How does it feel to be physically attractive ?

[xyz]

Well, that depends on why they're opening it.

I like the cut of your jib.

[Lotus]

Well, yeah, there's two sides to it. There's basic physical attractiveness, which is related to basic symmetry and relation of one physical asset to another which is a sign of high health, an attractiveness that runs across cultures.

But the other side is how well you reach the "social ideal," i.e. socioeconomic status. Mates of a higher social and economic status are more attractive because they offer a better evolutionary advantage in life. Tans for example, became popular when they became a sign of higher socioeconomic status--only the rich had summer homes on the beach and time to play in the sun while the poor and working class had to stay indoors to work or participate in less glamourous forms of recreation. The time to keep up with the latest trends and the money to buy them, as well as the money to buy the best quality of makeup and the time to laboriously apply it, as well as with hair and other physical elements, all have to do with resources of time and money, and are associated with higher socioeconomic class. It all evolution. ~_^

Yeah, that's true. I've never been attracted to good-looking hobos. Actually, I've never encountered one. Hmmm.... what does that say about me?

Hypocritical... I guess.

It's all creepy we should just be invisible.

That isn't to say that I'm not a pretty things maven. I fucking love good design (not clothes) when I look at my macbook air or my strida or a pretty building it's as thrilling as looking at a baby loris. It's orgasmic. But the people who MAKE pretty things are of far more value than people who ARE pretty.

But about that... do you also consider people who MAKE themselves into pretty things more valuable?

(and off topic, but... the macbook air came out like a month after i bought my macbook. I was so pissed off. Egh. I HATE when that happens.)

I'm not trying to sound arrogant or anything, but this is already true in most cases. The preppy girls who are actually good at taking care of themselves (makeup and hair) are usually regarded at the most attractive in our society. It's the same with guys who work on their body's in the gym.

Yeah, you're all right.
I think all we need is balance.

We need the people who find "natural" to be attractive. But we also need the people that enjoy improving themselves...

I've never settled for anything, really. ANYTHING can be improved... (new laptop, phone, house, friends, environments, etc...) but my priorities are different than others. I don't take as much care in my appearance as I do to my personal enjoyment. I'd rather blow my money on a vacation than on hair/skin products.
If someone finds me unattractive because of that... then good. The people that put all their effort into their looks need someone too

[Creepy-]

ya lol, judging from those other pics where u looked like a model or something

I don't see the connection between attractiveness and insecurity. If some attractive teenage girl is insecure, always saying she's ugly, it's probably not derived from being attractive and having people comment on her looks often. People like compliments. Maybe attractive people experience insecurity when they feel like they need to be more attractive or something (like a rich person wanting to be more rich, never content with what he has; as opposed to a middle class person who is content.)

I think you are probably right about this. And because here in the West (East as well?) beauty is associated with youth, with each passing year (each day, even, people seem to think) an attractive person is a little bit less attractive than he/she was before. That's a lot of stress for someone who depends exclusively on his/her looks for self-worth. That's why people should put effort into who they are, building character and knowledge and skills and all of those things that will not only be there years from now, but that will be even better with time.

In short:
Outer beauty fades with time. (prevailing hegemonic view)
Inner qualities increase and improve with time and effort. (an almost constant truth)


And that's my sermon for today. Now, off for my mani-/pedi- appointment. (I'm kidding, but I wish I wasn't )

[Jimbean]

I attract people, yet I am one ugly motherfucker!

[Jimbean]

But honestly, who isn't insecure?

I'm not, I just focus on what I have control of.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

I've tend to find that those who say looks don't matter tend to be the ones who are actually good looking anyway. It's the ugly ones who realise how much of a hinderance it can be.

This reminds me of school..I was a late developer..I remember when I was 16, over the space of about 6 weeks I changed from being a bit short and stumpy to growing 5 inches and I was tall and kinda skinny and in good shape and more 'mature' looking and stuff. It was somewhat amusing to me to observe girls I had known for years, who had never spoke to me, all of a sudden stop to smile at me and start a conversation and say 'Hi Cyclops!'

Huh!

[theMime.]

I've tend to find that those who say looks don't matter tend to be the ones who are actually good looking anyway. It's the ugly ones who realise how much of a hinderance it can be.

This reminds me of school..I was a late developer..I remember when I was 16, over the space of about 6 weeks I changed from being a bit short and stumpy to growing 5 inches and I was tall and kinda skinny and in good shape and more 'mature' looking and stuff. It was somewhat amusing to me to observe girls I had known for years, who had never spoke to me, all of a sudden stop to smile at me and start a conversation and say 'Hi Cyclops!'

Huh!

Yuuuuuup. So true!

[Garmonbozia]

Yeah, that's true. I've never been attracted to good-looking hobos. Actually, I've never encountered one. Hmmm.... what does that say about me?

Hypocritical... I guess.



But about that... do you also consider people who MAKE themselves into pretty things more valuable?

(and off topic, but... the macbook air came out like a month after i bought my macbook. I was so pissed off. Egh. I HATE when that happens.)



Yeah, you're all right.
I think all we need is balance.

We need the people who find "natural" to be attractive. But we also need the people that enjoy improving themselves...

I've never settled for anything, really. ANYTHING can be improved... (new laptop, phone, house, friends, environments, etc...) but my priorities are different than others. I don't take as much care in my appearance as I do to my personal enjoyment. I'd rather blow my money on a vacation than on hair/skin products.
If someone finds me unattractive because of that... then good. The people that put all their effort into their looks need someone too

It depends on what they do to themselves if they paint them selves orange and wear frosty pink make up I would rather jump off a bridge than look at them.

Some people believe that their body is a canvass or an empty room and they take advantage of that. I like people who do this not because they want people to say "ZOMG you look so cool" but because they want to make something interesting. If they do it well I dig it.

[Steve]

People like compliments. Maybe attractive people experience insecurity when they feel like they need to be more attractive or something (like a rich person wanting to be more rich, never content with what he has; as opposed to a middle class person who is content).

Good point

[Steve]

Yeah, I agree.
Even attractive people can get insecure.

Yup

[jessica129]

It's interesting how many men say the like "natural" women but in reality, it takes a whole hell of a lot of makeup to look "naturally" attractive. I wear makeup but I don't do it to look hot or whatever. I do it to not scare the general public and I don't think it's excessive. It makes me feel better and that's really all that matters.

[Steve]

I've realized attractiveness has so much to do with how a person carries themselves. But in general, physical features that radiate distinctness and smoothly incorporated into the whole scene and give off character I think are generally attractive.

[MysticSonic]

Attractiveness as far as the dating game goes is of relative little importance if you at least look normal--because really at that point it's just a numbers game. Place enough bets and one of them is bound to turn up as winnings.

But being chased by someone, something that is usually dependent on that person being attracted to you, is a confidence booster and I guess can make a person feel more secure/in control of themselves. An interesting thing I've noticed though is that security in one's self doesn't actually seem to correlate so much with looks as it does with temperament of personality. Some people, even if they're ugly as hell, are completely assured with themselves and can ooze self-confidence. So it doesn't seem to me that looks are the primary need for security in one's self and life.

[jessica129]

I agree anamericancer, plus getting hit on 24/7 is highly annoying. Nobody wants to be looked at as a sex organ, and that feeling is very uncomfortable.

Yes. Extremely uncomfortable. Try wearing a faux wedding ring. As many of you have noticed, I've recently taken up wearing them. It works. Try it. Nothing repels them faster.

[strrrng]

very powerful post. I hope everyone respects and appreciates this.

[Rubicon]

God, that pisses me off so much. How could someone honestly depend exclusively on physical compliments to consider themselves worthy? What causes that? I should look it up...

I mean, it makes me feel good... but rarely does it actually make me feel better about myself.

In fact, it's usually the opposite. That's why I was so confused by Machintruc's comment:

I know a few girls who seem to depend exclusively on their looks for feelings of self-worth. I don't think it's as uncommon as you seem to think. This one girl I know - she was assaulted by her father when she was young, and now she's pretty much a slut to put it bluntly. All her self-esteem seems to come from how physically attractive she comes across to guys. But she's a pretty insecure person really. She's kind of hostile towards girls, and suspicious of girls who are nice to her.

I don't think it's so incredible and horrifying that some girls should rely heavily on their attractiveness. When you think about it, it can be viewed as just another feature - like intelligence, kindness .... Don't get me wrong - I think it's sad when a girl's self-worth is entirely wrapped up in her looks - but I think it's understandable that some girls should come to rely on their beauty if that's what has always gotten them attention. Looking at it from their point of view - It works for them - why not use it? And they probably figure that the guy will get to know their 'true selves' in due course - that their beauty just serves to do the initiating so to speak.

[Lotus]

I don't mean to be offensive at all... but breaking a girl's self esteem is often used by some guys as a means to an end.

What do you mean by "a means to an end" ? He used it as a means to have dominance over me.

People like that have a simplified understanding of the world and you shouldn't take them seriously. You probably already knew all of this, if not, then definitely after your experience.

Another thing often used by some guys is direct complements - most of them can't really think of a better way to grab a girl's attention. But some of them are probably sincere... ie. they wouldn't actually treat you like shit.

Yeah, that's my problem. I realize that guys are just being playful or flirting... but I can't let go of what happened to me, I guess. And what makes it worse is the fact that I RARELY interpret anything anyone says correctly... So I never know if they're kidding or not. I usually just assume they are, though... instead of getting pissy every time someone hits on me. That can get frustrating.

I know a few girls who seem to depend exclusively on their looks for feelings of self-worth. I don't think it's as uncommon as you seem to think. This one girl I know - she was assaulted by her father when she was young, and now she's pretty much a slut to put it bluntly. All her self-esteem seems to come from how physically attractive she comes across to guys. But she's a pretty insecure person really. She's kind of hostile towards girls, and suspicious of girls who are nice to her.

I don't think it's so incredible and horrifying that some girls should rely heavily on their attractiveness. When you think about it, it can be viewed as just another feature - like intelligence, kindness .... Don't get me wrong - I think it's sad when a girl's self-worth is entirely wrapped up in her looks - but I think it's understandable that some girls should come to rely on their beauty if that's what has always gotten them attention. Looking at it from their point of view - It works for them - why not use it? And they probably figure that the guy will get to know their 'true selves' in due course - that their beauty just serves to do the initiating so to speak.

Yeah I know what girls you're talking about. lol

When I said, "God, that pisses me off so much. How could someone honestly depend exclusively on physical compliments to consider themselves worthy? What causes that? I should look it up..." I meant like, WHY would someone be like that? Not... is there really people like that?

But yes, I know girls like that and it's interesting how differently people react.

When girls get taken advantage of, the reactions vary from feeling like they need the attention (completely shattered self-esteems ) to becoming distrustful of all affection and attention...

[strrrng]

Another thing often used by some guys is direct complements - most of them can't really think of a better way to grab a girl's attention. But some of them are probably sincere... ie. they wouldn't actually treat you like shit.

agreed. I have done this in the past, but only to break the ice or just joke around.

[implied]

Yes. Extremely uncomfortable. Try wearing a faux wedding ring. As many of you have noticed, I've recently taken up wearing them. It works. Try it. Nothing repels them faster.

i seriously have done this before, jessica. i did this in turkey actually because i got sick of guys approaching me. my idea is that it would work well in cultures where marriage is still a union that is taken at least semi-seriously, which, tbqh, isn't many places anymore heh.

[jessica129]

i seriously have done this before, jessica. i did this in turkey actually because i got sick of guys approaching me. my idea is that it would work well in cultures where marriage is still a union that is taken at least semi-seriously, which, tbqh, isn't many places anymore heh.

Yeah, sometimes they'll ask me if it's an engagement ring to which i'll answer "Yes" and they still keep at it. But for the most part, they leave me alone. Everytime I go places were i know drunk men congregate, the ring goes on.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Yeah, sometimes they'll ask me if it's an engagement ring to which i'll answer "Yes" and they still keep at it. But for the most part, they leave me alone. Everytime I go places were i know drunk men congregate, the ring goes on.

I know an ISTp (female) who performs this same procedure.

[Joy]

Security and insecurity aren't a result of one's appearance (though one's appearance can be the result of security or insecurity).

[Creepy-]

Try wearing a faux wedding ring. As many of you have noticed, I've recently taken up wearing them. It works. Try it. Nothing repels them faster.

I tried this when I was a waitress, and it worked a lot of the time, but there were also some wolfe-ish men who seemed attracted to the challenge it implied (note I said they were attracted to the challenge, not necessarily to me.

[Jimbean]

I've seen guys try to break a girl's self esteem so that they can have dominance over her. The person creates a situation where your self esteem is damaged so that there's a reason to stay with the person in order to prove your worth to him and reclaim your self-esteem.

let me speak bluntly...

You know, I almost kicked someone's ass because of bullshit like that. I do not tolerate someone who uses that kind of manipulation on other people... at all! and if I see him again I will ring his f__ing neck!

[Creepy-]

I have a question: To what extent do you limit yourself regarding people of the opposite (or same) sex whom you find attractive, if you think they are significantly more attractive than you are? Would you approach?

And why, exactly? (e.g. because you're intimidated, assume they're vapid, etc)

[Joy]

I tried this when I was a waitress, and it worked a lot of the time, but there were also some wolfe-ish men who seemed attracted to the challenge it implied (note I said they were attracted to the challenge, not necessarily to me.

I always found that guys flirted with me more when I was wearing a ring on my left ring finger, presumably because they wouldn't have to worry about anything coming of it (or like you said because they want what someone else has).

If guys aren't talking to someone wearing a huge, obviously fake ring, it may be because they're afraid that person might be psycho. But whatever works.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Joy]

Threads like this always make me glad that I'm rather normal-looking. Compliments are nice and almost always make me feel good, but I have never had a problem of being hit on (when it's not just a joke ). I'm neither repulsive, nor gorgeous so I get to walk that comfortable line of getting treated as just another human being by most guys. I'm not complaining at all! I feel pretty lucky in that. I'm subject to vanity though, and want to believe flattery when it does come.

I think you're attractive, but you don't get hit on a lot because you have a "don't fuck with me" air about you. Not in a mean way, just in a no-nonsense way. You're unapproachable, in a good way. You set boundaries just by being who you are (which is a very cool thing).

[Joy]

let me speak bluntly...

You know, I almost kicked someone's ass because of bullshit like that. I do not tolerate someone who uses that kind of manipulation on other people... at all! and if I see him again I will ring his f__ing neck!

It takes two to tango.

If that girl wasn't with that guy anymore but nothing else about her changed, she'd quickly end up with another guy just like that.

[Joy]

Attractiveness as far as the dating game goes is of relative little importance if you at least look normal--because really at that point it's just a numbers game. Place enough bets and one of them is bound to turn up as winnings.

But being chased by someone, something that is usually dependent on that person being attracted to you, is a confidence booster and I guess can make a person feel more secure/in control of themselves. An interesting thing I've noticed though is that security in one's self doesn't actually seem to correlate so much with looks as it does with temperament of personality. Some people, even if they're ugly as hell, are completely assured with themselves and can ooze self-confidence. So it doesn't seem to me that looks are the primary need for security in one's self and life.

I've always said that 90% of your appearance is in how you carry yourself.

[Mediator Kam]

I have no comment on my attractiveness. It was there when I was born, but I hid it with nerdy glasses and old man clothes.

Just now have I grown into an upstanding gentleman.

[Jimbean]

It takes two to tango.

If that girl wasn't with that guy anymore but nothing else about her changed, she'd quickly end up with another guy just like that.

You can do the best you can, but when it comes to persuading other people there is only so much you can do. As far as dealing with the guy involved, when we met, he knew what I would do to him and already started threatening to call the cops. At that point I had enough of the situation and basically told her that she was on her own.

[Jimbean]

But I think what worked for me was just because of who I was to begin with. I hated the idea of someone being dominant over me. It just took me a long time to realize it.

I don't mean to sound over involved or anything, but good!

EDIT

...and I might even kick his ass

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Joy]

You can do the best you can, but when it comes to persuading other people there is only so much you can do. As far as dealing with the guy involved, when we met, he knew what I would do to him and already started threatening to call the cops. At that point I had enough of the situation and basically told her that she was on her own.

Sounds like you have boundary issues to me.

She wasn't being attacked by him at that very moment, so it was her decision to be there. And don't forget, she taught him to treat her like that. It's unpleasant to think about but true nonetheless. Her wellbeing is (and only could be) her responsibility.

I'm not saying it's her "fault"... I don't think there's any reason to assign blame.

[Jimbean]

Sounds like you have boundary issues to me.

Yes...I was using my Fi, but the weakness was not that I was not using enough, but rather I was using too much. I think you are right, I should have backed off before it all went that far.

[Creepy-]

I've realized attractiveness has so much to do with how a person carries themselves. But in general, physical features that radiate distinctness and smoothly incorporated into the whole scene and give off character I think are generally attractive.

I agree with this. A person who is not conventionally beautiful/handsome becomes so much more appealing when they carry themselves well - with confidence and poise. Also a warm energy/friendliness. The way a person smiles can make all the difference, I think.

[implied]

i love your makeup.

[Khola aka Bee]

I actually have no idea how to reply to this post. I mean, Nick says I'm attractive, but he's my hubby!

I dunno??

Am I??

Do/would I care?

[FDG]

i love your makeup.

yeah...now naked pics