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Thread: Pickiness in choosing a significant other

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    Default Pickiness in choosing a significant other

    Obviously a person of any type may be picky, and a person of any type may be indiscriminate due to all kinds of non-socionics-related factors...

    BUT

    ... assuming all people in the world were psychologically healthy and unstifled by life circumstances, would some types tend towards pickiness in choosing a significant other more than others?

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    Slippery when wet Simon Ssmall's Avatar
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    Id assume ENFp's would be sort of pickyish at least. Forseeing problems and always seeing potential in other partners can make ENFp's not only picky but also fickle. Problem I guess is with the description of the word "picky", im not sure what it implies, because I'd say ENFp's would be very picky with choosing someone to be with for life but not so much to start a relationship with, after all it takes a bit of time to see how the relationship would evolve in the future and you start with 0 knowledge about a person.
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    I think when I polled the Delta squad, there was a high preference for Pragmatic love.

    I anticipate Alphas having a strong tendency towards Erotic.

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    Slippery when wet Simon Ssmall's Avatar
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    Do you think it would imply that Delta would not be picky and Alfa picky? My real life shows that ISFp's I know are not picky at all and have a lot of patience to be with almost anyone. ENTp's I know are weird in that regard, they are not picky at all id say in terms of appearance, not sure how picky they are in terms of character. But they don't exactly work with a "relationship" in mind to begin with, I saw more than once how one ENTp would say that marriage is useless and family is pointless with a girl on his lap .

    Dont know rationals well so cant really comment.

    Anyway those are people from my real life, im not sure I can talk from a theoretical point of view regarding socionics as im not good at it to begin with, i can only lend examples.
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    Actually, the other way 'round, Ssmall. I think Deltas are going to be the choosiest quadra, since the STs want stable relationships and the NFs are perpetually in a grassisgreener mindframe (though how EII Ones approach this, I'm not sure?)

    Whereas, I suppose, Alpha irrationals sort of expect turmoil and just hook up with whoever gives them good Fe.

    As an Alpha rational, I would say, I'm very picky... but only in my mind! I think ESEs are naturally inclined to have sudden intense infatuations, especially since we're Caregivers (shallow bastards ) and Fe-base (very easy to energize/mobilize). I pretty much need to be in love with someone or something, or I just feel lost...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gulanzon View Post
    Actually, the other way 'round, Ssmall. I think Deltas are going to be the choosiest quadra, since the STs want stable relationships and the NFs are perpetually in a grassisgreener mindframe (though how EII Ones approach this, I'm not sure?)
    Honestly, EIIs (many) seem to think of themselves as totally unable to affect relationships. They just maintain whatever is going on around them, and 'hope' that someone good comes along, or hope that the person they are with 'improves' or 'gets better'.

    Or sort of picture themselves as 'old maids' that will never date and always be single - it's really a load of crap sometimes. Some of the worst use of "intuition" or "foresight" I've ever seen, particularly when they continuously use past examples to justify future behaviors.

    Especially when they themselves get into this mode of "well this happened" - constantly pointing at what other people have done or not done, and being somewhat averse to realize their own part in things: either ability to 'get out of bad situations' or 'find new better situations'.

    EIIs can have major problems with this sort of thing... definitely an infantile kind of deal where they just remain stationary and expect someone else to find them out and show interest and do everything, really. Or, the other side of infantile is openly displaying their needs and wants and hoping other people deal with them, though this is less "typical" than standard EII.

    not exactly pickiness 100% but oh well.

    PS: generally, though, the more healthy an EII is, the less they seem "unable to affect relationships", and the more confident they are about things like waiting for the right person, and speaking up when things aren't going well, etc.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gulanzon View Post
    I think when I polled the Delta squad, there was a high preference for Pragmatic love.

    I anticipate Alphas having a strong tendency towards Erotic.
    I remember alphas preferring pragmatic and deltas preferring storge.


    I am very picky. About this and about most things that can be atributed to .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by songofsappho View Post
    I guess you could define picky any way you want to, but the way I meant it was being very selective when choosing whom you'll date or establish a relationship with.

    Would you say you have two sets of standards [that overlap, probably]? One set for choosing a person just to date casually, and one set for deciding whether to take casual dating to the next level?
    Hmm, hard to tell, I don't think there are two sets of standards. But Id imagine as far as appearance go it would mean less if you think in terms of choosing someone for life, but that's the same for everyone?

    What I had in mind is that an ENFp id imagine wouldn't be THAT picky as far as starting a relationship with someone (well its also hard to tell, i'm picky for instance if I compare myself to other people I know) but would be way more picky in terms of continuing a relationship with someone.

    I had quite a few relationships which would last like 6 months, after that even if everything is smooth and problem free I decide to leave since I know in the long term it is not something I seek.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ssmall View Post
    Do you think it would imply that Delta would not be picky and Alfa picky? My real life shows that ISFp's I know are not picky at all and have a lot of patience to be with almost anyone. ENTp's I know are weird in that regard, they are not picky at all id say in terms of appearance, not sure how picky they are in terms of character. But they don't exactly work with a "relationship" in mind to begin with, I saw more than once how one ENTp would say that marriage is useless and family is pointless with a girl on his lap .
    I know two ENTp guys who are a lot like that, actually. One of them will go out with whomever he thinks he can snag [he "trolls" a lot, to use the fishing metaphor brought up in another thread]. The other one just got back into a relationship [or some semblance of one] w his ex-girlfriend whom he does not even seem to like all that much, as she's a bit batty. This perplexes me a great deal - why would you be w someone you don't get on with? But it's just his way, I guess....

    Dont know rationals well so cant really comment.
    I don't know any INTjs well enough to comment, but I do know an ESFj girl who has declared herself to be quite picky [usually while indirect-bragging about being asked out by tons of guys and turning them all down]. In practice, though, I don't know whether she is or not.

    Anyway those are people from my real life, im not sure I can talk from a theoretical point of view regarding socionics as im not good at it to begin with, i can only lend examples.
    I'm glad you said this, bc that's what I'm hoping for: examples from the REAL world more than theoretical banter and endless hypothesizing.

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    In contrary to popular belief, SEE girls are often picky about their boyfriends.

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    My pickiness extends as far as a grocery list of traits (ESFJ, female, Christian, never had sex with someone else <I may let off on this one, but it'd give me second thoughts>). I expect to detect all of those to some degree of certainty before any sort of romance occurs on my side.



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    never had sex with someone else
    Never understood something like that from guys . Not judging you though, everyone has its quirks. For me I guess it doesn't matter but I prefer for a girl to be experienced enough as it means there would be less tension in that front. Yet its not something I put value on.

    EDIT: well I guess I do understand it somewhat if it is due to religious beliefs.
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    Quote Originally Posted by songofsappho View Post
    would some types tend towards pickiness in choosing a significant other more than others?
    I think I know for a fact that ISTps, ESFjs and ESFps tend to value visual aesthetics more than many other types.

    INFp pickiness may relate more to the size of the potential partner's bank accounts.

    ESTj pickiness may relate more to the partner's practical utility.

    Guess there's a male/female divide here as well, since women tend to be picky in different ways than men, even within the same socionics type.
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    before i knew about socionics i liked girls who showed SEEish qualities. Like if a girl payed me attention despite me being unpleasant toward her, I would like her more. Or like if she laughed at me saying something completely negative and mean.. I would like her more. If a girl had a unique sense of style, I would usually be more attracted to her. If she showed she didn't fall for the average dumbass guys swooning, it would be attractive to me .. If she had the general look that SEEs have, I always was attracted .. etc.

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    The ENFps I know are the most picky I've met. I think all the EPs are to an extent.

    I'm picky, but it's more about character than appearance
    Last edited by Banana Pancakes; 03-27-2009 at 09:31 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Banana Pancakes View Post
    The ENFps I know are the most picky I've met. I think all the EPs are to an extent.

    I'm picky, but it's more about character than appearance
    same here. not saying i don't care at all, because i do. but we're all going to be old and wrinkly eventually.
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    I agree with IEE.

    Which is a shame because coupled with my indifference towards relationships pretty much means we'll probobly never come in contact...or maybe that's appealing to them. So anyway, that's my vote.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Banana Pancakes View Post
    The ENFps I know are the most picky I've met. I think all the EPs are to an extent.

    I'm picky, but it's more about character than appearance
    I do not agree with that.

    I think it's very much dependent on the person, really.


    PS: I really don't like the idea of this whole subforum, because different types can do the same action for different reasons.
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
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    i wouldn't describe IEE's as "picky" AT ALL.
    most will pretty much date anything. the issue is that they never decide on one.
    this is probably true of most EP's to some extent. Not picky; just not focused.
    IJ's are probably the "pickiest" actually. Because they can't tolerate a lot of options like E's can. And everything has to fit into their world view and standards.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    I think it's very much dependent on the person, really.
    Exactly. I mean, it's not like anyone is going to come here and say "oh no, I'm easy, I'll pick up any old slag" (unless just to be contrary). We all think we're picky because otherwise we'd be desperate (or at least look desperate, which is probably of more concern). We're just all picky in different ways (which I think was the point of the op, but seems to be lost in the subsequent discussion).
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