Deltas and being "too normal/regular"

[Simon Ssmall]

Hello forum people,

I am interested if Delta's (especially ENFp's) have been accused of being too "normal". I have heard this more than once, sometimes as a good thing, sometimes as a bad thing. I have no sharp edges, I am not a dramatic person, rarely cause fuss yada yada. My current gf joked that I'm not normal because I am too normal (well she likes it) and that normal people can't be that normal. This crossed my mind a few times, that I find no extremes in my character and in general I dislike any kind of extremes to begin with. Is Delta averse to extremes of any kind or is it more of an individual thing? I know some Deltas that have eating disorders (a few Delta NF's) or are sleeping around too much, but that's about it. I am not talking only about habits though, I'm more talking about character.

[pumpkin]

hi ssmall! i dont think you guys are too normal>> i think the world is lucky to have people like you around its like you mediate society. usually in an even mood.

[Park]

Thanks for this post Ssmall, it has been very helpful. I'm totally throwing ENFp out of the window for my mom, which was one of the typings I was still considering as an alternative. She's the total opposite of what you described. Thanks.

[Park]

p.s. I hope your self-typing is correct.

[Simon Ssmall]

Thanks for this post Ssmall, it has been very helpful. I'm totally throwing ENFp out of the window for my mom, which was one of the typings I was still considering as an alternative. She's the total opposite of what you described. Thanks.

Could you describe your mom in short? What is the exact opposite you mention. If you considered ENFp for her I assume you have really favorable relations with her (well its a guess). My post was not exactly a statement, more of a question.

Do you personally been considered too normal for instance at any point in your life?

[Simon Ssmall]

p.s. I hope your self-typing is correct.

same , if not, oh well.

[Park]

Could you describe your mom in short? What is the exact opposite you mention.

Well, first of, "normal" is the last thing I'd call her. Second, she is VERY dramatic and uses emotional manipulation to get people to adjust to her needs (she'd call this "being herself" though). She often makes "scenes" and creates fuss about things (especially around people she's close to) even when she's just a little upset about something or things don't go her way. She does have "sharp edges" and explodes and becomes very intense and unbearable at times. She's jolly, nice and polite (and all that facade crap) in public and keeps a very likable image of herself to other people, but people she lives with (and that she can control) know her dark side much better. Her up side is that she can accomplish incredible things if she wants them hard. She's a fighter that doesn't retreat, or at least that's how she thinks of herself....

If you considered ENFp for her I assume you have really favorable relations with her (well its a guess).

Well, hm... not exactly, lol. As a matter of fact, it's one of the least favorable relationships I've ever had with someone. Lots of conflict and communication issues. I have only considered ENFp under the condition that I'm actually an ISTj. I've been keeping that configuration as a last alternative.

My post was not exactly a statement, more of a question.

I am aware. Hope you don't mind I took it as a statement. :wink:

Do you personally been considered too normal for instance at any point in your life?

Well certainly not by my mom. But I don't really know if I've ever considered myself too normal, or if others have, for that matter. I know that in my childhood I've often times felt like an outcast, somewhat different, not "belonging" to the communities I've been a part of etc. But this is probably due to strong introversion and ways of upbringing, if anything. (Sorry if I didn't answer your question. That's all I can think of right now.)

[Simon Ssmall]

Well, first of, "normal" is the last thing I'd call her. Second, she is VERY dramatic and uses emotional manipulation to get people to adjust to her needs (she'd call this "being herself" though). She often makes "scenes" and creates fuss about things (especially around people she's close to) even when she's just a little upset about something or things don't go her way. She does have "sharp edges" and explodes and becomes very intense and unbearable at times. She's jolly, nice and polite (and all that facade crap) in public and keeps a very likable image of herself to other people, but people she lives with (and that she can control) know her dark side much better. Her up side is that she can accomplish incredible things if she wants them hard. She's a fighter that doesn't retreat, or at least that's how she thinks of herself....

Well this description is not something I would relate to (and not only because a bigger portion of it is negative). We are probably different types.

[meatburger]

Hello forum people,

I am interested if Delta's (especially ENFp's) have been accused of being too "normal".

I dont think ive ever been considered normal and i certianlly dont consider myself that way. In fact in many ways i feel that i am very different from most other people in society. Everyone else seems to just go about their daily business, but every minute of my day is some strange search for meaning or something. I can imagine people might consider me a little boring if they dont know me well though. Like i dont often do that many interesting things and typically live a simple life, studying, doing work, chatting with people and going out occasionally. Those who know me well i think see my personality as quite quirky, jovial and funny.

Still, in no way do i see this as indicative of you not being ENFp. I can still imagine an ENFp being percieved this way, perhaps i am aswell. Ive heard ENFp's described as well rounded people and i think thats a great compliment. I am not quite there yet

[Simon Ssmall]

I dont think ive ever been considered normal and i certianlly dont consider myself that way. In fact in many ways i feel that i am very different from most other people in society. Everyone else seems to just go about their daily business, but every minute of my day is some strange search for meaning or something. I can imagine people might consider me a little boring if they dont know me well though. Like i dont often do that many interesting things and typically live a simple life, studying, doing work, chatting with people and going out occasionally. Those who know me well i think see my personality as quite quirky, jovial and funny.

Still, in no way do i see this as indicative of you not being ENFp. I can still imagine an ENFp being percieved this way, perhaps i am aswell. Ive heard ENFp's described as well rounded people and i think thats a great compliment. I am not quite there yet

That's why I asked the question. I noticed Delta is usually described as boring, so in a way I though maybe that "normalcy" is what causes this. But maybe not, so far from responses it seems it is not so. Well I'm certainly not boring and neither is my life but in terms of character I am considered a well rounded person as you put it. Also I am more interested in how other perceive us, not how we feel inside. I do think I am different also, for a lot of reasons and I have no person around me with whom I would like to change places right now, I live an interesting and eventful life.

[meatburger]

Also I am more interested in how other perceive us, not how we feel inside.

Yeah hehe im at at loss to help you there.

[Wrong Way Ticket]

Yeah hehe im at at loss to help you there.

Yeah wow, there's a good question. I wouldn't have a goddamn clue. In fact, I think I spend a decent amount of time trying to figure out how others perceive me. Too much time. I'm at a loss too.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

I'm not telling you guys.

[Simon Ssmall]

I'm not telling you guys.

Meanie

[Mattie]

I dont think ive ever been considered normal and i certianlly dont consider myself that way. In fact in many ways i feel that i am very different from most other people in society. Everyone else seems to just go about their daily business, but every minute of my day is some strange search for meaning or something. I can imagine people might consider me a little boring if they dont know me well though. Like i dont often do that many interesting things and typically live a simple life, studying, doing work, chatting with people and going out occasionally. Those who know me well i think see my personality as quite quirky, jovial and funny.

I'm with meatburger on this, "normal" would be one of the last adjectives people who know me would list for me. I can say that I focus on being unique in the sense that I like to have a personal flair for everything, but I easily stand out in a crowd. It's both good and bad, like when I visit a food place once or twice, and they will remember me easily. I can never commit crimes because I'd be easily identifiable lol Maybe your issue has some relation to type, but being "too normal" is definitely not an NeFi trait.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

I would say that SSmall is normal for a European, lol.

[tiny_dancer]

No one who knows me has ever called me 'normal'. One of my friends introduced me to her fiancee: "This is the craziest girl you'll ever meet." (I think this friend may also be ESI. haha)

Crazy as in "quirky". If someone doesn't know me, I think I appear moderate and well-balanced. I actually try not to show my quirkiness at my office, except to the EII and LSE - they can handle the fact that I can joke and still be competent. I AM way too nice. I rarely lose my temper. I do consider it a flaw that I never get angry, because people think they can walk all over me and I'll just accept the fact that they're not holding up their end of the bargain.

Anyway, typically I'm little miss sunshine.

Usually when I say someone's boring it means I can't connect with them and we have little in common, thus triggering a feeling of boredom when we talk. I experience this with various people from all quadras. I couldn't categorize it as being one in particular.

[jewels]

yeah I think though we're all ENFps, we can be so different.

I feel like I have about 1000 sides to me, and I also don't feel people would call me "normal." I have gotten "stable" before from I think an INFp, but that was my work persona.

To "friends" I'd usually get "nice" "funny" and some friend recently said I was adventurous and enthusiastic. People close to me say I'm "intense" and "passionate" and I do have a temper. I can control it, but it's harder w/ people I actually care about. I'm very strong willed and persistent when I want something.

@Tinydancer, that's interesting about the anger thing -- so you don't feel the anger, or you don't express it? I had that problem in the past, but I'm naturally someone who gets angry, so I decided to then just start expressing it, which I actually prefer. Otherwise I found it'd get all bottled up. Since deciding that, I've gotten up and stormed out of several really bad jobs, bad dates, etc. It's a more free feeling I think. I remember pouring a glass of water (no ice) over an ex's head and feeling much better. He did it to me a few weeks later and I laughed and said "well, that's fair!" I'm also a weird mix of overly sensitive and overly bold, which is kinda confusing.

I agree w/ meatburger in the constant struggle for meaning thing and I think about that constantly. Am I on the right track? What is meant for my life? So I spend a fair amount of time stressing/sulking alone until I have my epiphany and then I go out and enthusiastically attack something for a week or so, and then change my approach, but keep my same goal for a long time.

My habits and job aren't traditional at all either, and I picked up and moved across country w/ a suitcase, so there's that too.

However, I do know an ENFp guy who I would consider boring...I said to him "aren't you struggling for anything? passionate about anything?" and he said he wasn't. That maybe when he was younger, but now he has a great job w/ a lot of money, has travelled and what is there left to want except a gf? I stayed friends w/ him, but I just couldn't relate. It was like he'd never known any deep pain, so couldn't really feel the opposite either. He also wasn't moody at all, so we got along well (because when I'd get moody it wouldn't affect him), but it made me want to see some of his moods also.

aaarg, my posts are always so long.

[Simon Ssmall]

Well my job is not ordinary either, I travel a lot and all that jazz. I probably do more stuff than most people I know and I do enjoy it. The being too normal is more in terms of character. I do not think anyone considers me boring, just normal. Any flaws I have are not very apparent for most people. Quite a few people do not believe you could find a job with conditions I have and think it is a product of hard work or exceptional talent, while it is probably neither, just luck and ability to deal with people and new places/tasks. So no, I am not considered boring by anyone I know.

The boring part I mentioned is mentioned by people from other quadras about Delta in general, don't think it applies much towards ENFp's by them (well its a guess). However my ability to control my emotions is usually perceived as being "normal". As in, I have a hard time getting angry over anything, or if I do I seldom express it. I have a hard time staying down when most people do, as in most troubles that come my way I consider as trivial. Loosing job, loosing money, that sort of things wouldn't bother me much, loosing a person probably would. So I usually keep my temper and only on rare occasions do I explode, usually when it is uncalled for and on people who have nothing to do with it.

The normalcy I was attributed was due to me usually keeping my temper, not being socially awkward in most situations, I never have troubles when I meet new people , for instance meeting someones parents or going to a job interview. I am not that moody, or should I say, I am but it would rarely cause troubles. I get questions "aren't you bothered you gonna meet my parents??" or "Why aren't you bothered you lost your keys??" or "He just changed his plans, If I were you I would get angry" etc.

And as for struggling for something, I am not that much of a struggler. My life has plenty of excitement, what I lack is a person next to me I would not get bored after a while and trying to find one usually is what I spend most of my time with.

Either way this thread so far is quite interesting. Keep your opinions coming if you have them.

[ArchonAlarion]

*being



yup.


This is a spelling battle you will not win, ssmall!

lol

[Simon Ssmall]

*being



yup.


This is a spelling battle you will not win, ssmall!

lol

touché

[Creepy-Cyclops]

This thread is really good. lol at Jewels storming out of jobs and dates and stuff. Pouring water over an ex, calm down a little? *gets mad at me now, lol*

SSmall, fwiw, you come across as someone who's got it all together, whether you have or not, I don't know, but you seem content and all that. ime that sort of thing can come and go, but personally I work at attaining a 'constant' a fallback or just some sort of consistency in my life, I think when that's there, it's easy for some other people to view a person as normal, but when really they are together.

I've known an ENFp who appeared quite normal to other people, but although appearing normal, was never boring. We used to see ourselves as really different to most other people, like we were seperated from birth from an alien race, and some day, the mothership would come for us and we'd get to go home, lol. I remember one time she told her dad with the utmost sincerity that she was from a planet far far away and some day, she would get to go home. Haha. She had a good job and was kinda secure in life, so her 'zaniness' came out in different ways.

A bizarre 'ENFp' thing, my cousin is ENFp. At this birthday thing I was at this weekend, she didn't buy a birthday present, she doesn't believe in them as is trying to save the world by economising, lol.

[Simon Ssmall]

Hehe, thanks for your post Cyclops, I guess what you said is true. A lot of people at my age are still trying to find what they want to do and I might appear like I have it all (which is not true as I constantly think of changing jobs/places/interests etc.).

As for saving the planet, so far I only mentor kids and don't use plastic bags .

[tiny_dancer]

I never have troubles when I meet new people , for instance meeting someones parents or going to a job interview. I am not that moody, or should I say, I am but it would rarely cause troubles. I get questions "aren't you bothered you gonna meet my parents??" or "Why aren't you bothered you lost your keys??" or "He just changed his plans, If I were you I would get angry" etc.

Now THAT I relate to. I get this stuff all the time. Recently a friend randomly apologized for something, and I had NO idea what he was talking about. I think he had done/said something deliberately to provoke me, but his action didn't even register with me. Then he interpreted my normal on-again-off-again contact style to mean that I was angry with him. Maybe I should have noticed it - another person might have. I haven't even asked him exactly what the deal was, because I hate it when people deliberately provoke me.

[jewels]

yeah, kinda jealous of you ssmall, but in a good way If I lost my keys I'd freak out...

lol, yeah watch out cyclops...there might be a big pitcher of virtual non-iced water headed your way. jk You know, it was only that one guy who I poured water on, and he really deserved it at the time, though I forget now for what. It was a really long-term thing, and at the end of something like that I think water pouring is more likely. Like I said, it was non-iced and not in public (like that makes it better lol).

Ssmall, was there ever a time you were moody or not "together?" I feel like the more stable things are overall in my life, and the more smoothly it's going, the less moody I am.

[Simon Ssmall]

Ssmall, was there ever a time you were moody or not "together?" I feel like the more stable things are overall in my life, and the more smoothly it's going, the less moody I am.

Sure, when I was living with parents and haven't really reached anything and feel trapped and a bit useless I would be very moody. However I think this is also normal for most teenagers. Yet even this moodyness would be expressed only among people I know very well, like my parents for example.

[The Greeter]

Ssmall, this is just an opinion but I think the reason IEE and Delta's in general are considered or thought of as being 'normal' is because, perhaps on the outside we appear to be so. I think our aberrations can be seen around people close to us or in environments we are comfortable in. Contrast this with Betas who have a natural dramatic flair that they externally display. We just don't really care for that stuff.

Even how I describe Beta is biased to a Delta perspective, as they may see themselves as being 'normal' -- see Winterpark's mother. It's all a matter of perspective.

Plus, I rather be 'normal' but interesting, rather than 'abnormal' but abnormal the way everyone is.

[Simon Ssmall]

Winterpark, have you considered ENFj for your mom's type?

I'm pretty sure he did

[Park]

Winterpark, have you considered ENFj for your mom's type?

Yup. I've also considered Fe ESFj.

I'm pretty sure he did

(You have good intuition. )

[Park]

Do her eyes have that "obsessed shine" (from socionics.com) that I've noticed in many ENFjs? I wish I could see pictures to try and VI her, but I don't know if you're comfortable with that (?).

Sure, I'll PM you.

[iAnnAu]

Ssmall, this is just an opinion but I think the reason IEE and Delta's in general are considered or thought of as being 'normal' is because, perhaps on the outside we appear to be so. I think our aberrations can be seen around people close to us or in environments we are comfortable in. Contrast this with Betas who have a natural dramatic flair that they externally display. We just don't really care for that stuff.

Even how I describe Beta is biased to a Delta perspective, as they may see themselves as being 'normal' -- see Winterpark's mother. It's all a matter of perspective.

Plus, I rather be 'normal' but interesting, rather than 'abnormal' but abnormal the way everyone is.

^ This. I also like what Isha said in the next post.

I don't feel normal at all, and pretty much never have, but it didn't take me long to figure out that I don't like having attention called to me, so I try to not stand out. At 34, I'm still trying to figure out how best to fit into society around me; I wouldn't even care much except that I recognize I have to make some compromises in order to create places & times where I can just be my own quirky self. Be "normal" at the grocery store, be "me" inside my car on the drive home; stuff like that.

My LSE SO is downright silly when it's just the two of us (and after a year and a half, he just keeps getting zanier), but if there's business at hand, he is pure professionalism: polite and formal in addressing people, and entirely focused on getting the job done in the most efficient way possible. Therefore, I bet anyone who only sees him in a work context think he's a stick-in-the-mud.

I can't really say anything about EII, as I don't personally know any (or recognize any people I do know as one).

But I can say that, when I read the IEE description, it sounds like great fun, because I am usually anticipating the practical aspects of adventure (for example, I got a kick out of how much we used my compass in navigating Tokyo, of all places), but I sit around waiting to be inspired by the chance for it. IEE sounds like the type to see the possibilities for adventure but not worry so much about the details. I seriously doubt other types would consider that normal!

[Wrong Way Ticket]

IEE sounds like the type to see the possibilities for adventure but not worry so much about the details. I seriously doubt other types would consider that normal!

Details? What details!? We'll worry about the details when absolutely forced to. We're adaptable. But things suffer because of it. I'm an ideas man, I have to listen to hardcore IDM and suffer sleep deprivation to focus on the details.

As for being normal... No one has ever called me normal. But then the idea people have in their heads about me is often misplaced.

IEEs are emotionally stable when it comes to the outer world. I think. Another IEE correct me here if I'm wrong. But on my own, thinking about what's going on I can experience a range of different emotions, some that are quite negative and destabilising. But when I put my shoes on and face the real world I'm not focused on all that. I don't really like outwardly emotional people, let your emotions guide you but don't ket them control you. That's my feeling anyway.

Normal... I'm stuck on that word. What is normal again? What type is 'normal'? Societally or otherwise?

I don't think I'd like normal, is it iSTj? =)

[WVBRY]

"Normal" is the last thing Id used to describe some ENFps I know. My INFjs mom's ENFp friend is an "extreme" person in every way. At first I though ENFj for her type but there is just noway shes my identical - we dont see eye to eye on anything, shes a health freak, has Ti polr(she cant stay true to anything she says worth shit)and relies on her "intuition". I wouldnt say delta is the most "boring" of all the quadra's, in my opinion, alpha gets that award. So I dunno about delta's boringness making ENFps "normal".

[Fourwaltz]

No one who knows me has ever called me 'normal'. One of my friends introduced me to her fiancee: "This is the craziest girl you'll ever meet." (I think this friend may also be ESI. haha)

Crazy as in "quirky". If someone doesn't know me, I think I appear moderate and well-balanced. I actually try not to show my quirkiness at my office, except to the EII and LSE - they can handle the fact that I can joke and still be competent. I AM way too nice. I rarely lose my temper. I do consider it a flaw that I never get angry, because people think they can walk all over me and I'll just accept the fact that they're not holding up their end of the bargain.

Anyway, typically I'm little miss sunshine.

Usually when I say someone's boring it means I can't connect with them and we have little in common, thus triggering a feeling of boredom when we talk. I experience this with various people from all quadras. I couldn't categorize it as being one in particular.

So funny, I am the exact same way!!! Depending on the environment, I can be very "normal", but people can usually see that I am extraordinarily upbeat and curious right off the bat. With more informal and comfortable settings, I can be zany and downright "crazy". Another thing I've noticed is that I am way more tactile than most others, and I'm allowed more slack with the touching even with people who aren't very open to it... I guess what I'm trying to say is I get away with things others wouldn't so that makes me seem less "normal", too.

The boring part I mentioned is mentioned by people from other quadras about Delta in general, don't think it applies much towards ENFp's by them (well its a guess). However my ability to control my emotions is usually perceived as being "normal". As in, I have a hard time getting angry over anything, or if I do I seldom express it. I have a hard time staying down when most people do, as in most troubles that come my way I consider as trivial. Loosing job, loosing money, that sort of things wouldn't bother me much, loosing a person probably would. So I usually keep my temper and only on rare occasions do I explode, usually when it is uncalled for and on people who have nothing to do with it.

The normalcy I was attributed was due to me usually keeping my temper, not being socially awkward in most situations, I never have troubles when I meet new people , for instance meeting someones parents or going to a job interview. I am not that moody, or should I say, I am but it would rarely cause troubles. I get questions "aren't you bothered you gonna meet my parents??" or "Why aren't you bothered you lost your keys??" or "He just changed his plans, If I were you I would get angry" etc.

How is any of that "normal"?? I am the same way and keeping my temper and presenting a stable (especially emotionally) front has elicited a number of compliments . It allows us ENFPs to give the good advice we give and be the confidantes we naturally are, and ime, people like us can be a rare find (but then again, I live in LA where everything is warped). :tongue:

Sorry to go OT, but what kind of jobs do you guys have? I'm still a young'un trying to figure it all out, and it seems to me from what I've read, YOU HAVE MY DREAM JOB. Another not normal thing I find in myself and other xNFPs I know is that we simply can't work a job because it's a job--there needs to be something more! Can't figure out whether or not it's a good thing, but you guys seem to be all right with it... (; Cheers!

[somavision]

Hello forum people,

I am interested if Delta's (especially ENFp's) have been accused of being too "normal". I have heard this more than once, sometimes as a good thing, sometimes as a bad thing. I have no sharp edges, I am not a dramatic person, rarely cause fuss yada yada. My current gf joked that I'm not normal because I am too normal (well she likes it) and that normal people can't be that normal. This crossed my mind a few times, that I find no extremes in my character and in general I dislike any kind of extremes to begin with. Is Delta averse to extremes of any kind or is it more of an individual thing? I know some Deltas that have eating disorders (a few Delta NF's) or are sleeping around too much, but that's about it. I am not talking only about habits though, I'm more talking about character.

I think you sound like a well rounded human being. From the people
I know, I would guess seeking balance, wisdom and moderation is fairly typical of Delta NF's. I would have thought it would have been more of a Fi, Si, Te valuing thing perhaps? rather than Ne, because I'm not sure that Ne is usually perceived as normal. But yeah anyway you're probably just a pretty well balanced person.

[Satan]

This thread is really good. lol at Jewels storming out of jobs and dates and stuff. Pouring water over an ex, calm down a little? *gets mad at me now, lol*

That's just immature childish temper tantrum behaviour.

[redbaron]

"Normal" is the last thing Id used to describe some ENFps I know. My INFjs mom's ENFp friend is an "extreme" person in every way. At first I though ENFj for her type but there is just noway shes my identical - we dont see eye to eye on anything, shes a health freak, has Ti polr(she cant stay true to anything she says worth shit)and relies on her "intuition". I wouldnt say delta is the most "boring" of all the quadra's, in my opinion, alpha gets that award. So I dunno about delta's boringness making ENFps "normal".

are you kidding me? have you ever met an ENTp in real life??

[jewels]

That's just immature childish temper tantrum behaviour.

It all depends on how you look at it. *pours glass of water over mercutio's head*

[Satan]

It all depends on how you look at it. *pours glass of water over mercutio's head*

*slits jewels's throat*

[jewels]

*slits jewels's throat*

hey, that's not very nice