any EIIs out there with kids? if so, how do you discipline your children, what methods, what way of saying it or consequences or lecturing or limits or what?
any EIIs out there with kids? if so, how do you discipline your children, what methods, what way of saying it or consequences or lecturing or limits or what?
My mother is EII. She's a good mom. Had it pretty easy with two easy kids. My brother and I were non-rebellious, cautious, etc. She was always clearly the one in charge of the discipline and child-rearing in the household since my SEI father was an only child (the reasoning goes that since he never watched his parents deal with siblings, how could he possibly know what to do?). My mom was the middle child of five. Anyway, she wasn't super strict but definitely had ideas in her mind about how things should be and wasn't shy about enforcing those. Whether it was about little things like getting my ears pierced (for some reason she decided I couldn't get them pierced until I turned 13 years old. I have no idea why but it was like a law in the Bible or something with her and I had to abide by that) or something bigger when I was older such as not being allowed to ride on my boyfriend's motorcycle--her decisions were sometimes random but I knew that she thought they were for my own good. She was very consistent and fairly non-emotional when carrying out consequences (such as spanking, when we were little) or whatever. On the few occasions that we were disrespectful of her, her feelings were very hurt and she would cry. I wouldn't say she lectured but she did talk a LOT about her own experiences when there was some issue or problem and she'd try to relate her experiences to our own and explain unendingly why something was right or wrong. I got the impression that although she said I could be anything I wanted to be in life, she actually in her heart of hearts wanted me to be just like her. LOL But maybe lots of moms are that way. Now that I'm a mom and "just like her" I find her giving me advice on child-rearing (but carefully, only if I ask or if it's clear that there's a problem) as if her way is the only way and if I would just do it the way she did it, I'd have no problems. I think over the years, she's realized that her methods don't always work on every kid. But anyway. I digress.
IEI-Fe 4w3
shit, and at the same time my mil too. only thing about her is that she NEVER followed through on any consequences with her kids, they were definitely the ones in control, as much as she lectured them. they still got away with whatever they wanted to. not that i'm strict, i'm not very strict. but if it's something that i deem as a rule, i have a good reason and it will be followed.
would an Fe be more "talk" and an Fi more about enforcing?
I dunno. Both could be either. and it's all muddled under the heading of "Mother". I think that in that role, many people act differently than their initial instinct, based on how they were raised or how they think they ought to be. So it can be really hard to tell.
I'mcreative and I don't talk very much in the same way that my mother talked to us. I'm more about creating a positive atmosphere and less about telling my kids specific things about the way things are and how they ought to act. I mean, unless they ask me specifically. I probably do a lot less deliberate teaching and allow them to explore more on their own than my mother did. I would be a very loose homeschooler. In fact, I don't think homeschooling would be that good for my kids because I'm not very structured. My mom could have done it pretty well I think even though she's not terribly organized.
IEI-Fe 4w3
now WE do sound alike. i do homeschool my kids very loosely but i have faith that it is all working out just as it's suppose to. i follow my inner knowings of what to do with them.
my mil was a teacher, in THAT stuff she was strict, what they learned what EXACTLY what SHE thought they should learn, no less at all. but it backfired for my hubby, he now hates learning new things because of her "making" him for so long. everything was a "lesson." never a breather for him so he hid in books and music.
My EII cousin has two kids, one 6 year old and the other will be turning 3 very soon. I noticed that she finds it stressful to keep things organized around their apartment. She will attempt to organize her space but later throws her hands in the air and gives up on it. However, any amount of disorder still bothers and niggles her even when she tries to ignore it (Si hidden agenda?). She tries to teach her older daughter to help with the housework - put her toys back into the boxes when she's done playing, carry her cup and dirty plate to the kitchen when she is done with it, even wash some of the dishes and help her do the laundry. I asked her whether she thinks it's too early to ask this of a child, these are the only years that she will have to play and be carefree. She said that it's never too early to teach kids how to take care of themselves, that it will be harder when she's a teenager. While rationally I agree with her I continue feeling like she is pushing a part of household work onto her eldest child.
I explain to them what their actions are and how the affect others and what they can expect to happen given their choices. I'm not the best at getting unruly kids to stop being aggressive and mean. I'm not aggressive and forceful.
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Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
I used to have much more trouble with discipline, but I've really stepped up to the plate here. It wasn't easy and it is always unnatural for me to assert myself to such an extent, but they really need someone in their life to guide them. I finally had enough with their behavior. I didn't understand it, couldn't relate to it. I was a quiet easy going kid and I am best at dealing with other quiet, easy going children. My children are way more outgoing and assertive than I ever was and I cannot relate to their constant need for attention.
Then it dawned on me that they could very well be that way because of how I was. Because I was so passive and because I didn't leave a very strong impression on them, or have a commanding attention, I actually encouraged behavior that is the opposite of what I would've liked. I would ignore the beginning signs of a behavior coming on because I didn't want to deal with it and then the full behavior would come head on and it was overwhelming for me. I would get temper tantrums in the store, in front of guests, their play friends, etc. They weren't going to bed when they needed to, not helping with clean up, watching too much television and playing too many video games. It was out of control. Then I finally said enough and they aren't happy because I changed my approach, but it is working.
If we go to the store, I tell them that if they behave they will be rewarded. Sometimes, it is a treat they can pick out at the store, or it is something special we will do when we get home. If they act up, not only will they not get the treat, but they will loose a privilege at home. It is the latter that really, really works. I let them know that it is a privilege to be able to watch their television show or play a game on the Wii. If they can't be considerate, kind, or respectful, they will lose what they like. Basically it is, "I will considerate to you if you will be considerate to me."
Another struggle I had with both of my girls was when it was time for me to take them to daycare on my way to work. Each did it around the same age too, like three. They would either take their shoes and socks off, or their coat, or both, in defiance of having to leave the house. It was very frustrating and they would cry and make a big dramatic scene. Finally, I decided that they will go as is. I would just pick them up and carry them to the car. They did not expect this. One day it was really cold out and I carried my youngest out to the car without socks, shoes, or a coat. That was the last time she ever did that to me. It felt so bad having to do it, but I couldn't let them behave like that any longer.