Deltas -- how do you take criticism?

[mikemex]

I can't help but to notice that you're assuming that one should take all criticism well. Why?

Like anything, criticism has levels of quality. Constructive criticism is something you won't see often. Instead, you see criticism as a disguised way to ventilate most people's prejudices and negative emotions.

[force my hand]

I can't help but to notice that you're assuming that one should take all criticism well. Why?

I guess it's up to each individual to judge the worth of meeting it head on or ignoring it.

Lately I've been seeing value in ignoring it.

[Danielle]

I can't help but to notice that you're assuming that one should take all criticism well. Why?

Like anything, criticism has levels of quality. Constructive criticism is something you won't see often. Instead, you see criticism as a disguised way to ventilate most people's prejudices and negative emotions.

I think you have a really good point. A couple of you said that getting into more arguments would help a person take criticism better, but I've been in LOTS of arguments and it hasn't helped at all. 99% of the time, the people I was arguing with weren't using "rational, coherent, constructive" arguments to "critique" me or the things I said. I think sometimes I was looking for that and not getting it, which only made things worse.

Maybe Fi and Ne together pick up on and evaluate a lot of the unspoken judgments, the character attacks, the ill moods and the irrational biases that often inspire "criticism". Also, I personally have a thing about "how people should relate to one another" and what relationships should mean. If you're not in a position where you should feel comfortable offering the criticism you are offering to me, I feel something is off and I am more likely to feel attacked, cause who are you (to me) to say that to me? It would make me want to avoid that person.

But at the same time, if you're supposed to love me then I can also take that criticism badly if it seems to me to be coming from a place of character assassination and judgment of my values. If you love me then you don't go around criticizing the things that are really important to me, or criticizing me for valuing what I value, because then you don't really love me. That's one of the types of criticism I tend to react badly to (reacting badly meaning I either cry or I get angry).

[force my hand]

I think you have a really good point. A couple of you said that getting into more arguments would help a person take criticism better, but I've been in LOTS of arguments and it hasn't helped at all. 99% of the time, the people I was arguing with weren't using "rational, coherent, constructive" arguments to "critique" me or the things I said. I think sometimes I was looking for that and not getting it, which only made things worse.

May I suggest, however, that through such experiences you have learned to rely more on your own judgement and reason, thereby limiting your reliance on the opinions of others?

...such as, for example, had I not written the above but instead replied with, "That's nonsense - you don't know what you're talking about!"

I'd wager with experience one would be more inclined to respond with an eyeroll than react with hurt feelings.

[Park]

Lately I've been seeing value in ignoring it.

Same here, actually.

[Creepy-]

I've learned two things: that I am often my own worst critic [as a lot of people probably are], and that it's my choice whether or not to pay attention to others’ criticisms.

I do pay attention to and appreciate constructive criticisms very much, though they can sting. I pick and choose which ones meet the criteria to be considered “constructive,” hah, and it also depends on who it's coming from... but I try to make the most of criticism by taking it as an opportunity to be better in some way, whether bc it provides an insight I hadn’t seen before, or something else....

[jewels]

I guess it's up to each individual to judge the worth of meeting it head on or ignoring it.

Lately I've been seeing value in ignoring it.

I like. I would so like to say that to someone someday.

[Danielle]

May I suggest, however, that through such experiences you have learned to rely more on your own judgement and reason, thereby limiting your reliance on the opinions of others?

...such as, for example, had I not written the above but instead replied with, "That's nonsense - you don't know what you're talking about!"

I'd wager with experience one would be more inclined to respond with an eyeroll than react with hurt feelings.

I'm not sure you are quite getting me. I do rely on my own judgment and values (not sure exactly what is meant by "reasoning" in this context). So if someone replies to me like that, it's not that it makes me doubt if I am correct (if it did, it would have been constructive because it would have made me look from another perspective).

The problem is this: why would someone talk to me like that, in such a dehumanizing fashion? It's not about the idea, it's about how the person is relating to me, and how they should be relating to me. I don't think anyone should say that to anyone else. If a person thinks they have just heard nonsense, they should explain why. It is even more important to be diplomatic when correcting bad information because people don't like to be corrected.

So, if I am close to someone and they respond to me like that, I feel majorly disrespected as a person by someone who is supposed to respect me due to our bond. This feels like a betrayal.

If I am not close to the person, then they shouldn't be talking to me that way cuz they don't even know me. It really brings out my ghetto roots, and I start to feel flustered and angry.

Either way, I can't really respond to the criticism in any kind of calm, reasonable way, which really bothers me. I repeat, it's not that I can't take criticism because I don't trust my own judgment. On matters in which I am not already sure, I welcome the perspectives of others. On matters in which I am sure (or think I ought to be), the criticism had better be truly constructive.

[force my hand]

I'm not sure you are quite getting me....

...Either way, I can't really respond to the criticism in any kind of calm, reasonable way, which really bothers me. I repeat, it's not that I can't take criticism because I don't trust my own judgment. On matters in which I am not already sure, I welcome the perspectives of others. On matters in which I am sure (or think I ought to be), the criticism had better be truly constructive.

Ah, I see your point now.

I'm different from you in that it has always been more about the content and construction of my view being criticized - for which repeated argumentation would help, hence my comment - rather than the manner in which someone has criticized me - for which repeated argumentation would likely just inflame. In that sense, I think I value being right more than I value being treated right.

[Froody Blue Gem]

I'm not too good with criticism, especially if it's my art/creative work that's being criticized. It is something that's very personal/a part of me and I don't like just letting anyone see my sketchbook for this reason. At the workplace, I've been getting better but it's still difficult for me. I do understand that criticism can be helpful but it can make me bristle if a person is constantly criticizing me.

My mom has been critical when I struggle with "adulting" and it makes me very insecure about myself as a person. She is family and sometimes, I snap back at her more than I would with anyone. Usually, I don't show other people my angry side. And my mom retorts that if I acted like this at my boss at work, I'd get fired.


My supervisor at my work has given me multiple criticisms, more on the tasks that I do than actually me. But I also tend to be slobbish, and my boss has given me criticisms regarding this. I tend to think that people think negatively of me in general when they give multiple criticisms, and I develop a mistrust of critical people. I do understand it's my supervisor's job, and he wants the job done right. I want to do it right as well. At my previous two jobs, my other supervisors weren't so critical, and it makes me think that while friendly, when things go wrong, he has extremely high standards. But part of me wonders if the supervisors at my other jobs were too nice and lenient. I hate to think I'm such a dysfunctional person that that's the case, but it very well could be.

[Lord Pixel]

When it comes to art it depends. If someone is criticizing my ideas, that hurts because those are personal things I came up with so if they say those things are stupid if also feels like they are saying I'm stupid, but if someone is saying I drew a face wrong, then that's more objective I can check that for myself and see if I did draw it wrong or not.

Honestly anything that is personal yea, if I like a song or a movie or whatever, it can hurt a little if someone says that sucks, so it's always a risk to share information with someone. It's actually easier if someone said "You like that movie? That movie is trash, this movie is way better than that movie." because then I can focus on the comparison rather than just something I like is being considered trash.

When someone criticizes my driving, it sucks. I hate it lol.

When someone unfairly criticizes me(which driving can feel like that since I'm in the thick of the moment), ie. I get yelled at at work about something I had no idea about, or someone placed way too high expectations on me (that I didn't know about) and are now disappointed and criticizing me for it. I hate that.