Originally Posted by
Mimosa Pudica
I'll give you an example of me valuing Fi>Fe and my ILE husband, having the opposite preference.
My mother and I have a communication problem, and that is a real sorrow for me, as I'd like for us to be close. She says a lot of things that really hurt my feelings.
My husband hears this, but advices me to just let the painful comments pass without commenting on them, pretend they were never spoken, and all this to keep a pleasant ambient when my mother and I meet. This is a Fe-advice. However, the Fe-advice doesn't make any sense to me in this particular case, as it's my mother we're talking about, and as I want a good relation to her. I feel that if I let her insults about my life choices and personality pass without commenting, I'm choosing to not listen to her, and that is a permanent choice, thus I immediately make a choice to permanently not respect her opinions. It will be a failed relation. So I reason with her, trying to make her "understand" me "permanently"(Fi). I have this obsession thinking that if I can just get her to understand me and accept that I'm different, then we don't have to agree, but we can respect each other in the future . I would rather have a good emotional relation (Fi) with her than to have a good time right here right now (Fe). If a good emotional atmosphere (Fe) was my prime goal, I'd just avoid her all the time. (Obviously I'd prefer both good Fe and good Fi.)
(I do realize I probably won't ever have a good relation with her, so in a way I should just let the words pass... But when I finally get to that point, it won't be to gain a good emotional atmosphere (Fe), but because I know a good relation won't ever happen, so I could just as well go for the good Fe. I just can't stop trying. Thus the grief I feel. When I stop listening, It won't be because Fe becomes more important to me. It will be because I'll finally admit that my Fi was right - we will never have a good relation. I wouldn't normally try to change what my Fi has told is useless. With other people insulting my on and on, I would just avoid them, and then disrespect them by letting insults fly uncommented. But it's my mother. It's difficult.)