have….” Sam was suddenly silent and somber. “Do you think we should go look for him?”

    Dolphin frowned. “HE’S OUR SON OF COURSE WE NEED TO GO LOOK FOR HIM!” she said.

    “There’s no need to. I know he’s already dead. Because I feel the part of him that’s in me die inside with me” Sam said.

    Dolphin eyed Sam up and down. “Impossible. There’s no such thing as powers” she said.

    Sam shook his head. “I guess we still have them in a diluted form” He felt a strange sense of déjà vue. It’s like his own voice merged itself with Memory Sam in the realm of memories for a split second. He blinked.

    “We’re beginning to merge together all our faggy magical identities with our real physical straight man bodies” Sam said. “That’s how we know we’re doing the right thing for the greater good. Even if it means losing our son” Sam said.

    Dolphin walked up to Sam and hugged him. “We can always make another one. You know, the natural way. It’s not too late.” They French kissed each other and she carried him off to the bed room…
    Last edited by BandD; 06-22-2010 at 10:48 PM.

  32. #72

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    Chapter 72: Numbers Makes Everything Better, Part 1 of 8

    Numbers, ex-gadgeeter class found himself mysteriously walking down a yellow dirt path. With tall green and blue grass on the sides. It was raining here and the sun was beginning to set. He didn’t know where he was, and he was lost. It smelled like polluted rain, the kind that smells like like 3rd grade boys’ underarms.

    “The world is what it is, but that doesn’t mean it is what it should be” a voice spoke through the grass. Numbers saw a strange rabbit looking creature that had dark black eyes. He ran toward the creature but he walked right through it.

    “Your heart is the key” the bunny said. “You have the biggest heart of them all. It’s even bigger than Sam’s” it said.

    “What is going on? Why am I here? Why isn’t anybody else here? TRUCK, WHERE ARE YOU?” Numbers said. He looked down and realized he was naked. A red tiger strike-wound appeared across in his chest.

    “There’s so much darkness and pain. Everybody is crying out for so much; they don’t even know what they’re crying for anymore. It’s not that everybody is unhappy. Most people aren’t. But those that should be happy, aren’t” the bunny said.

    Numbers looked up at the black sky. “But nothing can be how it should be. Or there would be no should. That’s the point. We just have to accept how this world is.” But there was another point. Numbers didn’t KNOW what the world Sam and Dolphin were in was like, because he was out here….wherever this was.

    “Should is just an Idea that can be merged with Is to create snowflake-like perfection and colorful individuality. But it just takes a lot of work and effort. Sam already did it, but we’re not satisfied because it means we have to all die to make it happen.”

    “Come again?” Numbers said.

    The rabbit suddenly jumped into Numbers arms and turned into a studly 25-year-old male half-bunny with a chest that looked as good as Kevin Sorbo’s in the Hercules series. “Sam made us with his powers, we don’t really want to ever go away” he said.

    Numbers realized something…and he snapped. “You’re trying to philosophize your very existence, when this is basically about your own survival” he said. “You are fighting for the right to exist, because you *do* really exist, even if you are just faggy phantom imagination-nothings” Numbers said.

    “Yeah and like anything else we can be exterminated.” The stud-bunny turned back into a smaller bunny and hopped down back on the road, and then there was this black vortex that materialized in his heart and it begun swirling up the green and blue grass in his chest.

    “And maybe it’s wrong, but if you don’t save us we’ll take down anything else we can as we die” The rabbit said.

    Numbers shook his head, completely empathetic and warm. “That’s just….that’s understandable. What horrible monster would wipe away a whole race of people?” he said.

    “Republican homophobic straight men” the bunny said. “Who else? We had to go deep down in the world of No-world, in the space-inbetweens. But every day, worlds like these are dying.”

    Numbers stood up straighter. “Nobody cares you know. I’m not being mean, but nobody really gives a shit about a cute race of gay magical bunnies” he said. More and more and more bunnies popped up out of the grass.

    “Yeah we know. But *we* care. And again that’s why….” Numbers looked down and felt his hand beginning to break. He winced back.

    “…We need you. If you don’t help us, we’ll kill you. We hate having to do this, but we have no choice….”

    “There’s no need to threaten me. I will help you. It’s what Truck would have wanted…” Numbers said.

    “I can’t let you do that, Numbers. The greater good is more important. Now turn around.” Numbers turned around and saw none other then Renee Hunt standing there. The same pure demon that Sam let go in the early Starr Commonwealth chapters. She was wearing a red fuzzy sweather and black leather pants that were torn on the elbows and kneecaps, indicating she’d been on a journey for quite a while.
    Last edited by BandD; 06-24-2010 at 10:38 AM.

  33. #73

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    Chapter 73: Numbers Makes Everything Better, Part 2 of 8

    “Good and Evil are just illusions. It’s about what’s best for most of the world” Renee said. “And Eldanen already made that happen with a very, very good Idea” she said.

    Renee looked around at all the bunnies. “The true issue is that you’re being too selfish. All your deaths will be a sacrifice so every straight normal person can be happy. You should be thankful.”

    Numbers suddenly uppercutted Renee in the face. “Of course they’re selfish! You and your ilk are trying to exterminate them!”

    “My powers are a lot weaker….” Renee kneed Numbers in the stomach. He vomited a little. “But I can still kick your ass.”

    Numbers had an epiphany. “Sam and his friends were never accidentally creating evil. You just said that to guilt trip them so you could get away with hurting others” he said.

    Renee shrugged. “It only existed because they believed in it enough.” She looked over at the bunnies. “And that’s why you don’t exist yet and you can’t roam around in our world because nobody advocates for you. Sucks to be you!” she said.

    The bunnies all turned into their half-human form and tried to shoot magic at Renee but it didn’t work. “Eldanen’s big spell that removed gay men overlapped entire *dimensions.* It’s a wave that will carry out to all universes eventually.” Renee suddenly ran really fast toward a Bunny. She snapped his neck. “I’m just helping him along.”

    Renee continued to talk while trading blows with Numbers. “Dark Dolphin is actually a good guy, but we tapped into Dolphin’s natural guilt to fool them. Dark Dolphin and the other Darks weren’t forged as a punishment. They were forged as a *reward* for her being clever with her powers. This was all part of a very grand plan, something you ****s don’t have the capacity to understand” she said to Numbers. She kneed him in the stomach again and backhanded his face.

    Numbers tried to punch Renee but she grabbed his wrist and blocked it, and flipped his arm back around like you see on tv shows all the time. “You know the only way to truly beat Sam is to control his mind” Numbers said.

    The sky was beginning to grow blacker now. “And the resurrection rule. It’s not something that really exists. It’s just something that YOU created” Numbers added.

    Renee smiled and laughed. She headbutted Numbers, breaking his nose. “Of course. Wow. You get insights really quick in gay bunny alternate universes” she said.

    “Why do it Renee. Why end all magic!”

    “Without conflict who would you be? What you would do. It would just be all gay and loving and happy and supportive and pbbbbt. I’m the reason people are too afraid to say they like RPGs in social situations. I’m the reason you cover up liking comic books, video games, anime and everything that has fantasy and not raw reality. I am Anti-Magic.”

    Numbers somersaulted forward and dove a knife deep in Renee’s gut. “Yeah well, I just think you’re a bitch.”

  34. #74

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    Chapter 74: Numbers Makes Everything Better, Part 3 of 8

    The knife was just a conjured magical artifact the Bunnies made, and so Renee was able to quickly heal her wound because the magic in all worlds was dying. She removed the knife from her bloody stomach and threw it down on the ground. “Pure demons aren’t bad. We just exist as a balance to faggy magical powers” she said. “We have to!”

    “No…you don’t. It’s not about balance” Numbers said. “Sam talked to me about this once…it’s about…it’s just about. Okay we’re at war. It’s not about who is right and who is wrong. It’s about who is going to win. That’s what it’s boils down to.”

    “It’s going to be us. It already has. We already have Sam working on our side” she said.

    Numbers punched Renee in the face. “Sam didn’t ask to be intimidated or bullied or locked up at Starr or have people try to control him. He was just doing his own thing. Why is that so wrong?”

    Renee spit in Numbers face. “Because I’m powerful and I say so!” she shrieked. She kicked him in the balls, broke his middle finger and backhanded him so hard he went knocking into 5 gay male bunnies. “You can’t just blah de dah do your own thing and empower and love others and be artistic individual when there is a whole outside world to manage” Renee screamed. “DEAR GOD SAM JUST NEEDS A JOB AND A REAL PHYSICAL CONTEXT!”

    Numbers double-kicked Renee, first on her tits and then on her face. “The only reason that world exists is because of our internal faggy fantasy thoughts that you say aren’t important!”

    Numbers turned around and looked at the gay magical bunnies. “A little help here?”

    Renee shook her head. “The world of magic is too nuanced and ambivalent and live-and-let-live like and docile and passive and swirly and connective-ness and all these colors and viewpoints and perceptions and it merges together and IT DRIVES ME NUTS, OKAY. It just does!” She lifted up two gay male bunny creatures and smashed their skulls together. She then screamed in passion like Callisto from Xena.

    It hit him. Renee was too powerful for Numbers. She’d kill him. And there’s no way he could save the gay bunnies, either. He just couldn’t. “I’m sorry guys….” Numbers started running away.

    “No! Where are you going…” The bunnies tried to make him feel pain again, but it was lesser this time because more of them died, and so Numbers was able to endure it and just keep running.

    Numbers looked behind his shoulder and frowned as Renee single-handedly murdered all the gay bunnies – similar to that one time in the Buffy episode ‘Spiral’ when Glory got the Key and she slaughtered all the Knights brutally.

    All they needed was a hero, and I can’t even be that Numbers thought. Numbers ran away deeper in the tall grass. He just kept running and running away, he couldn’t even think.

    He then ran into some forest-y area. It was night outside. There was beautiful light blue fireflies firing up their asses all over the place. And what he saw next was probably the most beautiful race of people he had ever seen. Tall, muscular males with white-blue translucent skin. They had small horns on their heads, carried spears, and they had tails. They had long, pointed ears. They walked confidently, mechanically patrolling the area for intruders.

    Numbers’ eyes glowed in awe. “Dragon-elves…they really do exist. I thought they were just a myth but-”

    A female dragon-elf walked up to Numbers and stroked his cheek. “If you can think it, it exists. Have you forgotten the basic lessons?” She knew Numbers was on their side, as did the rest of the Dragon-Elf people.

    Numbers shook his head. “Sigma filled me in, as did the others. I’m a good listener. But I’m so confused. But look, there’s no time to talk and dream and sigh and philosophize. There is an evil demon woman! She’s going to come after this place” he said. “I’m not going to let her kill you like she killed the Gay Bunny people!” Numbers said.

    “You have a brave and noble heart” the female dragon-elf said. “But I’m afraid it’s our destiny to die. We’re no longer warriors. With each passing day our vigor and resolve fades…”

    A muscular Dragon-Elf Warrior approached Numbers. “And there is nothing we can do to stop it, because a being on our own side wished it so” he said.

  35. #75

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    Chapter 75: Numbers Makes Everything Better, Part 4 of 8

    Numbers was having a conversation with two Dragon-Elves over a campfire. They were drinking water in hardened clay cups.

    “It’s so friggin-flackin’ wrong” Numbers said. “You’re like the most beautiful race of people ever, just quietly living your own lives here- and you’re gonna die and you’re saying there’s nothing I can do about it?” Numbers said.

    “A great evil has been unleashed, but the truth is- it’s been unleashing itself for a long time. The Hero did what he had to do to save all other dimensions. And thus, we have to sacrifice ourselves so this new world can happen” The Dragon-Elf Chief Elder said. His name was Xylus.

    “The good of the many….” The female Dragon-Elf said. She gave a kind smile to Numbers. Although they had just met, Numbers was beginning to fall in love with this gorgeous Dragon-Elf princess. Her name was Xavian. Everybody’s name here began with the letter X.

    “Truck never saw you! If he saw your way of life, I know he’d change his mind. There has to be another way!” Numbers pleaded.

    Xylus shook his head. “We’ve thought about it. For a long time. Under the Great Prism Tree. We wrote the best scrolls, acted out the best plays but in the end…we knew it was inevitable.”

    “Me and my friends. We stop Ideas. That’s what we do. We will kill the Idea of Homophobia just like we did Abraham!” Numbers shouted, all brave and noble-like.

    But all Xylus and Xavien could do was laugh. “Don’t be a fool” Xavien said. “The Idea of Homophobia isn’t like other Ideas. It’s much more powerful.”

    Xylus nodded. “It doesn’t like us especially. We don’t reproduce heterosexually, although most Dragon-Elves are indeed straight” he said.

    “It’s against all magic, all potentiality, anything that’s not already-manifested and already-accepted. I guess in the grand schemes of things it’s not evil, that’s just our limited perception” Xavien said.

    “And well, we have been selfish, for thousands of years we’ve been shrouded in secret. Few know of our existence…. It’s probably for the best that we be killed.” Xylus smiled at Numbers. “You do have a very good heart” he said.

    “I’m not going to let anything happen to you” Numbers said. “This woman is strong, but not without her weaknesses. If we band together, we can take her down!” he said.

    Xavien shook her head. “You have to let us go” she said. “You are meant for bigger things than to save a bunch of Dragon-Elves” she said.

    “You’re just gonna let yourselves die then. You’ve already decided?”

    Xylus eyes suddenly turned black. “I was born to die” he said in a hoarse, creepy voice. “To slowly die… this is just a favor for my Mast--” Numbers grabbed Xylus shoulders and shook him. “The Idea of Homophobia and the Idea of Slow Suicide are working together and speaking through you. You must fight damnit!” he said.

    Xavien put a hand on Numbers shoulder. “We already threw away all our weapons in the waterfall” she said. “We have nothing to fight with, except for The Staff of Untangled Time, in the Great Prism Tree.”

    Numbers stood up. “Sounds pretty powerful. It might be enough. It will have to be” he said. He looked off and saw the Great Prism Tree about 100 yards away from him. He walked towards it.

    As soon as he got in the tree though, a boy knocked him down in the mud. He looked up at him. Arch on Alarion. “Jake! Jaaake. It’s me, Numbers. I’m on your side!”

    Jake shook his head and frowned. He took out a dagger from a cloth belt and aimed it at Numbers’ throat. “No. You’re not.”

  36. #76

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    Chapter 76: Numbers Makes Everything Better, Part 5 of 8


    Numbers kicked Jake off of him. He wrestled for the knife in his hands. The two boys soon stopped fighting, though.

    “I was sent by Sam to protect the staff. If you unleash it from the Prism Tree, you have a shot at beating Renee, but it also speeds up the flow of time here…making the Dragon-Elves deaths that much quicker.”

    Number scratched his head. “Not sure I’m following…”

    “The staff is an artifact of good…time in the village flows in slow motion with the staff in the tree” Jake said.

    “As soon as you unearth the staff, Renee will be here in seconds. Leave the Staff in place, and she’ll be here in weeks. The Idea of Homophobia already sent its henchmen to try and capture the staff numerous times, but this time its different...”

    Numbers stood up and brushed mud off of him. “How?”

    “Because-“ Jake said. “Renee Hunt IS the Idea of Homophobia – although she herself doesn’t even know it yet. She can’t corporealize herself on Earth because of the Idea Eldanen cast, but she can be physical in this dimension. You’re not on a planet, you’re in a fragmented dimension….a kinda ‘abscess’ of time. That’s why there’s no East or West, there’s only North or South, or haven’t you noticed that?”

    Numbers looked to the direction where east would normally be but it was though his brain flipped itself around and inside out. He got dizzy, and found himself stuck in place, all neurotic and floody-like. “Whao. That was cool. And also disturbing.”

    “So anyways Jake, listen! Let me use the Staff against Renee. I think I can beat her.”

    “No. We need all the time we can, I’m having the other Dragon-Elves send out messenger scrolls to other magical beings in other lands….letting them know what’s coming and if there’s anything we can do together to protect The World Of Magic.”

    Numbers was confused. “I thought you said you were working for Sam!”

    “I’m not anymore. I’m betraying him, as are a few others. We have to have some way to get magic back, even if it’s a losing battle….” Jake said. “We no longer have most planets on our side, but there has to be something we can do.”

    Numbers turned around. “Xylus? Xavien. What do you think of this insolence!” Numbers couldn’t believe he actually was using the word ‘insolence.’

    Xylus shrugged. “We let the boy have his way. Because we know what’s coming. We’ve already accepted our fate. But what you wish to do here is your choice.”

    “Numbers, I’m not letting you have the staff. Three weeks might be enough time to…”

    “To do what Jake? We need that power and we need it now! I’m already juiced up. Jake, listen. Jake. We can take on The Idea of Homophobia together!!! She has a bodily form, but she’s greatly weakened with the Idea Eldanen cast.”

    Jake sighed and thought and picked his nose and contemplated and sighed again and finally wheezed a middle class fag wheeze and then just puffed up his pouty lips and said. “Fiiiine. Follow me.”

  37. #77

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    Chapter 77: Numbers Makes Everything Better, Part 6 of 8


    “What class are you anyway?” Numbers asked. “You look like a poor white boy with some knives, but…I know you’re not a rogue. You don’t strike me as that….”

    Jake looked behind him. “I’m a Beastmaster. I magically summon beasts to help me in battle but like most middle class mama’s boys, I can’t really fight for myself. This gives me a lot of neurotic complexes that I talk about in therapy offices, but anyways…. Yeah I’m one of the few adventurers that still have their powers. I just never used my powers against you because you’re asian, and we’ve always loved your kind.”

    “Who are the other ones?” Numbers asked.

    “Silverchris, Redbaron, and Lucidreams” Jake said, obviously foreshadowing of the gayness that is yet to come.

    “I don’t understand. Why do you guys get to keep your powers and the rest of the adventurers don’t? I mean I get that technically- we’re in a magical dimension and not in the real world, but…”

    “Because. We’re the weakest links. The ones nobody will remember” Jake said coldly. “We’re expendable.”

    Numbers frowned. “That’s not true. I like you Jake.”

    “You’re Numbers. You’d fall in love with the AIDS that your prostitutes would give you” Jake said.

    “I don’t have my powers anymore either” Numbers said. And he looked down. “And I’m still naked….” Numbers looked back up. “But I don’t have my powers. That means I’ll be remembered?”

    Jake looked at Numbers. “I can’t tell you the rest of your fate. Xylus told me not to” he said.

    The two boys continued to climb the Great Prism Tree.

    “Jake, I know you have more important value than ….this” Numbers said. “We’re gonna get out of this and you’re gonna lead a long, happy life – okay?” he said.

    “Shut up numbers” Jake said. “You’re just trying to make me feel better and it’s not going to work. If this doesn’t make me hard-“ (Jake meant hard as in ‘tough’ not an erection, but that was so funny I left it)

    Numbers put a hand on Jake’s shoulder. “It’s okay to be soft….it’s okay to trust another boy with your feelings. It’s okay to be weak.”

    Jake removed Numbers’ hand and rolled his eyes. Finally, they saw a brown-yellow staff nestled on the wall tangled up with a lot of vines and brambles. Jake took out his daggers and began cutting the vines.

    “Why can’t you just summon a cool beast or something to do that for you?” Numbers said.

    Jake shrugged. “Not necessary. And they can be hard to control. I summoned a Fire Elemental once and it almost killed Xavian” he said.

    “It must suck…” Numbers said.

    Jake looked at Numbers while cutting down the roots and vines. “Mmhmm?”

    “Well, Eldanen is the real summoner. He summons *Ideas* that change the whole world and you just summon lesser creatures” Numbers said.

    Jake was about to punch Numbers in the face, but he realized Numbers was just being his empathetic self and trying to relate to Jake and connect with him. “I don’t care okay. I know I’m not that important but I still do my job and-“

    Jake pulled the staff out of the wall. The staff glowed yellow and made Jake’s hair blow back like in Hollywood movies that you watch all the time.

    “Here she comes” Jake said to Numbers. “Be prepared.”

  38. #78

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    Chapter 78: Numbers Makes Everything Better, Part 7 of 8

    Jake and Numbers ran out of the tree and back to the middle of the Dragon-Elf village. “Xylus taught you a lot of things, but I hope he taught you how to fight!” Numbers whispered to Jake.

    Renee ran into the village brutally as fast as she can, like seriously- almost as fast as an Olympic gold-medal track runner, and she immediately smashed in the skulls of two Dragon-Elves. The guards that were patrolling the village with spears.

    “OH SHIT!” Jake said. Jake thought fast and summoned a clone of Rosie O’donnel to fight her, but Renee punched rosie’s head off in a split second.

    “Man don’t use gay attacks against an anti-gay it’s like trying to use fire on water-type pokemon” Numbers said.

    Jake thought again, and summoned a basic Earth elemental to keep Renee occupied…

    Xylus and Xavian ran up to Jake. A few other Dragon-Elf citizens followed. “What do we do? We can’t fight….we’re too weak.”

    “We’ll protect you, just stay back!” Jake said.

    The taunt on the Earth Elemental faded, and it was enough time for Renee to run up and roundhouse kick Xavian’s head off.

    “Xavian….no” Numbers said.

    Renee smiled evilly. “Nobody cares about things that don’t exist in the real, here and now. You just need to be straight, get a normal job, follow the rules, raise a family, and STOP THIS CHILDISHNESS!” Renee said.

    “Jake, that’s a Staff of Time, right?” Numbers said.

    Jake was following on quickly. “Right…right” Jake twirled the staff, said something witty in latin, and then *fwap*, Renee was frozen in place.

    “A time mage could control this thing better…not sure how long that’s gonna-“

    Renee broke through the freezing spell, and lifted up Jake by the throat. She snapped his neck with one hand. “Apparently….not long at all” she said. She lifted her head back and started to laugh manically.

    Numbers backed up slowly, very scared.

    “Don’t you see now ****ie? There’s no where to run, no where to hide. I’m always going to win” she said. She was holding the staff that Jake had. Renee twirled the staff, trying to freeze Numbers like she was frozen.

    But it didn’t work.

    Numbers smirked. “Jake believed in the power of magic, you don’t. You can’t use something that you hate- that you want to make go away.”

    “Arggggh but I have to use it to make it go away, that’s the annoying thi—“ But before Renee could finish that sentence she was high kicked in the jaw by Numbers with so much force that blood rushed to her brain and permanently destroyed a few brain cells. While she was caught off guard, Numbers wailed on her- first a left hook, then a right one.

    Suddenly, Xylus appeared from behind and dove a spearhead right through Renee’s back, to the other side of her heart. She screamed out in agony and fell down in a pool of her own blood.

    Numbers looked at Xylus. “Is it over. Is it finally over?” he said.

  39. #79

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    Chapter 79: Numbers Makes Everything Better, Part 8 of 8

    Renee recover flipped herself up. The hole in her heart began healing itself. Numbers looked around. “H-how are you doing that?”

    “I’m Immortal. But if you really want to know….I’m draining the energy from that” Numbers turned around and to the far distance he could see a small white dot in the middle of pure blackness. What was that white dot, he wondered.

    Numbers knew what he had to do. He had to go after the dot and let Renee kill the Dragon-Elves, just like she killed the Gay Bunnies. “Go son, we’ll hold her off as much as possible!” Xylus said.

    A few dragon-elves tackled Renee, and she easily began to dispose of them. Numbers ran and ran and ran toward the blackness. He then realized that this dimension was coming to a close. It didn’t go back around like earth did, it had an end. And this was it, he was standing on the edge of the world. There was nothing around but him, the blackness, and the white dot. As he ran farther, the dot began to look like a rabbit, no a puppy – no a horse? No, the white dot was a person. Or a being?

    Numbers saw a beautiful young woman with long white air, and wearing a white gown that sparkled and glowed but also looked tattered.

    “I had to run here….but Renee’s coming for me. She’s been using my power….” The girl said.

    Numbers dried her tears with his thumb. “Shh, you’re weak” he said. He looked in her striking blue eyes and felt presence. “You’re the most powerful being in this dimension, more powerful than the gay bunnies and dragon elves put together. And then some” he said.

    The woman nodded. “I am-I am the Idea of Healing. Other people think I’m dead, but really I was trapped here so earth could perhaps be saved.”

    Numbers remembered that’s what Larry Kramer told him. “We need you back on earth, you’re a magical being! The world needs magic. We can free you, make things right again.”

    “Numbers”….she said softly. “You have to learn that there’s never one thing that does the trick, but I can help” she said. “There’s just no way for me to cross-over back to earth without the heart of a hero” she said.

    Numbers looked in her eyes. “You have my heart…. You do” he said.

    The Idea of Healing looked at Numbers, sadly. She saw that Renee was running toward her very fast.

    “I do….” She said. With all her strength, the Idea of Healing dug her fist in Numbers’ chest, and tore out his own heart. “I’m sorry, Numbers…” With Numbers’ bloody pumping heart in her fist, she knocked herself through the edge of the blackness, and it opened her up like a shithole taking in a cock…

    “Nooooo!” Renee said, finally catching up with her, and she ran out of the blackness and into the light with the Idea of Healing.

  40. #80

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    Chapter 80: The Heart of Numbers

    Combined with the Power of Numbers’ Heart, and the Idea of Healing being free from the dragon-elf dimension, the moment The Idea of Healing stepped onto earth she was able to resurrect the following people: Larry Kramer, Steve, Mune, Vero, Maria and Akra. And anybody else that died during the previous battles with the Idea of Homophobia.

    See Numbers’ was a caring, selfless person- and so his death alone was enough to save the lives of many. He will always be remembered as somebody who made a difference.

    The Idea of Healing though was confused. She looked around. She was standing some place in New York City, face-to-face with Renee. “Why aren’t I up in the Realm of Ideas?” she asked. She was safer there, even though it was a place where there was 24/7 war.

    “Because” Renee said. “The Realm of Ideas and the Real World are merging themselves together. It’s all part of the Brave New World” she said. “A world that--” Renee rushed over and snapped The Idea of Healer’s neck.

    “--You’re not invited to be a part of” she said.

    Memory Sam and Memory Dolphin saw this whole thing. “We have to slow her down somehow….” Sam said.

    “Well, we’re memories right?” Dolphin said. “Let’s make her forget.”

    Renee was about to do some carnage on the rest of the world, but she stepped back and suddenly she forgot who she was. “What the- what? What am I doing here?” She was standing in the middle of the street, about to get hit by a bus.

    But suddenly, a bald black man dove in front of Renee and saved her by tackling her down to safety. The man carried her and placed her safely down on the sidewalk. It was none other than Mr. Ware, the Pure Demon who was working with her in Starr Commonwealth. The one that used Dolphin’s guilt against her.

    “You saved my life…” Renee said.

    “And I’m also going to remind you of who you are” Mr. Ware said.

    Memory Dolphin looked at Memory Sam. “D’oh! Make him forget, too.”

    “I c-can’t. He’s a ******, he’s too strong. Either that or they’re too strong together” Sam said. And Memory Sam was beginning to fade himself. “We just don’t have the power….” Sam said.

    When the 16types Adventurers were resurrected, they lived the following normal lives: Steve was a hit musician in new york city, Mune was a world-famous chef, and Vero was a college professor ranting about the evils of gayness similar to Mr. Klimas. And Maria opened up a therapy center for people to cure their faggy feelings and thoughts that made them feel insecure inside.

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