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    Default Conflict relations: acting like your conflictor's dual

    Have you ever, for any reason, acted like your conflictor's dual?

    Currently, I'm in a course with a ISTj--who is famous and influential in journalism--and I don't wanna f* it up by 'conflicting' ... In the classes, (only three so far,) I've consciously acted like a ENFj--currently, I am one of his favorite students lol... It takes tremendous effort to act this way--I feel like a total asshole doing it--and I'm going to stop b/c my conscience tells me it's wrong.

    The reason I'm posting is b/c I'm wondering if anyone else has had experiences like this..? I.e. where it's been in your best interest to have a positive relationship with your conflictor? How did you handle it..?

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    I did volunteer work for an ISTj last year. I was careful to at least control my natural tendencies for the two hours a week I worked for her. And I tried to express more Fe. She and I did get along pretty well. I don't think I'd be able to pull it off for a long time in a closer relationship or anything, but one of the useful things about understanding Socionics IMO is being able to improve these kinds of relationships that might have otherwise gone sour.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom View Post
    I did volunteer work for an ISTj last year. I was careful to at least control my natural tendencies for the two hours a week I worked for her. And I tried to express more Fe. She and I did get along pretty well. I don't think I'd be able to pull it off for a long time in a closer relationship or anything, but one of the useful things about understanding Socionics IMO is being able to improve these kinds of relationships that might have otherwise gone sour.
    Right. Not only that, but I feel like it can give you a window into the other person (assuming you have them typed correctly) that you otherwise wouldn't have. I had an SEI friend who used to look at me like "how did you know that about me??" all the time. I was just guessing but 90% of the time I was right.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom View Post
    I did volunteer work for an ISTj last year. I was careful to at least control my natural tendencies for the two hours a week I worked for her. And I tried to express more Fe. She and I did get along pretty well. I don't think I'd be able to pull it off for a long time in a closer relationship or anything, but one of the useful things about understanding Socionics IMO is being able to improve these kinds of relationships that might have otherwise gone sour.
    I have become the quite the opposite Socionics helps me avoid those personalities so I can avoid anyone that isn't Alpha.

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    Quote Originally Posted by confused84 View Post
    I have become the quite the opposite Socionics helps me avoid those personalities so I can avoid anyone that isn't Alpha.
    Good luck with that.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    These days, I get along socially, superficially with SEIs by not going into during casual conversations and trying to be more , and understanding more where they come from when they do small talk. I have been sharing an office with a SEI for some 2 months now and we get along fine on a daily basis.

    However, I still have a big problem working closely with SEIs, especially if they think they are the "boss" or that they have more practical experience on a subject and therefore they just know more. If I use argumentation, especially with base on information not gotten from personal experience, they tend to think (it seems to me) that I am just talking, maybe to attract attention (a reason), and react angrily by relying, ultimately, on force as in "I am the boss here". That forces me to spend time in using tactics to avoid that problem, which are a waste of time.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    What of times when the SEI does in fact know more than you?
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    Have you ever, for any reason, acted like your conflictor's dual?

    Currently, I'm in a course with a ISTj--who is famous and influential in journalism--and I don't wanna f* it up by 'conflicting' ... In the classes, (only three so far,) I've consciously acted like a ENFj--currently, I am one of his favorite students lol... It takes tremendous effort to act this way--I feel like a total asshole doing it--and I'm going to stop b/c my conscience tells me it's wrong.

    The reason I'm posting is b/c I'm wondering if anyone else has had experiences like this..? I.e. where it's been in your best interest to have a positive relationship with your conflictor? How did you handle it..?
    yeah.. ive had some positive experiences with the Ti dominant type of ISTj (moreso intratim than the extratim variety) and a lot of these relationships seem to go very well at first at least on a superficiall level with one partner somehow awknowledging some sort of a significance in the other and vice versa but time and time again once conflicts develop in each parties interpersonal life they spill over extra- personally (if there is such a thing) and then the tongue-lashing begins......maybe its best to get the f* out of there before you put too much time in and it all comes crashing down on you...dunno.
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    The Soul Happy-er JWC3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    Have you ever, for any reason, acted like your conflictor's dual?

    Currently, I'm in a course with a ISTj--who is famous and influential in journalism--and I don't wanna f* it up by 'conflicting' ... In the classes, (only three so far,) I've consciously acted like a ENFj--currently, I am one of his favorite students lol... It takes tremendous effort to act this way--I feel like a total asshole doing it--and I'm going to stop b/c my conscience tells me it's wrong.

    The reason I'm posting is b/c I'm wondering if anyone else has had experiences like this..? I.e. where it's been in your best interest to have a positive relationship with your conflictor? How did you handle it..?
    Wow, I bet looking back this is pretty embarrassing huh. *chuckles*
    Easy Day

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    Why would you want to make your conflictor love you?
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    Have you ever, for any reason, acted like your conflictor's dual?

    Currently, I'm in a course with a ISTj--who is famous and influential in journalism--and I don't wanna f* it up by 'conflicting' ... In the classes, (only three so far,) I've consciously acted like a ENFj--currently, I am one of his favorite students lol... It takes tremendous effort to act this way--I feel like a total asshole doing it--and I'm going to stop b/c my conscience tells me it's wrong.

    The reason I'm posting is b/c I'm wondering if anyone else has had experiences like this..? I.e. where it's been in your best interest to have a positive relationship with your conflictor? How did you handle it..?
    am I missing something? You are ENFJ-ni so than ISTJ is your dual, not your conflictor.

    anyways, once you start forcing things, desperately wanting them etc. You start to act funny and everything fucks up. Happened to me a lot of times.

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    you're right JWC3... sometimes i read things I wrote in the past and cringe... i can't stand behind anything i wrote on Socionics before approx. Christmas 2008.





    when i first came here in '05 and '06, thought i was enfj

    then enfp for a long while

    then infp briefly before everything clicked...



    one of the reasons i'm hard on ppl like Steve Archon, Allie, etc is I feel like the pseudo-Socionics bs (e.g. "model x," which is just a misunderstanding of model a,) tossed around here wasted A LOT of my time... I guess I wouldn't have learned model A Socionics to the degree I have now if I didn't go through the aforementioned bs and learn from the others' (and my own) mistakes, but still--lots of time wasted, unfortunately...

    only now are there a few English speaking Socionics experts to help ppl avoid pitfalls like what happened to me... (unfortunately the same pitfalls exist...)

    thanks Isha for telling them. i appreciate it.

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    Your DNA is mine. Mediator Kam's Avatar
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    not hard for me, I just tell ENTj about my feelings in a quiet voice and they go awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    pure win.
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

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    i havn't figured out to do it really. mainly i have to keep myself from being forcefully opinionated and make my opinions sound as silly as possible. then i have to make a bunch of random noises that don't any meaning to them but they are amusing. and dress real pretty and smell nice ALL the time.

    the part i havn't figured out is appreciating Ti....>_>


    i got the Fe and Si down though foSHO...easy
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    just act kinda charmingly stuck-up, try to hold my cards close to the vest the way INFj would. lol keep my mouth shut too. being mysterious can hide a lot.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion View Post
    i havn't figured out to do it really. mainly i have to keep myself from being forcefully opinionated and make my opinions sound as silly as possible. then i have to make a bunch of random noises that don't any meaning to them but they are amusing. and dress real pretty and smell nice ALL the time.

    the part i havn't figured out is appreciating Ti....>_>


    i got the Fe and Si down though foSHO...easy
    Yeah the random noises are important....

    Suomea

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    I just have to smile and go along with all their crazy ideas.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

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    Have I ever behaved like, and been accepted as, an IEE? I would have to say YES.

    It probably works in 'lighter' environments, with very little riding on the outcome and the atmosphere being primarily a calm but social one. When does EIE slip out? When I get too carried away with any Fe or Se in the atmosphere, or in group/team pursuits, where my competitive streak and my tendency toward being controlling emerge.
    ()
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suomea View Post
    Yeah the random noises are important....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk
    Is that you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kamangir View Post
    not hard for me, I just tell ENTj about my feelings in a quiet voice and they go awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    pure win.
    Really? My grandmother has a friend that we've typed as ENTj, and he hates talking about his feelings.
    Johari/Nohari

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    Your DNA is mine. Mediator Kam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryene Astraelis View Post
    Really? My grandmother has a friend that we've typed as ENTj, and he hates talking about his feelings.
    Not surprised tbh. But this ENTj girl, whenever I kinda told her something about my personal life that I guess you would consider "cute" in some way, she's like awwwww, that's cute.

    Now her, she never does. Even when she was talking about her aunt who was dying of cancer, she told us matter-of-factly, without much emotion. You could tell she loves her, but it was still matter-of fact in it's telling.
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

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    I have a teacher who's an INFp. She likes me, probably because rude males can easily activate my . I try not to use any around her, mostly just sticking with .

    I also have a teacher who's an ESTp. We clash. He's the new ceramics teacher. I am in ceramics III and was the previous teacher's assistant. He's a painter and not much good at ceramics. The way he runs the classroom is totally inefficient! He pugs the clas by hand when we have a machine to do it, then he complains that he has to pug so much. I keep using on him because I'm more likely to succeed in a thinking battle than a sensing one.

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    but it is when you make your conflictor act as your dual you have won!


    aaaahahahahah(crazy laugh with lightning in the background)
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    Seems like a lot of people "have to change" to work with someone who is opposite or at least P vs J mentality.

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    Quote Originally Posted by betterthandead View Post
    Seems like a lot of people "have to change" to work with someone who is opposite or at least P vs J mentality.
    dealing with rationals sometimes makes me crazy (yes, I know I'm married to one)
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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