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Thread: Do IEEs-ENFps like to feel protected?

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    Default Do IEEs-ENFps like to feel protected?

    I know we tend to be a pretty independent bunch, but do you at the same time feel a need/desire to have someone who will protect you in some way? If so, how is this manifested? I'm not sure if it ties into being an Infantile.

    Non-ENFps, feel free to comment also!

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    I dont know about being protected so much because I dont feel in danger much. (perhaps because Im a guy) But I do like it when some one assist me or takes care of me in some personal way. I guess I like the feeling of being supported more than being protected.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz View Post
    I dont know about being protected so much because I dont feel in danger much. (perhaps because Im a guy) But I do like it when some one assist me or takes care of me in some personal way. I guess I like the feeling of being supported more than being protected.
    Yeah! This is what I meant really..."supported." Not like someone protecting me from danger, but rather like "I've got your back." Especially the way SLIs can do this in respect to my weak areas, without it feeling condescending (which is the vibe I get from say, SLEs instead). I'll try to think of an example.

    Defending me or standing up for me when someone is throwing Se or Ti at me, for instance. It's almost like they can sense that I'm struggling with it and they come in to support me in their typical calm and straightforward way.

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    Haha, sometimes I feel like I'm pretty picky:

    Give me direction, but don't tell me what to do.
    Support me, but don't smother me.
    Help me when I need assistance, but don't make it a big deal.
    Defend me, but don't protect me (I'm not weak or fragile, don't act like I am).
    Ground me, but don't constrain me.
    Need me, but don't make demands on me.
    Always be there for me, but don't remind me of your presence in my life constantly.
    Love me, but let me breathe.
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    I think support is a better word, I wouldn't really describe how I feel towards IEEs as protective at all.

    I wouldn't tell them what to think or feel, but I would tell them what to do or how to do things. Stuff like you should eat/drink something now so you don't feel ill, this is our plan of action, we need to do these things to get this project wrapped up etc.

    I never feel like I'm in a 'superior' position to IEEs, in a way that I'd be able to do something like 'protect' them (which seems really one-sided). It's very much an equal, mutually giving relationship.
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    Quote Originally Posted by idolatrie View Post
    I think support is a better word, I wouldn't really describe how I feel towards IEEs as protective at all.

    I wouldn't tell them what to think or feel, but I would tell them what to do or how to do things. Stuff like you should eat/drink something now so you don't feel ill, this is our plan of action, we need to do these things to get this project wrapped up etc.

    I never feel like I'm in a 'superior' position to IEEs, in a way that I'd be able to do something like 'protect' them (which seems really one-sided). It's very much an equal, mutually giving relationship.
    Yeah. ENFps just seem to appreciate a little help with functionally doing or perhaps organizing things.
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
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    Quote Originally Posted by unefille View Post
    Haha, sometimes I feel like I'm pretty picky:

    Give me direction, but don't tell me what to do.
    Support me, but don't smother me.
    Help me when I need assistance, but don't make it a big deal.
    Defend me, but don't protect me (I'm not weak or fragile, don't act like I am).
    Ground me, but don't constrain me.
    Need me, but don't make demands on me.
    Always be there for me, but don't remind me of your presence in my life constantly.
    Love me, but let me breathe.
    Hehe, I feel like a walking contradiction half the time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by idolatrie View Post
    I think support is a better word, I wouldn't really describe how I feel towards IEEs as protective at all.

    I wouldn't tell them what to think or feel, but I would tell them what to do or how to do things. Stuff like you should eat/drink something now so you don't feel ill, this is our plan of action, we need to do these things to get this project wrapped up etc.

    I never feel like I'm in a 'superior' position to IEEs, in a way that I'd be able to do something like 'protect' them (which seems really one-sided). It's very much an equal, mutually giving relationship.
    Definitely! This is the ONLY way I will ever respond to any help anyway. If done in an authoritative way, I will consider it condescending and rebel against it instead (which is how I've felt around SLEs, as I said before).
    Quote Originally Posted by unefille View Post
    An ENFj once told me that I was crazy/high-maintenance. They don't seem to know what I'm going on about; they seem to think its relationship self-sabotage. I don't know if the contradictions come from being Fi, Ne/Si valuing or irrational, or all of the above.
    Hmm, interesting. I was called "high maintenance" also not long ago, to which my response was "what?! now way." I just don't see how anyone would think I am that way, at least according to my definition of the word. But you're right, I guess it depends on the observer's perspective.

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    Quote Originally Posted by unefille View Post
    Haha, sometimes I feel like I'm pretty picky:

    Give me direction, but don't tell me what to do.
    Support me, but don't smother me.
    Help me when I need assistance, but don't make it a big deal.
    Defend me, but don't protect me (I'm not weak or fragile, don't act like I am).
    Ground me, but don't constrain me.
    Need me, but don't make demands on me.
    Always be there for me, but don't remind me of your presence in my life constantly.
    Love me, but let me breathe.
    I thought this is what all girls wanted??

    Sure, I can do that.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    I thought this is what all girls wanted??
    That is what they all want or what the say they want. Anyway the wanting to be protected thing is probably just a female phenomena.
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    I feel sort of embarrassed that I am resorting to Bridget Jones Diary in order to give an example, but bear with me.

    There is this scene in BJD where she's at the dinner with all the other smug marrieds, clearly very uncomfortable and being attacked by the other couples with insensitive questions about why she's yet to be married.

    COSMO: Still going out with that publishing chappie?
    BRIDGET: Uh, no, no.
    COSMO:Never dip your nib in the office ink. You really ought to hurry up and get sprugged up, you know, old girl? Time's a-running out. Tick-tock.
    BRIDGET: Uh,tell me, is it one in four marriages that ends in divorce now or one in three?
    MARK: One in three.
    COSMO: Seriously, though. Offices full of single girls in their thirties-- fine physical specimens but they just can't seem to hold down a chap.
    WONEY: Yes. Why is it there are so many unmarried women in their thirties these days, Bridget?
    [Mark sets down silverware]
    BRIDGET:[Laughs] Oh, I don't know. Suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes our entire bodies are covered in scales.

    The comment by Mark Darcy (SLI) where he answered her question about divorce rates was his way of signalling support for her - saying, very subtly, 'I've got your back'. When Woney asks Bridget the awkward question, pointedly victimising Bridget's single-status, Mark puts down his cutlery - he doesn't say anything, but it signals that he's aware of what's going on and is prepared to intercede if necessary. Bridget doesn't need him to come riding to her rescue. She makes the witty comment about scales to break up not only the awkwardness in the room, but to also disguise her own discomfort. Yet despite this, I would argue that Mark's reaction earlier on was a form of 'support' that the IEE needs. In fact, if you watch the scene, even though Bridget is convinced that Mark is repulsed by her at this point in the film, she seems comforted by his subtle intrusion into her conversation with Cosmo and a little surprised to find comfort coming from Mark Darcy.

    In the script (which was edited out), after the comment about scales by Bridget, Mark Darcy actually starts to talk obliquely about how people rush into marriage too easily and maybe waiting is in fact the wiser thing to do. This form of 'defence' or 'support' isn't 'How rude of you to attack her like this' - it is deflecting and subtle and helpful without making it seem like the person being supported is weak, vulnerable or unable to stand on their own two feet.

    Here's a clip of the scene I'm talking about:

    Last edited by unefille; 08-14-2008 at 01:17 PM. Reason: Adding clip to post.
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    That's a good example, unefille. Bridget Jones is such a great movie. I love it.

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    ENFPs are not the goody two shoes that ENFPs on this forum have past off. Their duals ISTPs should not be fooled one bit and seek relationships with more stable and level headed personalities.

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    Quote Originally Posted by betterthandead View Post
    ENFPs are not the goody two shoes that ENFPs on this forum have past off. Their duals ISTPs should not be fooled one bit and seek relationships with more stable and level headed personalities.
    >.>

    <.<

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    Last edited by Cuddly McFluffles; 08-27-2008 at 03:52 PM.
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