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    Default Ni and Relationships

    Assuming that Ni is the function that allows for a better understanding of time progression, I wonder if any relationship with dissonant Ni (as in one person makes use of it, while the other doesn't) can cause a sort of "painful" experience to the person who actually thinks about the reality of how things actually unfold. I have seen this play out at times in my own life actually, and I was wondering if this is something that is characteristic of people who are in some way proficient at considering "time."

    I have come to a point where I feel like I want to steer away from people who are overly optimistic about the time they have for things, and always seem to squeeze in time for new things rather than trying to maintain what they have, not knowing that they can actually lose what they had with this sense of time greediness. I've noticed this play out with friends from alpha and delta, so I thought that it was related to not valuing Ni. It makes me feel bad when I'm talking to someone and they are so genuinely convinced that "we will be hanging out sometime soon" when you just know that it's not going to happen... Or, how a friend can tell you that they "didn't have the time" to read something important you sent them which can be read in less than a minute, when they end up talking for hours on the phone with someone who they just met, and don't see how these two things have anything to do with each other.

    How can someone deal with this type of people without feeling some kind of disappointment from them not being able (or just not seeing the need) to make more time for the "more important things" such as friends and family? The type of person that when you're hanging out and talking you are interrupted by their cellphone going off, and they start texting or accepting a call, as if it cannot wait for a couple of hours... This type of thing is starting to really turn me off. Makes me wonder what is the point in maintaining this type of relationship if they don't have the time.

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    I relate to this idea with relationships. For instance, the last person I was with I knew things wouldn't work out. I loved her to death but at the same time I knew I couldn't, because of her. I knew she would be the one to leave and I could gradually sense the difference.

    There are awesome movies like this where "knowing" actually means its going to happen. If the person didn't know ahead of time, it wouldn't happen and everything would be fine. Basically like that movie where the guy get's the newspaper of tomorrow, and has to save the world.

    That's how I feel about relationships.

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    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    I relate to this idea with relationships. For instance, the last person I was with I knew things wouldn't work out. I loved her to death but at the same time I knew I couldn't, because of her. I knew she would be the one to leave and I could gradually sense the difference.
    I think that eventually there comes a boiling point when you just can't take it anymore. I'm starting to consider that sometimes breaking things before they get ugly is best, until maybe a future time when they have more time.

    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    There are awesome movies like this where "knowing" actually means its going to happen. If the person didn't know ahead of time, it wouldn't happen and everything would be fine. Basically like that movie where the guy get's the newspaper of tomorrow, and has to save the world.

    That's how I feel about relationships.
    I know the show you are talking about. Sometimes I feel like that for sure, but it seems to "ruin it" for people when they hear comments on where things might be headed. They'd much rather not know, until things take their natural course, thinking that by making this type of comments it's already jinxing what's going to happen. I respect this type of thinking. However for me, I'd much rather know in order to work on avoiding potential problems and not waste time and energy.

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    Instead of psychologically labeling that as Ni, I guess you feel like... you have to take one moment each time as it comes, as every little fraction of a second counts? Although that's technically true, I can still see how things are unfolding (or if they are at all).

    I don't mean to be patronizing here, but if you want to make the world a better place it always starts with you, because within you you already have all the answers encoded in your DNA. They just need unlocking. You were just.... imprinted with a certain personality and preferences, but most of them are malleable. They can change and be more versatile to fit your external world.

    If people aren't accepting where you are currently at unconditionally, then it's not love- it's control, they want you to feel bad as they do. But you can empower them everytime you empower yourself.

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    [quote=BulletsAndDoves;530389]Instead of psychologically labeling that as Ni, I guess you feel like... you have to take one moment each time as it comes, as every little fraction of a second counts? Although that's technically true, I can still see how things are unfolding (or if they are at all).

    Yes, exactly. I do believe that being aware of time is related to Ni though.

    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    I don't mean to be patronizing here, but if you want to make the world a better place it always starts with you, because within you you already have all the answers encoded in your DNA. They just need unlocking. You were just.... imprinted with a certain personality and preferences, but most of them are malleable. They can change and be more versatile to fit your external world.

    If people aren't accepting where you are currently at unconditionally, then it's not love- it's control, they want you to feel bad as they do. But you can empower them everytime you empower yourself.
    Is this referring to me not accepting people unconditionally? I'm not sure if that's what you mean.

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    I was just trying to speak to the general picture of your compliant. You're trying to sort out what you view as a relationship quirk that is bothersome right? So you are analyzing in your head about it, but from an outsider's perspective is it really that big of a deal. I mean can't you just say bluntly but nicely "I'd prefer it if you would slow down" or just do something to make them challenge their insights, although to be gentle with this as a Ni-ego will challenge you greatly if you are too critical with their foresights.

    As long as I feel people are trying to see where I'm coming from, then I'll see where they are coming from. It's when one type gets bossy and doesn't understand that all types exist in society, that's where the problem is.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    I was just trying to speak to the general picture of your compliant. You're trying to sort out what you view as a relationship quirk that is bothersome right? So you are analyzing in your head about it, but from an outsider's perspective is it really that big of a deal. I mean can't you just say bluntly but nicely "I'd prefer it if you would slow down" or just do something to make them challenge their insights, although to be gentle with this as a Ni-ego will challenge you greatly if you are too critical with their foresights.

    As long as I feel people are trying to see where I'm coming from, then I'll see where they are coming from. It's when one type gets bossy and doesn't understand that all types exist in society, that's where the problem is.
    Well, it's not something that by me just saying it will be "fixed." Some people can't help but always be busy, and find things to add to their list. I just see it as pointless to make a big deal about it with the person, when I know that they probably won't change. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like people who are like that, in fact it's the opposite. But as much as I might like them, I also have my own needs if I'm going to give of myself, as selfish as that may seem to some. I don't know if that's being controlling, which I doubt because I'm not expecting the other person to change or arguing about it, but that's just me. I was wondering if this is an issue involving Ni "awareness."

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    I guess the problem is, you're asking them politely to slow down, but they have the tendency to forget about this after a while, and you already know in your mind that you are just going to have to keep reminding them, and even take a break for a while when they don't want to slow things down. I can see the whole picture of that idea, and friends will get annoyed by it, you will get annoyed by having to ask and ask, even though you might only ask once and except them to grasp "your" image exactly (they have their own egos mind you), and having a perfect realization isn't going to happen that easily. You have to take initiative where necessary. Sometimes the best thing to do is to place your mind somewhere else for a while. Start anew with another person. Trade your thoughts around. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereno View Post
    I was wondering if this is an issue involving Ni "awareness."
    I think the awareness comes from learning from your mistakes, not just experiencing them over again. Seeing a pattern is definitely part of it and could necessarily be attributed to Ni at times.

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    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    I guess the problem is, you're asking them politely to slow down, but they have the tendency to forget about this after a while, and you already know in your mind that you are just going to have to keep reminding them, and even take a break for a while when they don't want to slow things down. I can see the whole picture of that idea, and friends will get annoyed by it, you will get annoyed by having to ask and ask, and having a perfect realization isn't going to happen that easily. You have to take initiative where necessary. Sometimes the best thing to do is to place your mind somewhere else for a while. Start anew with another person. Trade your thoughts around. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
    This is exactly how I look at it, and thought process. It's like you just read my mind.

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    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    I think the awareness comes from learning from your mistakes, not just experiencing them over again. Seeing a pattern is definitely part of it and could necessarily be attributed to Ni at times.
    Yes, that might be true as well.

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