Many of the details seem compatible with ENFj:
*perfectionism,
*planning
*get the impression they don't really care for some people and are just being professional with them. (just can't relax around people I barely know)

Even more things that are very non-ENFj:
*lacks concern for other people
*they're lazy as hell (I procrastinate, but I have a tendency to work too hard for a goal)
*seems like they invest little to no effort
* they make (college) "sound" easy
* (they don't do) enough to be consumed by performance, achievement.
*even when in this fun mood they seem so depersonalized, insensitive.
*...

Their natural state is that they don't expect jokes/fun and you have to tell them something is a joke/fun in order for them to get engaged otherwise they would be cracking their head at how exactly what you said is possible.
not ENFj at all. Yeah, sure, sometimes I don't get a joke. And sometimes the joke is just too imaginative for me. "uh, that's just ...stupid." But usually it's me who's going too far with the goofy joking. And whenever someone says anything that can be used against them, I will try to make a joke about it. (when I'm with people I know well)

Even if I'm very openmided about the variability of ENFjs, there are too many things that I just can't agree with. It's much more likely that he's ESTj.