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    Default Breaking up with your dual

    I just broke it off with a dual. We had some pretty good chemistry, but life got in the way. And so did our circumstances. And our personalities. Mostly it was our personalities.

    Sure, she was kind, sensitive, selfless, gentle, and innocent. But it got boring after a while. To me, the biggest issue was her complacency.. at least, as contrasted with my tendency to constantly take in new experiences. Probably in large part due to her upbringing, she seemed afraid of the world. With some success, I sought to teach her that the world wasn't so bad. But still, she was just plain complacent. She didn't want to rock the boat under any circumstances, where I'm not really comfortable with comfortability.

    She is the quietest person I have ever known, and she offered virtually no opinions of her own. Our conversations lacked substance; any abstract concepts were met with glazed-over eyes and maybe a nervous nod.

    Worst of all, since we couldn't share in new life experiences and she didn't do a whole lot of talking, I couldn't get to know her. That bothered me, immensely.

    The result of all of this? The dynamic of our relationship was as if we were stuck at the one-month mark.. for more than ten months. Love alone wasn't enough to keep us together. I catered to her lifestyle for the duration of our relationship while also trying to bring her out into the world, but it absolutely drained me. I didn't feel more psychologically complete; I felt absolutely exhausted.

    I denied my own nature, and as a result.. as a friend of mine stated, the relationship was holding me back.

    The thing is, despite seeing the value in just sitting back and relaxing at times, I want someone who's going to be able to go out there and share in life's experiences. I want a partner in crime. An equal. I don't want someone who's going to settle down in some zone of comfort and become some docile, subservient housewife. I want to be challenged, and I think my partner should have the right to challenge me.

    I was a cat, and she was a dead mouse. Cuddly, soft, and appealing, but absolutely boring after a while.

    So, who else has had to break it off with a dual? What exactly was it that drove you apart? Are we just insane for breaking relationships with our duals? How much are we supposed to endure for "inevitable" psychological fulfillment?
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    Yeah, it happens, not that unusual. I've also had unsuccessful relationships with ESIs for reasons similar to those you mention in your post. Of course, not all duals have the same type of personality (although many of them will react in a similar way to similar experiences), just as not all the people of the same type support the same party etc. so I'm sure you will be able to find a more energetic/active dual girl, if that's what you're looking for.
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    yeah, this is how most dual experiences turn out from what i've seen. socionics glosses over these things..

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    Quote Originally Posted by crazedratXII View Post
    yeah, this is how most dual experiences turn out from what i've seen. socionics glosses over these things..
    The enneagram is the missing piece. I've found I get along better with some enneagram types than I do others.

    I can't stand ESFj-2w3s. They just drive me nuts in a short amount of time. ESFj-6w7s are more tolerable, but we frequently argue. My old roommate is one, and we fought all the time. I even picked him based on the fact that he was a ESFj. I got so tired of his crap and I'm glad he had to move. Now ESFj-7w6s--they are hot sex. Almost every girl I have been seriously--I mean really boner inducing--attracted to has been a 7. Some have been IEEs though, so no luck there. Others (more recently) have been ESEs.

    Sounds like OP is talking about a ISFp 9w1--pretty standard in terms of ISFps, but not really good for a 3w2. I find 9w1s absolutely boring after a while too--just a dead mouse I'm furiously trying to bring to life. I end up burning myself out. The 9w1 I dated was EII though. I've known ISFp 9w1s too though and nothing ever really happened between us--girls or guys.
    The saddest ESFj

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    Quote Originally Posted by greed View Post
    I just broke it off with a dual. We had some pretty good chemistry, but life got in the way. And so did our circumstances. And our personalities. Mostly it was our personalities.

    Sure, she was kind, sensitive, selfless, gentle, and innocent. But it got boring after a while. To me, the biggest issue was her complacency.. at least, as contrasted with my tendency to constantly take in new experiences. Probably in large part due to her upbringing, she seemed afraid of the world. With some success, I sought to teach her that the world wasn't so bad. But still, she was just plain complacent. She didn't want to rock the boat under any circumstances, where I'm not really comfortable with comfortability.

    She is the quietest person I have ever known, and she offered virtually no opinions of her own. Our conversations lacked substance; any abstract concepts were met with glazed-over eyes and maybe a nervous nod.

    Worst of all, since we couldn't share in new life experiences and she didn't do a whole lot of talking, I couldn't get to know her. That bothered me, immensely.

    The result of all of this? The dynamic of our relationship was as if we were stuck at the one-month mark.. for more than ten months. Love alone wasn't enough to keep us together. I catered to her lifestyle for the duration of our relationship while also trying to bring her out into the world, but it absolutely drained me. I didn't feel more psychologically complete; I felt absolutely exhausted.

    I denied my own nature, and as a result.. as a friend of mine stated, the relationship was holding me back.

    The thing is, despite seeing the value in just sitting back and relaxing at times, I want someone who's going to be able to go out there and share in life's experiences. I want a partner in crime. An equal. I don't want someone who's going to settle down in some zone of comfort and become some docile, subservient housewife. I want to be challenged, and I think my partner should have the right to challenge me.

    I was a cat, and she was a dead mouse. Cuddly, soft, and appealing, but absolutely boring after a while.

    So, who else has had to break it off with a dual? What exactly was it that drove you apart? Are we just insane for breaking relationships with our duals? How much are we supposed to endure for "inevitable" psychological fulfillment?
    How do you know she was your dual? Did she test as it, or was it by your own evaluation?

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    Some SLEs I find boring and self-absorbed. All SLEs have character but a few fail to interest me, two were just unintelligent and poor conversationalists.

    There was an SLE chick I really couldn't stand because she was really volatile, argumentative, rude and changeable; if she felt like shit, she'd treat everyone like shit.

    I'm really drawn to people with a kindred, passionate vitality. All SLEs kind of have this attractive raw energy, but few people have a spark. I think I get so into Socionics I think that my dual will be enough. But sometimes they just leave me bored or frustrated because they might be really wicked except they don't have that energy... =/

    But then I had an SLE who had that wicked energy, but he was so immature and was kind of socially inept and a bit of a dick in general. Our different friends got in the way of things; my EIE best friend thought he was really weird and we all thought he was an insensitive ho - like there's Fi PoLR and then there is just being an arsehole. His ex girlfriend got all his female friends hating on me on her behalf & I used to get into bitch fights with his really socially inept, rude EIE friend. Haha, but for saying that I couldn't ever get too pissed off with him or the EIE - they were both pretty amusing because of their general retardedness... childish and irritating but in a kind of charming way . I just couldn't take them seriously - I couldn't really take him seriously as a boyfriend. I just felt like I could do better and wasn't acceptable to his friends like he wasn't to mine. I felt like he was the opposite of everything I wanted in someone but I really, really wanted him. Now, I know why...

    Concerning the Enneagram I don't think I could be with any sx last.
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    what are you, dinki? sx-first? or second?
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    what are you, dinki? sx-first? or second?
    sx/sp ^-^! I was thinking maybe that 'energy' could just be related to sx firsts - a kindred passion, that might annoy people who are sx last? I'm not sure, but it's more like they have a 'lust for life' even in a dark way...and I would put it down as them being sx firsts but then I have only found this energy in four people. But then with some people it's not so apparent... meh, I don't care that much to understand it...
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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post

    Concerning the Enneagram I don't think I could be with any sx last.
    Yes, they are all one big snorefest

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    Quote Originally Posted by electric sheep View Post
    Yes, they are all one big snorefest

    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by electric sheep View Post
    Yes, they are all one big snorefest




    Ahaha! Not even, it's just more like I would be all 'mmm intimacy' and they'd be all 'what?', so then I'd feel like a needy little sx bitch...
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    DUALITY WORKS!!! THINK SUBTYPE!!!


    You guys forgot about SUBTYPE. Duality/Activity/Mirror or any other relationship intertype DEPENDS on subtype!!! Their primary function. Ti <-> Fe , Te <-> Fi, Ne <-> Si, Se <-> Ni - It's really easy to figure out someone's primary function when you start talking to them. AN ISTJ-SE subtype = Think 50 cent, Some macho truck driver. ISTJ-Ti subtype = Think a serious dry cold judge.

    An INFP with Ni (emo poet) subtype will get bored from an ESTP Ti subtype (Mafia Boss) vs the ESTP Se subtype (wheeler dealer) vice versa with an INFP with Fe being the clown - both of them compete at who gets the most attention.

    An ENTP with a Ti subtype (quiet but argumentative inquisitor) would much prefer an ISFP Fe (great helper in planning or mediator) subtype because both of them communicate effectively vs their counterpart subtypes ENTP Ne (very egotistical, proud, and louder) with an ISFP Si (quiet, into the deep arts, too quiet very weak communication skills.)

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    Quote Originally Posted by betterthandead View Post
    DUALITY WORKS!!! THINK SUBTYPE!!!


    You guys forgot about SUBTYPE. Duality/Activity/Mirror or any other relationship intertype DEPENDS on subtype!!! Their primary function. Ti <-> Fe , Te <-> Fi, Ne <-> Si, Se <-> Ni - It's really easy to figure out someone's primary function when you start talking to them. AN ISTJ-SE subtype = Think 50 cent, Some macho truck driver. ISTJ-Ti subtype = Think a serious dry cold judge.

    An INFP with Ni (emo poet) subtype will get bored from an ESTP Ti subtype (Mafia Boss) vs the ESTP Se subtype (wheeler dealer) vice versa with an INFP with Fe being the clown - both of them compete at who gets the most attention.

    An ENTP with a Ti subtype (quiet but argumentative inquisitor) would much prefer an ISFP Fe (great helper in planning or mediator) subtype because both of them communicate effectively vs their counterpart subtypes ENTP Ne (very egotistical, proud, and louder) with an ISFP Si (quiet, into the deep arts, too quiet very weak communication skills.)
    We had a thread earlyer about subtype effects in duality.

    Everybody agreed that subtypes indeed made (subtile) differences.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    Maybe she was actually an ESI! I think my girlfriend is an ESI and she's a bit like this (but I'm SLE so we have some shit to attack each other with). Surely an SEI would be far more responsive. Also, have you ever read ESI descriptions? They are TYPICAL housewife material, and the descriptions actually make reference to their great housewifery.
    Possible, but not really likely. I could tell that she responded pretty well to and exuded .. and the irrationality (p) definitely showed.

    Also, my mom's ESI, and, believe me, I can just see the conflictor relationship between us. She shares some similar traits with my mom, but not enough for me to seriously consider ESI as her type.

    If this wasn't really duality, chances are greater that I've got my type wrong. I've definitely got my IEE and LIE streaks..

    Quote Originally Posted by betterthandead View Post
    DUALITY WORKS!!! THINK SUBTYPE!!!
    ...
    An ENTP with a Ti subtype (quiet but argumentative inquisitor) would much prefer an ISFP Fe (great helper in planning or mediator) subtype because both of them communicate effectively vs their counterpart subtypes ENTP Ne (very egotistical, proud, and louder) with an ISFP Si (quiet, into the deep arts, too quiet very weak communication skills.)
    In my case, our subtypes matched up--Ne to Si. In fact, your descriptions of ENTP-Ne and ISFP-Si pretty much describe us spot-on, especially her. However, "too quiet" was most of her problem.

    Having duality be dependent on something like subtype is just a cop-out--it's like a phone with an awesome warranty plan that can the provider can void through something trivial like humidity-based water damage The theory would be much more honest if it just didn't try to paint duality as a magical unicorn fairytale land where problems just plain never exist.. I agree with the socionicists who think that Augusta placed way too much emphasis on dual relationships.

    Quote Originally Posted by electric sheep View Post
    I think enneagram type makes the most difference.
    This, yeah. I don't think Socionics is a complete theory of personality.
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    Quote Originally Posted by betterthandead View Post
    DUALITY WORKS!!! THINK SUBTYPE!!!


    You guys forgot about SUBTYPE. Duality/Activity/Mirror or any other relationship intertype DEPENDS on subtype!!! Their primary function. Ti <-> Fe , Te <-> Fi, Ne <-> Si, Se <-> Ni - It's really easy to figure out someone's primary function when you start talking to them. AN ISTJ-SE subtype = Think 50 cent, Some macho truck driver. ISTJ-Ti subtype = Think a serious dry cold judge.

    An INFP with Ni (emo poet) subtype will get bored from an ESTP Ti subtype (Mafia Boss) vs the ESTP Se subtype (wheeler dealer) vice versa with an INFP with Fe being the clown - both of them compete at who gets the most attention.

    An ENTP with a Ti subtype (quiet but argumentative inquisitor) would much prefer an ISFP Fe (great helper in planning or mediator) subtype because both of them communicate effectively vs their counterpart subtypes ENTP Ne (very egotistical, proud, and louder) with an ISFP Si (quiet, into the deep arts, too quiet very weak communication skills.)
    That doesn't correlate with my experience, three have been the Ti Subtype and two the Se Subtype - I like the different subtypes the same but for different reasons...I think it is just urealted Socionics reasons, people aren't just their socionics type.

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    Quote Originally Posted by greed View Post
    I just broke it off with a dual. We had some pretty good chemistry, but life got in the way. And so did our circumstances. And our personalities. Mostly it was our personalities.

    Sure, she was kind, sensitive, selfless, gentle, and innocent. But it got boring after a while. To me, the biggest issue was her complacency.. at least, as contrasted with my tendency to constantly take in new experiences. Probably in large part due to her upbringing, she seemed afraid of the world. With some success, I sought to teach her that the world wasn't so bad. But still, she was just plain complacent. She didn't want to rock the boat under any circumstances, where I'm not really comfortable with comfortability.

    She is the quietest person I have ever known, and she offered virtually no opinions of her own. Our conversations lacked substance; any abstract concepts were met with glazed-over eyes and maybe a nervous nod.

    Worst of all, since we couldn't share in new life experiences and she didn't do a whole lot of talking, I couldn't get to know her. That bothered me, immensely.

    The result of all of this? The dynamic of our relationship was as if we were stuck at the one-month mark.. for more than ten months. Love alone wasn't enough to keep us together. I catered to her lifestyle for the duration of our relationship while also trying to bring her out into the world, but it absolutely drained me. I didn't feel more psychologically complete; I felt absolutely exhausted.

    I denied my own nature, and as a result.. as a friend of mine stated, the relationship was holding me back.

    The thing is, despite seeing the value in just sitting back and relaxing at times, I want someone who's going to be able to go out there and share in life's experiences. I want a partner in crime. An equal. I don't want someone who's going to settle down in some zone of comfort and become some docile, subservient housewife. I want to be challenged, and I think my partner should have the right to challenge me.

    I was a cat, and she was a dead mouse. Cuddly, soft, and appealing, but absolutely boring after a while.

    So, who else has had to break it off with a dual? What exactly was it that drove you apart? Are we just insane for breaking relationships with our duals? How much are we supposed to endure for "inevitable" psychological fulfillment?
    Maybe she was actually an ESI! I think my girlfriend is an ESI and she's a bit like this (but I'm SLE so we have some shit to attack each other with). Surely an SEI would be far more responsive. Also, have you ever read ESI descriptions? They are TYPICAL housewife material, and the descriptions actually make reference to their great housewifery.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    Maybe she was actually an ESI! I think my girlfriend is an ESI and she's a bit like this (but I'm SLE so we have some shit to attack each other with). Surely an SEI would be far more responsive. Also, have you ever read ESI descriptions? They are TYPICAL housewife material, and the descriptions actually make reference to their great housewifery.
    Mmmh. My actual girlfriend is ESI and she's not really like that. But I did have a previous ESI girlfriend that fits the description. I think SEIs are also likely to have similar problems (they're called quasi-identical, aren't they?), especially if not dualized since childhood.
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    Sounds like you two were just too different.

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    greed, didn't your dual support you with your dual-seeking functions?
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    Come to think of it, not really. I mean, I loved the girl and all, and she loved me back.. but she didn't particularly know how to cook or anything, and I was the one to bring her to social gatherings and the like. Her version of Si was basically inertia, rather than anything meaningful, and anything Fe-related was pretty much my doing. There were plenty of times that I could just relax around her, but circumstances made that sort of experience very rare. Honestly, I feel like I provided a lot more "dualization" for her than the other way around. Of course, I am slightly older and have seen more of the world, but, well, her inertia was much too powerful.

    Again, circumstances intervened between us. Her culture is basically that of courting, which, it turns out, doesn't really afford us the opportunity to really get to know each other and to have a deep, powerful, emotional connection. She knew how impractical her circumstances were, but she chose to do nothing rather than try to work around that aspect of her culture or even to seek advice on the matter, where I'd been doing everything that I could to help her, analyze the situation, and work the situation indirectly.

    But I do think that she needed this, because this breakup might serve as an impetus for her to actually do something to establish herself. Then again, it might not. It doesn't appear that it has so far, which is unfortunate.


    Another thing: just so nobody gets confused, I'm changing my self-typing (not because of this issue).. so we might not be duals after all. So, yeah, hopefully the thread's still helpful even though my own game's changed a bit.
    Last edited by greed; 12-31-2009 at 09:36 PM.
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    Default Breaking up with a dual

    So, the whole "ending a relationship" process is difficult enough as it is but many people say that breaking up with a dual is the same process except somewhat amplified because you have to let go of a rare and special kind of connection that you may not have ever shared with someone before. Has anyone had the experience of breaking up with a dual? And, even after years have passed, somehow did you always end up comparing whoever came along to the dual and never really get that same emotional fulfillment? Basically, you're over what happened but never completely over that person, I guess.

    I know this could happen with any "ex" you were especially attached to, dual or not. But, I'm talking about the intensity with which it happens - so much time has passed yet you're still kind of stuck on them and no one else quite compares. You try to keep an open heart and an open mind, but somehow just cannot get out of the predicament?
    "I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched." -Edgar Allan Poe

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    Quote Originally Posted by LostinTime View Post
    So, the whole "ending a relationship" process is difficult enough as it is but many people say that breaking up with a dual is the same process except somewhat amplified because you have to let go of a rare and special kind of connection that you may not have ever shared with someone before. Has anyone had the experience of breaking up with a dual? And, even after years have passed, somehow did you always end up comparing whoever came along to the dual and never really get that same emotional fulfillment? Basically, you're over what happened but never completely over that person, I guess.

    I know this could happen with any "ex" you were especially attached to, dual or not. But, I'm talking about the intensity with which it happens - so much time has passed yet you're still kind of stuck on them and no one else quite compares. You try to keep an open heart and an open mind, but somehow just cannot get out of the predicament?
    It seems like mental masturbation for the most part, the idea of duality makes it so these sort of thoughts propagate a person's mind when no prior knowledge of a type relation may have made it a mild or regular run-of-the-mill breakup. There is very little that duality itself should amplify, as all duality implies are favorable communicative channels - similar goals, views, things that really draws you into a person, thats the stuff that makes a breakup especially difficult which is outside the realm of socionics.
    Last edited by thePirate; 12-15-2011 at 03:09 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    It seems like mental masturbation for the most part, the idea of duality makes it so these sort of thoughts propagate a person's mind when no prior knowledge of a type relation may have made it a mild or regular run-of-the-mill breakup. There is very little that duality itself should amplify, as all duality implies are favorable communicative channels - similar goals, views, things that really draws you into a person, thats the stuff that makes a breakup especially difficult which is outside the realm of socionics.
    I came across my dual long before I heard about duality. Without knowing anything about Socionics, I knew this was no run of the mill relationship. It was something I felt deep in my bones. It doesn't matter if someone knows about Socionics or not, they will know in their bones if they have broken up with a dual. It's like a siren going off inside you. The loudest siren you've ever heard, rips and twists your heart and guts. It doesn't feel like a regular break up, where you feel a bit sad and have a little cry. It feels like the end of the world.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    I came across my dual long before I heard about duality. Without knowing anything about Socionics, I knew this was no run of the mill relationship. It was something I felt deep in my bones. It doesn't matter if someone knows about Socionics or not, they will know in their bones if they have broken up with a dual. It's like a siren going off inside you. The loudest siren you've ever heard, rips and twists your heart and guts. It doesn't feel like a regular break up, where you feel a bit sad and have a little cry. It feels like the end of the world.
    What about other people who have felt the same way about people who weren't their duals, who felt that same intensity of breaking up, of connectedness, and felt strongly that the other was 'the one'? I've seen intense feelings like these in a couple of break-ups, and those couples weren't duals. The idea that this sort of relationship is exclusive to a certain 'type' of person is part of the whole 'socionics illusion' that people buy into, and later end up getting upset over. There are certain elements that loosely correlate to favorable relations, that make it conducive for such conditions, but it doesn't directly correlate. Buy into the fantasy at your own risk.
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    What about other people who have felt the same way about people who weren't their duals, who felt that same intensity of breaking up, of connectedness, and felt strongly that the other was 'the one'? I've seen intense feelings like these in a couple of break-ups, and those couples weren't duals. The idea that this sort of relationship is exclusive to a certain 'type' of person is part of the whole 'socionics illusion' that people buy into, and later end up getting upset over. There are certain elements that loosely correlate to favorable relations, that make it conducive for such conditions, but it doesn't directly correlate. Buy into the fantasy at your own risk.
    I agree. I had this feeling when I broke up with an ILI, but not with my dual (although that was painful, too). I don't think it has anything to do with duality. Duality is more effortless than other relationships, but emotional intensity is not type-related.
    “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    What about other people who have felt the same way about people who weren't their duals, who felt that same intensity of breaking up, of connectedness, and felt strongly that the other was 'the one'? I've seen intense feelings like these in a couple of break-ups, and those couples weren't duals. The idea that this sort of relationship is exclusive to a certain 'type' of person is part of the whole 'socionics illusion' that people buy into, and later end up getting upset over. There are certain elements that loosely correlate to favorable relations, that make it conducive for such conditions, but it doesn't directly correlate. Buy into the fantasy at your own risk.
    I get what you're saying. It's a hard thing to quantify. I remember as a teenager, my conflictor dumped me, and I thought it was the end of the world. But later I realised I was much better off without him. I look at him now and wonder what I ever saw in him. I don't think that will ever happen with my dual, and I think that is the difference. It's like when I broke my arm as a kid, I thought that pain was bad, but it was nothing compared to childbirth. Get what I mean?

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    I have broken up with a dual once. It wasn't even a serious relationship, but whatever it was it lasted 6 months.

    I've noticed that duality always changes the perspective from what we're used to. It was not that I missed her when it was over, it was more like I missed a part of MYSELF. It was a new experience and I can imagine how difficult a breakup would be from a long and deep relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nowisthetime View Post
    I have broken up with a dual once. It wasn't even a serious relationship, but whatever it was it lasted 6 months.

    I've noticed that duality always changes the perspective from what we're used to. It was not that I missed her when it was over, it was more like I missed a part of MYSELF. It was a new experience and I can imagine how difficult a breakup would be from a long and deep relationship.
    YES, been there a couple times now... exactly what you described above... in both cases was some degree of a connection but not actually a serious relationship, and yet profoundly affected me in certain ways that will always remain a part of me for life. And yes, what makes it so hard is missing that part of myself that was inside the dual... SO well said, I couldn't have put it better myself! And likewise i cant imagine how painful losing a dual (whether intentionally or not) would be after an involved serious relationship with them. It's too painful to even think about.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    That's why you never put all your eggs in one basket, keep options open, don't have expectations and be independent. That helps me bounce back...its still painful tho

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    Quote Originally Posted by LostinTime View Post
    So, the whole "ending a relationship" process is difficult enough as it is but many people say that breaking up with a dual is the same process except somewhat amplified because you have to let go of a rare and special kind of connection that you may not have ever shared with someone before. Has anyone had the experience of breaking up with a dual? And, even after years have passed, somehow did you always end up comparing whoever came along to the dual and never really get that same emotional fulfillment? Basically, you're over what happened but never completely over that person, I guess.

    I know this could happen with any "ex" you were especially attached to, dual or not. But, I'm talking about the intensity with which it happens - so much time has passed yet you're still kind of stuck on them and no one else quite compares. You try to keep an open heart and an open mind, but somehow just cannot get out of the predicament?
    A relationship with a dual enhances and improves who you are; they let you be you and do what you do best because that's the only way you can improve the diad, that relationship. So, when you break up with a dual you actually may go back to being a slave to society's expectations of who you "should" be rather that who you are (who you ARE in your dual pair may not always be in sink with society's expectations because society is comprised of whatever type that exists in greater numbers because majority, unfortunately, change the face of what is viewed as "appropriate" and "acceptable" and types either adapt or adjust to society). What am I getting at? You become more wanting to give your self, the very you who is created, realized, accepted, and improved in duality (when you were actually in the dual relationship) and yes while you may find yourself naturally wanting what you *thought* was better (because I don't really know if you were in a dual pair or not), you may also just want more of the same thing that you had.

    What doesn't quite compare to duality no matter who they were and what special feelings you may have for any ex that is only found in duality is the ability to use your once thought of weaknesses as strengths in the relationship, believe it or not. That makes you feel great and worthy. The kind of support you get for who you are as a person in a dual pair is unmatch by a relationship of any type, even those who periodically use their insights through their psyche of you, to give you special remarks and uplift yourself and make you feel good about who you are.

    It's hard letting go of a relationship that means so much, however, letting go of duality isn't any harder; it's just way different because of the way the relationship makes you who you are and the way it corrects your previous neurosis and mental stigma that you may have about yourself from the past, from others, from society's expectations, etc.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    World Population: 6,981,347,471 and counting

    6,981,347,471/16=436334216

    Approximately that many duals in the world. Get over it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agee View Post
    World Population: 6,981,347,471 and counting

    6,981,347,471/16=436334216

    Approximately that many duals in the world. Get over it.
    You didn't factor the disproportionate distribution of types; everything in nature is in disproportion due to dominant and recessive traits, so are human beings.
    -
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    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    I wasn't being serious with the estimation, what im saying is, there are millions of people out there. People are just selfish to think that there's one true soul-mate somewhere in the world waiting for them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agee View Post
    World Population: 6,981,347,471 and counting

    6,981,347,471/16=436334216

    Approximately that many duals in the world. Get over it.
    By my calculations there are about 90,000 duals in my age range, but about 2/3rd of them live in China. If duals were needles, they'd be tricky to find in a haystack of 7 billion people.

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    This all sounds terribly romantic to me. Hehe.

    But to Eye of Potato - I felt like it was the end of the world when my current bf and I broke up for 2 months. But that's because I'm crazy. Wow, I hate to imagine myself breaking up with an actual Dual though... oh God


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    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    By my calculations there are about 90,000 duals in my age range, but about 2/3rd of them live in China. If duals were needles, they'd be tricky to find in a haystack of 7 billion people.
    By your calculations you are wrong, because as long as you're 18, or 16 in some countries,or even younger in others, that's old enough. Age shouldn't matter as much, and location doesn't matter at all. They are duals. They are "magical".

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    Maybe we should split this thread as not to completely derail it?
    “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
    ― Anais Nin

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Well, I've tried to break up with a dual multiple times, but we both ended up coming back. I realized that despite things not feeling right (caused by outside circumstances), I still needed him. I know he feels the same. He doesn't understand why he just can't just walk away.

    We agree that we both have a connection that neither of us has ever really had before. It’s addictive to the point of where we call each other crack. The chemistry is always awesome. He claims that no one has ever kissed him the same, and he's scared he will never find that again.... sometimes I wonder the same. Still, I can't get rid of that nagging feeling that we need a few months of space. The only problem is that every time we try to separate he starts calling me multiple times daily. He says he does it because he’s scared that I'll be snatched up by someone else. -__-
    Hmm, sounds like what happened with myself, except I ended up being the one to walk away from the relationship about two years ago. We've been friends on and off since then. Somehow I always find myself calling him up every few months to see what he's been up to. We'll lose touch for so long but always end up getting back in contact eventually. Sometimes I wonder if it's best to lose contact altogether, but then I don't see the point in breaking off a perfectly good, albeit sporadic, friendship. He didn't get involved with anyone else after me until about a month ago. He's still very much obviously in love with me and to this day hints that we should maybe try "working it out" again even though he is with someone new now. It makes me feel uncomfortable and it makes me want to shift subjects. But, sometimes I do wonder if I'll find the same connection with anyone else again.
    "I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched." -Edgar Allan Poe

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    first of all, I'm really sorry to hear about the situation you are in. I trust that you know that you are doing the right thing.

    as for loosing a dual I can only say it sucks. BIG TIME. The closer you are the more it sucks

    before my bf and me got together we went through this spell where I thought I had lost him. I have never been a dependent person, but him not being there left a void in my life. Litteraly. At this point we weren't even in a relationship. I had never felt weak until that happened. And it was really annoying, cause I didn't want to be that weak. I still don't get it, but it really did feel like something of me was missing. But something I couldn't sort of do or be by myself

    I know I can't really give you any advice because in the same situation I was pretty much a mess. What I did I guess, after trying to fill out the holes myself without success, was to just concentrate on my self. What I was good at and try to ignore the holes

    do what you feel you have to and I hope everything will work out
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    I was in a relationship with an INFp, and although now I think it may have been conflicting, at the time I was still head over heels. She was very mature in the breakup, and related to a lot of the things you described, Starfall. I was persistent in still wanting to talk, and she gave in a bit. Although part of me still disagrees with the 'I think things'll be better in the future if we grow more on our own' mentality, as I'm personally not patient with relationships, I'll go ahead and share some of her 'how to's' which helped:

    1) Stop talking with each other every day.
    2) Delete each other as friends from facebook.
    3) Remove each other on Skype/MSN messenger.
    4) Delete/remove any pictures of each other.
    5) Write a genuine, sincere email to the other person, let them know how you feel. Be honest. Let them know you truly loved them.
    6) Let them know there may be a chance in the future, but you just don't see it at this time.
    7) Let them have your email as their only way of contacting you.

    The first couple weeks were pretty terrible. I emailed like every other day, but then became independent again emotionally on my own. She emailed back sparingly, like once a week, to help me grow and recover on my own.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    He still calls me everyday and won't stop until I answer; I try not to, but I end up feeling bad, missing him & I cave in.
    In this case I would add:
    8) Block his phone number in your phone.

    Basically, remove any reminder of him in your life. If you truly want to independent, and help each other grow, then you must do this, FOR BOTH OF YOUR OWN GOOD. Gameface:

    As another rule of wisdom, regardless of your type, his type, whether the relationship is duality or conflicting or something in between, be honest and let him know you want to remain friends, if you believe you are mature enough to handle that.

    One final thing I'd like to mention, this not coming from the INFp I dated who was mature, but another girl: you may never get the emotional/mental closure you need from the other person, in order to move on. I SEE PEOPLE FIGHTING FOR WEEKS/MONTHS/sometimes even YEARS with the other person, trying to prove that THEY WERE RIGHT. Don't expect to get the closure you want from the other person! Find peace and happiness in your own mind, independent of what they think, cause you may never get it from them.

    Anyway, those are my 'how to's'. As already mentioned, sometimes the best way to get over a bad relationship is to just start a new one with another person. Life goes on.

    Good luck, Starfall.

    -MD

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