INFp-ESTp duality at work (IEI-SLE)

[Suz]

what is it in the SLE's view that makes IEI seem like the perfect human being?
I, for one, feel so imperfect!

Anyway, what I like about the SLE i have come to know: he's a go-getter. Gets things done, quickly and easily. He is sharp! SLE is funny, always makes me laugh; connects with people so easily and thrives on socializing. SLE is caring and good natured beneath the rough exterior. Not judgemental (I think? sometimes i'm not sure. . .i feel embarrassed when i show my stupid moments to him, and sometimes i think he might be judging me, but i dont know). I admire SLE's confidence. I also admire his discipline in keeping himself fit.

Maybe i am the judgemental one, but as I said before I do not see this SLE as the perfect human being. However, his imperfections do not bother me as far as i can tell in the present status of our relationship (which is not that close).

As far as what I would want from SLE - for him to understand me; to understand my quirks, so that he knows that that's just how I am and to help me out in terms of connecting with each other; also I wish that he knows that i esteem him and that I appreciate his strengths. It would also make me so happy to hear how he values me, and whether he thinks i'm attractive, because those are the things that make me feel the most insecure.

[Suz]

I love this thread so I thought i would bump it up!

[redbaron]

so how's it going with your SLE, workaholics?

[Suz]

seems to be progressing as scripted in the stages of duality. . .slowly but surely.

Let me share some of the events that have happened since the last post:

A couple days later, I was working in the same place as he was that afternoon (he usually works there that day and I was rescheduled to work then from my usual day). This particular work involves waiting in line to run things by a more senior person (pre-cepting) once each of us decides what to do with our clients (it's individual work though). Anyway, so he was precepting with one of the seniors, and I come in and am next in line after him. So when he's done and gets up to go, he spots me, steps back and slaps the seat like he's cleaning it off, and says "there, i warmed it up for you!"

Then I didn't see him for a couple weeks.

As of the beginning of november, I have seen him every morning at this morning meeting kind of thing that is mandatory for the service that he was assigned to this month (as you guys can probably tell, our work involves us doing different things on a monthly basis). That meeting is optional but encouraged for the service i'm on, but you can bet your sweet lollipops I am there every morning!!

Before, during, and sometimes after this morning meeting, we have had some very interesting interactions. Let me list the ones I cherish the most:

Scenario #1:
On the first day, i was running a little late (like 5 minutes), i walk in with a girl-friend, and the room is PACKED. Nowhere to sit except the windowsill in the back. There is a large oval shaped office table, with Mr. SLE sitting at the end closer to me, sort of facing sideways to me. We spot each other, he waves and I mouth "hi" to him (in a short, shy way, but smile a little). in a little bit, i start worrying that we on the windowsill are missing a handout that's important for the meeting, when Mr. SLE comes over to get some coffee (the windowsill I was sitting on was right behind the table with the coffee). I'm like wow, awesome, so timely. With an involuntarily coy smile in my typical IEI tone, I am like "SLE, could you get us some handouts?" He's like "yeah sure!", he goes over grabs a handful of handouts, and passes them out to everyone who didn't have one. At first I was sad he didn't give them directly to me, but then I realized how considerate it was of him to care about everyone. He didn't just do what I asked. He did it with kindness to all. There is no way I would rather receive something from him than that way.

Scenario #2:
I think it was something like the 2nd day. I got there early this time, so i could sit at the big table. He got there a little late, but there was one seat at the table left (i think) and it was next to me. He hesitated when he saw me (I saw in my peripheral vision), but he decided to sit there after all. I am vague on all the details of this particular day but between the begnning and the end on that meeting, he had asked me a question about one of his clients, we had commisserated on getting a quiz question wrong, he had cracked some side jokes with me, and in true dual fashion, this happened:

so I am very soft spoken unless I really consciously make it a point to yell before I start speaking. It was the end of the hour, and I wanted to make one more point, was trying to get my word in, but nobody heard me and the final announcements were being made. I felt really embarrassed, especially in front of my dual, I turn around and he is sitting there all packed up ready to go, looking at me with a smile, and said "ready to roll!" That made me laugh and diffused any embarrassment I had left over.

Oh and that day, in my peripheral vision i could tell he was eyeing my face from the side intermittently, and by the end of the meeting, he had moved closer to me and was leaning towards me. Also, at one point I started laughing at something, looked over at him, and when i did that his face broke out in a sweet smile. That was my favorite moment!


Scenario #3:
He got there late, so at first he sat in the back row of chairs which would have placed him directly across from me. I was excited because I would get to look into his gorgeous eyes. So he sits down and give me a salute as a greeting! I didn't quite get it until a few moment later. Maybe that made him feel uncomfortable, dont know, next time i look over at where he was sitting, he was GONE! I was like where the hell did he go??? I looked around the room and there he was, he'd moved over to the windowsill.
In any case, when i looked at him he was looking at me, so he could probably tell I was looking for him. Anyway, so I didn't get much of a chance to interact with him, but at one point there was a diagram that was getting passed around the room. It had reached me, but i didn't think it had reached the people on the windowsill, including SLE, so i told my girlfriend who was sitting next to me to pass it on to the people on the windowsill. She didn't get it, and so she passed it to the people who had already gotten it, at which point, i grabbed the diagram and offered it from a distance, first to the other person on the windowsill, who didn't want it, and then to SLE, who was sitting there, looking in my direction but didn't show any reaction whatsoever. At which point, I gave up and passed it in the other direction. I felt discouraged by this whole scenario, and needed some time to process, so I didn't show up the next day (friday), then the weekend passed, and i even didn't go that monday.

Tuesday - scenario #4:
Both of us got there early enough that we were in a group waiting to go into the conference room. At first he did not say hi to me, he didn't even LOOK at me when he got there, but was talking to other people. I was too, actually. In a minute or 2, he looks at me, and gives me this little wave that we've been giving each other since way back in September or July (I started it, actually). Then, I start conversation. I asked him how his service is going. He told me it was rough and shared that he'd had these long days, which made him disappointed in himself because he'd always thought of himself as being efficient, to which I nodded strongly and was like something like "yes!"
I told him that it's like that for everyone on that service, that it's not him. Then I asked about his subordinates (he is to them what I was to him in June). He says "oh they're great, not like i was." To which i'm like "No. . ." and again comes my involuntary coy smile/giggle and i looked down and shook my head. What I mean to say was that he was a great subordinate. Obviously that didn't come out . Anyway, we start all heading into the conference room, he is in front of me, and right before the entrance, he stops, and motions for me to go in (like, ladies first).

It was his day to present at that meeting, so i purposely sat down in a place where I would be able to look at him (which was 2 seats away). Then in comes a mutual friend of ours (a girl, who is engaged) and says "hey SLE, can I sit next to you?" to which he says "actually, I'd like that very much!" Wooo! Was I jealous. . .Not of the friend, but of the fact that he never says anything like that to me. I looked over at them though with a very serious face, feeling very hurt, and probably showing it. Both of them saw me look.

That day, again, a dual phenomenon! One of my contributions had been shot down by the girl who leads the meeting (she's probably a gamma, she has done backstabbing things towards me and others so I really dont like being around her). So Mr. SLE steps up and says "actually, like YOU said. . ." ( pointing to me) ". . .we did end up getting such and such." I didn't show any reaction to that but he essentially saved my face in saying so.


I have to run to the gym, but will post more later. Scenario #5 coming up!

[Satan]

wtf is this

[Suz]

wtf is this

It's my IEI-SLE story, continued, as requested by my fellow IEI redbaron here. . .if you dont like, mercutio, dont read!! The IEIs here like my stories!

[redbaron]

I love it! keep it coming!

[jughead]

talk shit to your sle

[Suz]

talk shit to your sle

I'm not sure i follow. . .can you explain what you mean? Do you mean saying what's in the cartoon?

[Suz]

Ok lovely IEIs. . .for your reading entertainment:

Thursday - Scenario #5:

We both get there around the same time, him right behind me. As i'm sitting down, I hear him say "it's kinda hot in here." I was getting something from my purse so I didn't react at all. Then he leans towards me and says it again "it's kind of HOT in here!" As he said it, I realized he was talking to me. I was happy that he was finally paying some attention to me, and at that moment I did notice the heating was on, so I said "yeah it is a little hot in here. . .but it's cold outside." (It wasn't until a few hours later that I thought of the double entendre. Silly me. . .)

Anyway, after I said that, he rushed over to grab a seat next to me (even though there were a few open seats around the table), sits down and then says something in a flirty way to me with his face like 2 inches from mine. Like literally, he was close enough to kiss. Honestly, I dont even remember what he said. Actually he kept doing that on and off during the whole meeting, like looking back at me and saying some remark or asking me a question with his face like a few inches from mine, though nothing quite as close as the first one. In one of his remarks (in the middle of the meeting, mind you) he recalled that flirty supervisor we had back in June (the one I mentioned in my first post a few weeks ago. Here was our conversation (which I thought was funny!):

SLE: "Hey guess who I saw the other day?"
Me: "Our friend. . .<flirty supervisor's name>"
SLE: Yeah, I almost said something inappropriate! Remember how I pissed off that one senior supervisor?
Me: <senior supervisor's name>? I dont think he was pissed off at you, he was pissed off at her.
SLE: I winked at her a couple times.
Me: I'm sure she enjoyed that!

So, later, once the meeting was over, he asked me what I was doing this month. I told him I was working on this big presentation. He asked me when it was going to be and I told him. He almost never shows up to those (even though he's supposed to), so after a minute or so of thinking about whether to say this or not, I said:

Me: "You're coming right?"
SLE: <nods> "Yeah. . .I'll come! I haven't been going to those things. "
Me: "I noticed."
SLE: <in a slightly teasing tone> "That's cause I'm too busy taking detailed histories from my clients." (he was sort of making fun of me, because i do that)

Well I left that meeting that day feeling like we had both let each other know that we felt something for each other and that we recognize this.


Friday--Scenario #6

Again, once I sat down, he rushes over to sit next to me. That day there were definitely more than a few choices. We have a couple witty exchanges, but overall he was more subdued through the whole meeting. It could have been that the chair of the department was there that day. Meeting ends, both of us get up to go, we are facing each other, we catch each others eyes and he seemed like he was going to say something, so we just look at each other and I'm like waiting for him to say the "something" (i think i did give some body language that showed that I was anticipating him being about to say something). Then he's like:

SLE: "enjoy! enjoy the research. . ."
Me:"you mean working on my presentation."
SLE: "yeah, I'll be sure to ask you some tough questions!
Me: ". . .no, dont do that. . ."
SLE: "I won't. . .I usually keep a low profile. . ."

Then a few hours later, I realized how terrible it was that I told him not to ask me questions! I felt soooo guilty that i emailed him telling him that he can ask me any question he wants, because even though I might not know the answer, I shouldn't stifle curiosity.

weekend passes. Some pictures of him get posted on facebook, where he's posing with these different girls showing some puckers. At that point (and this had been in the back of my mind this whole time), the thought surfaced in my mind wondering exactly is he trying to achieve with me. Did he notice that I am attracted to him, and now he is just basking in the flattery and trying to enjoy it as much as he can? Even worse, is he making fun of my feelings for him? Or is he trying to see if I can be a conquest, just because he knows I'm attracted? Or is he waiting for me to confess my feelings, so that he can feel good about himself? He's an SLE!! If he was interested, he would have made a move by now. SLEs are not typically afraid of rejection!


Monday (yesterday actually) - Scenario #7

Again, he makes sure to sit next to me. At first he's like not paying any attention to me, just talking to others. Then he turns to me and says "how are YOU?" and gives me this huge grin. Meanwhile all those doubts are running through my head, and so I am pretty serious-faced but say "I'm good, how are you?" Maybe he took offense to how I said it. But after that he seemed to ignore me for most of the meeting, turning his back towards me, not looking at me. Once he started doing that, a strange feeling of sadness and guilt overcame me (I dont even know why). I spent some time looking at his face (with him sitting sideways right next to me), and as I was doing that he feels his hair and touches his lips and face (so he must have seen me). But he is still ignoring me. (btw while i am occupying myself with these pursuits, I am still paying attention to the meeting! just so we're clear. . .). Even when i had some good contributions to make to the meeting, he nodded strongly when I said them, but he had his back angled towards me.

And today he skipped the meeting. :frown::frown::frown: Granted he probably had a busy time with his work. . .but still i feel like he was avoiding me :frown: I was so sad.

[Suz]

The big thing I'm wondering is. . .am I displaying enough Ni in my interactions with him?

How the hell do I demonstrate Ni anyway??? I mean, I feel like I use Ni all the time, but it's not something I can outwardly demonstrate is it?

[Satan]

The big thing I'm wondering is. . .am I displaying enough Ni in my interactions with him?

How the hell do I demonstrate Ni anyway??? I mean, I feel like I use Ni all the time, but it's not something I can outwardly demonstrate is it?

i dare you to go up to him and ask him whether you're "displaying enough Ni in your interactions with him"

[redbaron]

i dare you to go up to him and ask him whether you're "displaying enough Ni in your interactions with him"

rotfl!

[redbaron]

The big thing I'm wondering is. . .am I displaying enough Ni in my interactions with him?

How the hell do I demonstrate Ni anyway??? I mean, I feel like I use Ni all the time, but it's not something I can outwardly demonstrate is it?

I wonder the same thing about Ni!

[Satan]

I wonder the same thing about Ni!

I've always considered Ni to be a kind of knowingness of what is about to happen with projects a kind of less haphazard awareness that doesn't spike as much .. like it smooths people out.

whereas si people are like focusing on minor things all hte fucking time in this kind of annoying way.

[Satan]

I wonder the same thing about Ni!

btw, you're not showing enough Si

[Suz]

i dare you to go up to him and ask him whether you're "displaying enough Ni in your interactions with him"

are you guys making fun of me????

[redbaron]

are you guys making fun of me????

of course not!! I just thought it was a funny thought to ask someone if you're displaying enough Ni.

[Suz]

mercutio is making fun of me though. He probably thinks my stories are too girly and lovey. . . Then again, he IS reading them, so. . .must be some good reading material nonetheless

[Satan]

mercutio is making fun of me though. He probably thinks my stories are too girly and lovey. . . Then again, he IS reading them, so. . .must be some good reading material nonetheless

i also think it's funny how INVESTED you are.

[Suz]

i also think it's funny how INVESTED you are.

What do you mean by invested??

[Satan]

What do you mean by invested??

Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Suz]

Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

UGH i read that article. . .maybe so. . .

but the difference is that we ARE communicating!! In real life!!! Not just in my head!

[Satan]

UGH i read that article. . .maybe so. . .

but the difference is that we ARE communicating!! In real life!!! Not just in my head!

just relax. thigns will work out if they're meant to.

[redbaron]

just relax. thigns will work out if they're meant to.

true.

[enigmadream]

Agreed. Enjoy the moment.

Thanks for sharing. I don't have any SLEs in my life. So I will live vicariously through you.

BTW, have you read the manga Mars? That is an example of SLE-IEI duality.

[IEI]

I went to a meeting the other day with an SLE & colleague. Prior to the meeting I was made aware that my colleague was trying to pull a fast one. I thought I wasn’t too bothered by this, just water off a ducks back so to speak but once I was at the meeting and in SLE’s presence I became aware of my feelings (I was VERY ANGRY!!!). This surprised me hugely as I was totally unaware of my anger beforehand. Once I realized this I struggled to talk to my colleague (when I get angry I shake and can’t speak) and then SLE tried to help me but I was so annoyed as I wanted to get my point across I gave him a look (back off SLE!!!) and kept forcing my words out (SLE looked terrified?!? I found this very amusing as I have never seen him like this… he backed off ). This is not the first time I have become aware of unconscious feelings in SLE presence. I find this strange as I thought during the stages of duality duals were supposed to struggle to describe their feelings not become more aware of them? Anyways just thought I would share

[IEI]

As a ESTp I just wanted to know from the female IEI here, what do you expect from a romantic partner? More precisely, what do you expect, what do you want from us SLE?
.

Hmmm from an SLE I would expect someone that/ is...
- Makes me laugh
- Passionate
- Charming
- Wants my attention all the time and is creative around ways to get it
- Dominant
- Explains things in a logical manner that makes sense
- Capable of 'throw down'
- Is smooth in social circumstances
- Understands what I mean
- Loyal
- Appreciates my creativity
- Listens to what I say and doesn't ignore me
- Can support themselves financially
- Spontanious

[IEI]

Better luck one day.

Hey where abouts in the UK you from?

I'm keeping it a secret

[Suz]

Interesting. . .I just realized what I thought was my first experience with duality was not actually my first experience with duality.

I worked with a boss a few years back who in retrospect I strongly suspect was SLE. What made me think of this, is that the recent dual i got to know reminds me a lot of him (mannerisms, work style, social interaction). This boss was about 10-15 years older than me, and the dynamic was a bit different from the recent duality experience i have had. But still with features of duality, now that I think about it.

I posted the story of my interaction with him in the duality flaw thread, which i am linking here:

http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...tml#post589830

[IEI]

I posted the story of my interaction with him in the duality flaw thread, which i am linking here:

http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...tml#post589830

It sounds like you really won over this guy & had a lucky escape from the life he planned for you!

[Suz]

It sounds like you really won over this guy & had a lucky escape from the life he planned for you!

Is it an IEI thing to get highly uncomfortable when someone plans my life for me? I even hate it when my mom does it with little things. And unfortunately my mom does it a lot (she is my beneficiary) on a daily basis. Without asking me she plans out my day and tells me do this do that (and it's things that can wait because i have more important things to do), eat this, eat that. I used to go along with it because I dont like arguing, but I have had to put a limit to it. We are close and i love her dearly, but that's why she can't visit for too long before we start having disagreements and I feel drained even by her presence.

[IEI]

Is it an IEI thing to get highly uncomfortable when someone plans my life for me? I even hate it when my mom does it with little things. And unfortunately my mom does it a lot (she is my beneficiary) on a daily basis. Without asking me she plans out my day and tells me do this do that (and it's things that can wait because i have more important things to do), eat this, eat that. I used to go along with it because I dont like arguing, but I have had to put a limit to it. We are close and i love her dearly, but that's why she can't visit for too long before we start having disagreements and I feel drained even by her presence.

I'm generally quite happy to go along with other peoples arrangements and do the things they suggest but if it feels like a person is trying to control me or restrict my future possibilities I generally resist. It's difficult to get me to commit to an arrangement too far in advance but on the day I will go with the flow.

[Ezra]

I'm keeping it a secret

Don't blame you.

I'm from Manchester. We have a distinct lack of IEI females in this place!

I do love it though. It's a great town.

[IEI]

Don't blame you.

I'm from Manchester. We have a distinct lack of IEI females in this place!

I do love it though. It's a great town.

I love the mancunian accent!

I'm about 4 hrs away from Manchester. I visited for a friend of a friends wedding last year...the people are great...really friendly!