Duality: feeling unworthy or intimidated by your dual?

[Rhaegar]

I've never felt intimidated by my dual in the sense that I feel as if they're inherently better than me or anything like that but I do get performance anxiety. I worry about whether I'm being interesting enough or funny enough and whether I'll be able to maintain the conversation for the entire time we're together. Boring my dual is something I worry about a lot. In my experience SLIs are not good at carrying the conversation if it happens to lull on my end. I've been having second thoughts on going on a trip with a good SLI friend of mine because I'm afraid that we'll run out of things to say and she'll grow tired of my company as a result.

I think if you have the types right you won't have anything to worry about. I have seen a lot of IEE-SLI interaction and honestly IEE's seem to wake up the sense of humor in SLI's and get them going. Also, I have found that after the initial meeting period, duals seem to let their guard down pretty quick. It's the first meeting period that I think is hard to get going because duals usually inhabit different environments and have a fair bit of trouble recognizing one another, especially at younger ages where stereotypes or groups might come into play.

If this person is an SLI then within a short period on this trip you should ease into a kind of mental comfort. You'll notice a role function mistake for example and look to see if your SLI cares. They won't. Then you'll have some uncertainty about some physical aspect of something and bang, they will subtly take over without either of you asking. Then you'll add something abstract, likely funny or insightful, and they'll nod and agree or start laughing. Seriously once it starts flowing it can feel quite natural. Then you won't worry about having anything to say, because you won't feel like you have to do anything but be yourself to be liked. If it doesn't feel this way, then you are either not duals (look out for mirage, ILI's will not open up to Ne input like SLI's will) or there is some hangup on their end that has nothing to do with you.

In short, try not to worry. In my own experience I have found that trying too hard to impress usually has the opposite effect to just sitting back and being the cynical prick that I am. Be yourself, they probably already think you are awesome anyway if they agreed to go on a trip with you. SLI's don't just hang out with anyone, seriously.

[Olly From Wally World]

I love you, Ananke.

You love everyone, don't you? </3

[Amber]

I had no idea ananke was mimosa pudica. I remember that user (she had a figure on fire as her avatar when I used to check out the forum). I thought everything about her was IEI.

[yifflord]

In short, try not to worry. In my own experience I have found that trying too hard to impress usually has the opposite effect to just sitting back and being the cynical prick that I am. Be yourself, they probably already think you are awesome anyway if they agreed to go on a trip with you. SLI's don't just hang out with anyone, seriously.

Thanks for this! I really appreciate it. I suspect that it might be because this particular SLI is more Si-subtype than I am Ne-subtype; the frequency with which I generate Ne-type statements is not quiiite enough. But I am confident that she likes me and it's comforting to be reminded that that is the case even though you don't know her.

[Misty]

My SLI husband always includes something like "thanks for putting up with me" in his otherwise sweet cards... I feel the same way! How does he live with my utter lack of Si?? How is he content to do so much housework and keep looking after me when I barely have the skills to reciprocate (not through lack of trying, I just am really really bad at Si). And he is so good with the hundreds of abandoned projects and crafts around the house. So I definitely feel unworthy, though would not agree with intimidated. I know others are intimidated by his impassive looks though (he tends to look either really really blank, or cranky courtesy of his particular eyebrow shape).

[Myst]

I'll give you 3000 usd if you can convince a SLE to go to the opera or theater. I did meet SLEs with more "intellectual" interests (two were on postdoc programs in chemistry&physics), but artistic sensitivity was almost inexistent. I checked out a short film festival on Impermanence with a SLE once and he couldn't even stand watching till the end, so bored by anything addressing immaterial matters he was. If you took him to noisy thrilling places like clubs, pop concerts, or amusement parks, he was your man.

I like art that puts me into these indefinable mood thingies. They are very internal and hard to grasp. Definitely the opposite of "material", heh. Not sure if "mood" is the right word because these things are usually unemotional. Don't expect me to explain further.. I don't even understand a thing from the art itself either, I just have and enjoy the moods. But yeah, some art is pretty cool I don't have arts related education so I can't tell you for sure if I have proper artistic sensitivity but I'd like to think so.

I will add though that I don't often get there. I don't spend that much time on art or anything like that.. but I wouldn't want to totally forget about this area of life.

And I will surely take the 3000 usd I'm convincing myself here as an SLE to go to the opera so where's my prize for it?

[Myst]

Do you feel "unworthy" of or intimidated by your dual's awesomeness? And if you do, is it mostly [or only] in the beginning stages of the relationship?

I have read before in duality description someplace that it can happen, but I'm curious about people's irl experience with this... so, do ya?

No

[Alomoes]

No

No. I don't know who it is.

[Myst]

No. I don't know who it is.

Lol you know SEE is awesome right?

[Alomoes]

No. I don't. I know people are awesome. Dumbass. This is the same dumbass that said type was dumb. Thanks. You made my day then.

[Beautiful sky]

Unworthy? No. I know how to read LSE now. It used to be that I would just get love from my two LSE cousins and I thought all the LSE men would love me the same way but soon discovered that I'm just a piece of meat. So I had to learn maybe I learned the hard way but maybe I knew all along that the ones who see me as a piece of meat treat all women they don't want to have a relationship with the same way. Their behavior is very transparent. For all desiring LSE I will give out the secrets right here.

Never continue to see the LSE if he/she:

1. Makes excuses not to be with you or to take off after spending time with you. Excuses might be "oh well I have things I need to get done" instead an LSE will be very specific "I have to take my dad to the hospital tomorrow and will come over to see you after." Remember Te is about planned action so if he ain't planning things with you in it he doesn't care about you.
2. If their train is headed one way, that is if they mention one mode of something to you continuously "I just want friendship" That means he isn't going to have anything with you and nothing's going to develop NOTHING. Face the glory that LSE is not attracted to you.
3. They are shallow surface people. A pretty face and a nice body…sorry ladies…if you don't fall or have fallen in line with this you might just get dumped
4. Watch out for lies using and manipulation and tactical game playing. Those will all be there.
5. An LSE who wants you will neither care about sleeping with you right away or waiting. Ask them and they will say "I would still be here if we had sex the first night." He/she will if he loves you even if he doesn't know it.
6. LSE are quick to cut people off early on. Expect this; they don't and can't read fine tendencies of human behavior. They only judge on a narrow scope of actions or behaviors and all they are trying to do is cut out and eliminate as much of things that can possibly be negative in the future not knowing or understanding that things with people don't work liked this. They are not good with human beings. Human beings are not a logical formula…LOGIC here is the operative word. If they thought one person was not a good person something in that other human being might change,they might discover love and kindness and surprise the LsE by having changed and this is what the LSE does not factor into their equation, that human beings are not a logical formula that they are not a set of algorithmic equations to be plugged in or calculated. They are love love is not a formula.
7. Any suspicions and doubts please PM me. I'll gladly analyze them.
8.My bf hates it when I over analyze things try to take pressure off of Ti and Se for yourself and go by your feelings.

[Kim]

3. They are shallow surface people. A pretty face and a nice body…sorry ladies…if you don't fall or have fallen in line with this you might just get dumped

LSEs are like that or one should beware of LSEs who are like that?

[Beautiful sky]

LSEs are like that or one should beware of LSEs who are like that?

When it comes to sexual conquests they are like that and most often they are unsure of their feelings even if they can tell the feelings of others in an objective way. They are there as realists.

[Shazaam]

wow @Ananke, you fluttershied me big time, but you have a point. I am so naturally nice and people pleasing. Nobody can be nice like I can, it's my superpower- instead of crushing throats with my bare hands. I am so anti-bully, so gay, so sweet, so warm-hearted. It's sickening. So goddamn adorable, absurd was right, I probably should just kill myself now. =( (j/k I'd never do that)

haha I kinda always looked up to/was amused by people like you. You're tough, raw, angry and cool. But I just hate physical stuff. I try to get into sports. But I just can't do it. I just can't. I don't like it. I don't emotionally enjoy it, and I'd much rather sit on my ass pettily gossiping about everybody. I exercise just enough to get by, but I don't put force into it. I'm just not like that. And if you try to bully/intimate me to get me to be tougher I don't really respond to that tactic by being angry back unless I absolutely have to. I just sort of smile even more sweetly and let it go the best I can. I just need a tough homoerotic (and probably black) prison thug or a lesbian cop like aiexlyd to protect me, and that's all there is to it. You really see right through me. I try to be tough and bitchy, like the gays on TV. But I'm just a kitten.

IEIs are the priest and SLE are the warrior. dat's why de synergy so great.

[carrina]

Yeah I guess so. There is a tenseness in their presence. The cool thing is that they already accept you and want your attention back.