Duality yes againI'm single leave me alone

[Polly_G]

Ok, when I first came across the description of my dual I was like no way! I like these intense thinking type conversations and actually enjoy almost competing in a mentally quick conversation. Its not about ego either, its like ummm playing a game that you really enjoy.

This can energize me so to me its always made sense to be with someone who can feed that energy. Well after my last relationship I realized that there were was something really flawed in the way I was looking for a person. Yes, looking for an equal is good but I was forgetting about some of the things I don't take into consideration that need nurturing.

I'm very sensitive to criticism when its about my behavior or personality. Mostly because I've heard it so much I'm like hyper-sensitive to it now. Plus it also kind of goes against some of my values. To me, to try to change someone's behavior is to control them. Then the person isn't working from their strong side.

I need to be with someone who doesn't want to control me and also who doesn't abuse the fact that I don't like to be controlling. I won't demand my feelings be taken into consideration usually. I might eventually mention it if they are being overlooked enough. Even then though, I won't demand anything....I will leave the choice up to the invidual.

In my experience, quite often selfishness kicks in a lot here. But with my dual the ISFp, they need freedom as much as I do but not in a way that threatens me or would threaten them. I wouldn't have to demand that my feelings be taken into consideration.

We both seem like pretty low-maintenance people too. If someone was meeting my emotional needs and really valuing me, I can actually see me being extremely protective of them and wanting to make them as happy as they were making me.

Thinking at certain times when I've had this even for brief times, I was much more confident in all areas of my life and much more ummm together I guess you could say.

Long story short, the more I think about the more I do feel that the dual relation thing has a lot of merit.

I think I know one ISFp but there are just too many complications in his life and my life is complicated enough. I'm sure though that there are other ISFps who are in less complex situations.

There is definately a certain sweetness too him but there's nothing about him that sticks out at me that would make me think...ah ha!!! an ISFp!

How do yo feel about your dual's description?

[Expat]

Polly,

In my own case I think the description of the duality itself is more useful, as in here: oldforumlinkviewtopic-2338.html

Just by reading most of ISFj descriptions I wouldn't have thought they were my duals, either.

[Rocky]

http://www.socioniko.net/en/1.3.rels/index-rels.html

[Polly_G]

Thanks Rocky, that was a really interesting chart, especially the one below with the functions.

[Rocky]

umm... I meant to click on the scroll menu up top and check out the description of the ENTP-ISFP duality. Ahh, w/e, here it is...

1st quadra: the irrational dual pair
Intuitive-logical extravert
and
sensory-ethical introvert

© From: V.Meged, A.Ovcharov. Learn To Manage People Efficiently, 2000.

The Seeker is somewhat 'not here and now', he longs for far-reaching projects. He is obsessed with many ideas, which he explains so vaguely that only few people can understand him. The Mediator, however, does not refuse them at once, but shows interest and if he finds in them something useful, he looks for support of people capable of practical implementation of these ideas. If these ideas, however, seem to him too naive, or if their implementation may be too problematic, The Mediator can 'earthen' The Seeker's redundant inventive energy, calm him down and distract from 'fighting windmills'. He appreciates The Seeker's originality of thought and often shares his passions. In general, he tolerantly attends to this 'eternal child', playing the role of a caring parent. He guides the practical side of their common life.

The Seeker is critical towards everything created earlier. He looks for new ways and alternatives. Having analyzed the situation and finding its dubious aspects, he may provoke split in an organization and create his own group of adherents. But lack of tactfulness does not allow him to keep the adherents at his side. However, The Mediator is an expert at 'shuttle diplomacy'; he is quite capable of grouping people, softening the ethical mistakes of his dual and finding support of his superiors. He takes care of the comfort, rest and amusement of the party. He can arrange holiday parties. But in everyday chores he is mobile and strives for completion of his undertakings. That is if he is convinced in the perspective of the new undertakings, the suggested solution of complicated and intricate situations. The Mediator watches the flow of work and does not let The Seeker stop halfway by getting attracted to a new idea. The Seeker needs such a stabilizer both in affairs and in relations.

The Seeker gets mobilized in critical moments: bravely repulses the enemy, protecting both his own interests and those of others. By doing this he sometimes loses the feeling of necessary limit. The Mediator who directs his initiatives watches him. When The Seeker loses vital tonus and begins neglect his duties, The Mediator 'arranges an emotional episode' for him and by this raises his spirits. But on the other hand, he can extinguish a quarrel by his diplomacy and jokes, before it results in rupture of relations. His feelings often return The Seeker ‘to solid ground’, distracting him from abstractions, making him think about practical tasks as well. The Seeker cannot regulate distance in communication; sometimes he is out of place, unceremonious, too credulous towards people, too kind to those who envy him. For this reason he may get into trouble. The Mediator saves him from this.

The Mediator can take care of the health and comfort of others. The Seeker appreciates this trait of his dual very much. He responds to The Mediator with reciprocity. He strives to be faithful in their partnership and friendship, which is especially liked by The Mediator.

Although The Mediator is ostentatiously optimistic, he is very much afraid of the future, as the source of uncertainty. His dual saves him from such doubts by making forecasts and especially by taking global strategic protective measures. The Mediator periodically falls into laziness but his dual does not rebuke him for it, in other words, does not require him to be always highly productive. The Mediator likes The Seeker's capability of deriving benefit from everything without much effort, of concluding profitable agreements, and he willingly assists his partner in such affairs.

Ingenuousness, impulse of life and feelings represent the 'visiting card' of this dual pair.

[Joy]

Ingenuousness, impulse of life and feelings represent the 'visiting card' of this dual pair.

[Polly_G]

Thanks Rocky, I can actually see that. My friend who is an ISFp was telling me how frustrated he was at the art community here. He is an absolutely brilliant artist. I told him to first off, don't listen to ANYONE around here. There are a lot of limited thinkers in this town and to promote himself, if he couldn't do it, it was worth saving up and hiring an agency to do it. It was stuff he already knew but he just needed someone else to say it to him.

So he ignored what people were telling them and shot high writing all the top places he wanted to do contract work for and sent them portfolios. Now he has several major contracts starting this summer that will keep him going for the next year and will allow him to travel to Europe.