Questions about socionics.com SLE/ESTp description

[dinki]

They do not react well to unchallenging situations. (From Socionics.com)

- So can this be read as they get bored by Duality as it is like the most unchallenging thing ever?

This is the only part that I don't find true of them;

When in conversation, ESTps always show self-restraint and tact. They generally interact in an open and friendly manner, always showing positive emotions. They do not like to openly express their opinions.(From Socionics.com)

Tactful?! Huh?! How are they tactful? The ESTps I know always openly express their opinions, and they never really sound tactful when they do it. I do think they are open and friendly, just not tactful, if they think something, even if it is cruel to say it, they just speak their minds in my experience.

Also, sometimes ESTps scare me. Haha. Is that normal for an INFp? Well they calm me, but I also find them scary, like I am scared that something bad is going to happen with them or something, I haven't really anlyzed why the feeling is there, it's just I see an ESTp, even if its like a girl, and I get this ekkintense charge shooting through me.

=/. Ha I don't really know what to ask for, if your reading this, Just like opinions, please .

[redbaron]

They do not react well to unchallenging situations. (From Socionics.com)

- So can this be read as they get bored by Duality as it is like the most unchallenging thing ever?

This is the only part that I don't find true of them;

When in conversation, ESTps always show self-restraint and tact. They generally interact in an open and friendly manner, always showing positive emotions. They do not like to openly express their opinions.(From Socionics.com)

Tactful?! Huh?! How are they tactful? The ESTps I know always openly express their opinions, and they never really sound tactful when they do it. I do think they are open and friendly, just not tactful, if they think something, even if it is cruel to say it, they just speak their minds in my experience.

Also, sometimes ESTps scare me. Haha. Is that normal for an INFp? Well they calm me, but I also find them scary, like I am scared that something bad is going to happen with them or something, I haven't really anlyzed why the feeling is there, it's just I see an ESTp, even if its like a girl, and I get this ekkintense charge shooting through me.

=/. Ha I don't really know what to ask for, if your reading this, Just like opinions, please .

Well my SLE friend (male, older) shows LOTS of self restraint and tact. (he's also an enneagram 3) He's quite open and friendly. He does express his opinions, but not publicly. when the two of us are talking with no one around, he'll tell me what he really thinks of things but not if anyone else is within earshot. I actually find that really charming because it's like he thinks well enough of me to be honest.

I used to be a bit intimidated by him. But that was because he walked around like a mob boss or something. I saw him as being very business-like (for example, he wears his blackberry on his belt, which I always thought meant that he thought he was sooo important that he couldn't go a minute without it) and that he never had any fun. But that was before I got to know him. Now I know that he just keeps his fun separate from his work. I use to see him as very serious but now I know that's not true at all, it's just one side of him. The first time I heard him tell a joke, I was dying, DYING laughing, partly because it was well-told but more so because I hadn't known he could be so funny. I was extremely surprised.

[redbaron]

I'll share one more thing about this SLE that I just love. So I asked him a question about whether he knew anything about a certain brand of motorcycle I'm interested in. He said no but that he'd research it for me. I said okay, but didn't really expect him to do anything, at least not right away. I woke up the next morning and he had sent me two links to these articles on this particular brand of motorcycle and told me he was looking into another kind as well. The links were from after midnight the same night I had asked him the question, before a morning when he was leaving on a business trip!! How fabulous is that? I mean, talk about catering to my laziness.....

I'll repeat what others have said, the thing about duality is that you don't have to do anything special, just be yourself and it's appreciated by the other person. appreciated and understood. wow.

[Shazaam]

dinki...

Actually, SLEs ARE pretty tactful.

You are confusing rowdy bar boys with no life ambition other than to fuck chicks, with healthy normal SLEs.

SLEs being perceivers, are more laid-back (but strong) than tense and confrontational. You might be confusing an SLE with its quasi-identical.

This is why this soconics shit needs so much more real testing but... I think that article was correct for the most part.

[dinki]

Wow thanks! That was really interesting to read, I really appreciate it, you have helped in clearing up some my insecure feelings about this .

Ha, thats such a cool relationship! I sometimes wonder though, how do you know if an E3 is being real with you? Do you ever wonder if what they say is just what they think you want to hear and not really what they think? I'm always paranoid I can not trust anything E3s say as true!

Anyway, thanks again for sharing !

[Shazaam]

An SLE will have a physical but non-scary presence. They will not be wild/all over the map. They're actually quite calm, but with an inescapable sense of toughness and leadership.

They will usually speak bluntly, confidently and forcefully - but also tactfully.

If you are in some sort of sex game relationship, they might yell at you if it turns you on, but this is a KINK and has nothing to do with reality. They might even laugh at this themselves.

In society people aren't going to be yelling and acting like a retarded 1992 rap star/porn star. People are going to be acting more alike than you think. So look for subtleties.

SLEs do have a tendency to protect others even if it goes against social norms or breaks the law. They're just so sensitive to somebody taking advantage of an IEI, who they admire greatly. So I think the stereotype of the SLE thug in prison, probably does have some truth to it.

They usually help the most with the IEIs own assertiveness. So it's an equal energy that benefits the IEI too. IEI will usually not feel afraid to approach the SLE because of this. (However like with most duals, they will usually ignore each other in a group setting....) You will want to get alone with them though. Either romantically or as friends.

They will talk calm and manly/soothing. Even my SLE female friend talks this way. I'm kind of sexually attracted to her for this reason.

They're not going to rape you or come on too strong unless there's something wrong with them. (Despite duality, an unhealthy SLE is not good for anybody.) But they're usually very good at courting people because of their sensuality.

[Ezra]

They do not react well to unchallenging situations. (From Socionics.com)

- So can this be read as they get bored by Duality as it is like the most unchallenging thing ever?

This is the only part that I don't find true of them;

When in conversation, ESTps always show self-restraint and tact. They generally interact in an open and friendly manner, always showing positive emotions. They do not like to openly express their opinions.(From Socionics.com)

Tactful?! Huh?! How are they tactful? The ESTps I know always openly express their opinions, and they never really sound tactful when they do it. I do think they are open and friendly, just not tactful, if they think something, even if it is cruel to say it, they just speak their minds in my experience.

Also, sometimes ESTps scare me. Haha. Is that normal for an INFp? Well they calm me, but I also find them scary, like I am scared that something bad is going to happen with them or something, I haven't really anlyzed why the feeling is there, it's just I see an ESTp, even if its like a girl, and I get this ekkintense charge shooting through me.

=/. Ha I don't really know what to ask for, if your reading this, Just like opinions, please .

Firstly, don't listen to socionics.com. There's as much bullshit on there as there is in a Mexican bullring on a Saturday afternoon.

Secondly, IEIs do challenge; that's the nature of the duality. They play push-pull or whatever, so there's always a challenge. Ever read what Palmer says about the Eight-Four dynamic? Same principle. SLE-IEI passion and energy mix together and create one motherfucker of a relationship.

[dinki]

Thanks BulletsandDoves , the SLEs I know are pretty immature, we are still in school - so I guess I am just generalizing based on them, so are the average SLEs like tactful & not all rowdy? Or do they have to be healthy?

Lol! Thanks Ezra . Oh yikes, where do you go to find information on the types, if not there? Ohhhh, but isn't that unhealthy to push & pull? I thought we had to try and stop that?

I'm always like ekk, because what if we hook up and they won't want me anymore?!

<3 I love our quadra. , thanks for the replies.

[redbaron]

An SLE will have a physical but non-scary presence. They will not be wild/all over the map. They're actually quite calm, but with an inescapable sense of toughness and leadership.

They will usually speak bluntly, confidently and forcefully - but also tactfully.

SLEs do have a tendency to protect others even if it goes against social norms or breaks the law. They're just so sensitive to somebody taking advantage of an IEI, who they admire greatly. So I think the stereotype of the SLE thug in prison, probably does have some truth to it.

They usually help the most with the IEIs own assertiveness. So it's an equal energy that benefits the IEI too. IEI will usually not feel afraid to approach the SLE because of this. (However like with most duals, they will usually ignore each other in a group setting....) You will want to get alone with them though. Either romantically or as friends.

They will talk calm and manly/soothing.

Yes! All of this is very good and very true regarding the SLE I'm friends with. I kind of feel like he looks out for me like an older brother (which is great since I'm the oldest in my family and always wanted an older brother and he's the youngest in his family). I love his calmness and confidence and leadership ability. I feel very protected when I'm around him.

[redbaron]

Ha, thats such a cool relationship! I sometimes wonder though, how do you know if an E3 is being real with you? Do you ever wonder if what they say is just what they think you want to hear and not really what they think? I'm always paranoid I can not trust anything E3s say as true!

I used to be skeptical of this guy. In fact, it's taken our friendship about 2 years to really solidify, partly because I've been holding back (doing that push-pull thing, but unintentionally. I just wasn't sure we had anything in common at first and then I wasn't sure he was being real with me, I thought he was a player. I mean, not romantically--we're both married--but a player socially, as in wanting everyone to like him and trying to project this image of himself). But now that I know him better, I do think he's genuine with me. More so when it's just the two of us than at any other time. It definitely took awhile to develop this rapport though. How can I tell he's being real? Hm, I guess because he doesn't give his opinions in public but when he's with me, he will tell me what he thinks about this or that. I feel like he wouldn't offer an opinion at all unless it were really what he thought. He does like to be liked. Yet I think he can sense with me that I'm not going to like him just because others like him. It feels like he knows he has to be real with me. I can't explain this very well and I don't know how I know this. Intuitively I guess. And over time, with experience interacting with him and watching how he interacts with others.

[Ezra]

Thanks BulletsandDoves , the SLEs I know are pretty immature, we are still in school - so I guess I am just generalizing based on them, so are the average SLEs like tactful & not all rowdy? Or do they have to be healthy?

SLEs can be tactful when they need/want to be. It depends if it fits their purpose/objective or not. In the eyes of an SLE, tact is a tool (as with most other things ).

Lol! Thanks Ezra . Oh yikes, where do you go to find information on the types, if not there?

Wikisocion. That's great. And don't forget our ever faithful friend, Assumption.

Ohhhh, but isn't that unhealthy to push & pull? I thought we had to try and stop that?

Don't stop. It's a nice challenge. Makes you all the sexier. A consistent relationship is boring.

I'm always like ekk, because what if we hook up and they won't want me anymore?!

Come on. Let's think realistically, here.

[Shazaam]

I love his calmness and confidence and leadership ability. I feel very protected when I'm around him.

And in turn he also loves your input when you suggest when something may not be a good idea and you tell him about likely outcomes with your Ni. But it works just naturally then what I'm talking about, it kinda just happens on its own. You just have to be yourself totally lol.

There's just this INSTANT chemistry when I talk to SLE males. (To be fair I have the same thing with other IEIs as well.)

Plus they're fun to gossip with and hang out with.

[redbaron]

And in turn he also loves your input when you suggest when something may not be a good idea and you tell him about likely outcomes with your Ni. But it works just naturally then what I'm talking about, it kinda just happens on its own. You just have to be yourself totally lol.

There's just this INSTANT chemistry when I talk to SLE males. (To be fair I have the same thing with other IEIs as well.)

Plus they're fun to gossip with and hang out with.

well for me, it wasn't instant because I had some preconceived notions about him. but now that we're friends, it's there all the time. The first time I can remember talking to him alone (about 18 months ago, I think?), I remember this very strange feeling of ease between us. but I didn't trust it at first. I was like "why does this feel easy? must be my imagination" but then over time it proved to be there all the time but seemed most obvious when we were alone (which isn't that often, to be honest). It's weird to be respected by someone like that. Someone with power. You think--wow, if he admires me, I must be cool. When you knew you were cool anyway but it's just really affirming!

and yes, I find that with other IEIs, the connection is there instantly.

[Shazaam]

Yeah. It's a weird combination of love at first sight and getting to know somebody slowly over time. It's like, they're boring to me at first- but then once we talk about something, I feel the instant chemistry. I dunno. Both factors seem to be at play.