Interesting dinner: IEI, LII, EII, ESI, SLI and LIE

[redbaron]

So last night I had dinner with a group of women that was supposed to be kind of a celebration to the end of a kids' program we ran. A couple of the women I know well and others I don't know very well. There were 7 of us total.

Me: IEI
confirmed ESI
pretty sure LII
confirmed LIE
possible SLI
confirmed EII
no idea--some sensing type

So basically the ESI, LII and I were having a good time. The SLI and EII were very quiet through the whole night and it almost seemed like they wanted to go home but were too polite to leave early. The LIE arrived late and drew everyone's attention to her immediately. She would say something and the ESI and I would react (usually me with laughter and the ESI with some strong opinion). Once the LIE arrived, the LII faded a bit more into the background and the conversation kind of became between the ESI and LIE with me laughing and injecting a comment here or there. It was like everyone else bowed out. Very weird!

But what probably interested me the most was my own reaction to the EII. She and I know each other in another context and one-on-one we're okay friends. But last night it was clear to me that she and I really don't click, especially in social situations. She's kind of formal, pretty serious, doesn't get into the emotional atmosphere much at all. And I couldn't help thinking to myself how boring she is. ugh, I feel awful saying that. And I would never say that to anyone who knew her in real life, but I have to admit that I thought the EII and SLI were putting a huge damper on the general emotional atmosphere. I found myself thinking "why am I the only one amused?" I hate it when it's supposed to be fun, a party or whatever, and people just sit there, not participating. I mean, it's fine. I just find myself walking away thinking "hmmm, they aren't very fun". And then I feel bad. Because they're very nice people and have a lot to offer but... gosh it's just so weird to see socionics in real life and realize how you can't get away from it. You value what you value, no matter how hard you try to appreciate everyone for their strengths and qualities, you're still going to be drawn to some over others. Makes me feel powerless somehow. Powerless over my own feelings and friendships and affections.

[redbaron]

Of course, then I know the secret of in quadra relations and duality.

Exactly. There's like this extra responsibility of sorts but also this knowledge (like... eating of the tree of good and evil, hahahaha) that kind of gives you an edge over others.

[jewels]

it sounds to me like the LIE wasn't really liked by the SLi and the EII. That's the usual reaction (politely being quiet). I say that because I know SLIs and EIIs who are good at being social/emotional, outgoing etc.

It's funny though because I used to be good friends with an IEI and an EII. They didn't know each other well, but I was close friends w/ both individually. They met each other a few times and both told me later that they thought the other was veeery boring. They couldn't really see why I was friends w/ the other LOL. However, both of them were more themselves and fun one-on-one and got a bit shy in bigger groups. They were both acting similarly at this event too. But I guess it's kinda the same thing w/ ENFp and ENFj. I can think ENFjs are too talkative/emotional, etc, and I can be like that too. For some reason I just found that to be hilarious though.

Anyway, I get your point about socionics being a bit sad because it is predictable isn't it?

[redbaron]

it sounds to me like the LIE wasn't really liked by the SLi and the EII. That's the usual reaction (politely being quiet). I say that because I know SLIs and EIIs who are good at being social/emotional, outgoing etc.

yes! I think with the right people, both of them would be more social. In fact, I've seen the EII be a lot more fun around this LSE/EII couple I know. lol I think a lot of people are frankly intimidated by this particular LIE. She's very confident and vocal.

It's funny though because I used to be good friends with an IEI and an EII. They didn't know each other well, but I was close friends w/ both individually. They met each other a few times and both told me later that they thought the other was veeery boring. They couldn't really see why I was friends w/ the other LOL. However, both of them were more themselves and fun one-on-one and got a bit shy in bigger groups. They were both acting similarly at this event too. But I guess it's kinda the same thing w/ ENFp and ENFj. I can think ENFjs are too talkative/emotional, etc, and I can be like that too. For some reason I just found that to be hilarious though.

Yeah, in a way I can act similarly to the EII. Quiet at first and sort of reticent until I feel more comfortable. It's weird how NFs can be alike in some ways but then SO different at the core.

Anyway, I get your point about socionics being a bit sad because it is predictable isn't it?

Yes, because it's like you WANT to like people. You want to understand them. but even when you do understand the functions and what's going on, you can never quite choose who you're going to love, in a way. it either falls into place or it doesn't. I really want to like this EII and I wish we could be close friends because we're similar ages (both of us younger among a group of older women) and at a similar stage of our lives. But it's just not going to happen. And I think she feels it too! It's okay, but kinda disappointing also. Hard for me to accept that that's the way things are going to be. And rather amazing that socionics is so accurate.

[Shazaam]

Well yeah to us EIIs are pretty boring and prude-ish but they view us as unproductive shits.

Sooooooo dunno what to say.

Other than, it's really helpful if we stay within our quadra as much as possible.

[redbaron]

Well yeah to us EIIs are pretty boring and prude-ish but they view us as unproductive shits.

Sooooooo dunno what to say.

[Danielle]

Sounds like the celebration stayed at a pretty shallow level the whole time, with nothing more than an opinionated debate or two at best. Nobody did anything but talk? And was there any talk about the kids and some of the program successes? Any talk of where everyone wanted to go from here? Any talk of hoped-for changes, both short and long-term? Anything at all about the actual program? That might sound boring to you but for me something has to have some meaning and reality. I like cracking jokes and being witty and snarking on people and things, but I also like talking about hopeful things and making strong connections with people that can go beyond the party.

The only lesson to learn is that concepts like "fun" are subjective, and no one gets to define it for anybody else.

[redbaron]

Sounds like the celebration stayed at a pretty shallow level the whole time, with nothing more than an opinionated debate or two at best. Nobody did anything but talk? And was there any talk about the kids and some of the program successes? Any talk of where everyone wanted to go from here? Any talk of hoped-for changes, both short and long-term? Anything at all about the actual program?

That's exactly what we were talking about--program successes, things that worked or didn't work, hoped-for changes, individual kids and their reactions, etc. We also got the scoop on another friends' baby who's in ICU.

We were at a restaurant so pretty much all we did was eat, drink and talk, yes.

[Kim]

The only lesson to learn is that concepts like "fun" are subjective, and no one gets to define it for anybody else.

But it is really interesting how much the individual perceptions of what is fun reflects their quadra. I had to laugh when I read this thread because I remembered this barbecue where I spent seven hours amidst mostly betas who were all about having fun and found myself clinging to my ESTj friend for survival.