.
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This is why I tend to keep track of what people value. I like to know whether the person I'm confiding in would tell someone else, tell anyone, or tell no one. It's a way to have control over what you share with others. However, I would prefer a secret between two parties to be kept between the two parties—not the two parties plus whoever party 2 deems fit to be included without party 1's prior knowledge.Originally Posted by Diana
EDIT: Ugh, I think that sounded too harsh. Relation is still a close second to me, so I hope I'm not coming across unrealistic.
maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
go ask the frog what the scorpion knows
Doesn't seem too popular, but I'm for Circumstance.
Rather than playing to some absolute rule (i.e. ALWAYS honest, ALWAYS secret, or ALWAYS both), I'd rather my friend have me in mind. So long as their intentions are noble, I respect 'em for that, whether they majorly screw up or not. This "trust" is kinda blind, but (to me) it really seems the most real.
In a sense, Circumstancial loyalty is "the ultimate" in friendship.
Can you trust a bud so much that you'll let them (not some rule) dictate your best wishes?
What he said.
Plus, I'm generally relaxed about "leaks", probably because I don't have Deep Dark Secrets. And, when I do, I know which of my friends intersect with my situational values.
I voted honesty because it's the opposite of secrecy, which is the only one that doesn't apply to me. Being Honest = Doing what's right = Being loyal to one person (Jesus) overall.
If someone told me something in confidence, I'm not likely to let it out. But there are some things that I get torn about, and some things that I may do depending on what's going on in the situation.
First, I suck at lying, and I suck at being able to directly say "No, I won't tell you", but I'm fairly decent at hem-hawing. So if asked a direct question about something told me in confidence, then I'm stuck between not being able to so "I can't tell you" and not being able to redirect them elsewhere. So I'll tend to answer the question as honestly as I can…without actually answering it to the fullest. (I don't follow "The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" policy. I'm not opposed to altering the words some nor leaving things out. Some might call it 'little white lies', but it's not a case of "yes I like your outfit" when the reality is that I don't…it's more like "the colors suit your eyes" when I think that the colors do suit the eyes…but that the cut is horrible but the person really likes it and doesn't want to hear anything bad about the outfit.)
If someone tells me something in confidence, and that can effect their own livelihood and/or life, or the livelihood and/or life of someone else, then I might make an attempt to point someone else who can do something into looking in that direction. Such as if I were to find out in secrecy that a fellow employee is about to be fired if they don't stop doing a certain action. I might attempt to broach the subject of that action to the person and see if I can get them to recognize that it might cause them trouble down the road. Or if a friend of my daughter's tells my daughter about how depressed she is and how she wants to kill herself, etc. And my daughter, freaked out, comes to me but swears me to secrecy. Then I might still go to the parent or a school counselor and mention that they might want to check into the emotional well being of the child. If they ask for more details, I'll pretty much just say that I've recently heard some things that I can't really verify, but that they concerned me enough to make this call. And if they further push for more info, the best I can say is that that's about all I can tell them, that if it somehow leaked that I'd told them even this much then I won't have access to further info as it comes in.
I think that the kind or depth of the relationship has quite a bit to do with just what kind of "secret" is being told. If someone tells me they have a crush on person X. And I happen to be talking to person X, then, depending on the conversation of the moment, I might say that I have a friend or know a person who has a crush on them. I won't say who, though, only that it was told to me in confidence. (and then smile as they try to play 20 questions)
The vast majority of the time, however, the 'secrets' told me are pretty much important only to the one telling me. Noone else has any reason to suspect that I might know anything at all about it. Noone has any reason to ask me directly about it. And there's no reason for me to ever feel the need to hint to anyone else about it. And I know that if I were to ever run off and blab even part of it to someone else, then I'd lose this person's trust, and thus wouldn't be allowed in the circle of "knowing". And, well, I've said it many times before, I'm nosey. I like being 'in the know'. I'll protect that as best as I can.
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
If this is Te HA, then it would explain my ESFp friend's nosiness to an extent. I tend to feel hesitant at his "gotta know" attitude at first but I always end up telling him everything, lol. Haven't had any trust issues with him so far and his loyalty is what holds the bond between us. (besides other things of course.)
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Honestly, i can't say for sure whether it's part of the Te HA or not.
What I DO know is that it's such a big part of my life and my relationships with others.
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
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