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Thread: How to recognize an INFj: characteristics, style, traits, and real life observations of EIIs

  1. #41
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    If you want to know about INFjs I would suggest spending less time coming up with theoretical definitions and more time getting out to meet real INFj's.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    If you want to know about INFjs I would suggest spending less time coming up with theoretical definitions and more time getting out to meet real INFj's.
    Yes, that is ideal.

    Unfortunately, the ability to be sociable so as to quickly build relationships doesn't come quite so easily for some of us ...

    Plus, a lot of INFjs tend not to put themselves "out there" and if you did find one, s/he may quickly withdraw before the relationship even starts ...

    so I'm just saying, it may not be so easy.

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    Default Re: INFj's - what are they like?

    ...

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    ^ I think that description sounds very good - they do seem to be serious, but it's worth pointing out that if you say something that they might seem as hostile, their face might become less rigid as though they are about to cry, and then they might try to straighten their face again, before giving a reply - this might seem in a higher pitch than usual, as though they are trying to stop themselves sobbing. Their voice might become very distinct and sound like it's from far away, and they might try to avoid your direct gaze - they might even retreat completely to another room with barely a sound made, or make themselves busy with something else nearby.

    One things that might upset them IME is someone calling someone in the INFjs presence (if not directly) 'a fucking retard' in a hostile manner, almost like a dog-like bark (i.e. like you might expect a ESTp to do all the time). People who put down others in such a way or are just generally unkind and unforgiving in their comments are not liked by INFjs.

    If INFjs have to say something about a person to their face, they keep glancing briefly at the person's face, almost as though they are blinking - they might do twinkling star shapes with their hands as they gently put each point. They might say to themselves 'now how do I put this?' while looking in some corner of the room at the same time. They tend to break things to you gradually or indirectly (they deflate the impact). They might sit at an odd angle with the hand of one arm in the crock of the other arm, which may bring one shoulder lower than the other - they seem very angular. They might lean in one direction or another.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Subterranean
    ^ I think that description sounds very good - they do seem to be serious, but it's worth pointing out that if you say something that they might seem as hostile, their face might become less rigid as though they are about to cry, and then they might try to straighten their face again, before giving a reply - this might seem in a higher pitch than usual, as though they are trying to stop themselves sobbing. Their voice might become very distinct and sound like it's from far away, and they might try to avoid your direct gaze - they might even retreat completely to another room with barely a sound made, or make themselves busy with something else nearby.

    One things that might upset them IME is someone calling someone in the INFjs presence (if not directly) 'a fucking retard' in a hostile manner, almost like a dog-like bark (i.e. like you might expect a ESTp to do all the time). People who put down others in such a way or are just generally unkind and unforgiving in their comments are not liked by INFjs.

    If INFjs have to say something about a person to their face, they keep glancing briefly at the person's face, almost as though they are blinking - they might do twinkling star shapes with their hands as they gently put each point. They might say to themselves 'now how do I put this?' while looking in some corner of the room at the same time. They tend to break things to you gradually or indirectly (they deflate the impact). They might sit at an odd angle with the hand of one arm in the crock of the other arm, which may bring one shoulder lower than the other - they seem very angular. They might lean in one direction or another.
    Good contributions! I agree with everything except the mannerisms I can't directly observe myself doing from outside myself. :wink: I don't pay attention to most of my mannerisms, actually, and so trust your general INFj observations here.

    twinkling star shapes - ?!?





    hee hee

  6. #46
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    If you want to know about INFjs I would suggest spending less time coming up with theoretical definitions and more time getting out to meet real INFj's.
    The problem is not that I don't know any Fi types; just that with what information I have I don't know where to lay the divide between INFj and ISFj, as just about all of them behave dissimilar to the point where 'boxing' them wouldn't do justice to the differences that exist between them.

    In fact, all of my attempts trying to apply socionics to real life people meet with this kind of dillemma at some point. Hence the perceived need for more powerful theoretical models, like the Reinin model, or dual-type theory, from my perspective.

    Ordinary subtype-theory doesn't offer a solution to the problem, as it reasons away the problem instead of trying to solve it with explanations.

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    Quote Originally Posted by astralsilky

    twinkling star shapes - ?!?





    hee hee
    You know how people flick the tips of their fingers with their other fingers? That's what I mean.

  8. #48
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    Default Re: INFj's - what are they like?

    Quote Originally Posted by labcoat
    what kind of people are they?
    A friend (of the Ne Ep variety) said to me recently that I have that admirable gentle and quiet spirit, but at the same time have opinions of my own and can have fun. My ESFj says that I'm delicate and that she's afraid she'll break me someday. She also says I'm feminine, more so than her. People who don't know me that well often call me quiet and sweet. My sister says I need to get out more.

    Quote Originally Posted by labcoat
    I'm going to throw some theoretical definitions against this 'problem' for my own convenience; don't let it distract you. Please contribute in any way you would like.

    Positive narrators: upbeat, tells stories with a personal interpretation.
    Aristocratic: has predetermined value judgment on issues. personal beliefs.
    Process type: focussed in action, has goals that it feels it will never reach and thus continually keeps active.
    Construct creating, compliant: ready to help anyone who asks for it. "cannot refuse if asked to do something" (I. Weisband)
    Stategical, calculating: responsible about matters of long term importance. Thinks ahead.

    Not sure if I interpreted those correctly.
    That doesn't sound too far off. Good job.

    Quote Originally Posted by labcoat
    My grandmother may be one of these. Is it common for INFj's to behave like 'caregivers' in the sense that they cater to the needs of visitors with great enthusiasm, doing more than what's asked of them?
    Sometimes enthusiastically. I think enthusiasm may be more of an extrovert thing, like Fe. For me, I'm more likely to quietly take care of someone, even secretly. Being kind to people like that isn't as much as a habit for me as I'd like, but I can get great enjoyment out of it. I really, really like encouraging people. It makes me happy when I see people succeed, do well, etc., and caring for someone can help with that. Yet, sometimes I don't notice (or want to notice) when people need help.

    Quote Originally Posted by astralsilky
    how to spot an infj

    case study[...]

    If anyone disagrees that any of this sounds INFj to them, please say so.
    Most of that sounds extremely accurate, at least as it applies to me. Like the whole hospitality thing. It doesn't come continuously and naturally, rather it’s something I do when I take a fancy to it. And the whole having "ownership" of the surroundings (including people) and feeling more open as a result… yes.

    One thing I will say that isn't quite me is the clothing part. Now, I in no way claim to have any good sense when it comes to fashion. You can't rely on me to notice important things. Sometimes I will, but don't count on it. I mean, I usually know if I think something is pretty or looks nice, but I couldn't really tell you if anybody else might like it. And, yet, for all of my lack of skill, I get a surprising amount of positive comments on how I've dressed myself - usually when I least expect it. "What? Me? You like my… shirt? *puzzled look* This one? *points to self* Oh. Thanks… *confused smile*"
    INFj / EII / FiNe
    ()



    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

    "Fear wist not to evade as Love wist to pursue." - Francis Thompson

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    Quote Originally Posted by labcoat
    If you want to know about INFjs I would suggest spending less time coming up with theoretical definitions and more time getting out to meet real INFj's.
    The problem is not that I don't know any Fi types; just that with what information I have I don't know where to lay the divide between INFj and ISFj, as just about all of them behave dissimilar to the point where 'boxing' them wouldn't do justice to the differences that exist between them.

    In fact, all of my attempts trying to apply socionics to real life people meet with this kind of dillemma at some point. Hence the perceived need for more powerful theoretical models, like the Reinin model, or dual-type theory, from my perspective.

    Ordinary subtype-theory doesn't offer a solution to the problem, as it reasons away the problem instead of trying to solve it with explanations.
    I think that even though socionics refers a lot to "the dominant function" of a type, at minimum it seems reasonable that even more emphasis could be made on the "dominant dynamic" between base and creative functions, where it is the working between the two in unison that makes the information contained and exchanged between them intelligible (validated/received) and actually meaningful. EDIT -- Maybe we aren't giving the creative function enough credit regarding how it colours other functions ...

    Btw, IRL, I "feel" like I have less in common with ISFjs than more. (E.g., by way of contrast, in practice I feel like I have more in common with ENTps!! ... b/c of intuition ... ) Could be because I like ENTp stimulation, too ... swaying my decision. Come to think of it, I also "feel" like I have more in common with some INTps, too, than ISFjs ... go figure.

    ISFj vs. INFj, IME

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    labcoat, I like what you put together.

    astralsilky, I identified strongly with nearly everything you said and also with your post on ISFj vs. INFj. The only thing I didn't identify with was "Appearance usually pale, even ghostly, even at a young age." But that's probably because I'm black. When I imagine myself with lighter skin, I'm never the ruddy type. I'm lacking in vitality.
    EII
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