INFjs having trouble with distancing/pushing others away

[UDP]

and you're geniunely concerned and there's a sense of... comfort in how you approach me, that's all that I'm hoping for. I mean, I don't have strict guidelines that other people need to follow in order to be able to help me. Insight does not discriminate. But if you're just being you, that's what I consider "doing your best". Just be who you are, but understand or try to understand that I'm struggling. If comfort isn't what you're about, that's fine. I'm not going to make you or expect you to conform to something you don't want to be a part of. But understand that I might act differently if you do choose something else.

(Ne - Si)

[Lobo]

When I need space, like what Sereno described, it's often precisely because I can't articulate everything. It's all become an overwhelming mess of pressures, or sensations, or emotions, or thoughts... It all needs a chance settle and arrange itself and resolve. I need peace, not further action. So asking me to explain myself at those points in time will generally not give you good results.

Even a simple, "I need to be alone right now" is dangerous (from my perspective) and difficult because people are more than likely to ask, "Why?" And, I might not even be sure of that - what if I don't really need to be alone and instead need something else, like someone to help sort through it? Or what if I need to stay so I can help someone? So, when it gets like that, I tend to just follow my instincts and leave. It's just a need to get away, for things to just be still and stop so I can get my bearings.

This is exactly what happens to me...

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About the lying thing: it only happens when asked if I'm ok, and choose not to say that I'm really confused, etc, so I don't have to explain and talk. To me, it's a path of least resistance thing, not saying it's the best choice though.

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It's interesting how Delta ST's are completely different in the mind confusion thing. I definitely can imagine them reading this and saying "what are you talking about???" Well, I have found that anger can be a good venue for discharging confusion and stress. This would be the progression explanation:

1- Feeling confused and stressed for some reason, who knows what that's about though... maybe it is logical, or not. Life's sucking at the moment.
2- "Why is it that I'm so complicated? I wish I could be more simple."
3- *Release the anger* Dammit!!!! this is bs...
4- Call up a Delta ST: "i feel like fighting today"
5- Fight, or whatever works for you that involves some degree of a little physically agressive interaction with somebody that won't mind.
6- Get really tired after that, and release the frustration...
7- Repeat the above until you're ok.

This might not be the best or worse method, but I've done it and it works great for me.

[Froody Blue Gem]

With me, I have trouble letting people in in the first place. I want to make new friends, but it's the deeper level I struggle with, so it would take someone who is special and close for me to get upset if they began to push away. It has happened, more than a few times though. There is also a balance between needing me time and people time. I like spending time with friends but I can't keep sane without me time. When people overstep boundaries with me, I resort to distancing myself. However, once I do let someone in, I do have trouble letting go.

If we naturally drift apart, it's one thing, but if a conflict comes up and the person cuts me out of their life because of something I did, it's another. The natural drifting is just life, we all have other things going on and we can't control it. I guess a reason why I am reluctant to let people in is fear of this happening.

[Beautiful sky]

I take my space now. Now that I’m a mom and baby is a constant attention needing human and I can not introvert I hand her to husband and say “I need a few!” And he will watch me go into the bedroom, get on the bed and stare at the wall for about 5 minutes and then I come out and say “I was thinking about going for a walk and how nice that would be” LSE can make a wall happen

[Lord Pixel]

I can have trouble with this, because I don't want to hurt people, but sometimes I need to be away from someone or things. Like right now I have temporarily cut myself off from my 2 friends who I have been talking to like everyday for the past 5 years. All because of a joke one of them said, he like's to get under my skin and it finally broke me because he had been saying jokes for the past 5 years and I just broke and had enough. I'll eventually start talking to them consistently again but on a whim I decided to not contact them for a week and then that turned into a month because it was kind of nice being by myself. Perhaps too nice, I'll end up with no friends if I enjoy it too much.

[Rebelondeck]

All Ijs need to maintain various amounts of distance from everyone including the people they love; they do need objectivity when rationalizing although they may not be all that objective, and isolation is often the best way of achieving this. They also tend to assume a fair amount of responsibility or feel obligated, which often conflicts with their need for autonomy. Though they may resist, their space does need to be invaded every now and then, if for no other reason than to maintain connection with others and personal balance. If left to their own devices, some XIIs become overly fixated - caught in thinking loops that seem to make them somewhat unreasonable - such as suddenly demanding change or compliance from others as if their inner duals usurped their egos.......

a.k.a. I/O