Quote Originally Posted by Diana
Quote Originally Posted by mike_INTJ
small talk only exercises the lips. extroverted people have to talk. they have to do something, they actually feel uncomfortable if there is silence (it's a negation tactic, remain silent, and the weaker of the two breaks down). it can establish relationship, but for what? more small talk? who want's that?
I'm sorry Mike, but that just seems very cold, and arrogant. The weaker of the two breaks down? Eeesh, what are you a robot? "I must show my dominance. I must not show any feeling or compassion for anyone else. That is weakness." I don't feel uncomfortable personally in silences, but if I know that someone else does I'll flash a big grin at them if I have nothing to say. (which I usually don't have anything to say) That usually makes them relax and feel a little more comfortable, and if they want they'll say something, or just smile back. I really like old people because they usually appreciate that the most and you can tell that they're sincere when they ask questions or say something. I guess I just don't see the point of being cold if you don't have to be. Neither one of you gains anything from that.
of course it's cold! read about negotion tactics, they say that the average person can't stay in a quiet zone for longer than 30 seconds before having to say something. this is really why they talk, in a general sense. if not that, they make sounds.

i'm not saying that i do this, not on purpose. but other's may see it like this. if some grins at me, i assume they are laughing at me - and i want to know what the joke is. i just can't stand the people telling me why i'm angry - i should be smiling.

it's not about being cold. i'm fine with silence. i don't see myself as being cold - other's might though. and that's the problem, isn't it?