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Thread: LSE's and cutting people out of their lives

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    Default LSE's and cutting people out of their lives

    Hmmm comment about LSE's and getting over things like relationships and stuff like that, or removing undesirable people from its life.


    It's funny, from my perspective, after I do that, no one is ever the same. And I cannot really change that even if I want to change how I relate. It sort of just goes to this neutrality, I'm not sure how to explain it.
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    Numbness? I do it too. Actually it takes a real lot, but if someone crosses a certain line with me, I won't hate them, or wish them bad, but I shut down. Certain other things that are not even bad might even trigger this in me. I just feel like at one point I was very invested in someone, and then, something they did or maybe my realization of several things that they did, made me quickly change my mind. It is a line. Never to the point of being completely disassociated, but I cannot feel close gain. I would not wish harm, or pain, I just cannot give them my "all" anymore. Disconnection may happen. (I am drunk and unable to form good thoughts, sorry.)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Christy B View Post
    Numbness? I do it too. Actually it takes a real lot, but if someone crosses a certain line with me, I won't hate them, or wish them bad, but I shut down. Certain other things that are not even bad might even trigger this in me. I just feel like at one point I was very invested in someone, and then, something they did or maybe my realization of several things that they did, made me quickly change my mind. It is a line. Never to the point of being completely disassociated, but I cannot feel close gain. I would not wish harm, or pain, I just cannot give them my "all" anymore. Disconnection may happen. (I am drunk and unable to form good thoughts, sorry.)
    That's a pretty good description I think. IME, the break has very much to do with sundering the bond between the LSE (though I agree that I can do this to a point) and other person, even though there may not even be any hard feelings left afterwards (well, there may be a few obviously) and they may even want the old feelings of closeness back.
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    In my experience LSEs find it very difficult to get over separations.
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    In my experience LSEs find it very difficult to get over separations.
    yes they do, but they don't care about people enough sometimes to not care what happens to them after they break.
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    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    Hmmm comment about LSE's and getting over things like relationships and stuff like that, or removing undesirable people from its life.


    It's funny, from my perspective, after I do that, no one is ever the same. And I cannot really change that even if I want to change how I relate. It sort of just goes to this neutrality, I'm not sure how to explain it.
    I've noticed this with an ESTj friend of mine as well--w/ ppl w/ whom he's had a falling out.

    Personally, I don't relate to it and I dunno, maybe it's type related..? After a fight/relationshp-end, if someone approaches me with a sincere apology, (mentioning specifics and how it won't happen again,) I'll usually welcome them back with open arms... In fact, I can't think of an instance where I've rejected it, or felt neutral toward someone making amends... I mean, it might be (probably would be) different if they went after one of my family members or something, but if it's just a verbal fight, or a falling out (as often happens in relationships,) yeah, welcome back.

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    It's not even the matter that someone "wronged" me, it's more a new maximum for the relationships is set. There is a ceiling on how far the relationship can go, and I find myself unable to go past it, even in instances where I might want to.

    I generally don't hold angst against people. But also, in terms of former relationships, it seems like when I really let go and get past the point of no return, there really isn't anything there.
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    It's not even the matter that someone "wronged" me, it's more a new maximum for the relationships is set. There is a ceiling on how far the relationship can go, and I find myself unable to go past it, even in instances where I might want to.

    I generally don't hold angst against people. But also, in terms of former relationships, it seems like when I really let go and get past the point of no return, there really isn't anything there.
    Yeah, I def feel what you're sayin here... I only really know one ESTj--he's a very good friend though--and he's similar to what you describe.

    I dunno if it's true for all IEEs, but for me, re: relationships, I'll "really let go and... there really isn't anything there"--but there is no point of no return... I mean, something can happen that will rekindle that feeling... For example, recently, this ex I dated in high school--there really wasn't anything there, trust me haha--started IMing me, and now there's defnitely a lot there again... All it took was some time, an apology, and some sweet words.

    I wonder if this is type related or what though?

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    Fi + Se, imo (to pull a Dioklecian).

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    Could it be dual-seeking? As in, an EII could restore the relationship even though the LSE himself can't?



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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    It's not even the matter that someone "wronged" me, it's more a new maximum for the relationships is set. There is a ceiling on how far the relationship can go, and I find myself unable to go past it, even in instances where I might want to.

    I generally don't hold angst against people. But also, in terms of former relationships, it seems like when I really let go and get past the point of no return, there really isn't anything there.
    yeah, I totally agree with this. I'll just emotionally shut off on people, if I feel they cross some sort of line. I can't explain what that threshhold is, because it isn't some quantifiable set thing. But a dimension of betrayal certainly plays into it. It's just like where there once was emotional connection, or some sort of emotion, there is nothing. It isn't hate or dislike, just emptiness. Nothing that person does can touch you anymore.
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    Quote Originally Posted by idolatrie View Post
    yeah, I totally agree with this. I'll just emotionally shut off on people, if I feel they cross some sort of line. I can't explain what that threshhold is, because it isn't some quantifiable set thing. But a dimension of betrayal certainly plays into it. It's just like where there once was emotional connection, or some sort of emotion, there is nothing. It isn't hate or dislike, just emptiness. Nothing that person does can touch you anymore.
    wow, even if they apologized sincerely..?

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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    wow, even if they apologized sincerely..?
    yeah, because it isn't about their intentions, it is about the impact of their actions on me. I guess cutting people off is like a defence mechanism, it's about protecting me from them in the future. I can't explain this properly, it just happens inside, everything on my part just goes away. I can easily maintain surface relations with that person, in fact it almost makes it easier to be friendly. But on a fundamental level, it can never go back to the way it was before the break.

    I mean, I don't think I'm a particularly touchy or overly sensitive person. It takes quite a bit to get to that stage. I'm not going to go cold on a person because they told a crappy/offensive joke. I am if I feel physically/sexually threatened/harassed. Or if they do something I see as an emotional betrayal of our friendship - like trying to play games with my emotions or push me to give them a particular emotional response that I have no interest in expressing. If those things happen, what is the point of apologising, even with the utmost of sincerity? I can never trust them to not do it again. And that's expressed by moving to a place where they never can do it again.


    ETA: Just wanted to agree with what UDP said above - it isn't some conscious decision or something even controlled. It just happens.
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    wow, even if they apologized sincerely..?
    No, it's got nothing to do with apologizing. It isn't about that. This isn't about hating someone necessarily. It's about some sort of distance or something.

    I am not sure how to remedy it, honestly. I've only had this really happen to a few people. Like, what made me write this thread, was that I spoke with my ex recently, and it was so strange, because connection and chemistry was gone. It was not even applicable.

    It was...... like out of place. I am still friends with this person, we had a good discussion. But there was a movement towards romantic remarks, and it was totally unnatural and unfitting, and it was just empty. It was a strange neutrality. So I am unsure if I can ever see that person in the same way again.

    consequently, this is *related why I am sure I could be with one person forever, so to say.
    Last edited by UDP; 05-02-2008 at 04:21 AM. Reason: * related
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
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    ~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by idolatrie View Post
    It isn't hate or dislike, just emptiness. Nothing that person does can touch you anymore.
    Well said.
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
    If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.

    ~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
    ~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

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    Furthermore, it seems something I am unable to control. I'm not aware of what the threshold is either, yes. But I don't know.

    Maybe it is related to Ni polr and weak Fi too. Because its like you've closed all options for the person.
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
    If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.

    ~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
    ~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    Maybe it is related to Ni polr and weak Fi too. Because its like you've closed all options for the person.
    I'm not sure how it would be Ni PoLR or weak Fi. Options are Ne (I'm simplifying a bit, but trying to explain why I think what I said earlier). If you're cutting someone out, then, that's Se (you're neglecting the possibility of them reentering in the future). And the fact that you're actively controlling your relations is Fi. I think. INFjs would find cutting people out of their lives difficult (so maybe you have a point in that occasionally they have to, and ESTjs could help them with that if what you're saying is true, but would ESTjs be the best judges of who to cut out?).
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    LSE have no problem cutting people they don't love even if these are wonderful human beings.

    In intimate relations they will cut off those who don't serve them...

    LSE often talk or find people to talk to as a "sounding board" some call it "using". This sounding board is "I'll talk to you, but I'm not doing it to get any sense of feedback and reassurance, just so that I can come up with my idea of what I'M going to do" because they want to feel in control of their lives. I often find that with many LSE they forget that the person they are talking to are their own person despite setting rigid rules of conduct and exchange. This can lead to an unhealthy LSE to solicit sympathy and not at all seek the other person's comfort or respect that they have needs too. LSE just aren't good with compromises.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 10-17-2013 at 05:32 AM.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    F-types do it best. Imagine a world without dramatic breakups.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Legerdemain View Post
    F-types do it best. Imagine a world without dramatic breakups.
    Checking whether you still have me on perm ignore.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    Checking whether you still have me on perm ignore.
    What part of PERM IGNORE don't you understand?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Legerdemain View Post
    What part of PERM IGNORE don't you understand?
    Ah okay, found a Maritsa.

    EDIT: Nothing constructive, Luger. I think she got if from discojoe, the guy who lieks to post cocks on the Internets. You two can be related by semen.

    You three I mean.
    Last edited by Absurd; 10-20-2013 at 07:10 PM.

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    I also noticed that LSE and SLIs can easily ignore people that caused them suffering. Like, if someone is bothering them or making them suffer in some unnecessary way, they simply block the person out of their life.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirana View Post
    As far as I can tell from my friend, and how it turned out for her numerous suitors, it's best not to invest too much more in the LSE than the LSE is currently prepared to invest in you in case it doesn't pan out and you will get hurt more than the LSE will, do not pressure an LSE to go faster along the relationship than the LSE is prepared to go as this is a good way to become cut off (preferably without disharmony), but it certainly helps if you fit nicely into the existing inner circle, especially the innermost 'family' one. An LSE won't sacrifice this for somebody relatively new to their lives, feelings schmeelings.
    It's happened to me several times. Motsly it's when I rattle their feelings to get a feel where I stand or when I try to put the relationship on hyperspeed. I get labelled as "immature", whereas I perceive them as secretive and overreacting by cutting me off instead of explaining themselves. I try to not take it personally, but it's hard and this behaviour makes my trust issues even worse.

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    I think any strong Te user can easily do that.

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    S-T types act most openly and directly with people.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    Hmmm comment about LSE's and getting over things like relationships and stuff like that, or removing undesirable people from its life.


    It's funny, from my perspective, after I do that, no one is ever the same. And I cannot really change that even if I want to change how I relate. It sort of just goes to this neutrality, I'm not sure how to explain it.
    13 years later, I don't feel the same



    one of those NFs got to me about how relationships are basically always continuous. when I wrote the OP, I was very far away from thinking I could see, feel, or interface with any of that.
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
    If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.

    ~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
    ~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

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    I would think that Te-types would find it much harder to cut people out of their lives than would Ti-types because the latter is inherently detached, in a cognitive sense, from everything and everybody including themselves.

    a.k.a. I/O

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