IEI/INFp introversion being offensive to others

[dinki]

Hi,

IEI here .

Do people not like us when we are really quiet, why do people have such a problem with it when I don't talk, at all? I find that if I never talk to someone, they end up hating me, people ask me 'why I don't like anyone', I do I just feel sad and so don't want to talk when I feel sad... its annoying because I never did anything mean or rude, I just feel too shy to talk.

Is not talking considered mean?

I'm scared that if I talk people aren't going to like me, I don't know what I can give to people.

Why do people even like IEIs? What have we got to give to people?

Thanks.

[aka-kitsune]

I've never thought of myself as quiet, but I just made a connection reading this thread regarding "quietude" at particular times.

When I was younger... (in dem olden days) and I used to go to clubs, bars parties and/or shows, I generally didn't get too into the partying spirit. Most of the time, I'd park myself in a corner, nurse a single drink all night and watch the people. In that era, I didn't really drink much at all, and def didn't drink cheap crappy piss beer that was mostly the usual fare at those events. Invariably, some drunk smartass would approach me (I'd groan, but he'd probably miss that cue) and ask why I wasn't having fun. Or wasn't smiling. (Or whoo-hooing and getting trashed). Usually I'd just say I was tired and avoid getting into any stupid pointless pickup conversation.

Of course, the "Smile!" suggestion also often just happened randomly on the street. And I think it's stupid of anyone to try and dictate what I should be feeling or expressing at any given time. When I'm personally moved to smile, I will.

Not because my blank expression bothers you!

[Satan]

I tell people they're quiet sometimes.

I find that with most people you can have at least a little conversation with them, when you first meet them in a social setting.

But then I find that there's the occasional person that it's really hard. Like they kind of "block off communication" or they don't really acknowledge you, or they only laugh, and they don't say anything.

And when you approach them, you start to realise, that they're not really that comfortable and then you kind of feel like you have to break the ice. Then they only say things that don't lead to any further communication.

In a way, my solution seems to pay them back, by not talking to them either. Which doesn't lead to further communication. And just talking to someone else. And then *suddenly* shifting attention and talknig to just them; putting them on the spot and then backing off, and then talking to them again in a more "relaxed" way.

Anyway, I've heard people say that they're shy as the reason they're not saying much. And to be honest, I prefer that to no communication. In a way interactions can be progressive.

The difficulty I seem to find with quieter people is that I can tend to analyse interactions more. And find myself with things like "I siad hello, and they just walked off without saying anything." And that's when one of the "You hate me?" type things can come up.

Like, if you say hello to someone, and they turn to the side, or kind of freeze, and just "abort" communication. It can be like a kind of feeling of "that didn't go too well". And how do you relate that back to them?

I suppose over the years, I've used lots of kind of triggers, to try and get people to communicate. With some people that don't talk so easily, I've taken the attitude of telling them to "not talk" or "not smile", not have any fun, etc. Although I seem to be able to bulid up a "do the opposite of what I say" thing. So it's like by creating a bit of defiance, it can encourage people to talk without telling them to talk and having "I don't have anything to say" or "I won't" kind of reaction.

Often it seems people want to do the opposite of what I say anyway, and so if I'm pushing, why not just go with double negatives.

Anyway, I find with some people if you say don't smile, they'll smile. If you say don't talk they'll talk, if you say what are you doing here, they'll leave. Fuck. That one doesn't work so well.

Bah, I don't know what to say. I think it's just worse at first, before people get acquainted.

[Markuz]

Of course, the "Smile!" suggestion also often just happened randomly on the street.

I get told by random people that I look mad alot. Idk wtf thats about.

[xyz]

I get told by random people that I look mad alot. Idk wtf thats about.

Look them in the eyes and with a serious face say

"I'm reliving the reason I was put in jail"

[HKitty]

Hehe, hello tharrrr


When I don't talk and I realize the other persons feels aware of it, I feel kinda bad for not talking and I just smile.

But it never works because it makes them feel like I'm up to something no good.

[dinki]

Hehe, hi guys ! Thanks for the replies.

xx

[Darkstar]

Dinki, I want you to tell me more about the specific situation you are referring to

Mercutio: You sure made a shit load of thinking about that thing

And to you all others, it can be fucking hard going up and talking to a strange woman so be nice! What we say in the beginning isn't always what we mean!

[Shazaam]

To me it's not the quiet-thing that bothers me so much because I believe that quiet people make great leaders in the world. (I'm quiet too) It's kinda like... stepping down from your destiny that bothers people.

No, scratch that. It's as simple as this: When you smile to people and show basic social skills, you are proving that you are human. So practice them. You can't complain and whine about being bullied/misunderstood if you're not meeting people halfway. Explain to them directly (to their face) that you don't like what they're doing. Not on a message board.

What, haven't got the balls shy little emo girl? Thought so.

(Reverse psychology should work wonders here, I'm hoping)

[Darkstar]

Ok! we could have something here! so you IEI's at partys are...quiet, maybe alone, in a corner at the table NotMuchFunAtAll. That info is GOLD

So.. I approach..

-Hey, All my friends left and I just wanna sit down and chill and you guys look like a cool bunch. So whats your life story?

-Oh, I dunno... *looks away*

-Yeah, That is a hard question! Me myself I have lived in XyZ all my life but recently moved to this place. So what do you do for fun?

-Well, I take photos in nature and I am actually having an exhibition next week, you should come!

-That could be sexy! Let's make out...

Beware you shy sexy girls out there

[Satan]

Ok! we could have something here! so you IEI's at partys are...quiet, maybe alone, in a corner at the table NotMuchFunAtAll. That info is GOLD

So.. I approach..

-Hey, All my friends left and I just wanna sit down and chill and you guys look like a cool bunch. So whats your life story?

I'm trying to be all empathic like. But I suck at it,

(What the hell does this creep want? Why doesn't he go play with his friends; oh they left him, and now he's scraping the bottom of the barell)

-Oh, I dunno... *looks away*

(please fuck off, i have better things to do, i'm trying to show you that i'm not interested, and hoping you'll leave; i don't want to have to raise my voice)

-Yeah, That is a hard question! Me myself I have lived in XyZ all my life but recently moved to this place. So what do you do for fun?

(it's not hard. you suck. you suck so much you don't even seem to notice how much you suck. you're new, you don't know how to behave, and then you want me to ..)

-Well, I take photos in nature and I am actually having an exhibition next week, you should come!

Hah! You think they're going to get really excited. And bring you along!

-That could be sexy! Let's make out...

I wish I had your good looks that shifted girls the way you do.

Beware you shy sexy girls out there

I think you're going to get burnt. But I wouldn't mind watching. You should get a friend to video tape it.

[Satan]

maybe i should try documenting my experiences with INFp's at parties.

Oh no, hangon...

They're too embarassing.

Her back's against the wall. She's talking too quietly. She looks like she wants to get away. Ahh, finally I got her to talk about something she's interested in, and she's starting to get better. Oh, hmm, now I'm getting bored. Oh she's noticing that I'm getting bored. That's good. Oh, now she wants to talk about how she talks too much about things that she's interested in some times. Bah, now I feel like I should by sympathetic or something. She's manipulating me. Oh shit someone else is around, shit she's getting quiet. She can't talk. Omg, how shy is she? Now we have to find somewhere out of the way. And ...

Hey, I want an experience like darkstars!

[Shazaam]

Darkstar, get your ass outta the Beta forums. You're Alpha, not Beta. You're going to get eaten alive here, pansy.

[Darkstar]

Someone didn't get their spanking this morning..

Bend over "Dove girl", You know the drill!

mercutio you are taking away all my libido and romantic beliefs I had for this quest! But I don't want to give up. Maybe you have just been talking to the boring and no life IEI's that dropped out of college and shit..

And I belive that if you just put expectation on someone they will deliver. Maybe you go in to the conversation thinking "oh shit, another IEI.. Now I have to do all the work". And that's how it turns out.

With good timing, expectations and putting strength behind your questions there WILL be a balanced and fun conversation where we both put in the same amount of effort!
*victory sound*


...and then we make out..

[Shazaam]

lol you silly little submissive boy. I'm not insecure about dropping out of college, it was a choice that was best for me. Stop trying to use what I say against me you little dork.

You're such a Dorkbender fanboy. Ugggh.

[Darkstar]

I bet you have cooties

[dinki]

[QUOTE=Darkstar;395836]Dinki, I want you to tell me more about the specific situation you are referring to
QUOTE]


I am just talking about in general. I understand it more now, after reading up on my type, its because I have low energy levels and I find myself in a lower social position than what correspondes with my abilities. I don't mean to be rude but I am often too tired to talk.

But I get aggrivated when people treat me rudely or make a big deal about how quiet I am, cause I never did jack shit to them, I guess I understand where they are coming from though cause my emotions are always screened all over my face, so I am guessing that they can sense my resentment (they being the more energetic people of a higher social position) and nobody likes someone that doesn't like them (excluding crushes...).

[Shazaam]

I think it's simple as this: What they're saying is boring to us. I don't hear anybody just talk about socionics on the street where I'm at, of course they are worried about what a dork they'd sound like (and they would of course) but I would love to hear it personally. Things like that make my day.

It's not about too shy or too quiet, since if you look around most people are quiet. Don't want to waste time saying shit you don't need to or make small talk about a bunch of shit you honestly don't care about.

I'm ambivalent about social situations. I want people to connect and I love people & hugs and kisses, but like most people that post on message boards I'd rather communicate this way. I'm also way more impressionable than I'd like to be. Nothing seems to stick though.

[Darkstar]

I am just talking about in general. I understand it more now, after reading up on my type, its because I have low energy levels and I find myself in a lower social position than what correspondes with my abilities. I don't mean to be rude but I am often too tired to talk. cause

Good that you have read about yourself on internet and now you are more certain of yourself then ever!
Beware of getting out of touch with Yourself or something..

my emotions are always screened all over my face

Do you have a good mime play?


btw,
Have you yet figured out what you can give to people?