ENFp and ENTj benefit relations (IEE and LIE)

[orchid]

Have any of you had an ENFP/ENTJ couple? How did it go?

I have known this ENTJ for almost two years. We have been friends, but there has always been a bit of a romanitic twist to it. The only thing that bothers me about him is that he is a bit rigid at times. He gets these goofy ideas about human interaction that are completely perplexing to me. The other night he called and was talking about some good advice he got from an older friend about how to raise a daughter. The advice was that if the daughter had a suitor, and the suitor didn't have money or a house, that the parents should tell him to go away until he had resources. I told him that if you raise your kids to value themselves, they will figure out when and how to have relationships on their own.

He was receptive to my thoughts, and was pretty much convinced by the end of the conversation, but it still weirds me out that he thought using your kids as bargaining chips was a good idea.

Otherwise, he treats me like a queen...though he has a tendency to flirt a lot with everyone...but that doesn't really bother me, since I do the same thing.

Anyway...I'm new to the board! Nice to see you all here!

Bethany

[Kim]

Welcome!

Also see here (brandnew!): http://the16types.info/forums/viewtopic.php?t=2995

[Azeroffs]

So basically I just entered a relationship with my IEE friend after much bonding and such. I was wondering what other LIEs/IEEs have experienced with this relation in friendship romance or whatever else.

I'm interested in general benefit comments as well.

[Creepy-male]

So basically I just entered a relationship with my IEE friend after much bonding and such.

I think I'm starting to understand why that's such a prevalent meme.

[Beefy swordsman and bored-looking sorceress enter an armory]
"Here to buy some enchanted hair accessories for your girlfriend?"
" God I get that so much. She's not my girlfriend."
[12 episodes later]
"Casty McAlicelocks, I... ugh! *clenches fists and screams it out*"

I'm interested in general benefit comments as well.

I'm kind of interested in the Model A mechanics behind Benefit myself.

Anyway, the intertype descriptions are good stuff, just remember not to use them as a diagnostic or a standard or something. I've found that Mirror and Duality have described what happens very accurately, and Activity certainly isn't wrong, I just see less of it specifically applying than the other two. The general gist of it is certainly on-track however.

[Azeroffs]

I'm kind of interested in the Model A mechanics behind Benefit myself.

I was hoping for some experiences. I could run through theory all day by myself.

as far as model-A benefit is an interesting one. I think the relationship is focused mostly around the beneficiary's base function and benefactor HA. In IEE/LIE that means Te. The beneficiary is constantly giving advice to the benefactor much like activation, but the beneficiary gets nothing in return.A situational 5th-function hit keeps the beneficiary drawn, but most of the time the the benefactor is speaking to the beneficiary's 8th function, giving the beneficiary a sense that the benefactor is little overdone and unexciting. The benefactor will see the beneficiary as someone who is useful to the benefactor, but overall lacking in what is really wanted (5th function).


LIE/IEE

Te: LIE is constantly helping and giving advice about how the IEE can accomplish goals and get things done.
Ne: The IEE will bore the LIE with constant need for doing new things and wishful thinking.
Ni: The LIE's future focus will be ignored by the IEE, meaning that a lot of the advice given by the LIE will go to no use.
Fi: The IEE draws the LIE in with the IEE's interest in people's motivations in relationships.
Fe: The IEE's indirect emotionality makes LIE more comfortable with his/hers but is still emphasized subconsciously, not allowing the LIE to relax completely.
Se: LIE's ambition is impeded by IEE. IEE is generally supportive, but of no help to the LIE.
Si: IEE subconsciously expects the LIE to provide comfort, enjoyment and mental relaxation. The LIE focuses on the future and staying active and cannot provide this leaving a feeling of dissatisfaction in the IEE.
Ti: LIE notices IEEs unstructured thinking, but shares the sentiments of unnecessity in most circumstances.



That's my take on it

[FDG]

I had a really good relationship with an IEE girl. Passion was lacking tho, so we went back to friends after a while. I don't really find those above interactions to be fitting...although I suppose that if you're a really success-oriented type of LIE, the casual attitude towards life of many IEEs (which I personally like) might get on your nerves.

[Azeroffs]

the casual attitude towards life of many IEEs (which I personally like) might get on your nerves.

It's not a problem, it's just not helpful. I'm basically neutral on it.

[FDG]

It doesn't get on my nerves as much as I see it as a distraction. It's not a problem, it's just not helpful. In other words, I'm neutral on it.

Distraction from?

[Azeroffs]

Distraction from?

eh, I edited it, but I meant that it doesn't help, and in a sense anything that takes time and doesn't help is a distraction from my goals, but everyone needs a distraction now and then. And I hardly think of her as a distraction.

[FDG]

Ah okay, yes I understand that problem, although I don't know, it's hard to balance that line of thinking with a more type-B kind of attitude. I suppose it's like: I don't see her as a distraction when I'm with her, however I can see how it could be a distraction in a more objective-detached sense. Some ENFps are really goal-oriented when motivated though, so perhaps if you talk with her 'bout it she might try to share.

[Azeroffs]

I suppose it's like: I don't see her as a distraction when I'm with her, however I can see how it could be a distraction in a more objective-detached sense.

Yeah, that's exactly it.

Some ENFps are really goal-oriented when motivated though, so perhaps if you talk with her 'bout it she might try to share.

It's really not that big of a deal. Really it's more having a girlfriend in general rather than her specifically.

[Azeroffs]

I was hoping for some experiences. I could run through theory all day by myself.

as far as model-A benefit is an interesting one. I think the relationship is focused mostly around the beneficiary's base function and benefactor HA. In IEE/LIE that means Te. The beneficiary is constantly giving advice to the benefactor much like activation, but the beneficiary gets nothing in return.A situational 5th-function hit keeps the beneficiary drawn, but most of the time the the benefactor is speaking to the beneficiary's 8th function, giving the beneficiary a sense that the benefactor is little overdone and unexciting. The benefactor will see the beneficiary as someone who is useful to the benefactor, but overall lacking in what is really wanted (5th function).


LIE/IEE

Te: LIE is constantly helping and giving advice about how the IEE can accomplish goals and get things done.
Ne: The IEE will bore the LIE with constant need for doing new things and wishful thinking.
Ni: The LIE's future focus will be ignored by the IEE, meaning that a lot of the advice given by the LIE will go to no use.
Fi: The IEE draws the LIE in with the IEE's interest in people's motivations in relationships.
Fe: The IEE's indirect emotionality makes LIE more comfortable with his/hers but is still emphasized subconsciously, not allowing the LIE to relax completely.
Se: LIE's ambition is impeded by IEE. IEE is generally supportive, but of no help to the LIE.
Si: IEE subconsciously expects the LIE to provide comfort, enjoyment and mental relaxation. The LIE focuses on the future and staying active and cannot provide this leaving a feeling of dissatisfaction in the IEE.
Ti: LIE notices IEEs unstructured thinking, but shares the sentiments of unnecessity in most circumstances.



That's my take on it

A lot of this is theoretical and extended beyond my own experience.

[Slacker]

I dated an LIE for a long time in my past. He said I was "high maintenance". He doesn't give the and doesn't like someone asking for it. But we dated for like a year and a half and it certainly wasn't all bad. Oh, and advice based on feels like criticism to me. "Don't do this or this will happen." I can't help coming back with "How do you know that will happen? Lots of things could happen." I was getting that from my mom and dad already and I didn't need it from a third source.

[Azeroffs]

I dated an LIE for a long time in my past. He said I was "high maintenance". He doesn't give the and doesn't like someone asking for it. But we dated for like a year and a half and it certainly wasn't all bad. Oh, and advice based on feels like criticism to me. "Don't do this or this will happen." I can't help coming back with "How do you know that will happen? Lots of things could happen." I was getting that from my mom and dad already and I didn't need it from a third source.

Oh no.. my gf said shes high maintenance herself

[Slacker]

Oh no.. my gf said shes high maintenance herself

I used to think I was. Then one time I needed help from my husband, and I apologized for being so high maintenance, and he said, "High maintenance? You're the lowest maintenance girl I've ever known." Or something like that. Anyway, "high maintenance" is in the eye of the beholder.

[Azeroffs]

What type is your husband?

[Creepy-male]

SLI. They're pretty cool like that, all zeroing in and responding positively to genuine neediness and helplessness.

EDIT

Two things Delta NFs have in abundance, it seems.

[MatthewZ]

I'll pretend to be an SLI if it gets me closer to a Delta NF.

[Slacker]

What type is your husband?

Yeah, he's SLI.

[Azeroffs]

Yeah, he's SLI.

congrats

but yeah, that figures.