How does it feel to be physically attractive ?

[Mr Saturn]

I think, for me at least, as long as there is an attraction physically then it is all about the personal energy. If you find someone who you find attractive with great energy then that and anything more is a bonus.

But I think that for a healthy relationship, with sex and trust, then a mutal attraction is important.

[Wynch]

Yeah, I think it's foolish to understate the importance of appearance. You don't have to be a gorgeous hunk or anything, but if you aren't physically attracted to the person then I don't see what the difference is between that person and a good friend. For example I have many many many male friends, and a few very close male friends, but I wouldn't date any of them because the chemistry isn't there. I'm attracted to their minds and hearts, but not to them on an intimate level.

Maybe this is more potent as an ENTp? It already takes a lot for me to be comfortable and put myself out in a relationship because I have Fi PoLR, but finding someone physically attractive initially helps me keep up a stronger pace.

[Mr Saturn]

Yeah, I think it's foolish to understate the importance of appearance. You don't have to be a gorgeous hunk or anything, but if you aren't physically attracted to the person then I don't see what the difference is between that person and a good friend. For example I have many many many male friends, and a few very close male friends, but I wouldn't date any of them because the chemistry isn't there. I'm attracted to their minds and hearts, but not to them on an intimate level.

Maybe this is more potent as an ENTp? It already takes a lot for me to be comfortable and put myself out in a relationship because I have Fi PoLR, but finding someone physically attractive initially helps me keep up a stronger pace.

Okay, you're an ILE and a 7w6. As am I.

I can see why we understand each other.

I think it is harder for ENTp, I mean I myself am very selective about who I become friends with. Not on any superficial level but a 'purity' level. I suppose that's the best way to describe it for me.

[Wynch]

lol, taking this subject to PM because I have a feeling this is going to derail from the topic at warp speed

[dbmmama]

The whole 'looking good' culture of hot women and hot guys just makes me wonder what is happening to relationships. Are they just as superficial?

I mean obviously this is based towards the most extreme examples like the women who won't leave the house if it's raining or the guys that must have a well rated girl for a partner.

For me, the best relationships are where you can both wake up first thing in the morning and find each other just as attractive as any other time.

ahhh, you are so sweet. that's just what my hubby says to me. maybe that's one reason i feel attractive most of the time.

[Wynch]

dbm, if that's you and your daughter in your display pic, you're both truly beautiful. Everytime I see your display pic it makes me smile and hope that someday I can have a picture where I look as beautiful and happy. Not that I'm unhappy or look unhappy, but I think you know what I mean.

[Lotus]

Okay, you're an ILE and a 7w6. As am I.

Hey, me too

That's why I'm going to respond to this also:

Yeah, I think it's foolish to understate the importance of appearance. You don't have to be a gorgeous hunk or anything, but if you aren't physically attracted to the person then I don't see what the difference is between that person and a good friend. For example I have many many many male friends, and a few very close male friends, but I wouldn't date any of them because the chemistry isn't there. I'm attracted to their minds and hearts, but not to them on an intimate level.

Maybe this is more potent as an ENTp? It already takes a lot for me to be comfortable and put myself out in a relationship because I have Fi PoLR, but finding someone physically attractive initially helps me keep up a stronger pace.

I think it is harder for ENTp, I mean I myself am very selective about who I become friends with. Not on any superficial level but a 'purity' level. I suppose that's the best way to describe it for me.

I think I agree with both of you. Except I use the term friend a lot more loosely I suppose. I use friend to define the people I spend most of my free time with and the people who know I most enjoy being around.
My friends are more close to me than I am to them, unfortunately. I'm not great at getting close to people either, even though they think we are.

ugh

So I could never be in a relationship with someone who I'm not attracted to like mn0good said because without that attraction (NOT JUST PHYSICAL, of course) they're basically no better than friends.
And I still have yet to find a friend who I feel that I couldn't live without.

[dbmmama]

dbm, if that's you and your daughter in your display pic, you're both truly beautiful. Everytime I see your display pic it makes me smile and hope that someday I can have a picture where I look as beautiful and happy. Not that I'm unhappy or look unhappy, but I think you know what I mean.

yes, that's me and my first daughter. she's 4 1/2 now. she's the one who was "flirting" with mr saturn the other night. she's got eyes and a smile that light up a room. and she "works" em. lol i'm already thinking ESE for her. The Fe was apparent from the moment she could look you in the eye.

thank you, i know what you mean. i believe everyone can and that's one thing i do in my coaching is helping others allow it in their lives. i'm gonna change my sig to *Magic Happens*

[Wynch]

I think I agree with both of you. Except I use the term friend a lot more loosely I suppose. I use friend to define the people I spend most of my free time with and the people who know I most enjoy being around.
My friends are more close to me than I am to them, unfortunately. I'm not great at getting close to people either, even though they think we are.

ugh

So I could never be in a relationship with someone who I'm not attracted to like mn0good said because without that attraction (NOT JUST PHYSICAL, of course) they're basically no better than friends.
And I still have yet to find a friend who I feel that I couldn't live without.

I think I use the term friend as loosely as you do. I collect friends like marbles, to be honest. The friends I can't live without are my best friends and there are only a very select few of those. Those are the ones who, if I don't see them specifically at least once a week I start to miss them and feel like I'm missing something. There's only two of those kinds of friends for me.


KJ: That reminds me of the song "There can be Miracles" from the movie the Prince of Egypt. There can be miracles when you believe.

[dbmmama]

I think I use the term friend as loosely as you do. I collect friends like marbles, to be honest. The friends I can't live without are my best friends and there are only a very select few of those. Those are the ones who, if I don't see them specifically at least once a week I start to miss them and feel like I'm missing something. There's only two of those kinds of friends for me.


KJ: That reminds me of the song "There can be Miracles" from the movie the Prince of Egypt. There can be miracles when you believe.

i feel the same way about people i meet. it's an odd feeling to know that i could and would be fine with never seeing most people ever again. the only exceptions are my hubby and sis, and my kids of course. how scary, even my own mom i'd be ok never seeing again. not that i don't love her, but i know i'd be fine.

i'm not familiar with that movie, but the idea, yes.

are ILEs reminded of things like that, like movies, songs, jingles, etc? one thing reminds them of something else like that? or is that a specific element at work? my hubby and i both do that, him more than me. or him more with certain things and me with other things.

[Wynch]

Well Ne as a base function is basically a giant lens camera that always wants to see how everything fits together. Everything is in parallels and you just have to pay attention to see how it fits together. For IEE (ENFp) the mix of Ne with Fi translates into that "this is how everyone fits together" way of looking at things. For ILE, our Ne/Ti is basically creating a giant system of logical connections in order to come to a logical definition of something big. Ti collects and stores mass amounts of information, Ne puts it together like a puzzle. It's like having a giant web for your brain. But when Ne is in control and I'm not on some specific logical train of thought that means that someone says Dog, I go Dog, bark, tree, green, grass, wet, spring, winter, cold, snow, fall, down, dirty, dog. So you say dog and I say "Man, I love the smell of wet grass in spring" and people have no idea where that comes from. You say "Magic happens"...if only you believe, and my brain wants to connect it to something.That's why we ILEs like to joke that we're ADD. I also think it's why I never run out of crap to talk about. But in general we're the type of people to make connections really easily. It's also part of why we have that mad scientist image. Be seem really scatter-brained but it's because our brains are on a constant processing stream and only about half of what is going on in our heads makes it out of our mouths. Additionally, our curiosity for that big picture gets on the path of A LOT of hair-brain ideas.

[Steve]

Okay, you're an ILE and a 7w6. As am I.

I can see why we understand each other.

I think it is harder for ENTp, I mean I myself am very selective about who I become friends with. Not on any superficial level but a 'purity' level. I suppose that's the best way to describe it for me.

I'm the same way with friends. Sure I'm open to being casual acquaintances with anyone but I usually look for a special connection when it comes to close friends

[Mr Saturn]

are ILEs reminded of things like that, like movies, songs, jingles, etc? one thing reminds them of something else like that? or is that a specific element at work? my hubby and i both do that, him more than me. or him more with certain things and me with other things.

Yeah, I empathise. Whenever I watch Little Miss Sunshine it triggers something in me. Some films and songs have that affect (which is why I got into Film Philosophy) and it seems to reach Alphas quite a bit.

[Amber]

I would never ask myself questions like these lol.



Does it make you feel secure ? insecure ? secure, but there's much more to confidence. I do have to look good to feel good in any case.

Do you actually feel attractive ? Or do you just acknowledge being attractive, while not feeling it ? both

Does it feel like being socially inadequate ? Does it improve your adequacy ? mostly the latter, but it can also turn ppl against you and lead to forms of estrangement

Do you feel like being the centre of attention ? Do you fear of being unnoticed or overly noticed ? I don't care too much about attention unless it's about ppl I'm interested in
Does being attractive and beautiful the same thing for you ? nope. beauty comes from intelligence and personality, attractiveness is mainly physical.

Does being attractive and good the same thing for you ? whaaaat.

Do you think being attractive renders others more friendly to you ? more hostile ? both (also depends on "gender")

Do you feel narcissistic ? self-effaced ? I would call it vanity, not narcissism

How do you feel when others compliment you about being attractive ? it depends on the person, what they say, and what motives they have.
Do you suffer your attractiveness ? uhm. there are many other types of attractiveness that would be cool to have, if that was the idea

How do you feel when some dude/chick is making advances to you ? it depends on what I'm doing and where. If I have stuff on my mind or I'm in a hurry somewhere, I can be very brusque.

[Scarlett]

In my experience I get asked out A LOT. Everywhere I go. Til the point that I'm so used to it.
Since primary school. All the boys in school had crush on me, I witnessed a fight just because of me, even a boy a year older than me literally failed his class that term so he can re-take it the next year with me, those kind of things. And then uni. Even workplace.
But I'm so cool with everything, I never act arrogant or mean like those popular girls portrayed on tv.
I'm not a feeler anyway, I don't make things awkward, I don't hide/cover anything, I actually like to play if he wants to play, I'm good at flirting and reading people.

So about insecure or secure, I think it relates more to that person's personality. I know I'm physically attractive, but I'm also intelligent, hardworking, strong-willed, ambitious, charmingly assertive.

Of course I like being the centre of attention, I'm an LIE, an extrovert afterall, but I don't actually care about all that, I like them to pay attention to my achievements better.

With this one "Do you think being attractive renders others more friendly to you?" Maybe, but I think I naturally have this elegant+polite vibe/energy, everyone around me seems to behave positively, all about respect.

About the compliments, I get that a lot, "beautiful face" is one of my nicknames growing up, even now when I meet people. I'm just so used to it. But yes, I always respect that and thank them, be polite.

[InterPrizeWes]

Wow, this battlefield shipwreck of code name kids next door bumper stickers and hope diamond cascades for the ruby shoes princess prize seems so alien and forgotten, a bad forcefield of intercepting fist Bruce Lee Jeet Kune Do!!

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

It's pretty useful, I guess. Partly, to reveal others' true colors. I want nothing to do with those superficial jerks who treat you better when you're pretty. I deserve better than that.

Wait, what do you mean, Noir? You deserve to be treated better than...being treated better just for being pretty? What the hell? This is privilege!

Is it though? Is it really?

Watching men modify their behaviors because you look nice, thus being devalued by having only your looks valued, by men who are trying to hide what jerks they are only to win you over with a pretense of kindness that stems from their selfish desire instead of their genuine character? Going around needing to watch your back more because you're wanted for all the wrong reasons? That's privilege? Hmm, if you count the fact that you have those opportunities to grow wiser from facing the threats that come, sure. It at least makes you become more perceptive, since you have to see through the fake and manipulative bullshit they give you as they're attempting to reel you — no, not you, your meat suit — in for the sake of their own selfish gain.

That's not privilege, it's just nothing in life being perfect. Grass isn't greener on either side, it's just a different set of positives and negatives. Being pretty makes them artificially nice to you, it doesn't make them actually love you.

Yeah, I'm a little unorthodox/view things differently than most people, I know. Prove me wrong, though.