AAAAARGGGHHH

[Shazaam]

This 'am I an INFj shit' is driving me crazy. It's like I am examining myself too much. I began to realize how much I HATE being introspective, and I only of course naturally feel confidence after I do something, anything!

But it's like, I want to do it anyway even though it's self-torture. And I have no idea if my mental anguish right now is a clue that I'm doing something wrong, and I'm driving myself silly and I obviously was an INFp all along and never should have even questioned or entertained otherwise ....or if it means I'm closer to some sort of epiphany or revelation about myself instead of the ambivalency and contradictoryness I get myself into. (Always darkness before dawn) One step forward, one step back. etc. typical 6 bullshit. Or that socionics is all bullshit that likes to torture people.

There are multiple factors (irrational as all get how but factors nonetheless) of why I started this INFj quest:

1. It's been on my mind for ages.
2. It's like even though I obviously talk about it a lot, and that's what people see, my 'ranty gay' side feels like such a small part of who I totally am that it's just a ...small spec, like 3% of who I totally am. That even though I know people can only judge by what I show them, I just wish they'd 'just get this', that something about this particular place brings that out in me, because psychology has always instinctively been fag-friendly and a place for gender equality, I mean look at the beautiful diversity of genders and orientations we have here- psychology brings people together for that, and it's kind of nice.

Gay abc 'the more you knooooow' flashes on screen.

3. I just think 'I can be a lot of types' sometimes. The idea that I have an 'essence' or 'core' has been hard for me to wrap my brain around, esp. since I've naturally been so versatile in my roles in the world ala shaman. That I can be such a different person just because people say I'm so many things makes me wonder who I *truly* am you know. I remember I thought I was ENTp for awhile just cause somebody said it so strongly, how stupid and retarded is that? I was afraid I did the same thing for the INFp. So therefore, my quest to INFj was trying to grow as a 6....to find some way on my own, but it only seemed to make the problem worse, as you've all known me as 'sam the ranty gay shaman infp 6' for so long.

4. I think too many fucking people are typed as INFp, that it's all too easily the type that 'shy nerds that sit home all day' (which I like to do) get typed at that. It's like there's this soft messy stinky farty blob of INFps that just are passive zits to the world, and I don't like to be thought of that way. The stereotype of IEIs as 'weak/soft' bother me. So a lot of it just trying to balance out the forum types.

5. I think Calvin and Hobbes is stupid, hypocritical and self-serving, and I have no idea know why so many people like it. There, I said it. OMG AN INFP THAT DOESN'T LIKE CALVIN AND HOBBES.

6. I never actually liked to fantasy or daydream. I wanted those dreams to become true already.

It all just feels like more layers that I can pull on and off at will. You know? Meh. Identity.

[Shazaam]

God fucking damnit *all* labels are useless.

[Slacker]

My husband has a friend through his work who is INFj and gay and he jokes about his sexuality a lot too. I think people need to get past that. You still seem a bit high on the drama even beyond that IMO, but the gay talk isn't relevant.

[Slacker]

Actually, on the other hand, he didn't let my husband know he was gay for AGES. And then he wanted my husband to help him with something that was broken at his house, and I was with my husband so I went too, and anyway his partner was there and the INFj doesn't come off as particularly gay but his partner sure does. And that was it, he was out. Now he jokes about his sexuality but he said keeping quiet about it was a source of anxiety before that.

[Shazaam]

I'll try to be um more....rational I guess. I get that you're merely observing my behavior and not criticizing it, but I think a lot of what I'm saying 'gets lost' to everybody because it's coming across as so dramatic.

But to put things bluntly, I view socionics as more in waves, vibrations....then I do in some kind of focused mentality thing, though I really enjoy feeding my mind with people's viewpoints on what all this shit is about.

Like, if I see certain people on stickam. I just gravitate towards some people easier than others, it can be slight and subtle at first but it works. Then I kinda judge if they are in my quadra or not by how generally well I get along with them. (though I might be confused still on what quadra we're actually *in* so then I need more logical evidence) I try to leave out things like personal interests, since obviously, there are other people with the same exact hobbies and interests as mine that I personally can't stand.

As for non-socionics factors why you might consider being in some type of relations with somebody (which I view as simply, if you choose to exchange information with some people or not) It seems kinda self-evident to me that, you would naturally, instinctively exchange information more with people that you enjoy rather than not, that if you're forced to try and exchange information with somebody you can't stand- one of you would eventually get fed up and terminate the relationship, or delve in a flurry of personal insults.

The whole word 'relationship' is so loaded anyway, and you could create a whole nother thread on that.