Explain your PoLR with examples thread

[chriscorey]

Even the first "therapists" in our time, were really just ordinary people who had no methods to help anyone heal, and they by observing, cultivated the shills. All you need do is really, observe someone to see what will help them, and also, some patience, compassion and insight of knowing what will work given the timing in what is present and what is best for that time of presentation.

They literally would not have any studying available and literally just had go by their own insight and observation. The founders of psych, the first ever to attempt counsel that had “formality”. But what different is a therapist from one who is keen observer of man, and who has insights to apply to help from what he/she observes?

Sure, many gave the wrong approach, but today more is known, and even the working methods today would have required observation and insight.

Yeah true. When I go see my therapist she says "what's wrong?" I tell her nothing really! But my kids are refusing to to go to school! It's stressing me out. She then asks me some questions about how my kids won't go to school. She's only dancing around my anxiety, as I see it. Love the ILI skeptical my approach....

[Adam Strange]

Yeah true. When I go see my therapist she says "what's wrong?" I tell her nothing really! But my kids are refusing to to go to school! It's stressing me out. She then asks me some questions about how my kids won't go to school. She's only dancing around my anxiety, as I see it. Love the ILI skeptical my approach....

I feel really bad for you, @chriscorey. Kids think they know everything and they are little sociopaths.

My first impulse was to say "Maybe your kids need a Sabbatical. A year off with no support from their family. "How to survive on their own with the knowledge that they have right now.""
Who needs school, anyway?

But of course, that's a terrible approach. They are really asking for more attention. "Who cares about me enough to give me discipline and the care I need?"

They are kids. They can't really ask for what they don't know how to get. All they can do is to refuse this and refuse that.

[chriscorey]

I feel really bad for you, @chriscorey. Kids think they know everything and they are little sociopaths.

My first impulse was to say "Maybe your kids need a Sabbatical. A year off with no support from their family. "How to survive on their own with the knowledge that they have right now.""
Who needs school, anyway?

My kids think the can gather knowledge with-out school.. .

But of course, that's a terrible approach. They are re ally asking for more attention. "Who cares about me enough to give me discipline and the care I need?"

They are kids. They can't really ask for what they don't know how to get. All they can do is to refuse this and refuse that.

My kids show their butts to education.. the insist they can teach themselves.. They insist they're smarter than the teachers and therefore it's a a waste of time. I'm so tired ...

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

My kids show their butts to education.. the insist they can teach themselves.. They insist they're smarter than the teachers and therefore it's a a waste of time. I'm so tired ...

Kids are smarter than 'grownups' in many ways. Have you tried sitting down with them to explain your concerns without power dynamics at play? Maybe they can help you. Also, there seems to be an increasing number of parents who try alternative ways of raising kids.

I don't agree with @Adam Strange's characterization of kids as psychopaths. Maybe 'sociopaths' is closer to what he wants to communicate i.e. people who have not been conditioned.

[Adam Strange]

My kids show their butts to education.. the insist they can teach themselves.. They insist they're smarter than the teachers and therefore it's a a waste of time. I'm so tired ...

Well, there's nothing like a real life test to reveal a system's weaknesses. But not all prototype airplane test pilots live to an old age.

I sympathize, though. I remember raising my son, and I don't think I could have done it as a single parent. But even with two parents, he did not turn out the way I hoped he would. I attribute that to the fact that whatever discipline I tried to impose was negated by my ex-wife, who said "He doesn't have to study. He'll be fine."

[Braingel]

The LIE and Se talk is not availed, by the way. The frequency of your energy, feels very similar to a guy named Sunyata I am close with.. Not anything you said, literally just the energy, I cannot very well explain this.

[Tarnished]

The LIE and Se talk is not availed, by the way. The frequency of your energy, feels very similar to a guy named Sunyata I am close with.. Not anything you said, literally just the energy, I cannot very well explain this.

The link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47MazYDnmaU

What about the Sunyata guy? :v

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

@Braingel

Well therapists are trained in how a bunch of institutions interact with each other which I strongly believe is a Te valuing thing. They'll often bring up some Te institution thing that I didn't find relevant to what I'm trying to talk about, but they insist on bringing it up for some reason. Usually because they are a IEE who wants me to be a EII. It's often less about the individual(s) & their Ti identities. If you value Te I think you might respond to it better/more for that reason. Why the LSI therapist worked for me is she didn't trap me into some sort of Te box like the other ones tried to- that's the best way I can explain it. It's not that she coddled my neurosis or didn't challenge me or anything - that would annoy me too. She was still 'tough' (therapists are almost always assholes- they kinda have to be though or they wouldn't be able to do what they do. You don't wanna absorb other people's shit too much. Compassion > Empathy.)

btw I think your sister is also a Te valuer and good at Te too. =/ She has those Te woman eyes lol. I'm sorry. It is probably best if you learn to keep a good distance with them and the more you get your own life together the easier it will be to deal with them as psychological issues come out a lot more in close quarters with somebody. ((sorry I like giving you advice so much but I am an older IEI and that's what we do. =D)) Even conflictors can get along well if both know how to keep their distance and establish firm business-like boundaries. But subtype plays a large deal with that too. I get along with LSE-Si a lot better than LSE-Te.

[Braingel]

@Braingel

Well therapists are trained in how a bunch of institutions interact with each other which I strongly believe is a Te valuing thing. They'll often bring up some Te institution thing that I didn't find relevant to what I'm trying to talk about, but they insist on bringing it up for some reason. Usually because they are a IEE who wants me to be a EII. It's often less about the individual(s) & their Ti identities. If you value Te I think you might respond to it better/more for that reason. Why the LSI therapist worked for me is she didn't trap me into some sort of Te box like the other ones tried to- that's the best way I can explain it. It's not that she coddled my neurosis or didn't challenge me or anything - that would annoy me too. She was still 'tough' (therapists are almost always assholes- they kinda have to be though or they wouldn't be able to do what they do. You don't wanna absorb other people's shit too much. Compassion > Empathy.)

btw I think your sister is also a Te valuer and good at Te too. =/ She has those Te woman eyes lol. I'm sorry. It is probably best if you learn to keep a good distance with them and the more you get your own life together the easier it will be to deal with them as psychological issues come out a lot more in close quarters with somebody. ((sorry I like giving you advice so much but I am an older IEI and that's what we do. =D)) Even conflictors can get along well if both know how to keep their distance and establish firm business-like boundaries. But subtype plays a large deal with that too. I get along with LSE-Si a lot better than LSE-Te.

Well I be damned. I am an Ni base in an entirely Ni PolR family.

[Braingel]

If you have the money to get them a video game they really want, it can be a good incentive. Charter school and home school in teacher’s home should be free. Alternatively, have them home schooled online, unless your house is small and you need breaks from them. But they can go to a coffee shop or something.

[chriscorey]

Now I'm going to explain how I deal with my PoLR

[chriscorey]

[Braingel]

Literally almost everyone on sedecology types me as EIE, but IEI has gained its tracking, mostly after I met Stugg (LIE-Ni), and also met an SLE and ILE in person.

Stugg is basically the king of typology, so most everyone listens to him on PDB. All the E6's just look up to him, but he is shrewd.

[Braingel]

https://www.sedecology.com/subjects/...ts=false#41995

[suedehead]

I sometimes wonder if I'm Fe-PoLR because I feel vulnerable dealing with spontaneous emotional situations and I can't mirror for shit sometimes, but I'm not oblivious.

Its like I have to brace myself whenever I'm forced to deal with something that I'm not ready for emotionally, and I just get so caught up in all these conflicting emotions that people just assume that I don't care.

[Braingel]

I’m childlike myself and idk if I have any kind of “delay” but many people look at me endearingly due to that, I guess including supervisors too. It’s not restricted to any type.

Developmental delay affects these areas, so it can impact your maturity quite a bit:

[Braingel]

Honestly the more I see of your dad Kara, the more I think he’s LSE @Braingel

and I’m not saying that because he’s an “asshole” but he honestly sounds like a rational type who feels out of control around your emotions; and he doesn’t get you (weak FiNe). It doesn’t make “sense”; lead Te feels very disoriented when that happens but some are more flexible around it than others I think.

I did initially type him as an LSE, but he does have a lot of Se behavior. As Lum had pointed, it can be because he is Turkish

[Beautiful sky]

Honestly the more I see of your dad Kara, the more I think he’s LSE @Braingel

and I’m not saying that because he’s an “asshole” but he honestly sounds like a rational type who feels out of control around your emotions; and he doesn’t get you (weak FiNe). It doesn’t make “sense”; lead Te feels very disoriented when that happens but some are more flexible around it than others I think.

Nah he’s Te he doesn’t feel disoriented. He has her all figured out and can say just what he needs to to manipulate her reaction and behavior and send her on a screaming match. She needs to learn his game and rise above it

I think my father is an SP8, which I suppose is not fundamentally incompatible with LSE, since Se is 4D still, and Si makes more sense with Sp. him being an 8 and Turkish can make him seemingly SLE.

I’m Armenian

[Baqer]

I’m Armenian

o dear

[Tim]

When I was younger, my dad could get aggressive and fight with my mom. There are domestic violence in my family. I have seen my dad beaten up my mom because he doesn't get along with my maternal uncle who he considered a failure and useless in life because he drop out of university and thus my dad considered him to be useless. Another time when my dad did domestic violence is when my mom accused my dad of cheating on her and look at my dad's phone. My dad got mad because he is being controlled and then another case of domestic violence ensues. Because there are frequent domestic violence in the family in my childhood, my mom often take my sister and I out of house and stay at a hotel for up to a week.


I did get spanked because I am just doing what I want and not listening to my parent. My dad bring his strict Confucian values into America, which is why some aspects of the East doesn't really appeal to me. He also slapped me for no reason when I was younger (10) especially during a domestic violence dispute with my mom, I think all of these lead to me becoming an enneagram 8. I later became bigger, taller, and stronger than he is, and thus he can't hit me no more. At least, the good part is that most of the time, he goes on business trips to China for months and thus I don't have to deal with him a lot. I called the shots whenever he is gone. When I was younger, I actually feel relieve everytime he goes on a business trip.


I did ended up getting in trouble in high school. I got suspended four times, and I had to transfer to another private school because technically, I was expelled but I was deemed not allowed to return. I only have been to private Christian fundamentalist school since the public school is shitty in the Deep South. This leads to more domestic violence between my mom and my dad. He did try to beat me up but then I did beat the shit out of him because he start getting violent. I did talk with a Bible teacher who have a violent trailer trash redneck dad, and we relate with fighting with our dad. However, since the Deep South is a Beta ST culture, I did get along with most of my classmates but not the administration. I later got away from my parents. My dad initially wanted me to stay and go to college nearby but I got three offers and one partial scholarship to play college soccer. My dad said no but I later frauded my parent's check and my mom gave in to my demands and let me go to college. The good part is that my dad usually go to business trips to China at that time and thus I determined my own destiny in that moment.


After college, I later returned but I ended up working for my dad's business. My dad doesn't hit me no more because I will beat up him up if he do. I think you could call assault charges on them if they did anything to you. I still argue with them because I demand a lot from my dad (authority as well as a higher wage and benefit). I am demanding that my dad paid for my apartment in Buckhead since I worked for him. However, based on this, he have good use of Se but there are lot of things that distingish my dad from me. We are superficially similar since we have the same strength of function (4D Se and Te). However, he tends to give long lectures on how to do things. He emphasized on being useful, educated, and productive and his insult is being useless, uneducated, and stupid. He doesn't understand why I am more reckless and hot-tempered. There are a lot of similarities between my dad and your dad. That's why I think it is very possible that your dad is an LSE because he's similar to my dad. LSE could be violent, toxic parents, and my dad is an example (and I think your dad is an example too).


He also didn't clash with my sister at all. She is goody two shoes who is quiet and not dramatic, and thus it gives him a calm of mind. I think the fact that my EII sister exist prevents him from acting like your dad.

[Braingel]

When I was younger, my dad could get aggressive and fight with my mom. There are domestic violence in my family. I have seen my dad beaten up my mom because he doesn't get along with my maternal uncle who he considered a failure and useless in lfie because he drop out of university and thus my dad considered him to be useless. Another time when my dad did domestic violence is when my mom accused my dad of cheating on her and look at my dad's phone. My dad got mad because he is being controlled and then another case of domestic violence ensues. Because there are frequent domestic violence in the family in my childhood, my mom often take my sister and I out of house and stay at a hotel for up to a week.


I did get spanked because I am just doing what I want and not listening to my parent. My dad bring his strict Confucian values into America, which is why some aspects of the East doesn't really appeal to me. He also slapped me for no reason when I was younger (10) especially during a domestic violence dispute with my mom, I think all of these lead to me becoming an enneagram 8. I later became bigger, taller, and stronger than he is, and thus he can't hit me no more. At least, the good part is that most of the time, he goes on business trips to China for months and thus I don't have to deal with him a lot. I called the shots whenever he is gone. When I was younger, I actually feel relieve everytime he goes on a business trip.


I did ended up getting in trouble in high school. I got suspended four times, and I had to transfer to another private school because technically, I was expelled but I was deemed not allowed to return. I only have been to private Christian fundamentalist school since the public school is shitty in the Deep South. This leads to more domestic violence between my mom and my dad. He did try to beat me up but then I did beat the shit out of him because he start getting violent. I did talk with a Bible teacher who have a violent trailer trash redneck dad, and we relate with fighting with our dad. However, since the Deep South is a Beta ST culture, I did get along with most of my classmates but not the administration. I later got away from my parents. My dad initially wanted me to stay and go to college nearby but I got three offers and one partial scholarship to play college soccer. My dad said no but I later frauded my parent's check and my mom gave in to my demands and let me go to college. The good part is that my dad usually go to business trips to China at that time and thus I determined my own destiny in that moment.


After college, I later returned but I ended up working for my dad's business. My dad doesn't hit me no more because I will beat up him up if he do. I think you could call assault charges on them if they did anything to you. I still argue with them because I demand a lot from my dad (authority as well as a higher wage and benefit). I am demanding that my dad paid for my apartment in Buckhead since I worked for him. However, based on this, he have good use of Se but there are lot of things that distingish my dad from me. We are superficially similar since we have the same strength of function (4D Se and Te). However, he tends to give long lectures on how to do things. He emphasized on being useful, educated, and productive and his insult is being useless, uneducated, and stupid. He doesn't understand why I am more reckless and hot-tempered. There are a lot of similarities between my dad and your dad. That's why I think it is very possible that your dad is an LSE because he's similar to my dad. LSE could be violent, toxic parents, and my dad is an example (and I think your dad is an example too).


He also didn't clash with my sister at all. She is goody two shoes who is quiet and not dramatic, and thus it gives him a calm of mind. I think the fact that my EII sister exist prevents him from acting like your dad.

This is very interesting to hear, Tim and sorry to hear.. But yeah, LSE works for my father. You probably saw that my father has a Master’s.. He even was trying attain PhD to be FBI agent, but dropped out after a year.

The way I try “control” my father is by getting on voice chats often, and he knows people will witness how vile he is if he acts poor, and a few people already have. Luckily, I am planning get away with an older IEI.

My father is a physical and emotional abuser, but primarily emotional. My mom occasionally physical, and occasionally emotional. She’s an ESE 2.

[Beautiful sky]

You think he’s intentionally trying to trigger her given he knows how much it hurts her…?
that would be horrible

Yes of course he is.
That’s why she needs to change her game to throw him off. Remember ESTJ figure out everything about you and can manipulate you. Yes it sounds sadistic and wicked but if you point it out to them they can start to respect you. Right now her father doesn’t respect her because he sees her as the same “child” throwing a “tantrum” but if she flips the script and says “I know you’re trying to make me emotionally upset so when you can grow up we can talk” take him back to his seat mentally

[Braingel]

Yes of course he is.
That’s why she needs to change her game to throw him off. Remember ESTJ figure out everything about you and can manipulate you. Yes it sounds sadistic and wicked but if you point it out to them they can start to respect you. Right now her father doesn’t respect her because he sees her as the same “child” throwing a “tantrum” but if she flips the script and says “I know you’re trying to make me emotionally upset so when you can grow up we can talk” take him back to his seat mentally

Yes, as an enneagram 4, my biggest fear is being worthless. He knows I react the most when he calls me worthless, and when he wants to make me the most upset, he calls me a, “Worthless piece of shit.”

[Beautiful sky]

Yes, as an enneagram 4, my biggest fear is being worthless. He knows I react the most when he calls me worthless, and when he wants to make me the most upset, he calls me a, “Worthless piece of shit.”

He doesn’t get hurt as in you screaming back an emotion doesn’t hurt him, but one of you can choose to mature.

[Braingel]

He is a true enneagram 8, and an unhealthy one. His violence is scary and borders sociopathy.